The Half-Eaten Pomegranate of Persephone

[tss1011]

The Half-Eaten Pomegranate of Persephone

(The camera maneuvers through a thick rainforest, eventually making its way to Olmec.)

OLMEC:
Legends of the Hidden Temple!  (Applause.  Title appears on screen.) With your guide, Kirk Fogg!  And here he is NOW!

(On this last word, Olmec opens his mouth wide, revealing a cannon.  Kirk is shot out of the cannon, flying across the stage until he lands in the moat.  He climbs out of the moat, somehow completely dry.)

KIRK:
Thank you very much, nice to see you!  (To Olmec) Nice to see you, Olmec.  (To audience) Welcome to Legends of the Hidden Temple!  The rooms are filled with lost treasures that are protected by mysterious Mayan temple guards.  Only Olmec knows the legends behind each of the treasures in his temple.  (To Olmec) Which one are we going to hear about today?

OLMEC:
The legend of the Half-Eaten Pomegranate of Persephone.

KIRK:
Oh, the Half-Eaten Pomegranate of Persephone!  Well, one of these six teams will have a chance to retrieve the Half-Eaten Pomegranate.  Will it be... (The camera pans across and pauses on each team; hold for applause as the teams perform various hand gestures that fall within the realm of acceptability for children?s television)  The Red Jaguars?  Or the Blue Barracudas?  Perhaps the Green Monkeys?  Maybe the Orange Iguanas?  How about the Purple Parrots?  Or possibly the Silver Snakes?  They're gonna have to pass some tough physical and mental tests, and in the end, only one team will have the right to enter Olmec's temple.  But first they're gonna have to cross the moat, and Olmec will tell us how they'll have to do it today.

OLMEC: Before you floats an ancient Babylonian sphere.  When Kirk gives the signal, the first player will climb head-first into the sphere then kick their way across the moat.  Once the first player is safely across, they will toss the sphere back to their partner, who will then climb inside and cross.  If any other part of your body besides your legs touches the water, you must go back and begin again.  As soon as the second player has crossed, run over and hit the gong.  (Kirk hits the gong)  The first four teams to hit their gongs will go on to the next round!

KIRK:  All right, let's get started.  Teams, are you ready?

ALL TEAMS: YEAH!

KIRK: Olmec, are you ready?

OLMEC: Let?s git ?er done!

KIRK: (Laughs) On your marks...get set...GO!

(Event begins.  The Red Jaguars and Silver Snakes struggle out of the gate.  The Purple Parrots ring in first, followed by the Orange Iguanas, then the Blue Barracudas, and finally the Green Monkeys)

KIRK:  That?s it, we?ve got our four teams!  (walks over and stands next to the Purple Parrots).  Wow, the Purple Parrots blazed across the moat, no problem at all!  Going onto the Steps of Knowledge are the Purple Parrots!  (cut to each team, who cheers again) And the Orange Iguanas!  And the Green Monkeys!  And the Blue Barracudas!  The Red Jaguars and Silver Snakes gave it a great effort.  They?re not going away empty-handed.  We?ve got a great gift for ?em, and here?s what it is.

(They get Oberto beef jerky.  Dee delivers the most enthusiastic reading of ?Oh boy Oberto? imaginable.)

[tss1011]

KIRK: As the quest continues, it?s now time for Olmec to tell us about the Half-Eaten Pomegranate of Persephone.  But teams, pay attention, because your knowledge of the legend can bring you a step closer to Olmec?s temple.

OLMEC: One of the most beautiful women of ancient Greek mythology was Persephone, the daughter of Zeus.  As goddess of the harvest, she had the power to grow crops and give farmers a plentiful bounty.  But her beauty made her an object of desire to many, including Hades, the Lord of the Underworld.  Legend has it that one day Persephone was picking flowers in the field when Hades appeared from the ground.

HADES: It?s too lonely in the Underworld.  I have chosen you to join me there as my queen!
PERSEPHONE: No way!  It?s too dark and cold down there!

OLMEC: But Hades would not listen.  Grabbing Persephone, he returned to his realm beneath the earth and kept her there for a month.  While she was in the Underworld, the earth froze, and farmers were no longer able to grow crops without Persephone?s power.  Seeing the farmers starve, Zeus sent his messenger Hermes to plead with Hades.

HERMES: You must give up Persephone!  The earth is covered in ice and no one can eat!

HADES: Oh, very well.

OLMEC: But Hades still had one last trick up his sleeve.  He pulled out a pomegranate and held it in front of Persephone.

HADES: Come, my queen, here?s a bite to eat for the road.

OLMEC: Persephone greedily dug into the pomegranate.  But once she was halfway through, she noticed a sinister grin on Hades? face.

HADES: Ha ha, I?ve tricked you!  You?ll always belong to me!

OLMEC: For each pomegranate seed that she ate, Persephone had to spend a day in the Underworld.  From that day forth, she spent six months above ground and six months below as Hades? queen.  Her pomegranate ended up in the temple.  Your goal is to find the Half-Eaten Pomegranate of Persephone and bring it back here!

KIRK: So, Olmec, tell us, where is this half-eaten pomegranate?

OLMEC: The pomegranate can be found in the Room of the Ancient Warriors.  (Pan up to Room of the Ancient Warriors.  Close-up on artifact.)

KIRK: All right, teams, you?re now standing on the Steps of Knowledge.  In a minute, Olmec?s going to ask you a question.  If you think you know the answer, I want you to stomp down on the ancient marking in front of you.  If you?re right, you?ll move down to the next level.  But if you?re wrong or run out of time, I?m going to give the other teams a chance to answer.  (Walks down the steps)  The first two teams to make it to the bottom level will be one step closer to Olmec?s temple.  (To Olmec)  Olmec, we?re now ready for your first question.

OLMEC:  Was Persephone the goddess of wisdom, war, or the harvest?

(Purple Parrots ring in.)

PURPLE PARROTS: The harvest.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(Purple Parrots step down.)

OLMEC: Was Persephone the daughter of Hades, Zeus, or-

(Purple Parrots ring in.)

PURPLE PARROTS: Zeus.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(Purple Parrots step down again.)

OLMEC: In addition to her harvesting powers, was Persephone also famous for-

(Purple Parrots ring in.)

PURPLE PARROTS: Her beauty.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(Purple Parrots reach the bottom step.)

KIRK: Whoa!  Just like that, the Purple Parrots are headed for the temple games!  Who will join them, the Blue Barracudas, the Green Monkeys, or the Orange Iguanas?  (To Olmec) Next question, Olmec.

OLMEC: Was Persephone captured by Hades, Apollo or-

(Blue Barracudas ring in)

BLUE BARRACUDAS: Hades.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(Blue Barracudas step down.)

OLMEC: Was Hades rule of Mt. Olympus, the Underworld, or Shangri-La?

(Orange Iguanas ring in.)

ORANGE IGUANAS: The Underworld.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(Orange Iguanas step down.)

OLMEC: When Persephone disappeared to the Underworld, was the Earth covered in lava, a plague of locusts, or ice?

(Blue Barracudas ring in.)

BLUE BARRACUDAS: Ice.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(Blue Barracudas step down again.)

OLMEC: To plead with Hades, Zeus sent his winged messenger.  Was his name Poseidon, Hermes, or Ares?

(Green Monkeys ring in.)

GREEN MONKEYS: Hermes.

OLMEC: That is correct.

(Green Monkeys step down.)

OLMEC: Did Hades keep Persephone for himself by having her-

(Blue Barracudas ring in.)

BLUE BARRACUDAS: Um?eat a pomegranate and then counting the seeds for each day?

OLMEC: (After a brief pause.)  That is correct!

(Blue Barracudas reach the bottom step.)

KIRK: We?ve got our two teams!  It?s the Purple Parrots and the fightin? Blue Barracudas!  Green Monkeys, Orange Iguanas, come on down.  (They both step down one level.)  You guys gave it a great effort.  You?re not going away empty-handed.  We?ve got a great gift for you, and here?s what it is.

(They get a gift certificate for Chili?s.)

KIRK: I like this match-up already.  These two teams will be playing for the right to enter Olmec?s temple, and they?ll do it right after this!

[tss1011]

KIRK:  Welcome back to Legends!  Now the glory goes to the fastest and the strongest.  But before we get started, I?d like to find out a little about our team players.  On the Blue Barracudas we have Sylvester.  He plays basketball and has been to all 50 states.  And Brianne, she?s on a swim team and collects insects.  Let?s hear it for the Blue Barracudas!

(Hold for applause)

And on the Purple Parrots we have Joe.  He likes to go fishing and wants to be a dentist.  And Lourdes, she writes short stories and runs track.  Let?s hear it for the Purple Parrots!

(Hold again for applause)

(To contestants, gesturing off-camera)  Go and get set up for your games, and I?ll tell you what?s going to happen.  (To audience)  In the temple games, teams are competing to win Pendants of Life.  (Kirk pulls pendant out of his pouch and shoves it in front of the camera.)  They?re gonna need those pendants to protect themselves from the dreaded temple guards as they make their way through the temple.  There are three temple games.  (To Olmec) Olmec, tell us about temple game number one.

OLMEC: When Hades took Persephone back to the Underworld, they had to cross the river Styx to get there.  You are about to cross that river and rescue her.  When Kirk gives the signal, use the oar to maneuver your boat down the ramp towards the opposite side.  Then, row up the ramp, grab Persephone, and go back down towards your side.  When you have made it all the way up your ramp, jump out and place Persephone in your bin.  The first player to rescue Persephone or the player who?s further along at the end of 60 seconds wins.

KIRK: All right, let?s see if they can make it through Styx without encountering Mr. Roboto.  Let?s put 60 seconds on the clock.  (Clock appears on screen)  On your mark?get set?GO!

(Brianne and Lourdes row down their ramps.  The race is neck-and-neck until both grab the Persephone doll.  Brianne has trouble turning the boat around, and Lourdes takes the lead.  She makes it back to the other side first.)

KIRK: That?s it, she made it!  Come on over (Both girls climb out of the boat and run over to Kirk.)  I liked that race.  It was neck-and-neck most of the way, but Lourdes had the edge in the end.  That gives the Purple Parrots the Half-Pendant of Life!  (Applause)  The Blue Barracudas can catch up in the next game.  It?s worth a half-pendant.  (To Olmec) Olmec, tell us about temple game number two.

OLMEC: After Hades claimed Persephone as his queen, crops could not grow for part of the year, and farmers had to work harder in the time they had.  You are about to do some farming of your own.  When Kirk gives the signal, grab an ear of corn from your basket, then launch yourself up the wall and stick it on the ceiling.  Then go back down, grab another ear of corn, and do it again.  Players, remember, if an ear of corn falls off the ceiling, it does not count!  The player with the most ears of corn at the end of 60 seconds wins.

KIRK: We?ll see how much corn our teams can pick.  Let?s put 60 seconds on the clock.  (Clock appears on screen)  On your mark?get set?GO!

(They begin.  Joe has a better rhythm than Sylvester throughout, and also does a better job of sticking the ears of corn firmly on the ceiling.  He wins 8 to 3.)

KIRK: It?s over!  Come on down!  (Joe and Sylvester are released from their harnesses and walk over to Kirk.)  Bring the baskets over here.  Let?s count ?em up!  (A spotter brings the baskets over.)  The Blue Barracudas have (counting) one?two?three.  And the Purple Parrots have (counting) one?two?three?four?five?six?seven?EIGHT!  Great job!  This guy?s a natural farmer!  That gives the Purple Parrots the Half-Pendant of Life!  (Applause)  So the Purple Parrots have a full pendant.  Blue Barracudas, you haven?t scored, but you?ll have a chance in the final game.  It?s worth a full pendant.  (To Olmec)  Olmec, tell us about temple game number three.

OLMEC: By using pomegranate seeds, Hades kept track of how long Persephone had to spend in the Underworld each year.  Before you stands a rope wall with pomegranate seeds at the top.  When Kirk gives the signal, the first player will launch himself towards the net, grab a pomegranate seed, jump back down, and place it in their bin.  Then it will be their partners? turn to do the same.  The first team to bring down all their pomegranate seeds or the team who?s further along at the end of 60 seconds wins.

KIRK: Will the Blue Barracudas come back and tie it up?  We shall find out.  Let?s put 60 seconds on the clock.  (Clock appears on screen)  This is for the temple.  On your marks?get set?GO!

(Game begins.  Both Purple Parrots get caught in the net and lose a little time coming down.  Although they make up the time, the Blue Barracudas maintain the lead and with the game 5 to 4.)

KIRK:  Time?s up!  That was a tough game, guys.  Great job!  Let?s count up the pomegranate seeds.  The Purple Parrots have (counting) one?two?three?four!  And the Blue Barracudas have one...two?three..four?five!  That give the Blue Barracudas the full pendant!  (Applause) So the Blue Barracudas and the Purple Parrots have one pendant apiece.  We?ve got a tie!  That means it?s time to bring out the tie-breaker pedestal!

(A spotter pushes out the tie-breaker pedestal.  Both teams stand behind it.)

KIRK: All right, put your hands on the gong, and I?ll explain what?s going to happen here.  In a minute, Olmec?s going to ask you a question.  If you think you know the answer, hit the gong in front of you.  You?ll have three seconds, and I must take your first response.  If you?re right, you and your partner will go inside the temple in search of the Half-Eaten Pomegranate of Persephone.  But if you?re wrong or run out of time, I?ll give the other team a chance to answer.  All clear?  (To Olmec)  Olmec, we?re now ready for your final question.

OLMEC: Is the sea between Greece and Italy known as the Mediterranean Sea, the Ionian Sea, or-

(Lourdes from the Purple Parrots rings in)

PURPLE PARROTS:  The Me- (Pauses.) The Ionian Sea.

OLMEC: (After a brief pause.) That is correct.

KIRK: The Purple Parrots are going to the temple!  (Applause)  They stumbled a bit but then pulled it out in time!  The Blue Barracudas gave it a great effort the whole way.  We really enjoyed having them on the show.  We?ve got a great gift for ?em, and here?s what it is.

(They get The Devil Wears Prada: The Video Game.)

KIRK: We?ll see if the Purple Parrots can make it through Olmec?s temple and retrieve the Half-Eaten Pomegranate of Persephone, right after this!

[tss1011]

KIRK: Welcome back to Legends.  Joe and Lourdes have proven themselves worthy and now have earned the right to enter Olmec?s temple.  But before they get started, Olmec?s going to give them some information to help them retrieve the Half-Eaten Pomegranate of Persephone.

OLMEC: You could start by running up the stairs to the Room of the Royal Gongs.  Hit the correct gong and pass into the Hanging Gardens.  Climb the vines across the pit and enter the King?s Storeroom.  Smash the clay pots to find the key that will lead you into the Room of the Mandarin Hand.  Curl the fingers around the ball and pass into the Room of the Ancient Warriors.  Place yourself in the correct armor and open the door to the Shriiiiiiiiiine of the Siiiiiiiiilver Moooooonkey.  Assemble the statue and you may be headed for the Bird Sanctuary.  Open the correct beak and you?ll gain access to the Pharaoh?s Secret Passage.  Climb down the tunnel to the Quicksand Bog where you could smash through to the Dark Forest.  But bewaaaaaaaare the Temple Guards that may inhabit the trees!  Find the key in the tree and you?ll enter the Cyclops? Den.  Place the correct jewel in the statue?s eye and pass into the Room of Harmonic Convergence.  Stand on the right two steps to open the doors.  Then race through the pit, climb through the Ledges, race down the stairs and back through the temple gate.  The choices are yours and yours alone!  You won one pendant in the temple games.  Who?s going first?

LOURDES: I am!

OLMEC: Very well, Lourdes.  When Kirk gives the signal, you?ll race through the gates into the temple and make your way towards the Half-Eaten Pomegranate.  Hidden inside the temple are temple guards assigned to protect three specific rooms.  You can trade your pendant for an extra life and go on, but if you?re caught without a pendant, you?ll be taken out of the temple, and it will be Joe?s turn to enter and try his luck.  If you can reach the pomegranate, all the doors of the temple will instantly unlock, and the temple guards will vanish.  Return through the gates with the Half-Eaten Pomegranate of Persephone in three minutes and you will both be handsomely rewarded?and here?s how!

(Dee reads the prizes: a bike, a sports equipment package, and a trip to Jamaica.)

KIRK: Ja-mai-ca!  Sounds nice!  Let?s see if we can get ?em there.  (To Lourdes)  All right, Lourdes.  Get it position, put your mouthpiece in.  (To Olmec) Olmec, lower your gate, if you please.

(Olmec lowers the gate, moaning orgasmically.)

KIRK: Let?s put three minutes on the clock.  (Clock appears on screen)  On your mark?get set?GO!

(Lourdes races upstairs to the Room of the Royal Gongs.  The second one opens the door into the Hanging Gardens.  She ignores the vines altogether and makes a flying leap into the pit, hitting the ground with 2:44 left.)

(She tries the door to the Room of Harmonic Convergence, which does not open.  She then climbs the wall and tries the door to the Room of the Mandarin Hand, which opens.  She climbs into the room with 2:32 remaining.)

(A temple guard emerges and takes her pendant.  She continues unfazed, curling the hand?s fingers around the ball.  The door below opens, and she descends into the Room of Harmonic Convergence with 2:17 to go.)

(She tries all combinations of steps and the last one works.  The door to the Cyclops? Den opens, and she runs in with 2:06 on the clock.)

(In the Cyclops? Den, she reaches for the jewels, but a temple guard emerges from the ground before she can begin the objective.  She is removed from the temple and Joe runs in at 2:02.)

(Joe retraces Lourdes? path and makes it to the Cyclops? Den with 1:43 to go.  He grabs all three jewels and bring them to the statue.  He begins placing them in the statue?s eye.  The second one works and he enters the Dark Forest with 1:22 left.)

(He finds the key in the stage-left tree and tries the door on the back wall.  It does not open.  After a moment of hesitation, he plows through the wall, flying far enough into the Quicksand Bog that he can grab onto the slide.  1:05 remains.)

(Joe hoists himself up onto the base of the Pharaoh?s Secret Passage and stands up.  He climbs quickly up to the Bird Sanctuary and enters with 0:50 to go.)

(A third temple guard emerges and captures Joe, ending the run with 0:46 on the clock.)

KIRK: Oh no, a temple guard took him out!  Joe was making such good time, and he was just two rooms away!  Great effort by both of you guys, though.  You still get a nice bike.  (To audience.)  We had fun, and we hope you did too.  Join us again next time for another great Legend of the Hidden Temple!  Buh-bye!

(End credits roll)

[tss1011]

Name of Artifact: The Half-Eaten Pomegranate of Persephone
Season: 4
Layout: 10
Result: Got caught by three temple guards
Time Remaining: 0:46
Team: Purple Parrots
Pendants won: 1
Location of Artifact: The Room of the Ancient Warriors



The Purple Parrots were a strong team that moved at a good pace most of the time.  Unfortunately, one wrong turn ended the run and proved that teams with a single pendant need to be very careful about which path they take.  The second player, Joe, made it to the Quicksand Bog.  However, he did not try the door to the Shrine of the Silver Monkey (which most likely would have opened), opting instead to climb up the Pharaoh?s Secret Passage and into the Bird Sanctuary, where the third temple guard caught him.  This episode is noteworthy for one of the best wall-bustings in the history of the show.  Joe dove head-first through the wall and jumped so far into the Quicksand Bog that he was able to grab onto the slide and pull himself up without the use of the ladder.  It may have been a loss, but at least he went down spectacularly.

[Mstrgmr]

Just saying, but not everyone had to use the ladder (One that I remember where they didn't was The Ruby Earring of Benzibab)

Great episode

[Olmec]

Yaya, I liked it!

By the way, did anyone else have problems getting here last night? It said the website was in time-out or something haha!

[nicklegends]

Yaya, I liked it!

By the way, did anyone else have problems getting here last night? It said the website was in time-out or something haha!

Psst...

Anyway, yes, the episode was very good. I like the wall-breaking detail in the summary. It makes it feel like it could have been a real episode.

[The 49th Ronin]

Oh no, Larry the Cable Guy syndrome is affecting Olmec. Quick, get him to a hospital before he starts thinking that fishing is a sport.

[tss1011]

Oh no, Larry the Cable Guy syndrome is affecting Olmec. Quick, get him to a hospital before he starts thinking that fishing is a sport.

Hey, just another way for me to exploit the amazing vocal versatility of Dee Baker.

[Kirk Fogg's Wife]

That was so cool I really liked it.