Legends of the Hidden Temple Teams Rankings

[The Red Jaguars]

It's been a while, so time for a new update! I would like to thank the Paintbrush for reminding me about this team because I almost forgot about them like I did with Bifocal Monocle.

112. Lauren and Brett, Dried Apple Half
- 3rd in Moat
- 2nd in Steps of Knowledge
- Beat Silver Snakes 2-0.5 in the temple games
- Out of time in the temple run

Another team that I almost overlooked if it wasn't for the Paintbrush reminding me! This was one of the most unlikable teams on the show. They were not impressive one bit in this episode. Basically, the Silver Snakes did better than them in almost every single round. The temple game performance was lackluster too, especially considering the Mysterious Manuscript team had the exact same games and they did better. The temple run is infamous for having one of the hardest layouts in the history of the show, as was the case for all the layouts that day. But this team was just a train wreck in the temple and their layout cannot be blamed for their sorry ass excuse of a performance. Brett had a lot of trouble in the temple. First, his path was very tricky because he was forced down into the Ledges from the Crypt, and then forced down into the bottom part of the Pit, and after that was forced to climb up the wall into the King's Storeroom! That was asking for a lot there. But Brett was also so slow and dimwitted that he wasted a lot of time for no reason. For example, in the King's Storeroom he found the key but instead of trying the pedestals he tried entering the Room of the Ancient Warriors. It didn't help that Lauren was f**king shouting at him in the background, making this temple run more grating. Seriously, put that whore in a straight jacket because she kept jumping around like a little kid who needed meds. In the Chamber, he wasted more time trying to find the symbols on the wall and you can still hear Lauren in the background screaming. Luckily, he was removed from the Tomb of the Headless Kings with 56 seconds left.

Now it is time for Lauren to take over in the temple. Maybe she can have enough time to make some progress even! Wait, why are you WALKING up the temple steps. Do you hear Kirk shouting at you to go?! Basically, Lauren wastes 56 seconds to go to the stairway leading to the King's Storeroom. Are you f'ing kidding me?! Even Thomas from Bifocal Monocle made more progress with less time. What a sorry excuse for a second runner. She had to be the worst second runner in Season 3. Even worse than Dana! Overall, this team was just a lost cause and had no business in the temple. Hard layout or not, they would've sucked no matter what layout you gave them. I think that TMH was onto something when he said that Lauren "failed as a human being" and Brett looked like he had herpes. I think I got herpes after watching this suckfest.

[Purple Parrots Fan]

I think this temple run and episode can give anybody herpes just watching it. Seriously, what was up with that sore that Brett had? And yeah, this team was a complete disaster all episode. They barely scraped by each round, (though the Silver Snakes weren't any better ), and then did a terrible job in the temple. Lauren definitely fails as a human being. She really IS like an ADHD kid off her meds. After running her mouth all run, she wastes 57 seconds climbing up to the King's Storeroom. As the second runner. Contestants like her and Dana do NOT deserve to be on the show, let alone make it to the temple. Didn't we give this temple run a "1" when we ranked this episode last year? It totally deserves it. There's definitely a reason I don't watch this episode very often. Terrible temple run.

And yes, it's a good thing I reminded you of this episode. Or we wouldn't have covered it until #50. Imagine that.

[The Red Jaguars]

After watching this temple run again for this ranking, I cannot believe that people compare Jennifer from Madame Tussaud to Lauren and Dana. Seriously, Lauren had more extra time than Jennifer and she didn't even make it the third room of the temple with 57 seconds. Dana, while having very little time, still managed to screw up with what time she had because she went into the wrong door in the Ledges. Jennifer was smart enough at least to bypass the entire central shaft and added progress to her run! She almost had the Silver Monkey completed too. I can't see how Jennifer can be blamed for her temple run being a loss when Nicholas wasted too much time. I bet if Jennifer went in first and took Nicholas path, she would've left more than a minute left. She might've even started in the King's Storeroom.

As for William Tell, this is another crappy run that was one of the last episodes I needed like Snow Cone. Of course, it ended up being one of the worst episodes ever. I don't even remember any of the earlier rounds at all and the the temple run is memorable for all the bad things. Brett and Lauren were such an incompetent team and I especially can't stand Lauren. What a horrible second runner. Even Thomas from Bifocal Monocle added progress in his run. No excuses for this shit job either. If Travis and Elisa had this layout, they might've made it one room away. Even the Belle Boyd team did great with a similar layout!

[Purple Parrots Fan]

People are stupid for comparing Jennifer to Dana and Lauren. Jennifer had every right to shout at Nicholas. He spent his entire time in the temple hesitating and dilly dallying around. ANY contestant would be angered by that. By the time Jennifer entered the temple, she only had 40 seconds left. Obviously it's not enough time to make decent progress. And she pulled her weight just fine in the temple. She managed to make it one room further than her partner, AND almost assembled the monkey in time. If she had gone in first, and went straight into the King's Storeroom instead of the Tomb, she probably would've WON for her team. Assuming the third temple guard was in the Ledges. Can we expect a contestant to make it all the way to the very bottom corner in the temple, grab the artifact, and WIN in 40 seconds? No.

And Jennifer is NOT a bad person for shouting at Nicholas either. People need to stop being too sensitive about that. I'd MUCH rather have a shouter like Jennifer and Jay from Good Luck Watch who actually make up for wasted time, than contestants like Dana and Lauren. You know, the kind who shout at their partners and do nothing to back it up? Jennifer is not comparable to either one of them at all. I thought she was a great second runner. Better than Katie than Mystical Spellbook even.

[The Red Jaguars]

Yeah, Jennifer is an underrated second runner. I don't know what people expect her to do better? There was no chance she would've grabbed the Melted Head unless she moved crazy fast like Zac. Even then, she still had to assemble a Silver Monkey and she did it in very fast time too! I am pretty sure that this would've been a solo win too if the team took the high road. Since the layout was exactly identical to Lost Hornpipe. Since day one, I never criticized Jennifer for her performance because I think she did just fine with the time she head. Even her shouting wasn't as bad as Dana and Lauren. Lauren just wouldn't shut up. I guess people really want her to be like Thomas or Brian from Bent Shaving Pan who screwed around as second runners but get not slack for it.

I am working on the next ranking right now. We will be done with our bottom ten once we are done with the next team.

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Yeah, I also never criticized Jennifer's performance as a second runner from Day 1. Unless she moved like Gator or Robbie from Kamehameha speed, victory was impossible by the time she set foot in the temple. She did great as a second runner, and this whole "Don't talk the talk if you can't walk the walk" does NOT apply to her. Jennifer did just fine in the temple, and she pulled her weight just fine.

And I can't wait until your next ranking. I think I have a good feeling of who it might be.

[The Red Jaguars]

Here's our next team to cover that will conclude our bottom 10! Once again, this team shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.

111. Sabrina and James, Blackbeard
- 1st in Moat
- 2nd in Steps of Knowledge
- Beat Silver Snakes 2-1.5 in the temple games
- Out of time in the temple run

To finish off our bottom 10, the "first temple team ever" is going to cap off the list. Oh wait, this ranking is not about the "Belshazzar" team! Don't listen to what people say about "Blackbeard" being the first episode taped because it is NOT even close to being a first episode. It is just another S1L5 episode that just contains different editing compared to the other ones that day. You might've expected this team to rank lower given how God awful the temple run was. But we are ranking how the team performed overall in their episode, and we felt this team was "stronger" than the other ones listed below it. It was still an awful episode and Sabrina was one of the worst girls ever. To start off the episode, the Red Jaguars were actually very strong in the moat. They were the first team across the moat and it took another 40 seconds to get the next team across. But their dominance didn't last long as they sucked throughout the rest of the rounds. In the Steps, they barely advanced as the second team, especially considered the Orange Iguanas and Blue Barracudas were tied on the second step with them. Hell, the Blue Barracudas clocked in before the Red Jaguars got their final question right. The Red Jaguars barely scraped by the temple games too.  They beat the Silver Snakes 2-1.5 where one of the individual games and the team game ended in a tied. Hell, James temple game should've been a tie because the Silver Snake boy was so close to getting his cannonball into the basket that would've made it a 1-1 tie. This episode could've been a 2-2 Pendant tie! Unfortunately, the Red Jaguars win the temple games.

Despite scraping by in the earlier rounds, the temple run couldn't be that bad right? Oh God, you don't even want to know how ugly it is about to get. Sabrina was one of the most dimwitted and poor excuse for a player in the temple. This boy... I mean girl was just pathetic every second of the run. She was very slow, clueless, and had no sense of direction. She started by taking the lower route in the temple, but when she got into the Wheel Room the door to the Harmonic Convergence door didn't open. Now before you call it a production error, if you look closely she really didn't push the actuator hard enough. I really doubt that this was a dead-end because the Wheel Room was never treated as a dead-end in any other episode. If it was, they would've kept the Cave of Sighs door locked instead. But that's okay, because she takes about a minute to backtrack to the Room of the Three Gargoyles where she gets lost again. The door to the Troubled Bridge didn't open all the way, so she plays around with the Gargoyle tongues and even tries to leave by the temple guard door. She eventually makes her way to the Heart Room, but she encountered even more locked doors! But she never tried the door leading to the Room of Harmonic Convergence. After wasting more time there, Sabrina goes back into the Observatory while Kirk tries to tell her to go back down to the Heart Room. But Sabrina thinks he meant going back to the entrance and she literally walks back to Kirk as time runs out. -______________________________________________________________________________________________-

Overall, this was a pathetic and one of the worst temple runs after "Golden Cricket Cage". Sabrina had no idea how the temple worked at all, and entering only 5 rooms in 3 minutes is just pathetic. No excuses for this performance. Katherine from "Belshazzar" had an even more tough production error, but she still moved fast and tried moving forward. Sabrina was walking all over the temple and it was clear she paid no attention to Olmec when he was giving the temple rundown. Overall, this was one of the worst temple teams ever. Their only saving grace was their moat dominance which was actually pretty impressive given how difficult the moat was in S1L5. But other than that, they barely advanced by two close rounds and Sabrina the Man sucked big time in the temple. Which is why "Blackbeard" will be the final team in the bottom 10.

[Purple Parrots Fan]

I thought for sure Smashed Printing Plate was gonna be the next time featured. But Blackbeard deserves it even more. This temple run was just a disgrace. And poor James never even got to enter the temple thanks to Sabrina's incompetence.

And Blackbeard is definitely NOT "the first episode ever recorded." Just because it says "Episode 1" on it, doesn't make it the first ever episode. It may have been the planned first episode, it may have been the first episode edited. But it's NOT the pilot episode. Kirk even said himself there was no pilot episode filmed before hand. Which explains why the entirety of Season 1 was so sloppily produced all together. The people here who used to call this the pilot episode just like to think they know what they're talking about. It just shows how gullible people are. Blackbeard was just another S1L5 episode, just like Ponce de Leon, Oracle Bowl, etc. Hell didn't they share the same moat rejects in a different episode that filming day too? If there was no pilot episode filmed before hand, then I refuse to call it the pilot episode. And I'm glad you brought that up in your above review too.

[The Red Jaguars]

Yeah, I was going to originally pick Frederick Douglass over Blackbeard. Especially since the Red Jaguars were cheated and unremarkable in that episode, while the Blackbeard kids did okay pre-temple round for a Season 1 team. But then I remembered how awful Sabrina was in the temple. She got lost in the easiest rooms and didn't know the right way to go in the temple. At least Dana got a chance to go to the temple in her run.

And yeah, there is no way that Blackbeard was a pilot episode. I will give credit to Renegade for correctly guessing that it was the very first episode, but I don't agree that it was a pilot episode that was taped separately. First off, it would make no sense that they used S1L5 layout for one day with the Wheel Room and then switch to S1L1 for their official taping. Secondly, the temple run in Blackbeard is a lot smoother than Galileo or Dead Man's Hand temple run. In Galileo especially, Kirk sounded so awkward. My guess is that Blackbeard was originally suppose to be for S1L1, but they had to postpone it due to time constraints. Which is why there are a lot bad edits like the butt shot in the moat, no historical figure in the legend, the SoK music ending prematurely, and the atrocious camerawork during the temple run. But Blacbeard was definitely taped in S1L5 entirely because 1.) The moat rejects from this episode appeared in Leonardo Da Vinci and 2.) The temple games are similar to the other episodes that day, especially Ponce de Leon.

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Yeah, I always thought Blackbeard was just postponed from being the actual first episode due to time constraints. Because like you said, it would make no sense to use S1L5 as a temple layout, then switch right back to S1L1 the next day. And while the editing throughout the whole episode was bad, it was filmed much more smoothly than all the S1L1 episodes were. Including Belshazzar, which also had a S1L5 temple run. Blackbeard was just another S1L5 episode, that just happens to have "Episode 1" labeled on it.

Also, I thought the SOK music ending too early was an early Season 1 quirk? I know it happened in episodes like John Sutter and Alhambra too.

[The Red Jaguars]

It's possible, because I do believe the music ending did happen in Map to the Lost Gold Mine. I think it happened in Golden Ship also. And those episodes had the weird sounding SoK buzzers. But yeah, Blackbeard being postponed for S1L5 makes the most sense to me. Especially when the Belshazzar temple run was also taped in S1L5. But it was definitely not a separately taped episode before Belshazzar because that episode runs much smoother than the S1L1 episodes. I mean episode like Belshazzar, Galileo, and Dead Man's Hand had the "find one of the ______ and bring it back to the rightful owner" lines. That was not in Blackbeard. Same with the "Actually, it's Olmec's Temple" which was dropped in Golden Cricket Cage.

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Yeah, S1L2 had the weird sounding SOK buzzers, but S1L1 had normal sounding ones. As bad as Blackbeard's episode was, I can't believe people think there's this scientific theory that Blackbeard is the "first episode recorded." It may be labeled "Episode 1," but it's NOT a pilot episode. Not that it excuses the bad episode in any way. But still, there was no pilot.

[The Red Jaguars]

If there was pilot, then there would be no reason for Belshazzar to be postponed in the first place. After all, Kirk said the very first episode took 18 hours to tape? That had to be Belshazzar, which was why the temple run was postponed. Man, I really wonder how Katherine and Sean did it? I would love to get an interview from them.

Also, the next team will be Smashed Printing Plate for sure. This has to be the most unlikable team on the show. Obnoxious, cheaters, and both runners were incompetent in the temple. At least Golden Cricket Cage kids weren't extra loud or cheated.

[Purple Parrots Fan]

No, but the Cricket Cage kids did have ADHD tendacies like fidgeting and acting extra hyper when LOSING in the temple. But at least they didn't cheat their way through the temple. Smashed Printing Plate is the most unlikeable team for sure. That's just an episode I've only seen once, and haven't watched it again ever since. Nor do I plan to.

[The Red Jaguars]

Time for a new ranking! This time, it is a team that we have talked about for a while now.

110. Jason and Dana, Smashed Printing Plate
- 3rd in Moat
- 2nd in Steps of Knowledge
- Swept the Purple Parrots in the temple games
- Out of time in the temple run

Don't be fooled by the stats above, this was not a good team. In fact, this had to be one of the most disliked teams on the show. Jason and Dana were nothing but no good cheaters and incompetent throughout their episode. And Dana was one of the most obnoxious girls on the show. The Purple Parrots should've been the temple team in this episode. They outperformed the Red Jaguars in the first two rounds. And while the Red Jaguars did sweep the temple games, it was not impressive at all. When you compare it to "Mystical Spellbook" from the same day, Dana and Jason were not dominant at all. And there is no way I am going to let Jason get a free pass for trying to cheat also. In the team game, the teams had to cross to the other side by choosing the right path with the sinking steps. Well, Jason tried to skip one row of steps by jumping to the second row. This was not how the game worked because the players were suppose to choose the correct path all the way to the end. Luckily, he chose the wrong sinking step anyways. But still, this cheating is unforgivable.

The temple run was a huge disaster too. Between Dana's constant shouting and Jason's incompetence, it was really hard to enjoy this run. Although you wonder why Dana was shouting non-stop? Jason was a f**king moron. The body moved slow in almost every room he entered. In the Room of the Ancient Warriors, when the first armor didn't work, he backtracked to the Chamber for no reason at all. After figuring out that he was suppose to go to the Shrine, he turns around and finishes the incomplete Ancient Warriors objective. Amazingly, he assembles the Silver Monkey in a good time. But it doesn't take long for him to mess up again since he missed the Dark Forest shortcut. Luckily, the Secret Password-Bog door was open so he caught a lucky break there and saved some time. In the Dark Forest, he meets his second temple guard where the Temple Spirit is moving his arms around like crazy while Jason is just staring at them. For f**k sake Jason, just get your ass out of the temple! Dana, with very little time, still managed to screw up in the temple herself. She took the wrong door in the Ledges which sent her to the bottom of the Pit. -___________- Okay, I give up with this team.

Overall, this was one of the worst teams to enter the temple and they barely miss out of the bottom 10 teams. The Purple Parrots were a better team and they should've gone to the temple. No excuses for Jason and Dana's poor temple run either. Lissy and Nate from "Queen Boadicea" had an identical layout, and they almost pulled off a win! One of the most unlikable teams ever, and that is because everything they did was painful to watch.