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Offline The Bandit King

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The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
« on: December 01, 2012, 04:25:32 PM »


The 100 Worst Songs of All Time

For as far back as I can remember on this site, we’ve been talking about bad music and musicians.  While it’s true that music has gone downhill over the past decade or so, bad songs have existed for many, many years.  For example, when classic rock group The Shaggs released their first album, Philosophy of the World, in 1969, a critic at Rolling Stone magazine said “Without exaggeration, it may stand as the worst album ever recorded.”  It seems that throughout history, for every “Stairway to Heaven” or “Highway to Hell” the world has gotten, they’ve gotten ten times as many songs that are just plain horrible.

But how much of the music we listen to (or don’t listen to) is truly bad?  Is Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” really worse than, say, “The Pina Colada Song”?  Is Justin Bieber’s “Boyfriend” truly a worse song than the “Macarena”?  Is Starship’s “We Built This City” actually the worst song of all time, like the now-defunct Blender magazine once said?

Well, here’s our chance to find out.  The following countdown is a little project that you guys suggested I do as a follow-up to my “80 Greatest Nick Shows” list from last year (which can be found right here) in which we’ll try to determine what songs are the absolute worst ever recorded.  I decided to limit myself to music from the last 50 years (God forbid I try to determine if any Bing Crosby or Frank Sinatra stuff belongs here), and ranked and re-ranked the songs until I found myself with a list that is halfway decent.  I also tried to cut down on music from this year, limiting myself to only two choices from the past 12 months.  There’s also no points system like I did with the Nick Shows list—I did it by personal preference, and tried to put most of the more annoying songs near the top.

Let me say right now: this list will offend some people here.  Some people will find at least a few of these songs to be great; heck, someone’s favorite song may be on this list.  But this is a chance I take with something like this.  Whether it’s horrible lyrics, an annoying beat, or something else entirely, all 100 songs on this list have some quality that, in my opinion at least, make them among the worst of all time.  There’ll be twenty songs posted each weekend in December—ten on Saturday and ten on Sunday.

So now, please count down along with me as I try to determine which songs truly deserve the flying fickle finger of fate—and try not to let your ears bleed in the process.

These are: the 100 Worst Songs of All Time.
« Last Edit: December 01, 2012, 04:53:02 PM by The Silver Monkey »
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Offline The Bandit King

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Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2012, 04:32:34 PM »
Honorable Mentions

Here are 100 songs that I considered for the list, but ultimately decided to cut because they either were too new, had a decent message, I liked how they were delivered, or I just plain didn’t have room for them on the list:

“1-2-3” – Gloria Estefan & the Miami Sound Machine
“Alejandro” – Lady Gaga
“All By Myself” – Eric Carmen
“All Summer Long” – Kid Rock
“Baby I’m a Want You” – Bread
“Bad Day” – Daniel Powter
“Beauty and a Beat” – Justin Bieber featuring Nicki Minaj
“Believe” – Cher
“Ben” – Michael Jackson
“Blame It on the Rain” – Milli Vanilli
“Blow Me (One Last Kiss)” – Pink
“Burnin’ Up” – Jonas Brothers
“Butterfly” – Crazy Town
“California Gurls” – Katy Perry
“C’est La Vie” – B*Witched
“Closing Time” – Semisonic
“C’mon N Ride It (The Train)” – Quad City DJ’s
“Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” – Toby Keith
“Da Da Da” – Trio
“Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?” – Rod Stewart
“Disco Lady” – Johnnie Taylor
“Do the Bartman” – Simpsons
“Easy Lover” – Phil Collins & Philip Bailey
“Electric Youth” – Debbie Gibson
“Everytime You Go Away” – Paul Young
“Express Yourself” – Bruce Willis
“Feelings” – Morris Albert
“Fergalicious” – Fergie
“Firework” – Katy Perry
“Footloose” – Kenny Loggins
“Freedom” – George Michael
“Friday I’m in Love” – Cure
“From a Distance” – Bette Midler
“Go for Soda” – Kim Mitchell
“(God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time on You” – ‘N Sync
“Help Me Make It Through the Night” – Sammi Smith
“I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do” – ABBA
“I’ll Be There for You (Theme from Friends)” – Rembrandts
“Illegal Alien” – Genesis
“I’m a Little Bit Country” – Donnie & Marie Osmond
“I’m in Miami Trick” – LMFAO
“I’ve Never Been to Me” – Charlene
“Jenny from the Block” – Jennifer Lopez
“Just Dance” – Lady Gaga
“Lips of an Angel” – Hinder
“Live While We’re Young” – One Direction
“Lovin’ You” – Minnie Riperton
“Mesmerize” – Ja Rule featuring Ashanti
“Miss You” – Rolling Stones
“More Than Words” – Extreme
“Moves Like Jagger” – Maroon 5 featuring Christina Aguilera
“My First Kiss” – 3OH!3 featuring Ke$ha
“New York Groove” – Ace Frehley
“Numb” – U2
“Old Time Rock ‘n Roll” – Bob Seger
“Party Like a Rockstar” – Shop Boyz
“Payphone” – Maroon 5
“Photograph” – Nickelback
“Pound the Alarm” – Nicki Minaj
“Pumps and a Bump” – MC Hammer
“Rappin’ Rodney” – Rodney Dangerfield
“Rock the Boat” – Hues Corporation
“Rollin’” – Limp Bizkit
“Seventeen” – Winger
“Sexyback” – Justin Timberlake
“Shannon” – Henry Gross
“Shape of My Heart” – Backstreet Boys
“Shiny Happy People” – R.E.M.
“Should’ve Said No” – Taylor Swift
“Sledgehammer” – Peter Gabriel
“Some Girls (Dance With Women)” – JC Chasez
“SOS” – Jonas Brothers
“Summer Girls” – LFO
“Sunshine Superman” - Donovan
“Superman” – Five for Fighting
“The Bad Touch” – Bloodhound Gang
“The Loco-Motion” – Kylie Minogue
“The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me (Is You)” – Bryan Adams
“The Sign” – Ace of Base
“Tie a Yellow Ribbon (‘Round the Ole Oak Tree)” – Tony Orlando & Dawn
“Together Forever” – Rick Astley
“Tonight” – Jonas Brothers
“Tootsie Roll” – 69 Boyz
“Tragedy” – Bee Gees
“Try” – Pink
“U Can’t Touch This” – MC Hammer
“Under My Thumb” – Rolling Stones
“Wannabe” – Spice Girls
“We are Never Ever Getting Back Together” – Taylor Swift
“What Makes You Beautiful” – One Direction
“Wide Awake” – Katy Perry
“Will 2K” – Will Smith
“Wise Guy” – Joe Pesci
“Y.M.C.A.” – Village People
“Year 3000” – Jonas Brothers
“You Light Up My Life” – Debby Boone
“You Spin Me Round” – Flo Rida
“(You’re) Having My Baby” – Paul Anka & Odia Coates
“You’re the One That I Want” – John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John
“Yo-Yo” – Osmonds
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Offline The Bandit King

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Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2012, 05:33:23 PM »
And now, our countdown begins.  Brace yourself, the bad music is about to begin:




#100: “Blah Blah Blah” –Ke$ha
Released: 2010
Peak Position: #7


We kick off our top 100 with a former Top 10 hit from early 2010, the second release by Ke$ha after her debut song “Tik Tok”.  This nightmare is one of the reasons why people continually refuse to take Ke$ha seriously as an artist.  To make matters worse, she’s backed by synth-pop trio 3OH!3, whose cringe-worthy vocals make this song doubly bad.  The lyrics are so dirty, so disgustingly sex-laden, that they would make a prostitute blush:

I don’t really care where you live at
Just turn around boy, let me hit that
Don’t be a little bitch with your chit-chat
Just show me where your dick’s at

I could go the rest of my life without hearing that crap.  And don’t even get me started on the music video.  Duct-taping a guy’s mouth shut because he hits on you?  You’re the one telling him to show you his package, you little whore!




#99: “This Is Why I’m Hot” – Mims
Released: 2007
Peak Position: #1


For his debut album in January 2007, rapper Mims gave us this little number.  It hit #1 on the Pop charts, #2 on the rap charts, and was #16 on the year-end chart for 2007.  According to the lyrics, “I could sell a mil sayin’ nothing on the track”, and Mims was right—the song was eventually certified platinum.  But this song still sucks, if only due to its annoying, repetitive nature:

This is why I’m hot, this is why I’m hot
I’m hot ‘cause I’m fly, you ain’t ‘cause you not

Mims says “this is why I’m hot” 35 times during the course of the four-minute song.  Okay, we get it—you think you’re hot.  You don’t have to say it fifteen times in a row to reiterate it!  And what exactly does “fly” mean, anyway?  Sadly, he never explains it in further detail to us.  Well, this is a rap song, and they’re not exactly known for their earth-shattering lyrical content, so perhaps I can let this one slide for now.  Still, it’s extremely annoying to listen to.




#98: “Boom Boom (Let’s Go Back to My Room)” – Paul Lekakis
Released: 1987
Peak Position: #43


In 1987, Greek model/singer Paul Lekakis released this song, taking it to #1 in Australia.  Many radio stations refused to play it due to its risqué content, and it only reached #43 stateside.  This song makes the list not only due to its disturbingly unflattering lyrics, but also its annoying electro-dance beat that is sadly, the precursor to Lady Gaga.  The opening lyrics set the tone of the song right from the start:

Hey babe, I’d like to talk to you
How’s about coming back to my room
For a little boom boom

In 2007, a “remix” version of the song was released, with Lekakis re-recording his vocals, and if anything, that version is worse than the original.  Not only has his singing voice gotten very bad with age, the lyrics are changed to “coming back to my room for another boom boom”.  You’re 41 years old at this point, Paul—don’t flatter yourself.




#97: “Bad Blood” – Neil Sedaka
Released: 1975
Peak Position: #1


Neil Sedaka had a reputation for making mushy, happy, feel-good pop music in the ‘60s, but when he released this song in ’75, he ventured into the realm of bitter breakup songs.  Featuring an uncredited Elton John on backup, the song reached #1 in the summer of 1975 for three consecutive weeks—but just because it made it to #1 doesn’t mean it’s good.  The song just has a sickening “better you than me” attitude that you can’t get away from.  The song sets this tone from the very beginning:

It coulda been me, but it was you
Who went and bit off a little bit more than you could chew
You said that you had it made, but you been had
The woman no good no how, thinkin’ maybe the blood is bad

It goes on like this for about three minutes, then breaks into an annoying “doo-ron, doo-ron, da-da-doo doo-ron-ron” chant that makes you cringe.  If I was Neil’s friend and he sang this song to my face, I’d likely punch him in the nose.  “You want Bad Blood?  Let me see if I can help you out!”




#96: “You’re Beautiful” – James Blunt
Released: 2005
Peak Position: #1


This song from British singer James Blunt’s debut album made it to #1 in nine different countries (including the US) and was certified platinum in five.  While some praised the song for its painful message and powerful delivery, I have to call foul.  Not only is Blunt’s voice incredibly annoying to listen to, the lyrics tell the story of a disgusting drug addict lamenting over some chick he can’t have:

Yeah, she caught my eye as we walked on by
She could see by my face that I was f***ing high

Well, obviously the girl wouldn’t want to hook up with you if you’re a damn junkie!  Get over it and move on with your life!  Oops, sorry, she can’t—according to the music video, you committed suicide!  Geez…




#95: “Mambo No. 5” – Lou Bega
Released: 1999
Peak Position: #3


In 1999, an actual mambo by Cuban bandleader Damaso Perez Prado was taken by German singer Lou Bega and twisted into this monstrosity.  It’s got a good beat, and yes, you can dance to it, but that’s where the praises end.  Everything about this song just screams drugs and sex, and the lyrics are absolutely horrendous—Bega sets the tone near the very beginning of the song when he stretches out “liquor store” into like seven syllables.  But what really drives the song’s badness home is the chorus:

A little bit of Monica in my life, a little bit of Erica by my side
A little bit of Rita is all I need, a little bit of Tina is what I see
A little bit of Sandra in the sun, a little bit of Mary all night long
A little bit of Jessica here I am, a little bit of you makes me your man

Unbelievable, Bega.  You’ve just ruined the lives of every girl in the world who has one of those seven given names, which from the looks of how common the names are, is probably about 50% of the female population of America.  To top it off, there’s a rumor that all the names in the song are slang terms for street drugs.  As if I needed another reason to hate this song.




#94: “Boyfriend” – Justin Bieber
Released: 2012
Peak Position: #2

We come now to the first of my two songs to be released in this year.  Justin Bieber released this unflattering little ditty in March of 2012, and it made it up to #2 on the Billboard charts.  Already, the song has sold three million copies in America, but one listen to it will leave you scratching your head as to why.  Bieber tries in vain to sound like an adult when he sings shit like this:

If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go
Keep you on my arm girl, you’d never be alone
I can be a gentleman, anything you want
If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go, I’d never let you go

The lyrics speak for themselves, and to boot, Bieber has been accused of ripping this song off the ‘N Sync song “Girlfriend”.  Yep, no question about it, this song is BAD.  So why didn’t I rank it near the top?  Simple: it was released this year, so it hasn’t had time to be dubbed the worst of all time.  Granted, there’s a certain song also released this year that I put closer to the top half of this list, but that’s different.




#93: “Invisible” – Clay Aiken
Released: 2004
Peak Position: #37

No song epitomizes the ways of the stalker like this one.  The first track off Clay’s debut album in 2004, the song sold over 600,000 copies in its first week.  However, I’d wager that 99% of those sales came from preteen girls who would buy the album even if Clay was singing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” (which, come to think of it, wouldn’t be much worse than this song).  The lyrics paint a very stalker-esque portrait, and set the mood of a song so creepy, it could be a cheap horror film:

Oh-oh-ohh, what’s she doin' tonight?
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone? Who's stealing dreams?
Why can't I breathe you into my life?

This just reeks of someone wallowing in his own self-pity, too busy feeling sorry for himself to either do something about it, or move on.  Sting & the Police did a song called “Every Breath You Take” back in the ‘80s that also has slightly “stalkerish” lyrics, and that song was great.  Clay Aiken’s song just makes you want to rip your ears off.




#92: “Baby, I Love Your Way/Freebird Medley” – Will to Power
Released: 1988
Peak Position: #1


Take a timeless rock song by Peter Frampton, an even MORE timeless song by Lynyrd Skynyrd, add in a dance-pop duo from southern Florida, and voila—you’ve pissed all over the legacy of classic rock.  The song was released in November 1988, and within one month, it was at #1 on the charts.  Now, just by looking at the lyrics, you wouldn’t think that this song is that bad:

If I stay here with you girl, things just couldn’t be the same
‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now, and this bird will never change

But unlike some songs on this list, the lyrics aren’t the problem here (although it’s still pretty irksome that they needlessly change “this bird you cannot change” to “this bird will never change”); it’s the delivery of the song.  They take the sheer awesomeness of classic rock music and reduce it to something you’d hear in an elevator or a shopping mall.  Thankfully, Will to Power learned their lesson—their only other top 40 hit was a cover of 10cc’s “I’m Not in Love”, a song that fits their style exponentially better than “Baby” or “Freebird”.  Still, somewhere, Peter Frampton weeps for this song having been released to the world.




#91: “Higher” – Creed
Released: 2000
Peak Position: #7


Ah, Creed. Has any rock band ever evoked such hatred in casual music fans as these guys?  Maybe it’s because of songs like this.  Some people say this song has spiritual connections, i.e. trying to get closer to God or something.  Personally, I think the lyrics make it sound more like an acid trip:

Although I would like our world to change
It helps me to appreciate
Those nights and those dreams
But, my friend, I'd sacrifice all those nights
If I could make the Earth and my dreams the same

He breaks into some lyrics about “where blind men see” and “golden streets” later on in the chorus, given the interpretation that there’s some connection to Heaven.  Still, most of the lyrics give the interpretation that this guy’s on drugs.  Maybe if you just came right out and said something about God in the first place, I wouldn’t be so quick to judge this song for its insanely vague lyrics.  Oh, and Scott?  Stop trying to copy Eddie Vedder…
« Last Edit: December 01, 2012, 11:02:52 PM by The Bandit King »
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Offline Purple Parrots Fan

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Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2012, 06:25:37 PM »
Well, so far I agree with most of your list. My thoughts on the list if you don't mind:

100. I hate Ke$ha with a passion, and songs like "Blah Blah Blah" are the very reason I fail to take her seriously. I mean, what kind of name is "Blah Blah Blah?"

99. Mims "This Is Why I'm Hot" is a pretty lame song. It's almost like a toned down "Sexy and I Know It." And it was overplayed a lot when it first came out But I do find it a little catchy, I'm not gonna lie there.

I've never heard of 98 or 97, so no comment there.

96. THANK YOU for including James Blunt. I never for the life of me understood the love for this song. I hated it when it first came out, and I still hate it today. Just like with Daniel Powder, (who also had a hit song in 2005), there's a reason he was a one hit wonder.

95. I kind of disagree about "Mambo No. 5," but the names part was pretty lame. I'm pretty sure Ericas and Jessicas all over the world are cringing in pain at the thought that their names are used as possible drug references.

94. I knew Bieber was gonna make this list even early on. But, I don't even want to waste anymore time talking about him....

93. Never liked "Invisible" either. Not only because I don't care about "American Idol Pop" as I call it, but the lyrics are just downright creepy. Is it any coincidence it only sold 600,000 copies? And I never liked "Every Breath You Take" either. Way too overplayed and it's boring. But, that's another story and another song.

92. I disagree about "Baby I Love Your Way," but yeah, the "Freebird" bit kind of ruins it. There's another cover to it that's from the 90s. It's in reggae genre, and it's not much better than the 80s version.

91. And I completely agree about "Higher." I don't mind Creed, but I just never liked this song, even when it first came out. It's just boring, and it's trying too hard to be deep, but it's just not working.

As for your honorable mention, I agree with most of it. Like the overrated Daniel Powder and The I'll-Never-Be-Impressed-With Jonas Brothers. Although I happen to love songs like "Jenny from the Block" (I was always a JLO fan), and "C'est La Vie" (I'm a sucker for late 90s pop, and it was my favorite song from when I was a kid). I already can't wait for your next installment. I'm surprised you never did a list like this sooner. :P

Offline GreenMonkeys#1

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Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
« Reply #4 on: December 01, 2012, 07:13:34 PM »
Already we have crappy songs here!


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Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2012, 12:37:39 AM »
I cannot stand the song "Boyfriend" at all. I have about a two hour drive back to school every weekend and I swear I hear that song like four times (I use three different stations with my drive back.) It's not like I like the original one either, but this one is more unbearable. I hate Justin so much. :roll:

I didn't really mind the James Blunt song though. Although I can see how it is annoying. :P

Overall, good list I am looking forward to the rest when you get around to it. ;)

Offline The Bandit King

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Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
« Reply #6 on: December 02, 2012, 07:39:32 PM »
Another day, another installment of songs. Got your earplugs ready? Good:



#90: “Your Body Is a Wonderland” – John Mayer
Released: 2002
Peak Position: #18


Pop-rock superstar John Mayer released this song as the second single from his debut album, and like his first release “No Such Thing”, it became a big hit for him.  But while Mayer’s smooth singing voice and great guitar-playing are nice, this song’s lyrics are just nauseous:

Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase
You tell me where to go and though I might leave to find it
I'll never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it

He loves the “shape” his partner takes?  What does that mean?  And did he just try to rhyme “shape” and “take” with “pillowcase”?  Why would she be crawling toward the pillowcase in the first place?  Why didn’t you have the pillowcase on the pillow before trying to get in this chick’s pants?  This song may have been popular with teenage girls, but let's be honest: the lyrics are what kill the song here.  Shame, really, because Mayer does have some chops.



#89: “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)” – Journey
Released: 1983
Peak Position: #8


Personally, I have nothing against Journey.  They’re a great classic rock band.  They’ve sold millions of albums.  To this day, “Wheel in the Sky” and “Any Way You Want It” are still two of my favorite rock songs.  This song, however, is definitely the weak link in any Journey playlist.  The lyrics are not only incredibly over-the-top, as you can see:

Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched and went our separate ways

The lyrics are bad, yes, but that’s nothing compared to the music video.  It depicts all the band members singing to a woman who seems absolutely oblivious that the band is even there.  Not only does the video feature insanely terrible clothing and little to no effort in its execution, the ending (which features the band being figments of the woman’s imagination) makes no sense whatsoever.  To this day, Jonathan Cain has yet to live down that air keyboard.



#88: “A Bay Bay” – Hurricane Chris
Released: 2007
Peak Position: #7


This song was the lead single from rapper Hurricane Chris’ debut album, and ended up being his first, and so far only, Top 10 hit.  And judging from the lyrics and their repetitive delivery, I can definitely see why.  The opening lyrics are scarcely intelligible, but this is what I can make out:

I'm in da club hollerin'
A bay bay, A bay bay, A bay bay, A bay bay, A bay bay
I'm in da club holerin'
A bay bay, A bay bay, A bay bay, A bay bay, A bay bay

Say what?  What the hell does “a bay bay” mean?  Is it just some retarded way of saying “hey baby”?  Maybe he wanted to call the song “Hey Baby”, but thought that No Doubt might get him for copyright infringement if he did—I don’t know.  Regardless, this song is so annoying that no one in their right mind could possibly stomach it.



#87: “Because I Got High” – Afroman
Released: 2001
Peak Position: #25


Remember, kids: drug use is a horrible thing.  Also remember, children: singing songs about drug use is an even more horrible thing.  Case in point: this song, recorded by rap artist Joseph “Afroman” Foreman in 2001, made popular due to the Internet and radio shows playing the song before it was actually released.  The lyrics are so insanely stupid, it makes you wonder how in the hell this song was ever nominated for a Grammy (no, I'm dead serious, it really was):

I was gonna clean my room until I got high
I gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high
My room is still messed up and I know why
Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high

The lyrics go on to tell how the guy missed and flunked his college classes, missed child support payments, got paralyzed because of a car accident, lost his wife and kids, and now is homeless, all because he’s a freaking pothead.  Charming, huh?



#86: “Thong Song” – Sisqo
Released: 2000
Peak Position: #3


Ah—nothing like a good old song celebrating the posterior of the fairer sex.  It worked for Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”…not so much for Sisqo’s “Thong Song”.  This is one of those tunes that is fine when you first listen to it, but after about twenty or thirty times a day on the radio, it wears thin very quickly.  The song is okay for the first minute or so, but when it gets to the chorus, it just becomes annoying as hell:

I like it when the beat goes
Duh dun duh
Baby make your booty go
Duh dun duh
Baby I know you want to show
Duh dun duh
That thong thong thong thong thong

Ouch.  So much repetition and nonsensical mishmash that it’s not even funny.  Thankfully, Sisqo’s follow-up to this song, “Incomplete”, was much better, and made it to #1.



#85: “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” – Deep Blue Something
Released: 1995
Peak Position: #3


After the Rembrandts’ “I’ll Be There for You” became the theme song to the Friends television series, a wave of schmaltzy soft rock bands began a movement that would come to be known as “Friends music”. And near the front of the pack were this group from Texas and their one-hit wonder, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”.  The sloppy lyrics convey the story of a guy who’s on the verge of breaking up with his girlfriend, and desperate to stay together, they have the following conversation:

And I said what about ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’?
She said, ‘I think I remember the film,
And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it’
And I said, ‘Well, that’s the one thing we’ve got

You’re so desperate to stay with her that you’re bringing up a 30+ year-old film that isn’t even that interesting to begin with?  Weak, dude.  To top it off, this just sounds like a conversation two twelve-year olds would have.  I swear, the first time I heard this song, I kept waiting for someone to say “like, whatever” or something.



#84: “Girl You Know It’s True” – Milli Vanilli
Released: 1988
Peak Position: #2


In the late 1980’s, one of the biggest pop groups of the day was Milli Vanilli.  Consisting of former German backup singers Fab Morvan and the late Rob Pilatus, the group released this song as their debut single in 1988, and followed up with three more smash hits the following year which all went to #1 on the Pop charts.  Their debut song’s lyrics are innocent enough, as you can see:

Girl, you know it's true
Ooh, Ooh, Ooh I love you
Yes, you know it's true
Ooh, Ooh, Ooh I love you

But ironically, it turns out that NOTHING about this track was “true”.  In 1990, it was revealed that the vocals on all of Milli Vanilli’s material were not that of Morvan and Pilatus, but of two uncredited backup singers.  The group received a ton of media backlash from the record companies and the general public, and their careers never recovered.  Nowadays, you can hardly listen to any Milli Vanilli song without shaking your head in disgust at what happened to them.  It’s a shame, too—the guys who actually sang on the track were pretty good, IMO.



#83: “Heartbeat” – Don Johnson
Released: 1986
Peak Position: #5


In 1986, Miami Vice was one of the hottest shows on television, and it seemed that lead actor Don Johnson could do no wrong.  As such, Mr. Johnson jumped on the musical train and released this song, which became a Top 10 hit for him.  However, looking back, the song was nothing but a steaming dose of mid-‘80s pop:

Your money don't mean much to me
I've been out on my own, gonna go it alone now
'Cause that's the way it's got to be
Ev'rybody tells me how I can beat the odds for now

Cheesy, huh?  The music video also added to the cheesiness of the song, depicting Johnson, who plays a photographer, pining over an actress.  If I can say anything positive, at least Johnson’s music career was better than that of his Miami Vice co-star Philip Michael Thomas…sheesh, that shit is so bad, it deserves its own list.



#82: “Never Gonna Give You Up” – Rick Astley
Released: 1987
Peak Position: #1


In 1987, pasty-white British ginger Rick Astley was signed to a record deal due to his soulful voice, and this became the first of two #1 songs for him.  Several years went by, and though Astley never scored any more hits, he could still enjoy the royalties off this song and his other big smash, “Together Forever”:

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

However, in the late 2000’s came an Internet meme known as “Rickrolling”, a bait-and-switch practical joke in which a hyperlink supposedly leads to something else, but ultimately leads to the video of this song.  The poor Astley has been hounded by the press about this phenomenon ever since, and what’s worse, he hasn’t even been able to collect any revenue off it—sources claim that he’s only made $12 in performance royalties from YouTube from the meme.  Not $12 million, not $12 thousand—twelve dollars.  No wonder the guy never makes any personal appearances anymore…



#81: “Float On” – Floaters
Released: 1977
Peak Position: #2


When I think of trends that should be left in the past, two things that should definitely be near the top of the list are disco music and telephone dating.  In 1977, some stupid record execs thought it would be a good idea to combine the two, taking a never-has disco quartet called the Floaters and sticking them with this song.  The song has next to no lyrical message—pretty much all it features is all four band members introducing themselves by their astrological sign and telling you what kind of woman they like, one by one, interspersed by the chorus of "float, float on".  For example:

Aquarius, and my name is Ralph
Now I like a woman who loves her freedom
And I like a woman who can hold her own
And if you fit that description, baby, come with me

The song has literally no meaning whatsoever, and its melody is so airy and wistful, you could fall asleep to it.  All I can say is, thank God this was the group’s only hit: if they ever released another song, dentists might use it as an alternative to Novocaine!
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Offline PurpleParrot319

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Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
« Reply #7 on: December 02, 2012, 08:13:43 PM »
I really like "Separate Ways". :(

The Thong Song and the Rickroll are songs I like too, but I can see why you put them there. ESPECIALLY the Rickroll. That song is so overused. :roll:


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Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
« Reply #8 on: December 02, 2012, 09:26:23 PM »
Ah, another list of bad awesomely (as VH1 called it) bad songs. My thoughts on these:

90. I completely agree, this song is not only crap, it's just plain boring. I hated it when it first came out, (it was WAY overplayed), and it hate it today. But then again, I never liked anything from John Mayer. So that could explain things. I remember people used to sing it as "Your Body Is A Wasteland." Now THOSE lyrics would have been nauseating.

89. Agree about this song too. Journey is way overplayed and way overrated. They're not a bad band or anything, but when you hear 20 songs from them per day, it gets old very fast.

88. Thank you for including Ay Bay Bay! I hate this song with a passion. Not only is it a bad, nonsensical song, but it is WAY overrated. I swear, every person I knew was singing this song. And it didn't help that this song was also very overplayed when this song came out. -_-

87. Oh man, this song is so stupid. XD But in a way, it's kind of stupid funny, like you're not supposed to take it seriously. And I swear, they had a Christmas version of this song. I might be wrong though.

86. I happen to like Thong Song actually. It's a lame song yes, but it's so catchy it's like I can't not like it. One thing I'm surprised you didn't mention is, some of the other lyrics to it. Like the "She dumps like a truck...." part. Even the VH1 "awesomely bad song" list commented on it. They interpreted that bit as "is she taking care of business in the bathroom or something?" Come on, you know you were thinking that. :lol: I remember "Incomplete" from an old Now CD I have, and that song was pretty good. I'm pretty sure he didn't have anymore songs after that.

85. Agree about this song too. I just don't like "alternative" music like this, I just find it really boring. I don't mind the "Friends Theme Song," but songs like "Breakfast at Tiffany's" are just so yawn inducing.

84. I actually don't mind this song, but Milli Vanilli had better. And I remember their whole lip syncing scandal. I mean, why become a singer if you can't sing? I think there's a reasons their careers never recovered. It's a shame one of the guys committed suicide though.

83. Not very familiar with this song, so no comment there.

82. Oh god, the Rick Rolled song. Now THIS is an overplayed/overused song. But even without the annoying Rick Rolled video, I still don't like the song. I like "Together Forever" a lot better.

81. Not very familiar with "Float On" either, but wasn't there a song in 2004 that had the same name? I don't know if it's a cover or not, but I never liked it anyways.

I know, my reviews are long. :P But another solid list, I already look forward to your next installment.

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Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
« Reply #9 on: December 08, 2012, 07:44:49 PM »
And our countdown continues. Are your ears bleeding yet?



#80: “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)” – Katy Perry
Released: 2011
Peak Position: #1


You just knew a Katy Perry song was coming eventually, didn’t you?  In June 2011, Perry released this song, which reached #1, actually tying her with Michael Jackson for the most #1 songs off a single album.  While this certainly should tell you how deep people’s tastes in pop music are these days, the lyrics paint a picture of the self-destructive lifestyle that Perry says is her version of “I Gotta Feeling”:

I smell like a minibar
DJ's passed out in the yard
Barbies on the barbecue
Is this a hickey or a bruise

Okay, ‘Barbies on the barbecue’? Why are you roasting dolls on the grill, anyway?  How drunk did you get last night?  The song goes on to mention partying, drinking, streaking, skinny-dipping, and other things that we really don’t need to hear about in a song.  This song may have been a commercial success for Perry, but it further establishes this “goofy slut” persona that God-knows-why she’s trying to keep up.  Congratulations, Katy—you’ll now be labeled a whore for the rest of your life.  I hope you’re happy.



#79: “A Milli” – Lil Wayne
Released: 2008
Peak Position: #6


Lil Wayne is undoubtedly one of the most successful hip-hop artists of all time.  This song released in 2008 off his sixth album, Tha Carter III, continued his streak of dominance of the genre, and reached #1 on both the Rap and Hip-Hop charts.  I’m not that big of a hip-hop fan, but it’s a pretty decent song, to tell you the truth.  In fact, it wouldn’t even be on this list were it not for one lyric that irks me towards the beginning of the song.  Check this out:

My criteria compared to your career, this isn’t fair
I’m a venereal disease, like a menstrual bleed

Say what?  You’re comparing yourself to gonorrhea or herpes?  Why would you even want to do that in the first place?  And just how are you like a ‘menstrual bleed’, of all things?  I don’t listen to much hip-hop music, but isn’t talking about a woman’s certain time of the month a little bit much?  This song really kills the mood right from the start, and it’s a great example of how choosing the wrong lyrics can turn an otherwise good song into an awesomely bad one.



#78: “Convoy” – C.W. McCall
Released: 1975
Peak Position: #1


In the late 1970’s, a big fad was Citizens Band, or “CB”, radio.  The concept worked much like cell phones, except that there was a special “lingo” involved in speaking over the two-way radios—for example, instead of “okay”, you’d say “ten-four”.  The fad died out by the early ‘80s, but not before CBs became staples in 18-wheeler trucks.  In 1975, C.W. McCall released this ode to trucker talk, which became a #1 country and pop hit for him.  While the lingo may have been funny back in the ‘70s, it just gets lost in translation when you listen to it today:

Yeah, Rubberduck, this is Sodbuster, come on there
Yeah, ten-four Sodbuster
Listen, you wanna put that microbus in behind that suicide jockey?
Yeah, he’s haulin’ dynamite, and he needs all the help he can get

For those of you lost in translation (aka everyone): the two drivers want to move a 1967 VW bus behind a truck hauling explosives.  This song uses so much specialized lingo, it’s a miracle it was as big a hit as what it was.  But when you listen to it now, you literally have to look up every other word McCall says in order to understand what the hell’s going on.  The song was fine for what it was back in the ‘70s, but when it comes to standing the test of time, it falls flat on its face.



#77: “She Bangs” – Ricky Martin
Released: 2000
Peak Position: #12


As a former member of a band named for tripe and hominy stew, Ricky Martin was an instant hit with the ladies, and managed to squeak out quite a few hits during the short-lived Latin music craze of the late ‘90s.  However, this song, released a good year after his heyday was officially over, is undoubtedly his worst.  The song’s title is stupid (seriously, it sounds like the title of a porn movie), and the inane lyrics sound as though they were run through Google Translator, before they perfected the system—both ways:

Man, if Lady Luck gets on my side
We’re gonna rock this town alive
I’ll let her rough me up ‘til she knocks me out
‘Cause she walks like she talks and she talks like she walks

Ow, my ears.  Of course, this pile of crap will forever live in infamy thanks to another reason: American Idol auditioner William Hung, who sung it trying to get onto the show, but didn’t even make it past the first round due to the judges booting him out for his subpar singing.  But to tell you the truth, I'd listen to Hung's version before I’d listen to Ricky’s version—better to laugh than cry from your ears bleeding, right?



#76: “(Can’t Live Without Your) Love and Affection” – Nelson
Released: 1990
Peak Position: #1


In 1990, the twin sons of the late 1950’s teen idol Ricky Nelson released their first album, which contained this song, their only #1 hit.  The lyrics are actually inspired by supermodel Cindy Crawford and what the boys would say to her if they met her in person.  But looking at them, I’m so glad they never met her in person:

There she goes, no she don’t know what she’s missing
Can’t she see I'll never give up the fight
I’ll do all I can, she understands my desire

Yeesh…does it get more mind-numbingly cheesy than that?  And guys, let me iterate something to you: if she “understands your desire”, but still ignores you, SHE DOESN’T WANT YOU!  Move on and forget about it—you’re never gonna get Cindy Crawford anyway, you long-haired whiners!  Nelson live on, but thankfully, they aren’t making any new music.  And even more thankfully, they cut their hair—that shit was so long, it needed its own zip code!



#75: “American Life” – Madonna
Released: 2003
Peak Position: #37


The Material Girl is definitely one of the most respected musicians in the business today.  Her music has sold millions of copies, and she has inspired many modern female singers to embark on music careers. But in 2003, the established diva from Bay City, Michigan released a song that made her sound so arrogant and awkward, it made many people question why they liked her in the first place.  The lyrics of the song paint a picture of a desperate attempt of Ms. Ciccone to stay relevant:

I tried to say ahead, I tried to stay on top
I tried to play the part, but somehow I forgot
Just what I did it for and why I wanted more
This type of modern life, is it for me?
This type of modern life, is it for free?

Le sigh.  Look, Madonna, I can see what you’re trying to do, but this song’s execution is just horrendous.  First of all, don’t tell us about all the cool shit that you have, and then say you’re not satisfied with it.  It very well may be true, but here’s the thing: WE. DON’T. CARE.  We’ve got better things to listen to than you whining about what you want or don’t want.  And another thing—never rap again.  Ever.




#74: “The Safety Dance” – Men Without Hats
Released: 1983
Peak Position: #3


Released in 1983 by a new wave group who would probably win the award for the weirdest band name ever, this song hit #1 on the Dance charts in both the U.S. and their native Canada.  But popular as it was, this song has one of the most annoying beats I’ve ever heard:

We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind
Because your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance well they’re no friends of mine

I can see why an uninformed person might get confused by this song.  Alienating people just because they don’t dance?  Sounds kind of douche-y to me.  And why is it “The Safety Dance”, exactly?  What makes it any safer than any other dance?  Or are the rumors true, and is this song really about safe sex?  In truth, this song’s lyrics actually protest against club bouncers kicking people out for “pogoing”, which is basically jumping up and down while flailing your arms and legs around wildly, deemed “unsafe” in clubs at the time.  But pogoing eventually led to mosh pits and slam dancing, which are ten times more dangerous, proving that people were getting all worked up over nothing.  To add insult to injury (no pun intended), the music video is even more annoying than the song.  What the hell does this song have to do with a renaissance fair in the first place?




#73: “Liquid Dreams” – O-Town
Released: 2000
Peak Position: #10


The “boy band” fad may have died out in the late ‘90s, but there were still a few stragglers hanging on for dear life, like this band, which was literally concocted as a reality show project in 2000.  They released only two albums, and only two of their songs made the Top 40.  This song, their debut, proved that while some people may have hated boy bands back in the ‘90s, they really hate them now.  The band’s vocals are whiny, and the lyrics are not only sophomoric and boring, they’re downright nasty:

I dream about a girl who's a mix of Destiny's Child
Just a little touch Madonna's wild style
With Janet Jackson's smile, throw in a body like Jennifer's
You've got the star of my liquid dream (My liquid dream)

O-Town’s albums were met with overwhelmingly negative reviews, and the band disbanded in 2003.  Still, the band’s popularity with the public signaled a downturn in the quality of music in the 2000’s, and we can’t forgive them for polluting our ears with their disgustingly crappy music—all two songs of it.




#72: “Rumors” – Lindsay Lohan
Released: 2004
Peak Position: Didn’t chart


99% of the world’s population probably wouldn’t care if Lindsay Lohan fell off the face of the earth.  With all the DUI’s, drug abuse, and jail time she’s had, it’s only natural that she’s among one of the most maligned celebrities of recent years.  So many people literally facepalmed when she released this song from her debut album.  While Lohan’s whiny singing voice alone should merit this song’s inclusion on this list, the sheer irony of the lyrics further hammered home the fact that Lindsay needs to just go away:

Why can't you just let me
Do the things I wanna do
I just wanna be me
I don't understand why
Would you wanna bring me down
I'm only having fun
I'm gonna live my life
(but not the way you want me to)

You’re honestly singing about all the stuff that’s ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO YOU, and you’re saying it’s all rumors?  Please—the press may be stupid, but they’re not BLIND.  You know, you keep complaining about the press, but maybe if you, I don’t know, clean up your act, they might leave you alone!  To make matters even more unfathomable, this song was co-written by Michael Jackson’s brother, Tito.  I suppose this proves success doesn’t always run in the family.




#71: “Undercover Angel” – Alan O’Day
Released: 1977
Peak Position: #1


Picture this: you’re laying in bed, a little lonely because your love life is crap, but otherwise minding your own business.  Suddenly, a hot chick appears beside you and begs you to have sex with her.  That’s pretty much the premise of this song’s opening lyrics, which will leave you scratching your head.  The chorus is almost as bad, sounding like some kind of lascivious dream:

Undercover angel, midnight fantasy
I never had a dream that made sweet love to me
Undercover angel, the answer to my prayers
You made me know that there’s a love for me out there (somewhere)

The song goes on to say how the narrator loses the girl, but not before she tells him to go find another girlfriend, and “when you look into her eyes, you’ll see me again”.  Possessing other people’s bodies just to have relationships with them?  This chick sounds more like a demon than an angel!  Back all this with a bubblegum pop beat so cheesy it should be served over nachos, and you have the makings of the worst song Alan O’Day ever did.  Thankfully, it was also the ONLY song he ever did, and for that, I’m eternally grateful to him.
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1980s - Michael Jackson, Madonna, Bruce Springsteen, etc.
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Offline Purple Parrots Fan

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Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
« Reply #10 on: December 08, 2012, 08:49:27 PM »
Wheee, another list! Comment time:

Agree about #80. Songs like this are precisely what's wrong with today's music. It's all about getting shit faced and partying 24/7, and it definitely speaks volumes about how "deep" music has become today. What happened to songs that actually had a good message behind it? Or didn't sing about whoring around and doing stupid things when you're drunk. How this was #1 is beyond me.

Oh god, I think I blocked every aspect of this song out of my memory until I saw it on your list. O_O Even when this first came out, I thought this song was just downright atrocious. From the annoyingly repetitive "A Milli A Milli" to Lil Wayne's coarse I-sound-like-I'm-barfing-when-I'm-talking voice, there is literally nothing positive about this song whatsoever.

Never heard #78, so no comment.

I really don't mind "She Bangs" at all. It's certainly not Ricky Martin's best, but it's not a bad song by any means. However, it does get old if you hear it too much. And don't get me started on William Hung's "version" of the song. Which admittedly did ruin the song for me a little. And to think, Hung was the first of many "singers" to get fame handed to him just for singing bad. Oh well, he (and also Ricky Martin) is a has been now. On a slightly unrelated note, that is a really unflattering picture of Ricky Martin. Just sayin'.

Don't really remember #76, but the lyrics alone tell me it's not worth listening to at all. I wonder how Crawford felt knowing this song was about her. I bet she REALLY didn't want them after hearing that, if she even heard it at all. Also.... "And even more thankfully, they cut their hair—that shit was so long, it needed its own zip code!" Bwah! :lol:

Completely agree about #75. Hated the song when it first came out, and I hate it now. And total word on her rapping. Talking about painful to listen to. She had MUCH better songs from this from the 2000's.

Aw I like #74, it's one of my favorite songs ever. Sure, the lyrics are kind of lame, but I like the beat and tune to it. For some reason, I always ALWAYS confuse this group "Men Without Hats" to the group "Men At Work." Seriously, listen to "Down Under" from the latter group, and compare it to "Safety Dance" from the former group. They sound so alike, and the songs were released around the same time period. Only difference is, "Men Without Hats" were one hit wonders, and "Men At Work" had plenty of other songs.

Completely agree with #73. Even when this song came out when I was 10, I thought it was just downright stupid. I don't know if you've seen the video, but if you haven't be glad you didn't. It's even WORSE than the song itself. Though I'm pretty sure boy bands were popular in the early 2000's. And even then, the novelty and their popularity was starting to wane. That said, I don't really mind O-Town. And I like their songs "All or Nothing" and "These Are The Days." But this song just fell flat, period.

AGREE about #72. Though confession time: I used to like this song. As well as other songs from Lindsay Lohan as well. Some I still have on my iPod. But upon a recent relisten, I've come to realize that her songs are lame, stupid, and not catchy at all. And I honestly, regret ever adding them to a mix CD and/or iPod. While we're on the subject of this song, it's horrible, and downright hypocritical. She's the one who's incessantly whining "Why can't they leave me alone?/I'm only having fun!" Yet she's the one going getting into all this trouble in the first place. You hit the nail on the head: "You know, you keep complaining about the press, but maybe if you, I don’t know, clean up your act, they might leave you alone! It's a never ending cycle with her: She gets in trouble, goes to jail for 2 seconds, promises she'll change, and then repeats Step 1. Also, I'm pretty sure this song was on an old Now CD. Why, I don't know. But, enough rambling....

Never heard #71, so no comment there either.

Whew, long review. :lol: With the exception of #74, and maybe #77, I pretty much agree with all your choices. Can't wait for the next installment!

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Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
« Reply #11 on: December 08, 2012, 11:21:29 PM »
Also, I'm pretty sure this song was on an old Now CD.

Yep, Now 18. And I just so happened to have a copy of that CD.

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Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
« Reply #12 on: December 09, 2012, 12:58:55 AM »
Yeah, Last Friday Night is probably on of my least favorite Katy Perry songs. I actually don't really hate her music, but this song overstayed its welcome on the radio airs. It seems to make the top charts even though it has been released in a while. The lyrics are laughable too and I never realized the Barbie doll line.  :lol:

And "American Life"... *sigh*. I like Madonna's older songs, but this is an example of one I wish where she would just hang up the microphone and just go away. And speaking of Madonna, I know she released some song with Nicki Minaj this past Summer that was briefly popular. But yeah, the 80's and 90's Madonna is better.

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Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
« Reply #13 on: December 09, 2012, 01:05:36 AM »
Yep, Now 18. And I just so happened to have a copy of that CD.
Yeah, I used to collect those CDs all the time until it became pointless once iPods came out.

And "American Life"... *sigh*. I like Madonna's older songs, but this is an example of one I wish where she would just hang up the microphone and just go away. And speaking of Madonna, I know she released some song with Nicki Minaj this past Summer that was briefly popular. But yeah, the 80's and 90's Madonna is better.
Yeah, Madonna was MUCH better in the 80s and 90s. Her 2000's stuff was hit or miss, but I liked songs like "Hung Up" and "Me Against the Music" from her. But "American Life" is just a complete fail from her.

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Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
« Reply #14 on: December 09, 2012, 02:04:51 AM »
I'm still wondering why Nicki Minaj has a "critically acclaimed" song. (Super Bass)
Favourite Team: Red Jaguars
Favourite Episode: The Jewel-Encrusted Egg of Catherine the Great, tied with the Mussel Shell Armor of Apanuugpak and the Lost Hornpipe of the Pirate Captain
Favourite Season: Season 3

When artists like LMFAO, Ke$ha, Taylor Swift, Carly Rae Jespen and Justin Bieber and songs like "Party Rock Anthem", "Call Me Maybe", "Thrift Shop" and others are succeeding in today's music industry and about 99% of the world is buying their shit and any argument you make is followed by nonsense from these people, you would wish the world had ended on 21st December 2012.