The Golden Ticket of Willy Wonka

[tss1011]

The Golden Ticket of Willy Wonka

(The camera maneuvers through a thick rainforest, eventually making its way to Olmec.)

OLMEC:
Legends of the Hidden Temple!  (Applause.  Title appears on screen.) With your guide, Kirk Fogg!  And here he is NOW!

(On this last word, Olmec opens his mouth wide, revealing a cannon.  Kirk is shot out of the cannon, flying across the stage until he lands in the moat.  He climbs out of the moat, somehow completely dry.)

KIRK:
Thank you very much, nice to see you!  (To Olmec) Nice to see you, Olmec.  (To audience) Welcome to Legends of the Hidden Temple!  The rooms are filled with lost treasures that are protected by mysterious Mayan temple guards.  Only Olmec knows the legends behind each of the treasures in his temple.  (To Olmec) Which one are we going to hear about today?

OLMEC:
The legend of the Golden Ticket of Willy Wonka.

KIRK:
Ooh, the Golden Ticket of Willy Wonka!  Well, one of our six teams will have a chance to retrieve that golden ticket!  Will it be... (The camera pans across and pauses on each team.  Hold for applause as the teams spastically stick their heads and/or muscles into the camera lens.)  The Red Jaguars?  The Blue Barracudas?  The Green Monkeys?  The Orange Iguanas?  The Purple Parrots?  Or the Silver Snakes?  They?ll have to pass some pretty tough physical and mental tests, and in the end, only one team will have the right to enter Olmec's temple.  But first they have to cross the moat, and Olmec will tell us how they'll have to do it today.

OLMEC: Before you hangs a series of ancient rope walls.  When Kirk gives the signal, both players will grab onto the first wall and climb over to the other side.  Then grab onto the next wall and do it again!  If one of you falls, you must both go back and begin again.  When both partners are safely across to the other side, run over and hit the gong.  (Kirk hits the gong.)  The first four teams to hit their gongs will go on to the next round!

KIRK:  All right, let?s do it.  Teams, are you ready?

ALL TEAMS: YEAH!

KIRK: Olmec, are you ready?

OLMEC: Ohhhh yeah!

KIRK: On your marks...get set...GO!

(Event begins.  The Orange Iguanas have the best synchronization between partners and make it to the other side first.  The Silver Snakes follow shortly thereafter.  The Green Monkeys come in third, and the Purple Parrots come in fourth.  None of the six teams fall during the event.)

KIRK:  That?s it!  We?ve got our four teams!  (Kirk walks over and stands next to the Silver Snakes.)  Great job, guys!  Good teamwork.  It was a tough moat to cross, but you were steady all the way.  Going on to the Steps of Knowledge are the Silver Snakes!  (Cut to each team, who cheers again.  Applause after each team.) And the Purple Parrots!  And the Orange Iguanas!  And the Green Monkeys!  The Blue Barracudas and the Red Jaguars came up a little short, but they?re not going away empty-handed.  We?ve got a great gift for ?em, and here?s what it is.

(They get Nerds.)

[tss1011]

KIRK: As the quest continues, it?s now time for Olmec to tell us about the Golden Ticket of Willy Wonka.  But pay attention, guys, because your knowledge of the legend can bring you a step closer to Olmec?s temple.

OLMEC: One of the greatest chocolatiers of all time was Willy Wonka.  The son of a famous dentist who forbade him to eat candy as a boy, Wonka ran away from home and built the largest chocolate factory in the world, 50 times bigger than any other.  He lived as a recluse, and no one ever saw him leave his factory.  But one day, he sent out an announcement.

WONKA: Dear People of the World: I, Willy Wonka, have decided to allow five children to visit my factory this year.  In addition, one of these children shall receive a special prize beyond anything you could ever imagine.  Five golden tickets have been hidden underneath the ordinary wrapping paper of five ordinary Wonka Bars.

OLMEC: This sent off a frenzy of chocolate consumption throughout the world.  At last, five children found the golden tickets and arrived at Willy Wonka?s factory.  But Wonka took an immediate dislike to them.

GIRL: Mr. Wonka, I?m Violet Beauregarde.

WONKA: I don?t care.

OLMEC: Wonka took the children through a series of extravagant rooms and showed them the secrets of the factory, including the dwarves who worked there, known as the Oompa Loompas.  But as the tour went on, the children?s greedy and rude ways got the best of them.  One boy, Augustus, was so gluttonous that he nearly drowned in a river of chocolate.  A girl, Violet, chewed too much gum and turned into a blueberry.  Another girl, Veruca, was thrown by squirrels down a garbage chute.  Finally, young Mike Teavee shrunk himself entering a television set.   That left only a poor boy by the name of Charlie Bucket.

WONKA: Oh, my dear boy, that means you?ve won!

OLMEC: Wonka took Charlie up a glass elevator.

WONKA: I realized I must find an heir.  And I did, Charlie.  You.  I invited five children to the factory and the one who was the least rotten would be the winner.

OLMEC: From that day forth, Charlie was the new owner of the chocolate factory, taking his family to live with Willy Wonka.  To remember Wonka?s generosity, Charlie held onto his golden ticket for years until it made its way to the temple.  Your task is to find the Golden Ticket of Willy Wonka and bring it back here!

KIRK: Thanks, Olmec, but you?ve got to tell us, where is this golden ticket?

OLMEC: The Golden Ticket of Willy Wonka can be found in the Dark Forest.

(Pan over to Dark Forest.  Close-up on artifact.)

KIRK: All right, teams, you?re standing on the Steps of Knowledge.  In a minute, Olmec?s going to ask you a question.  If you think you know the answer, I want you to stomp down on the ancient marking in front of you.  If you?re right, you?ll move down to the next level.  But if you?re wrong or run out of time, I?m going to give the other teams a chance to answer.  (He walks down the steps.)  The first two teams to make it to the bottom step (pauses as he realizes he?s about to say ?step? twice) are gonna be one step closer to Olmec?s temple.  (To Olmec)  Olmec, we?re now ready for your first question.

OLMEC: Was Willy Wonka a cobbler, a chocolatier, or a blacksmith?

(The Silver Snakes ring in.)

SILVER SNAKES: A chocolatier.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Silver Snakes move down to the second step.)

OLMEC: Was Wonka?s father an accountant, a lawyer, or a dentist?

(The Green Monkeys ring in.)

GREEN MONKEYS: A dentist.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Green Monkeys move down to the second step.)

OLMEC: Did Wonka let children into his chocolate factory because he wanted a successor, he was lonely, or-

(The Green Monkeys ring in.)

GREEN MONKEYS: He wanted a successor.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Green Monkeys move down to the third step.)

OLMEC: To get a chance to enter Wonka?s factory, did children have to win a race around the world, cut down a tree with a herring, or find a golden ticket?

(The Purple Parrots ring in.)

PURPLE PARROTS: Find a golden ticket.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Purple Parrots move down to the second step.)

OLMEC: How many golden tickets did Wonka place in his candy products?

(The Silver Snakes ring in before Olmec reads the choices.)

SILVER SNAKES: Five.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Silver Snakes move down to the third step.)

OLMEC: Were the dwarf workers in Wonka?s factory known as the Hobbits, the Oompa Loompas, or the Munchkins?

(The Orange Iguanas ring in.)

ORANGE IGUANAS: The Oompa Loompas.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Orange Iguanas move down to the second step.)

OLMEC: Did Wonka dislike the winners because they were spoiled and greedy, they didn?t like chocolate, or-

(The Orange Iguanas ring in.)

ORANGE IGUANAS: They were spoiled and greedy.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Orange Iguanas move down to the third step.)

OLMEC: Was the boy Wonka chose as his successor named Harry Potter, Ender Wiggin, or Charlie Bucket?

(The Orange Iguanas ring in.)

ORANGE IGUANAS: Charlie Bucket.

OLMEC: That is correct!

(The Orange Iguanas reach to the bottom step.)

KIRK: Wow!  The Orange Iguanas come blazing from way behind, and they?re now headed for the Temple Games!  Who?s going to join them?  We?ve got a hot race here between the Green Monkeys, the Purple Parrots, and the Silver Snakes .  (To Olmec) Next question, please.

OLMEC: Was the book ?Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? written by Roald Dahl, Lemony Snicket, or-

(The Green Monkeys ring in.)

GREEN MONKEYS: Roald Dahl.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(The Green Monkeys reach the bottom step.)

KIRK: We?ve got our two teams!  It?s the Green Monkeys and the mighty Orange Iguanas!  Purple Parrots, Silver Snakes, come on down.  (They both stand on the third step.)  You guys gave it a great effort too.  It was a close race all the way!  You?re not going away empty-handed.  We?ve got a great gift for you, and here?s what it is.

(They get Laffy Taffy.)

KIRK: These two teams will be playing for the right to enter Olmec?s temple, and they?ll do it right after this!

[tss1011]

KIRK:  Welcome back to Legends!  Now the glory goes to the fastest and the strongest.  But before we get started, let?s meet our team players.  On the Green Monkeys we have Tron.  He likes to go skateboarding and wants to be a record producer.  And Carin, she plays volleyball and enjoys knitting.  (To Carin) I could really use a sweater.  (To audience) Let?s hear it for the Green Monkeys!

(Hold for applause.)

KIRK: And on the Orange Iguanas we have Marissa.  She?s into musical theater and also plays soccer.  And Dan, he plays horseshoes and wants to be a computer programmer.  Let?s hear it for the Orange Iguanas!

(Hold again for applause.)

KIRK: (To contestants, gesturing off-camera) All right, go and get ready for your games, and I?ll tell you what?s going to happen.  (To audience)  In the temple games, teams are competing for those Pendants of Life.  (Kirk pulls a pendant out of his pouch and shoves it in front of the camera.)  They?ll need those pendants to protect themselves from the dreaded temple guards as they make their way through the temple.  There are three temple games.  (To Olmec) Olmec, tell us about temple game number one.

OLMEC: When Willy Wonka opened his chocolate factory to the public, he put five golden tickets in his Wonka Bars to determine which lucky children would get to enter.  When Kirk gives the signal, grab a golden ticket, swing around, jump up, and place it on one of the Wonka Bars.  Then run back around and do it again!  The first player to put all five tickets on the Wonka Bars or the player who?s further along at the end of 60 seconds wins.

KIRK:  Oh, I can tell already that these temple games are going to make me hungry.  Let?s put 60 seconds on the clock.  (Clock appears on screen.)  On your mark?get set?GO!

(Event occurs.  Neither manages to get all five golden tickets, but Carin finds the momentum to beat Dan 4 to 3.)

KIRK: Okay, time?s up!  Come on over here.  (Carin and Dan walk over to Kirk.)  Let?s see how many tickets you guys sent out to the world?s children.  The Orange Iguanas have (counting) one?two?three.  And the Green Monkeys have (counting) one?two?three?four!  That gives the Green Monkeys the Half-Pendant of Life!  (Applause.)  Orange Iguanas, you can come back in the next game.  It?s worth a half-pendant as well.  (To Olmec) Olmec, tell us about temple game number two.

OLMEC: Wonka built the largest chocolate factory in the world, 50 times bigger than any other. But his extravagant machines sometimes broke down, and today, you will help restart one of them!  You are standing on a giant wheel.  When Kirk gives the signal, use your body to turn the wheel.  For each full revolution, you will supply a volt of electricity to the candy machine.  The player who generates the most volts of electricity at the end of 60 seconds wins.

KIRK:  Oh no, we gotta help Willy Wonka make his candy!  Quick, let?s put 60 seconds on the clock!  (Clock appears on screen.)  On your mark?get set?GO!

(Tron is faster than Marissa right off the bat.  She never catches up, and Tron wins 13 to 9.)

KIRK:  All right!  Come on down.  (Tron and Marissa step off their wheels.)  Whoa, they?re dizzy from all that spinning!  Let?s see how they did.  Looks like the Orange Iguanas had (reading the spotters? score cards) 9 volts.  And the Green Monkeys got 13!  The Green Monkeys get the Half-Pendant of Life!  (Applause.)  So the Green Monkeys have a full pendant.  The Orange Iguanas don?t have any yet, but they?ll have a chance to score in our third and final game.  It?s worth a full pendant.  (To Olmec) Olmec, tell us about temple game number three.

OLMEC:  Wonka considered Charlie Bucket his ideal successor, and he removed the other four children one by one as they got into trouble.  Those four children, Augustus, Violet, Veruca, and Mike, stand before you.  When Kirk gives the signal, the first player will load a chocolate ball into their sling and hurl it at the children.  Then it will be their partner?s turn to do the same.  The first team to knock down all four children or the team who?s knocked down the most children at the end of 60 seconds wins.

KIRK: Alright, time to get those darn kids out of the factory.  Let?s put 60 seconds on the clock.  (Clock appears on screen.)  On your marks?get set?GO!

(Event begins.  The Green Monkeys knock down all four statues with 8 seconds left, while the Orange Iguanas are still trying to get their third.)

KIRK:  That?s it!  They did it!  (He walks over to the contestants.)  Nice accuracy by the Green Monkeys!  They managed to knock down all four of their children.  The Orange Iguanas only knocked down two.  That means the Green Monkeys get the Pendant of Life!  (Applause.)  So the Green Monkeys have two pendants.  The Orange Iguanas didn?t score.  The Green Monkeys are going to the temple!  (Applause.)  The Orange Iguanas gave it a great effort.  They?re certainly not going to go home empty-handed.  We?ve got a great gift for ?em, and here?s what it is.

(They get Everlasting Gobstoppers.)

KIRK: We?ll see if the tough, tenacious Green Monkeys can make it through Olmec?s temple and retrieve the Golden Ticket of Willy Wonka, right after this!

[tss1011]

KIRK: Welcome back to Legends.  Tron and Carin have proved themselves worthy and now have earned the right to enter Olmec?s temple.  But before they get started, here?s some information to help them retrieve the Golden Ticket of Willy Wonka.

OLMEC: You could start by running up the stairs to the Room of the Royal Gongs.  Hit the correct gong and pass into the Hanging Gardens.  Climb the vines across the pit and enter the King?s Storeroom.  Smash the clay pots to find the key that will lead you into the Room of the Mandarin Hand.  Curl the fingers around the ball and pass into the Room of the Ancient Warriors.  Place yourself in the correct armor and open the door to the Shriiiiiiiiiine of the Siiiiiiiiilver Moooooonkey.  Assemble the statue and you may be headed for the Bird Sanctuary.  Open the correct beak and you?ll gain access to the Pharaoh?s Secret Passage.  Climb down the tunnel to the Quicksand Bog where you could smash through to the Dark Forest.  But bewaaaaaaaare the Temple Guards that may inhabit the trees!  Find the key in the tree and you?ll enter the Cyclops? Den.  Place the correct jewel in the statue?s eye and pass into the Room of Harmonic Convergence.  Stand on the right two steps to open the doors.  Then race through the pit, climb through the Ledges, race down the stairs and back through the temple gate.  The choices are yours and yours alone!  You won two pendants in the temple games.  Who?s going first?

TRON: I am!

OLMEC: Very well, Tron.  When Kirk gives the signal, you?ll race through the gates into the temple and make your way towards the golden ticket.  Hidden inside the temple are temple guards assigned to protect three specific rooms.  You can trade your pendant for an extra life and go on, but if you?re caught without a pendant, you?ll be taken out of the temple, and it will be Carin?s turn to enter and try her luck.  If you can reach the ticket, all the doors of the temple will instantly unlock, and the temple guards will vanish.  Return through the gates with the Golden Ticket of Willy Wonka in three minutes and you will both be handsomely rewarded?and here?s how!

(Dee reads the prizes: a skateboarding package, a PSP, and a skiing trip to Aspen.)

KIRK:  All right, Aspen!  Well, let?s see if the Green Monkeys will get to go skiing.  Okay, Tron.  Get it position, put your mouthpiece in.  Let?s put three minutes on the clock.  (Clock appears on screen.)  (To Olmec) Olmec, will you lower your gate?

(Olmec lowers the gate, moaning orgasmically.)

KIRK: On your mark?get set?GO!

(Tron runs through the gate and up to the Room of the Royal Gongs.  He tries all three gongs.  None of them open the door to the Hanging Gardens, but the second one opens the door to the Ledges.  He climbs down and enters the Ledges with 2:43 remaining.)

(He opens the door to the upper crawl tube and uses it to climb into the Hanging Gardens with 2:32 to go.)

(He makes his way across the pit and scales the wall.  He opens the door to the King?s Storeroom and enters with 2:17 left.)

(A temple guard bursts out from a corner and takes Tron?s pendant.  He is stunned for a moment but then begins smashing the pots.  After he smashes all three, he spends a few seconds looking for the key.  He finds it and unlocks the door on the first pedestal he tries.  He enters the Room of the Ancient Warriors with 1:55 on the clock.)

(The middle suit of armor opens the door.  Tron enters the Shrine of the Silver Monkey with 1:44 to go.)

(He grabs the pieces of the monkey one at a time.  He assembles the statue then looks around to see which doors are open.  The door leading directly to the Dark Forest remains locked, so he climbs down to the Quicksand Bog and enters the room with 1:18 left.)

(As soon as he climbs down the ladder and touches the floor, a temple guard emerges from the ground and removes Tron from the temple at 1:12.)

(Carin races through the gate and retraces Tron?s path, moving at a relatively fast pace.  She enters the Quicksand Bog with 0:24 remaining.)

(She climbs down, busts through the wall, and enters the Dark Forest, grabbing the Golden Ticket with 0:13 on the clock.  All the doors unlock.)

(She quickens her pace and makes her best effort to escape, but time runs out as she enters the Room of Harmonic Convergence.)

KIRK: Ohhhh!  Time ran out on her!  She got the ticket but couldn?t get past the Room of Harmonic Convergence!  (To Carin) Come on over here.  (Carin walks on camera, ticket in hand, out of breath.)  Wow, you did a great job!  Tron cleared a great path out for her too.  They get the skateboard and the PSP.  She?s out of breath.  We?re all out of breath!  We gotta go.  See you next time for another great Legend of the Hidden Temple!  Buh-bye!

(Credits roll.)

[tss1011]

Name of Artifact: The Golden Ticket of Willy Wonka
Season: 4
Layout: 10
Result: Ran out of time
Time Remaining: N/A
Team: Green Monkeys
Pendants won: 2
Location of Artifact: The Dark Forest



This layout featured a rather cruel placement of the temple guards.  The frontrunner, Tron, made it all the way to the Quicksand Bog, just one room away from the golden ticket, when he was removed from the temple.  The second player, Carin, did a respectable job cleaning up, and she made it to the Forest, grabbing the ticket with 13 seconds to go.  Time expired just after she entered the Room of Harmonic Convergence.  Although the Green Monkeys lost, they became the first team to reach an artifact hidden in the Dark Forest.

The temple run also featured a clever Kirk quip (by Kirk standards, anyway): after Carin got the Golden Ticket, Kirk said, ?Even if she doesn?t get the skiing trip, she can still go to the candy factory!?

Episode fanfic written by T. Scott Smith.  Summary format and temple diagram in the style of nicklegends.