The Torn Manuscript of Hildegard von Bingen

[tss1011]

The Torn Manuscript of Hildegard von Bingen

(The camera maneuvers through a thick rainforest.  Eventually it makes its way to Olmec, who begins to speak.)

OLMEC: Legends of the Hidden Temple!  (Applause and title.) With your guide, Kirk Fogg!  And here he is NOW!

(On this last word, Olmec opens his mouth wide, revealing a cannon.  Kirk is shot out of the cannon, flying across the stage until he lands in the moat.  He climbs out of the moat, somehow completely dry.)

KIRK: Thank you very much, nice to see you!  (To Olmec) Nice to see you, Olmec.  (To audience) Welcome to Legends of the Hidden Temple!  The rooms are filled with lost treasures that are protected by mysterious Mayan temple guards.  Only Olmec knows the legends behind each of the treasures in his temple.  (To Olmec) Which one are we going to hear about today?

OLMEC: The legend of the Torn Manuscript of Hildegard von Bingen.

KIRK: Oh, the Torn Manuscript of Hildegard von Bingen!  Well, one of these six teams will have a chance to retrieve the torn manuscript!  Will it be... (The camera pans across and pauses on each team.  Hold for applause as the teams demonstrate their respective ?tudes.)  The Red Jaguars?  The Blue Barracudas?  The Green Monkeys?  The Orange Iguanas?  The Purple Parrots?  Or the Silver Snakes?  They?ll have to pass some pretty tough physical and mental tests, and in the end, only one team will have the right to enter Olmec's temple.  But first they have to cross that moat, and Olmec will tell us how they'll have to do it today.

OLMEC: Before you, an ancient Mayan pole is floating in the moat.  When Kirk gives the signal, the first player will reach into the water and grab the pole.  Then, using the pole, run towards the moat and launch yourself across to the opposite side.  Once the first player is safely across, they will toss it back to their partner, who will then cross the same way.  If you fall before touching ground, you must go back and begin again.  As soon as the second player has crossed, run over and hit the gong.  (Kirk hits one of the gongs.)  The first four teams to hit their gongs will go on to the next round!

KIRK:  All right, pole vaulting!  Hey teams, are you ready?

ALL TEAMS: YEAH!

KIRK: Olmec, are you ready?

OLMEC: Sock it to me!

KIRK: (Laughs) On your marks...get set...GO!

(Event occurs.  The Green Monkeys, the only team not to fall, finish first.  After the other teams fall, the Orange Iguanas compose themselves and finish second.  The Silver Snakes come in third, and the Blue Barracudas finish last.  The Red Jaguars and Purple Parrots both fall a second time, eliminating themselves from the race.)

KIRK:  That?s it!  We?ve got our four teams!  (Kirk walks over and stands next to the Silver Snakes.)  Great job, guys!  The Silver Snakes shot over to the other side like a cannon.  Going on to the Steps of Knowledge are the Silver Snakes!  (Cut to each team, who cheers again.  Applause after each team.) And the Orange Iguanas!  And the mighty Green Monkeys! And the Blue Barracudas!  The Purple Parrots and Red Jaguars didn?t quite make it, but we?ve got a nice gift for ?em, and here?s what it is.

(They get Funyuns.  Dee does his best to emphasize the ?fun?.)

[tss1011]

KIRK: As the quest continues, it?s now time for Olmec to tell us about the Torn Manuscript of Hildegard von Bingen.  But teams, you?ve got to pay attention, because your knowledge of the legend can bring you a step closer to the temple.

OLMEC: One of the most influential women of medieval times was Hildegard von Bingen.  A German monk, she was the leader of her monastery and wrote a series of religious poems, plays and musical compositions.  She had visions from God and wrote them down in a series of manuscripts.  But some envied her gifts and sought to pass her writings off as their own.  Legend has it that Brother Franz and Brother Fritz, two rival monks in the monastery, came up with a plan.

FRANZ: All right, at midnight after prayers, I?ll sneak into Hildegard?s room, steal the latest book of visions she?s working on, und replace it with this joke book of my own creation.

FRITZ: So, um, what do you want me to do?

FRANZ: Just stand outside und create a diversion.

OLMEC: When midnight fell, Franz snuck into Hildegard?s chamber, took the manuscript off the table, and replaced it with his own.  Just then, Hildegard was coming down the hall, and Brother Fritz stopped her.

FRITZ: Wise one, your new visions are great!  I loved it when you asked, ?Why did the chicken cross the strasse??

HILDEGARD: But I didn?t write that?oh no!

OLMEC: Hildegard raced to her desk to find Brother Franz leaving with her manuscript.  She wrestled it out of his hands, and the manuscript was torn into two pieces.

HILDEGARD: Franz, I should have known you were up to your old tricks.  I will make sure you und that dimwitted Fritz get an appropriate punishment.

FRANZ: You blew it, Fritz!

OLMEC: From that day forth, the two thieving monks were locked in two rooms of the monastery?s tower.  Hildegard hung the two parts of the manuscript on her wall, as a reminder to ever vigilant.  One half mysteriously disappeared after her death, but the other found its way to the temple.  Your quest is to retrieve the Torn Manuscript of Hildegard von Bingen and bring it back here!

KIRK: Thank you very much, Olmec.  So where is the torn manuscript?

OLMEC: The Torn Manuscript of Hildegard von Bingen can be found in the Cyclops? Den.

(Pan over to Cyclops? Den.  Close-up on artifact.)

KIRK: All right, teams, you?re now standing on the Steps of Knowledge.  In a minute, Olmec?s going to ask you a question.  If you think you know the answer, I want you to stomp down on the ancient marking in front of you.  If you?re right, you?ll move down to the next level.  But if you?re wrong or run out of time, I?m going to give the other teams a chance to answer.  (He walks down the steps.)  The first two teams to make it to the bottom level will be one step closer to Olmec?s temple.  (To Olmec)  Olmec, we?re now ready for your first question.

OLMEC: Was Hildegard von Bingen a French seamstress, an English farmer, or a German monk?

(The Orange Iguanas ring in.)

ORANGE IGUANAS: A German monk.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Orange Iguanas move down to the second step.)

OLMEC: Was Hildegard best known for writing, weaving, or sculpting?

(The Silver Snakes ring in.)

SILVER SNAKES: Writing.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Silver Snakes move down to the second step.)

OLMEC: Did Hildegard receive her ideas from fellow monks, visions, or monastery graffiti?

(The Orange Iguanas ring in.)

ORANGE IGUANAS: Visions.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Orange Iguanas move down to the third step.)

OLMEC: Were Franz and Fritz soldiers, rival monks, or-

(The Orange Iguanas ring in.)

ORANGE IGUANAS: Rival monks.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Orange Iguanas reach the bottom step.)

KIRK: And it?s the Orange Iguanas, heading for the temple games!  We?ve still got a wide-open contest here.  Who will join them, the Blue Barracudas, the Green Monkeys, or the Silver Snakes?  (To Olmec) Olmec, we?re ready for your next question.

OLMEC: Did Franz and Fritz want to steal Hildegard?s manuscript, torch the monastery, or put a ?Kick Me? sign on her back?

(The Green Monkeys ring in.)

GREEN MONKEYS: Steal Hildegard?s manuscript.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Green Monkeys move down to the second step.)

OLMEC: Where did Hildegard keep her manuscript?

(The Blue Barracudas ring in.)

BLUE BARRACUDAS: In the monastery.

OLMEC: That is not one of our three choices.  The three choices are, on her desk, in the sanctuary, or-

(The Silver Snakes ring in)

SILVER SNAKES: On her desk.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Silver Snakes move down to the third step.)

OLMEC: How did Hildegard punish Franz and Fritz?  Did she make them scrub the floors, confiscate their robes, or lock them in a tower?

(The Silver Snakes ring in.)

SILVER SNAKES: Lock them in a tower.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Silver Snakes reach the bottom step.)

KIRK: And we?ve got our teams!  It?s the Silver Snakes and the Orange Iguanas!  (To losing teams) Green Monkeys, Blue Barracudas, both of you come down.  (They both move down to the third step.)  You guys gave it a great effort too, and you won?t be going away empty-handed.  We?ve got a nice gift for you, and here?s what it is.

(They get Hungry Hungry Hippos.)

KIRK: These two teams will be playing for the right to enter Olmec?s temple, and they?ll do it right after this!

[tss1011]

KIRK:  Welcome back to Legends!  Now the glory goes to the fastest and the strongest.  But before we get started, let?s get to know our team players.  On the Orange Iguanas, we have Jesse.  He shoots pool and also collects rocks.  And his partner Angie plays lacrosse and helps out at an animal shelter.  Let?s hear it for the Orange Iguanas!

(Hold for applause.)

KIRK: And on the Silver Snakes, we have Sam.  He reads sci-fi novels and likes to go rock climbing.  And his partner Jill plays soccer and wants to be an astronaut.  Let?s hear it for the Silver Snakes!

(Hold again for applause.)

KIRK: All right, teams, are you ready to play?

TEAMS: YEAH!

KIRK: OK, you sound excited, so go set up for your games, and I?ll tell you what?s going to happen.  (To audience)  In the temple games, teams are competing to win Pendants of Life.  (Kirk pulls a pendant out of his pouch and shoves it in front of the camera.)  The winning team will need those pendants to protect themselves from the dreaded temple guards as they make their way through the temple.  There are three temple games.  (To Olmec) Olmec, tell us about temple game number one.

OLMEC: Hildegard von Bingen was famous for writing her religious visions down in manuscripts.  Before you stands a maze with some of those manuscripts.  When Kirk gives the signal, crawl through the maze, pop through the first hole, and grab the manuscript you find.  Then move onto the next hole.  If the manuscript you find matches the one you already have, then take the pair and place it in your bin.  Otherwise swap it for the one you find and go on to the next hole!  The first player to grab all their pairs of manuscripts or the player who?s further along at the end of 60 seconds wins.

KIRK:  All right, our teams are in place, and they?re ready for some divine inspiration.  Let?s set the clock for 60 seconds.  (Clock appears on screen.)  On your mark?get set?GO!

(Event occurs.  Angie and Jill both get two pairs of manuscripts in their respective bins.  Angie is heading back with a third one, but time runs out before she reaches the bin, and the game ends in a tie.)

KIRK: Oh!  Time ran out before she could make it!  Both of you come on out of the maze.  (Angie and Jill emerge from the maze and stand next to Kirk.)  Let?s count ?em up.  The Orange Iguanas got (counting) one?two manuscripts.  And the Silver Snakes had one?two!  It?s a tie!  They each get the Half-Pendant of Life!  (Applause.)  So the score is still even, but let?s see if that changes in the second temple game.  It?s also worth a half-pendant.  (To Olmec) Olmec, tell us about temple game number two.

OLMEC: Hildegard lived in a remote German monastery, which was very cavernous and had many twists and turns.  You are standing on top of a winding passageway with boulders blocking your path.  When Kirk gives the signal, crawl into the tunnel, knocking over any boulders you find.  Continue until you make your way towards the exit.  The first player to come out of the tunnel or the player who?s further along at the end of 60 seconds wins.

KIRK: Oh, let?s hope our teams don?t get trapped in that tunnel.  Let?s put 60 seconds on the clock.  (Clock appears on screen.)  On your mark?get set?GO!

(Event occurs.  Jesse maintains a strong lead over Sam and makes it out of the tunnel first, with 26 seconds left.)

KIRK:  That?s it!  It?s over!  Come on out of there, Sam.  (Sam crawls out of the maze, and both step over to Kirk.)  Nice job, Sam.  You got pretty far into that tunnel!  But Jesse made it out first, giving the Orange Iguanas the Half-Pendant of Life!  (Applause.)  So the Orange Iguanas have a full pendant.  The Silver Snakes only have a half.  It?s still anyone?s game as we head to our third and final game.  This one?s worth a full pendant.  (To Olmec) Olmec, tell us about temple game number three.

OLMEC:  According to our legend, Hildegard punished Brother Franz and Brother Fritz by imprisoning them in the monastery?s tower.  You are about to build that tower!  When Kirk gives the signal, the first player will grab a ring and toss it to their partner, who will then swing over and throw it around the tower.  Then go back for another ring and do it again!  The first team to throw three rings over the tower or the team who?s further along at the end of 60 seconds wins.

KIRK: Okay, sounds like they?ve got a lot of building to do.  Let?s put 60 seconds on the clock.  (Clock appears on screen.)  On your marks?get set?GO!

(Event occurs.  It is a close match, but the Orange Iguanas edge out the Silver Snakes and win with 32 seconds left.)

KIRK:  That?s it!  They did it!  (He walks over to the contestants.)  Nice work by the Orange Iguanas!  They had the right teamwork and finished the tower first.  That means they get the full Pendant of Life!  (Applause.)  So the Orange Iguanas have two pendants.  The Silver Snakes only had a half.  The Orange Iguanas are going to the temple!   (Applause.  The Orange Iguanas cheer.)  The Silver Snakes played some great temple games.  They aren?t going away empty handed.  We?ve got a great gift for ?em, and here?s what it is.

(They get the new ?eulogy? edition of ?Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course?, now on DVD.)

KIRK: We?ll see if the Orange Iguanas can make it through Olmec?s temple and retrieve the Torn Manuscript of Hildegard von Bingen, right after this!

[tss1011]

KIRK: Welcome back to Legends.  Angie and Jesse have proven themselves worthy and now have earned the right to enter Olmec?s temple.  But before they get started, Olmec?s going to give them that information to help them retrieve the Torn Manuscript of Hildegard von Bingen.

OLMEC: You could start by running up the stairs to the Room of the Royal Gongs.  Hit the correct gong and pass into the Hanging Gardens.  Climb the vines across the pit and enter the King?s Storeroom.  Smash the clay pots to find the key that will lead you into the Room of the Mandarin Hand.  Curl the fingers around the ball and pass into the Room of the Ancient Warriors.  Place yourself in the correct armor and open the door to the Shriiiiiiiiiine of the Siiiiiiiiilver Moooooonkey.  Assemble the statue and you may be headed for the Bird Sanctuary.  Open the correct beak and you?ll gain access to the Pharaoh?s Secret Passage.  Climb down the tunnel to the Quicksand Bog where you could smash through to the Dark Forest.  But bewaaaaaaaare the Temple Guards that may inhabit the trees!  Find the key in the tree and you?ll enter the Cyclops? Den.  Place the correct jewel in the statue?s eye and pass into the Room of Harmonic Convergence.  Stand on the right two steps to open the doors.  Then race through the pit, climb through the Ledges, race down the stairs and back through the temple gate.  The choices are yours and yours alone!  You won two pendants in the temple games.  Who?s going first?

ANGIE: I am!

OLMEC: Very well, Angie.  When Kirk gives the signal, you?ll race through the gates into the temple and make your way towards the torn manuscript.  Hidden inside the temple are temple guards assigned to protect three specific rooms.  You can trade your pendant for an extra life and go on, but if you?re caught without a pendant, you?ll be taken out of the temple, and it will be Jesse?s turn to enter and try his luck.  If you can reach the manuscript, all the doors of the temple will instantly unlock, and the temple guards will vanish.  Return through the gates with the Torn Mauscript of Hildegard von Bingen in three minutes and you will both be handsomely rewarded?and here?s how!

(Dee reads the prizes: a karaoke machine, a computer, and a trip to Roseland Ranch.)

KIRK:  All right, let?s send the Orange Iguanas to Roseland Ranch.  (To Angie)  Get in position.  Put your mouthpiece in.  Let?s set the clock for three minutes.

(Clock appears on screen.)

KIRK: (To Olmec) Olmec, will you lower your gate?

(Olmec lowers the gate, moaning orgasmically.)

KIRK: On your mark?get set?GO!

(Angie runs up to the Room of the Royal Gongs.  Almost immediately after she sets foot in the room, a temple guard emerges from the side door and takes her pendant.  She hands him the pendant and continues.  The first gong opens the door to the Hanging gardens and she enters with 2:46 left.)

(She has a little bit of trouble making her way across the vines, but pulls herself across to the ledge in front of the King?s Storeroom door.  It does not open, so she steps over and tries the Room of the Mandarin Hand door.  It opens, and she crawls in with 2:23 to go.)

(Angie curls the hand?s fingers around the orb, and the only door that opens is the one leading to the King?s Storeroom.  She climbs the ladder and enters the room with 1:58 remaining.)

(She smashes the first two pots, the second one containing the key.  She tries all three pedestals and the third one opens the door to the Room of the Ancient Warriors.  She races in with 1:42 on the clock.)

(She tries the first suit of armor, which opens the door.  A temple guard captures her within the armor, and Jesse races in with 1:39 to go.)

(Jesse follows Angie?s path at a rather fast pace.  He enters the Shrine of the Silver Monkey with 1:11 on the clock.)

(He grabs the base and middle simultaneously.  He assembles these two parts of the monkey quickly.  He goes back for the head, jams it on, and opens the door to the Bird Sanctuary.  He enters with 0:50 remaining.)

(A temple guard comes out of the side door and takes Jesse?s pendant.  Jesse hands it to him then begins prying open the birds? beaks.  He first tries the nightingale, then the crow, which opens the door to the Pharaoh?s Secret Passage.  He slides down the tunnel to the Quicksand Bog, entering the room with 0:34 left.)

(He strides across the floor of the bog and smashes down the wall to the Dark Forest.  He enters the forest with 0:23 on the clock.)

(He reaches first into the stage-left tree, then finds the key in the stage-right tree.  He quickly jams it in the keyhole and opens the door to the Cyclops? Den.  0:11 remain when he enters.)

(He dashes over to the manuscript at the front of the room and grabs it with five seconds left.  Time runs out before he can leave the room.)

KIRK: Oh!  Time?s up!  Nice work by Jesse.  He got the manuscript in the last seconds.  Angie did a great job too.  She cleared out a good path for him to follow.  I liked this Orange Iguana team, liked ?em all day long.  They get the karaoke machine and the computer.  They had a great time.  I had a great time!  Hope you did too.  Join us again next time for another great Legend of the Hidden Temple!  Buh-bye!

(Credits roll.)

[tss1011]

Name of Artifact: The Torn Manuscript of Hildegard von Bingen
Season: 4
Layout: 10
Result: Ran out of time
Time Remaining: N/A
Team: Orange Iguanas
Pendants won: 2
Location of Artifact: The Cyclops? Den



The Orange Iguanas held their own nicely against a downright brutal layout here, traversing through nine rooms before reaching the artifact.  In addition to the long path, the three temple guards were very difficult to avoid (good thing they had two pendants).  The frontrunner, Angie, delayed a little in the Hanging Gardens, but otherwise moved at a good pace until she was captured in the Room of the Ancient Warriors.  The second player, Jesse, was very strong and displayed mostly smart moves.  His only misstep was failing to notice that the Shrine/Bog door had opened, wasting unnecessary time (and giving up a pendant) completing the objective in the Bird Sanctuary.  He eventually made it to the Cyclops? Den and grabbed the manuscript with only five seconds on the clock, but time ran out before he could exit the room.  Even if he had gone directly to the Bog, however, the team?s chances of victory were slim, and reaching the artifact was an accomplishment in its own right.

Fanfic by T. Scott Smith.  Episode summary and temple diagram in the style of nicklegends.

[The 49th Ronin]

Darn you! You beat me to posting the 40th episode!

Oh well. At least the fourth season draws to a nice close. Nice work.