The Silk Robe of the Queen of Sheba

[tss1011]

(The camera maneuvers through a thick rainforest.  Eventually it makes its way to Olmec, who begins to speak.)

OLMEC: Legends of the Hidden Temple!  (Applause and title.) With your guide, Kirk Fogg!  And here he is NOW!

(On this last word, Olmec opens his mouth wide, revealing a cannon.  Kirk is shot out of the cannon, flying across the stage until he lands in the moat.  He climbs out of the moat, somehow completely dry.)

KIRK: Thank you very much, nice to see you!  (To Olmec) Nice to see you, Olmec.  (To audience) Welcome to Legends of the Hidden Temple!  The rooms are filled with lost treasures that are protected by mysterious Mayan temple guards.  Only Olmec knows the legends behind each of the treasures in his temple.  (To Olmec) Which one are we going to hear about today?

OLMEC: The legend of the Silk Robe of the Queen of Sheba.

KIRK: Oh yes, the Silk Robe of the Queen of Sheba!  Well, one of these six teams will have a chance to retrieve the Silk Robe!  Will it be... (The camera pans across and pauses on each team.  Hold for applause as the teams perform high-fives, fist-pumps, and other ?in-your-face? gestures.)  The Red Jaguars?  The Blue Barracudas?  The Green Monkeys?  The Orange Iguanas?  The Purple Parrots?  Or the Silver Snakes?  They?re gonna have to pass some tough physical and mental tests, and in the end, only one team will have the right to enter Olmec's temple.  But first they?ll have to cross the moat, and Olmec will tell us how they'll have to do it today.

OLMEC: Before you hangs a row of ancient Babylonian rings.  When Kirk gives the signal, the first player will grab onto the rings and climb hand-over-hand across the moat.  Once the first player is safely across, then it will be their partner?s turn to do the same!  If you fall into the water, you must go back and start again.  As soon as the second player is across, run over and hit the gong.  (Kirk hits one of the gongs.)  The first four teams to hit their gongs will go on to the next round!

KIRK:  All right, sounds tough.  Teams, are you ready?

ALL TEAMS: YEAH!

KIRK: Olmec, are you ready?

OLMEC: (In a deep voice) Yeeeeeeeeeessssss.

KIRK: On your marks...get set...GO!

(The six teams launch themselves across the rings.  It is a slightly longer moat crossing than usual, with all teams falling in at least once.  The Green Monkeys finish first, followed by the Red Jaguars, then the Purple Parrots, and finally the Orange Iguanas.)

KIRK:  We?ve got our four teams!  (Kirk walks over and stands next to the Purple Parrots.)  Great job by the Purple Parrots!  These teams have real upper body strength.  Going on to the Steps of Knowledge are the mighty Purple Parrots!  (Cut to each team, who cheers again.  Applause after each team.) And the Orange Iguanas!  And the Green Monkeys! And the Red Jaguars!  The Silver Snakes and the Blue Barracudas got pretty wet out there, but we?ve got a nice gift for ?em, and here?s what it is.

(They get Fudgsicles.)

[tss1011]

KIRK: As the quest continues, it?s now time for Olmec to tell us about the Silk Robe of the Queen of Sheba.  But teams, it?s time for you to pay attention, because your knowledge of the legend can bring you a step closer to Olmec?s temple.

OLMEC: One of the richest and most powerful women of the ancient world was Belkis, the ruler of the African land of Sheba.  As Queen of Sheba, she possessed a vast treasury of gold and riches.  But she was unhappy despite her possessions, and wanted wisdom.  Hearing of the wise King Solomon of Israel, she decided to journey to his kingdom to seek enlightenment.

SLAVE: But, your majesty, how are you going to get him to give you the time of day?  I hear he?s expensive.

QUEEN: I take it you?ve never noticed the huge pile of gold out back.

OLMEC: Queen Belkis had four tons of gold loaded onto caravans.  She also added spices, silk, and a variety of other gifts.  The Queen and her caravans traveled north to Israel.  When they finally arrived at his palace, King Solomon came out to greet the Queen.

SOLOMON: I appreciate these gifts.  But, tell me, why are you being so generous?

QUEEN: O wise King Solomon, I have traveled to seek your wisdom.  Tell me, what is the meaning of life?

SOLMON: (sighs) Better sit down.  This might take a while?

OLMEC: Queen Belkis sat down and had a long conversation with Solomon.  Afterwards, she felt so enlightened that she had to make one more gesture of gratitude.

QUEEN: Here, O wise one.  I offer you my silk robe.

SOLOMON: But, your majesty, isn?t this a possession you hold dear?

QUEEN: Don?t be silly!  I?ve got a closet full of them.

OLMEC: Solomon was so moved by her gesture that he kept the robe until it finally ended up in the temple.  Your goal is to retrieve the Silk Robe of the Queen of Sheba and bring it back here!

KIRK: Thank you, Olmec.  So tell us, where is this silk robe?

OLMEC: (Audible deep breath) The Silk Robe of the Queen of Sheba can be found in the ShriiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiine of the Siiiiillllll-ver Monnnnn-key.

(Pan up to Shrine of the Silver Monkey.  Close-up on artifact.)

KIRK: (Laughs) Easy, tiger!  (To teams) All right, teams, you?re now standing on the Steps of Knowledge.  In a minute, Olmec?s going to ask you a question.  If you think you know the answer, I want you to stomp down on the ancient marking in front of you.  If you?re right, you?ll move down to the next level.  But if you?re wrong or run out of time, I?m going to give the other teams a chance to answer.  (He walks down the steps.)  The first two teams to make it to the bottom level will be one step closer to Olmec?s temple.  (To Olmec)  Olmec, we?re now ready for your first question.

OLMEC: Was the Queen of Sheba named Belinda, Belkis or Brunhilde?

(The Red Jaguars ring in.)

RED JAGUARS: Belkis.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Red Jaguars move down to the second step.)

OLMEC: Was Sheba located in Africa, Asia, or Antarctica?

(The Red Jaguars ring in.)

RED JAGUARS: Africa.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Red Jaguars move down to the third step.)

OLMEC: Was Queen Belkis most famous for her gold, her hair, or her juggling ability?

(The Purple Parrots ring in.)

PURPLE PARROTS: Her gold.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Purple Parrots move down to the second step.)

OLMEC: How much gold did Queen Belkis load onto her caravans?  One ton, four tons, or-

(The Red Jaguars ring in.)

RED JAGUARS: Four tons.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Red Jaguars reach the bottom step.)

KIRK: We have our first team!  It?s the Red Jaguars.  They made it down in no time!  We still have room for one more team.  Who?s it gonna be, the Purple Parrots, the Orange Iguanas, or the Green Monkeys?  (To Olmec) Next question, Olmec.

OLMEC: Was King Solomon most famous for-

(The Orange Iguanas ring in.)

ORANGE IGUANAS: He was, um ? a king?

OLMEC: That is not one of our three choices.  The three choices are: his courage, his power, or his wisdom?

(The Green Monkeys ring in.)

GREEN MONKEYS: His wisdom.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Green Monkeys move down to the second step.)

OLMEC: Where did King Solomon rule?  Was it Israel, Assyria, or-

(The Purple Parrots ring in.)

PURPLE PARROTS: Israel.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Purple Parrots move down to the third step.)

OLMEC: Did Queen Belkis ask King Solomon, ?What is your favorite color?, ?Why did the chicken cross the road?, or ?What is the meaning of life??

(The Green Monkeys ring in.)

GREEN MONKEYS: What is the meaning of life?

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Green Monkeys move down to the third step.)

OLMEC: According to our legend, Queen Belkis was so grateful for Solomon?s wisdom that she-

(The Purple Parrots ring in and cut off Olmec before he reads the choices.)

PURPLE PARROTS: Gave him her robe.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Purple Parrots reach the bottom step.)

KIRK: We have our teams!  It?s the rootin?-tootin? Red Jaguars and the Purple Parrots!  (To losing teams) Green Monkeys, Orange Iguanas, both of you come down.  (The Orange Iguanas move down and join the Green Monkeys at the third step.)  These guys gave it a great effort too.  They aren?t leaving empty-handed.  We?ve got a nice gift for ?em, and here?s what it is.

(They get X-Treme Boggle, now with glow-in-the-dark letter blocks!)

KIRK: These two teams will be playing for the right to enter Olmec?s temple, and they?ll do it right after this!

[tss1011]

KIRK:  Welcome back to Legends!  Now the glory goes to the fastest and the strongest.  But before we get started, let?s paint an intimate portrait of our team players.  On the Red Jaguars, we have Josh.  He plays golf and wants to be a lawyer.  And Marina, she plays violin and wants to teach underprivileged children to read.  Let?s hear it for the Red Jaguars!

(Hold for applause.)

KIRK: And on the Purple Parrots, we have Christine.  She does cross-country and likes to paint watercolors.  And Dennis, he?s into water polo and wants to be a doctor.  (To Dennis) But make sure Josh doesn?t sue you for malpractice.  (To audience) Let?s hear it for the Purple Parrots!

(Hold again for applause.)

KIRK: (Gesturing first to Dennis and Josh, then Marina and Christine).  OK, you guys get set up for the first game, and you guys get ready for the second game, and I?ll tell you what?s about to happen.  (To audience)  In the temple games, let?s bring out those Pendants of Life.  (Kirk pulls a pendant out of his pouch and shoves it in front of the camera.)  They?re gonna need those pendants to protect themselves from those dreaded temple guards as they make their way through the temple.  There are three temple games.  (To Olmec) Olmec, tell us about temple game number one.

OLMEC: When Queen Belkis journeyed to see the wise King Solomon, she loaded up caravans with gold.  When Kirk gives the signal, grab a gold bar, swing around, jump up, and place it in your caravan.  Then run back around, grab another one, and do it again!  The first player to load all six gold bars onto the caravan or the player who?s further along at the end of 60 seconds wins.

KIRK:  Don?t worry, folks.  I?ll keep a close eye on them to make sure they don?t steal anything.  Let?s put 60 seconds on the clock.  (Clock appears on screen.)  On your mark?get set?GO!

(Game begins.  Christine struggles a little, overshooting when she goes back for the gold bars.  She improves, but Marina loads all six bars with 5 seconds left, while Christine has her fifth one in hand.)

KIRK: It?s over!  She did it!  Bring ?em down.  (Marina and Christine come down and walk over to Kirk.)  Nice job by both teams.  But Marina got all her gold bars up there first.  Christine only got four.  That gives the Red Jaguars the Half-Pendant of Life!  (Applause.)  The Purple Parrots can catch up in the next game.  It?s also worth a half-pendant. (To Olmec) Olmec, tell us about temple game number two.

OLMEC: According to our legend, when Queen Belkis met with King Solomon, she asked him, ?What is the meaning of life??  You are about to spell out that question!  Before you stands a rope wall with each of the six words at the top.  When Kirk gives the signal, launch yourself towards the wall, climb up, grab a word, then drop down and place it on the board in front of you.  Then go back and do it again!  Players, remember, you must spell out the words in the correct order, or else they will not count!  The first player to spell out Queen Belkis? question correctly, or the player who?s further along at the end of sixty seconds wins.

KIRK: Well, our teams are about to get philosophical here.  Let?s put 60 seconds on the clock.  (Clock appears on screen.)  On your mark?get set?GO!

(Game begins.  Josh takes the lead at first, but he ends up switching two words around.  Dennis is a little more methodical, but he gets four words in the correct order, beating Josh?s two.)

KIRK:  All right, time?s up!  Come on down.  (Josh and Dennis step over to Kirk.)  Okay, let?s see how close both of you came to unraveling life?s mysteries.  The Red Jaguars had (counting) one?two.  Those last two don?t count.  And the Purple Parrots got (counting) one?two?three?four!  That means the Purple Parrots get the Half-Pendant of Life!  (Applause.)  So the Red Jaguars and the Purple Parrots have a half-pendant each.  To break the tie, it all comes down to our third and final game.  It?s worth a full pendant.  (To Olmec) Olmec, tell us about temple game number three.

OLMEC:  The journey from Sheba to Israel was quite a long one, and Queen Belkis had to ride on horse to get there.  You are about to ride a much wilder horse!  When Kirk gives the signal, hold on tight, because the horse will start to spin and throw you off.  The team that stays on the longest at the end of 60 seconds wins.

KIRK: All right, let?s see if our teams have what it takes to tame these horses.  Let?s put 60 seconds on the clock.  (Clock appears on screen.)  On your marks?get set?GO!

(Game begins.  Both the Red Jaguars and the Purple Parrots hang on for dear life.  None of them falls during the 60 seconds.)

KIRK:  Time?s up!  Come on down off your horses, you?ve earned it.  (He walks over to the contestants.)  Wow!  Amazing riding by both teams!  They hung onto that horse the whole way.  No one fell off.  It?s a tie!  They each get the full Pendant of Life!  (Applause.)  So we?ve got a tie here.  The Red Jaguars and the Purple Parrots have a pendant and a half each.  Let?s bring out the Tie-Breaker Pedestal!

(A spotter pushes the tie-breaker pedestal on camera.  Both teams approach the pedestal and stand behind it.)

KIRK: All right, teams, put your hands on the gong and I?ll explain what?s going to happen.  In a minute, Olmec?s going to ask you a question.  If you think you know the answer, hit the gong in front of you.  You?ll have three seconds, and I must take your first response.  If you answer correctly, you and your partner will go inside the temple in search of the Silk Robe of the Queen of Sheba.  But if you?re wrong or run out of time, I?ll give the other team a chance to answer.  All clear?  (They nod.)  (To Olmec) Olmec, we?re now ready for your final question.

OLMEC: Was Sheba located in what is now India, Ethiopia, or Finland?

(Josh from the Red Jaguars rings in.)

JOSH: India.

OLMEC: Incorrect.

(The Purple Parrots hit their gong.)

PURPLE PARROTS: Ethiopia.

OLMEC: That IS correct!

KIRK: The Purple Parrots got it right, so they?re going to the temple!  (Applause.  The Purple Parrots high-five each other.)  Great job, guys!  The Red Jaguars came up a little short, but they didn?t give up, and they fought until the very end.  They aren?t going away empty handed.  We?ve got a great gift for ?em, and here?s what it is.

(They get model train sets.)

KIRK: We?ll see if the Purple Parrots can make it through Olmec?s temple and retrieve that Silk Robe of the Queen of Sheba, right after this!

[tss1011]

KIRK: Welcome back to Legends.  Dennis and Christine have proven themselves worthy and now have earned the right to enter Olmec?s temple.  But before they get started, Olmec?s about to give them some information to help them retrieve the Silk Robe of the Queen of Sheba.

OLMEC: You could start by running up the stairs to the Room of the Royal Gongs.  Hit the correct gong and pass into the Hanging Gardens.  Climb the vines across the pit and enter the King?s Storeroom.  Smash the clay pots to find the key that will lead you into the Room of the Mandarin Hand.  Curl the fingers around the ball and pass into the Room of the Ancient Warriors.  Place yourself in the correct armor and open the door to the Shriiiiiiiiiine of the Siiiiiiiiilver Moooooonkey.  Assemble the statue and you may be headed for the Bird Sanctuary.  Open the correct beak and you?ll gain access to the Pharaoh?s Secret Passage.  Climb down the tunnel to the Quicksand Bog where you could smash through to the Dark Forest.  But bewaaaaaaaare the Temple Guards that may inhabit the trees!  Find the key in the tree and you?ll enter the Cyclops? Den.  Place the correct jewel in the statue?s eye and pass into the Room of Harmonic Convergence.  Stand on the right two steps to open the doors.  Then race through the pit, climb through the Ledges, race down the stairs and back through the temple gate.  The choices are yours and yours alone!  You won one and a half pendants in the temple games.  Who?s going first?

DENNIS: I am!

OLMEC: Very well, Dennis.  When Kirk gives the signal, you?ll race through the gates into the temple and make your way towards the silk robe.  Hidden inside the temple are temple guards assigned to protect three specific rooms.  You can trade your pendant for an extra life and go on, but if you?re caught without a pendant, you?ll be taken out of the temple, and it will be Christine?s turn to enter and try her luck.  Hidden somewhere in the temple is the other half of your pendant.  If you can find it and you?re carrying the other half, you will get an extra life.  If you can reach the robe, all the doors of the temple will instantly unlock, and the temple guards will vanish.  Return through the gates with the Silk Robe of the Queen of Sheba in three minutes and you will both be handsomely rewarded?and here?s how!

(Dee reads the prizes: a set of camping equipment, a Nintendo DS, and a trip to Hawaii.)

KIRK:  Ooh, Hawaii!  Well, this team told me they?re fired up and they want to go there, so let?s see if they make it.  (To Dennis)  All right, Dennis.  Get in position.  Put your mouthpiece in.  Let?s put three minutes on the clock.

(Clock appears on screen.)

KIRK: (To Olmec) Olmec, please lower your gate.

(Olmec lowers the gate, moaning orgasmically.)

KIRK: On your mark?get set?GO!

(Dennis runs through the gate and slides downward into the Ledges.  Once he is all the way inside the room, a temple guard grabs his feet, catching him off guard for a moment.  Dennis hands the guard his pendant and continues.  He tries the bottom door into the Hanging Gardens and it opens, allowing him to proceed into the next room with 2:43 to go.)

(He moves his way across the pit and tries the door to the Room of Harmonic Convergence.  It opens and he enters with 2:34 left.)

(He tries all four step combinations and the last one opens the doors.  He proceeds into the Cyclops? Den with 2:17 on the clock.)

(He grabs two jewels off the wall and brings them to the Cyclops statue.  He tries them both and the second one unlocks the doors.  He continues into the Dark Forest with 1:58 remaining.)

(He reaches into the stage-left tree.  It grabs Dennis, bellowing ?Come here!?  Christine launches in with 1:53 left.)

(She follows Dennis? path and makes it to the Dark Forest with 1:29 left.  Instead of reaching into the tress, she busts through the wall head-first and enters the Quicksand Bog with 1:25 to go.)

(Christine slowly makes her way across the Bog.  Using the ladder, she steps onto the slide and climbs up the Pharaoh?s Secret Passage.  She opens the door to the Bird Sanctuary and enters with 1:11 on the clock.)

(She pries open the beaks of a crow, a nightingale and a dove, and they all make their respective cawing, singing, and cooing sounds.  After trying the dove?s beak, the door to the Shrine opens and she runs in with 0:58 remaining.)

(She grabs the robe.  All the doors unlock, and she runs out of the Shrine, into the Room of the Ancient Warriors, and then through the King?s Storeroom.)

(When she enters the Hanging Gardens, she dives to the floor instead of trying to pull herself across the vines one-handed.  She enters the Ledges with 0:47 to go.)

(She maneuvers herself rather quickly through the Ledges and climbs up the path behind Olmec.  She makes it out with 0:33 on the clock.)

KIRK: (While victory music plays) THEY MADE IT!  THEY GOT IT ALL!  What a strong Purple Parrot team!  Christine sped through and blazed out with that robe!  Dennis cleared a nice path out for her!  They get everything!  (Theme music begins.  Kirk calms down a little.)  Let me tell you what they get.  They get the camping set.  They get the Nintendo DS.  They?re going to Ha-wai-aaaaaaay!  (Dennis and Christine cheer.)  They?re excited, and so are we!  I wish we could stick around, but we?ve gotta run.  Hope to see you again next time for another great Legend of the Hidden Temple!  Buh-bye!

(Credits roll.)

[tss1011]

Name of Artifact: The Silk Robe of the Queen of Sheba
Season: 4
Layout: 10
Result: Made it!
Time Remaining: 0:33
Team: Purple Parrots
Pendants won: 1.5
Location of Artifact: The Shrine of the Silver Monkey



This is the third Purple Parrots victory when the artifact was hidden in the Shrine ? guess they have good karma with the silver monkey.  After surviving a close contest with the Red Jaguars that included a tie-breaker, the Parrots were obviously determined to show what they were made of, and it came through in this run.  The frontrunner, Dennis, wasn?t blazingly fast, but he was sure-footed and made no stupid moves.  When he was taken out in the Dark Forest, Christine picked up the pace.  She busted through the wall with style, climbed up the Pharaoh?s Secret Passage, pried open the birds? beaks, and made it into the Shrine to grab the robe.  She didn?t quite pull a Randy, only making it through 10 of the 12 rooms (bypassing the Room of the Royal Gongs and the Room of the Mandarin Hand), but this more direct exit meant that they won with a healthy 33 seconds left on the clock. Neither player noticed the half-pendant on the door to the Room of the Mandarin Hand, but it didn?t make a difference in the outcome of the run.

Fanfic by T. Scott Smith.  Episode summary and temple diagram in the style of nicklegends.