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Topics - The 49th Ronin

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1
The Dark Forest / The Loot
« on: March 13, 2007, 10:17:36 PM »
Look what I just recovered from the Network Crooks. I didn'r have the warrant, but I don't think anyone cares.

2
The Treasure Room / The Saga of Carveyfan: An Epic in Twelve Parts
« on: March 07, 2007, 02:11:23 PM »
Part 1: The Crypt

The Hidden Temple had been just that. Hidden. Since 1995, no one had entered past the gate. No one descended the steps of knowledge. No one crossed the moat. Not out of lack of interest, but because no one knew where the temple was hiding.

No one knew where to look. A temple just can't up and disappear, or so they would have you believe. Certain artifacts traced the original location somewhere in mid-land florida. Once home to the proud Calusa tribe just north of the everglades, Europeans settled the area. Spanish Conquistadors came searching for the Fountain of Youth, never imagining they would in turn be responsible for its creation.

430 years later, give or take a decade, a group known as the Nickelodeon moved onto the sacred grounds, promising a haven for all who visited. The Nickelodeon tribe was known it's for its adoration of a green slime, first appearing when a group of Canadian visitors uttered forbidden words of ignorance. Proving its versatility, the Nickelodeon began worshipping it, infusing it into as many aspects of life as possible, going so far as to erect a geyser to spew it near the entrance of the grounds.

The grounds were magical. Not only did they attract kids, they attracted adults searching to feel the magics of youth, even if only temporarily. These were magic times. The Nickelodeon reached its peak in the construction of a temple, peaking at three stories high, and six rooms wide. This temple would forever be protected by three vigilant temple guards, a native Nickelodeon who would often speak in tongues during moments of excitement, and a spirit infused head similar to those of the ancient Olmec tribe. This temple would pay homage to the legends of the world, be they real or fictional.

the Nickelodeon decided that two visitors would often earn the right to enter the temple if they proved themselves mentally and physically worthy. The temple guards forbade this. Any admission to the temple would cheapen the name of both the temple and the legends thereof. Olmec and his native guide, Kirks With Fog, disagreed. Admission to the temple would be the ultimate goal for children everywhere. Not only would the visitors symbolize everything good the Nickelodeon stood for, it gave the kids spirit and hope that one day, they could be equals with the legends themselves.

The temple guards were hesitant, but approved on several conditions. First, only those deemed worthy by the Olmec could enter, and then, only one at a time. Second, those entering must not disturb the guards. If their paths ever crossed, the guards reserved the right to immedeatly expel them from the temple unless they bartered with the guards native currency: Fulpindents Soflief. Third, the rooms would be in constant flux until the guards agreed the temple was a satisfactory representation of Nickelodeon glory. It took over two years for the guards to perfect it, changing everything but the Shrine to the Silver Monkey, revered almost as much as the green slime. Finally, if they were deemed worthy, the visitors were allowed to retrieve and handle the legendary artifact in three lunar minutes. In this rare occurance, the temple guards will respect the visitor, who was truly the worthiest of worthy, and aid them in every way as they leave the temple, be it encouragement if paths crossed or by opening every door simultaneously.

But as with every great civilization, great power leads to a great demise. The grand chief who supervised the rise of the great empire stepped down after he felt he could no longer serve the people any better than he had done. He decided to let others attempt to perfect on perfection. But his successors were not of noble blood. They cared not for the children, nor those wishing to learn the secrets of the Nickelodeons. Caring only for personal wealth and power, they ended the glorious geyser of slime. They abandoned the people who made the Nickelodeon tribe so powerful, favoring instead facsimilies of the children they wished to attract, but under scenarios and with voices so obnoxious they scared off all but the slow, weak, and stupid. Finally, weak from abandonment and sacrelige, the now decrepit remaining Nickelodeons fled the once thriving Floridian land, relocating to Korea where slaves could be forced to shell out the very products that led to its demise.

It is rumored that the land is becoming fertile once again after the toxic creatures who lived there had fled. The land is polluted however, as the only creatures seen habitating the area are devoid of hair, completely mute, blue in color, and only able to communicate through primitive percussion instruments.

120 documented adventures to the temple were taped for posterity. However, the last vestiges of Nickelodeon has gone out of their way to ensure that as few of these recordings reach public eye as possible. Obviously, there is a deeper force at work here, which the corrupt chiefs are desperate to hide.

The temple guide, Kirks With Fog, has moved on, recounting the stories of the legendary temple of Nickelodeon. The temple guards have remained in hiding, in hope that the brave souls they once tried to have banished would one day return. As for the Olmec, his whereabouts remain unknown. According to ancient manuscripts, he and his temple have relocated to the most desolate area on the planet. A place so remote, that only one in 3 billion people could ever be expected to make the journey, survive, and navigate the temple.

A few dedicated archaeoligists have attempted to flush Olmec's location out. Perhaps if reminded of the legendary stories he once endorsed, he would reveal his location. In July 2006, these historical buffs began recounting legend after legend, hoping each one would bring them one step closer to Olmec's temple, but to no avail.

In autumn 2006, another attempt was made. More seekers of the temple attempted to find Olmec, but disaster struck. Temples began appearing, but not Olmec's. False legends began to arise, recounting insignificant sagas of lava lamps and board games. False archaeoligsts joined the ranks promising cheap medication and smut videos. Something rotten was happening.

One noble archaeologist dubbed simply "Carveyfan" knew what had to be done. He disappeared from the ranks of his ilk, and began traversing the world, seeking out the location of Olmec. Only then would the temple begin inspiring the children of the world again. Only then would the glorious Nickelodeon tribe become the phenomenon it once was. And only then would the evil plot of the modern Nickelodeons be revealed.

Continued in Part 2.

3
The Dark Forest / Apocalypto
« on: December 16, 2006, 10:06:50 PM »
I just the film Apocalypto. Let me tell you, if the Mysterious Mayan Temple Guards acted anything like the Mayans from that film, the contestants would need way more than a Pendant, or else they'd be completely boned.

4
The Dark Forest / Education doesn't have to interfere with high school
« on: November 27, 2006, 06:58:50 PM »
Do you remember those cool fan-art pictures I did of the temple? Well, I present my next big art project.

Your friendly neighborhood Carveyfan has his own web-comic. I have joined the illustrious ranks of Fred Gallagher, Jeph Jacques, Gabe and Tycho, and other guys no one over 26 years old is going to recognize.

I know this is blatant advertising, but whatcha gonna do? I'm a shameless plug whore. Plus banner ads are expensive.

Click here to check it out.

5
The Treasure Room / Happy Halloween
« on: November 01, 2006, 01:21:56 PM »
We've made fan-fics episodes and a handful of drawings, but I think this is the pinnacle of LOTHT fandom.

http://www.collegehumour.com/picture:1717023

6
The Treasure Room / The Poisonous Cake of Rasputin
« on: October 19, 2006, 10:56:46 AM »
Here's my first entry for Season 5. Hope you guys like it.

Legends of the Hidden Temple
Lost Season 5, Episode 6
The Poisonous Cake of Rasputin


The camera traverses its way through several plants to simulate a thick rainforest. It eventually makes its way to a large stone head. Its eyes light up and it begins to speak.

OLMECpx]The Moat:[/b]
OLMEC:
Before you, lying in the moat are floating volcanic rocks. Some are fastened to the ground beneath the water and can support your weight. Others will sink when stepped on. When Kirk gives the signal you and your partner must pick a rock and step on it. If it supports your weight, pick another and move on. If it sinks, both of you must go back to the start. When both teammates reach the other side, run over and hit the gong. (Kirk hits gong for clarification) The first four teams to hit their gong will go on to the next round.

KIRK:
It?s time to sink or swim. Teams are you ready? (wait for response) Olmec, are you ready?

OLMEC:
Let?s rock.

KIRK:
All right, on your marks. Get set. GO!

7
The Jesters' Court / Weasal Stomping Day!
« on: September 26, 2006, 01:18:32 PM »
Anybody else buy the new Weird Al album? It's hilarious.

8
The Heart Room / Oh Yeah, That Looks Real
« on: September 21, 2006, 08:04:37 AM »
I was looking at the gigantic legends snapshot archive over at Nicklegends' site the other day, and I noticed something odd.

The artifacts as they progressed through the seasons became more and more cartoonish in appearance. In season one, they looked rather realistic, in season two, they looked more exaggerated, and in season three they looked like something Bugs Bunny would come across. Am I the only one who thinks way, or is there some other agreement on this? I have my own reasons for thinking why they did this, but I'd like to hear your opinions.

9
The Dark Forest / What Prize Tag Did I Grab?
« on: September 16, 2006, 11:43:30 AM »
Check it out! Someone uploaded a couple of episodes of Fun House to Youtube with some of the worst audio quality imaginable.

Still pretty cool, though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtBe5ftdQyE

10
The Heart Room / Who is this Benzibab anyways?
« on: September 03, 2006, 06:32:58 PM »
OK, that's it. I'm stumped. I've traversed this internet once or twice, but I can't find head or tails of this Benzibab person. Except for the fact that he/she has had in their posession a ruby earring.

In another thread the general speculation was that Benzibab was a piece of creative license that was used to put emphasis on another, actual historical figure.

Other speculation is that we just aren't spelling it right.

So here's the challenge: Whoever has any inkling as to whom Benzibab is, post it here. If you have a transcript of the Legend, post it here. Actually, send it to Aaron first, then post it here. Maybe if we all pool our abilities, we just may accomplish something.

11
The Treasure Room / LOTCB: The Ottoman Cushion of Rob Petrie
« on: August 27, 2006, 11:46:40 AM »
In honor of the Emmy Awards being tonight, I present to thee a new episode of Legends of the Cable Box!

Legends of the Cable Box
Season 1, Episode 3
The Ottoman Cushion of Rob Petrie


Static fills the screen and white noise accompanies it. Slowly, the screen comes into focus. An empty background. As soon as the scene settles, Philoh?s head pops on the screen.

PHILOH:
Do you like TV the way we like TV? I am Philoh, the lord and master of the airwaves and overseer of every TV show ever broadcast. Today, one of these six teams (PIP windows appear revealing the teams) is going to prove their worth by exhibiting their skill in feats of strength and intelligence. Whoever said TV was bad for you never tried to take on The Cable Box (Cut to a wide shot of Philoh?s screen adjacent to the box): An intricate labyrinth where a prop from television history can lead to fortune and glory. But as you can see (bangs on screen in front of him), the great power of being emperor of the boob tube comes with limitations. So I have some help. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for my partner, the one, the only, the bipedal, Ken Ober!

KEN:
Thank you, Philoh! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Legends of the Cable Box. It?s great to be here, and even better to be getting paid for it.

PHILOH:
It is nice, isn?t it? But it?s not our show, it?s the contestants. So, let?s meet our six teams all fighting for a nice heap of prizes.

KEN:
We got lots of nice things for all of you coming out of our paychecks, ranging from cash prizes to luxurious vacations. But only one team?s getting a shot at winning the motherload today. Which team will it be?: (hold for applause after each team) MTV Red? Sci-Fi Blue? G4 Green? HBO Orange? ESPN Purple? Or Discovery Silver? But! Before we get to that, we need to do some basic repairs to the transmitter. Philoh, what?s wrong with it today?

PHILOH:
Today, our transmitter is faulty because it needs to be calibrated. To fix this, we?ll have to get it synched up properly to the satellite, which is already calibrated properly. When Ken gives the signal, a simple math problem will appear on your screens. Answer as many as you can correctly as fast as possible, because when you get twenty correct, you?ll be all synched up. The first four teams to answer twenty questions correctly and synch up their satellite will go on to the next round and be one step closer to taking on The Cable Box.

KEN:
Hey Philoh, before I forget, what TV prop are they going to have find today?

PHILOH:
Today, they?re searching for (PIP window appears) The Ottoman Cushion of Rob Petrie.

KEN:
OK, teams are you ready? (Wait for response). Then, on your marks, get set, go!

12
The Temple Games / You Can't Beat Me
« on: August 26, 2006, 03:48:39 PM »
This game is like Rock Paper and Scissors on crack. Person one starts by posting an image of something. Then person two posts an image that can beat it. Use your best judgement; a nerf gun does not beat a tank. And no god-moding. Chuck Norris may be able to beat anything, but in this game he's just a kickboxing cowboy. Play continues until the end of time.

I'll start:


13
The Jesters' Court / The decline of children's television
« on: August 23, 2006, 04:19:46 PM »
http://www.calendarlive.com/tv/cl-oe-stein15aug15,0,4566389.story

All kids TV has gone downhill. It doesn't just seem that way because we're grown-ups now, it has actually turned to shit. Sure, there are a few good ideas that get aired, but the majority is toy commercials and fluff-pablum-drivel aired five times a day. And it's affecting the standards too. What was once an internationally revered show featuring a nurturing environment to educate basic math, language, and social skills has turned into 'Look at Me!' theater.

I blame the day PBS gave Lamb Chop's time-slot to Barney.

14
The Treasure Room / The Engine Cooling Fan of The Enola Gay
« on: August 20, 2006, 08:12:03 PM »
Legends of the Hidden Temple
Lost Season 4, Episode 36
The Engine Cooling Fan of The Enola Gay

The camera traverses its way through several plants to simulate a thick rainforest. It eventually makes its way to a large stone head. Its eyes light up and it begins to speak.

OLMECpx]The Moat:[/b]
OLMEC:
Hanging above the vines are roots from an ancient garden. When Kirk gives the signal, jump into the moat and grab the first root. Then swing across to grab the second. When you successfully transfer from the first vine to the second, continue swinging over to the other side of the moat. If you fall in, you?ll have to go back. When you reach the other side and have both feet planted, your partner can cross in the same fashion. When both teammates have their feet on the ground, run over, and hit the gong (Kirk hits gong for clarification). The first four teams to ring their gong will go on to the next round!

KIRK:
OK, Teams are you ready? (wait for response) Olmec, are you ready?

OLMEC:
Yeeeeeeeeah!

KIRK:
All right, teams: on Get into positions. Ready. Get set. GO!

15
The Dark Forest / What's the name of that show?
« on: August 13, 2006, 08:47:51 PM »
OK TV junkies, help me out here.

I remember this kids game show from the early 90's. It was on one of the four basic channels (NBC, CBS, ABC or FOX), and aired on Saturday Mornings.

The final round involved kids running around a maze/obstacle course wearing a Velcro suit, and lining the walls were tons of video games. Any video game the kid stuck to his suit he got to keep, assuming he crossed the finish line before time expired.

I don't remember anything but that, but it's been driving me crazy for a while. Can anyone help?

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