Hells, I think I'm addicted to food. I tried to quit, but I got this feeling in my stomache that I couldn't resist any longer. Food withdrawels suck thoroughly. About as thoroughly as an elderly rabid lemur gumming off your tailbone while the pants around your feet are engulfed in napalm, and your face has angry ticks all over it, as you have your bowels removed and forcefed to you with red-hot splitners rammed under your fingernails, with your genitals being ripped off, while having your feet slowly cut into 1 inch cubes to be dunked in salty hydrogen-peroxide, then have the bloody stew poured into the cavity that is your rib cage, and having a lobotomy being performed by a rusty, anthrax coated clothes hanger and having your tongue licking the lemur as he continues to gum the rest of your spine. Yeah, about that bad. I need food at least 3 times a day. My dealer at the local store gives me bags of grub for real cheap.
In all seriousness.. no, no seriousness.
I fucking adore food. I worship PIE for PIE's sakes. I order godly Chinese food, consisting of Sweet and sour chicken, Crab rangoon/angle (dear god my favorite food), and fried donuts. I love the hell outta Italian food. Greek food too. I don't know if there's any food I don't like, or at least will eat. I think food is possibly one of three of the best thing to happen to Earth. The other two great things are deep frying and orgasms. I wanna talk about crab rangoon. Crab rangoon is like an orgasm in my mouth. I can't get enough of that stuff. For those of you who are still deprived of such glory, then I will explain to you as your knees bend as I describe it, for you will repent to the Crab Rangoon's maker that you are not currently eating some thise very second, as it is a sin against its godliness. Its a wrapper of wonton covering a mixture of various stuffs such as crab, some sort of soft cheese, onions, and other materials so good it will make you shit your pants because the mixture of this and a chemical reaction that is deep frying. I weep for I am not having some right now. Shame on you who are allergic to seafood. You should sacrifice time in the hospital for these drops of mana. I have some in my refridgerator right now. They are begging for me to eat them. I am also begging to eat them, but I must spread the gospel to others. If you have the chance to get Crab Rangoon/Crab Angle, do so immedietly without question and consume it as if it is the only chance of heaven you wll ever experience before descending into the bowels of hell and burning forever for you are without this divine creation. If you had to choose between sex infinite times with every last hot woman on Earth that ever existed and will exist and the other choice being 1 Crab rangoon, you must choose the crab rangoon, for then you can die happy. Why? because without that one Crab Rangoon, you would suffer forever for not only not taking the damn thing, but having the chance to and not taking it. Every millisecond that we survive without crab rangoon is another grain of sand through our Hourglass of life, for the lack of Crab rangoon is what actually kills us. It is impossible to even explain fully the importance of Crab Rangoon, as it cannot be explained in human words alone. No tongue can speak of its true goodness. Speaking of survival and the lack of Crab Rangoon, we barely survive the infinite intensity that is the glory and goodness of the Crab Rangoon. I am not entirely sure that My post makes sense, but as long as you get the message that crab rangoon is imperative and necessary, then I have accomplished my task. Unavoidable ballpoint pens, if I were king of the world, I would require all sweatshops cease and all factories capable of creating Crab rangoon to do so, and all businesses the world over to peddle these life giving morsels so that we may establish a new Utopia on this earth, and strike means of peace and alliance between all races, species, and life under the roof that is the Crab Rangoon. When you say that a food is ghreat, or even grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat, it can only be relative to the pain that you have suffered through your lives so far. Once you have experienced the thing that is Crab Rangoon, you will no longer feel that pain, and have no need for any other food, as crab rangoon satisfies all. When someone refers to something as Soul Food, they only mean that that is their petty attempt at enlightenment that is the Crab Rangoon. Crab Rangoon is the one and only soul food that ever was is and shall be for none can withstand that of the Crab Rangoon. It is inevitable. All words, nouns, pronouns, adjectives and the like refering to or their antecedents are to the Crab Rangoon should be capitalized and worshipped. Crab rangoon as a name itself is not worthy of the food it is. The only way that we can possibly percieve it with our sanity and lives is to call it something human. Crab rangoon is benevolent, as it lets itself be administered to low-lifes such as I. In my rapture of thinking/consuming Crab Rangoon, I can no longer hold a senseable state of mind, thus resulting in a babbling and nonsensical post trying feebily to portray it. I am through, as I would cease to exist if I continued much longer in the glory that is Crab Rangoon.
Aye, I'm hungry.
I will repeat my past saying relating to somewhat that "Good god, I love spam".
Topic: food. (Read 1198 times)
