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The Swamp => The Dark Forest => Topic started by: The Bandit King on December 01, 2012, 04:25:32 PM

Title: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on December 01, 2012, 04:25:32 PM



The 100 Worst Songs of All Time

For as far back as I can remember on this site, we’ve been talking about bad music and musicians.  While it’s true that music has gone downhill over the past decade or so, bad songs have existed for many, many years.  For example, when classic rock group The Shaggs released their first album, Philosophy of the World, in 1969, a critic at Rolling Stone magazine said “Without exaggeration, it may stand as the worst album ever recorded.”  It seems that throughout history, for every “Stairway to Heaven” or “Highway to Hell” the world has gotten, they’ve gotten ten times as many songs that are just plain horrible.

But how much of the music we listen to (or don’t listen to) is truly bad?  Is Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” really worse than, say, “The Pina Colada Song”?  Is Justin Bieber’s “Boyfriend” truly a worse song than the “Macarena”?  Is Starship’s “We Built This City” actually the worst song of all time, like the now-defunct Blender magazine once said?

Well, here’s our chance to find out.  The following countdown is a little project that you guys suggested I do as a follow-up to my “80 Greatest Nick Shows” list from last year (which can be found right here (http://phantomstemple.us.to/index.php?topic=2356.0)) in which we’ll try to determine what songs are the absolute worst ever recorded.  I decided to limit myself to music from the last 50 years (God forbid I try to determine if any Bing Crosby or Frank Sinatra stuff belongs here), and ranked and re-ranked the songs until I found myself with a list that is halfway decent.  I also tried to cut down on music from this year, limiting myself to only two choices from the past 12 months.  There’s also no points system like I did with the Nick Shows list—I did it by personal preference, and tried to put most of the more annoying songs near the top.

Let me say right now: this list will offend some people here.  Some people will find at least a few of these songs to be great; heck, someone’s favorite song may be on this list.  But this is a chance I take with something like this.  Whether it’s horrible lyrics, an annoying beat, or something else entirely, all 100 songs on this list have some quality that, in my opinion at least, make them among the worst of all time.  There’ll be twenty songs posted each weekend in December—ten on Saturday and ten on Sunday.

So now, please count down along with me as I try to determine which songs truly deserve the flying fickle finger of fate—and try not to let your ears bleed in the process.

These are: the 100 Worst Songs of All Time.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on December 01, 2012, 04:32:34 PM
Honorable Mentions

Here are 100 songs that I considered for the list, but ultimately decided to cut because they either were too new, had a decent message, I liked how they were delivered, or I just plain didn’t have room for them on the list:

“1-2-3” – Gloria Estefan & the Miami Sound Machine
“Alejandro” – Lady Gaga
“All By Myself” – Eric Carmen
“All Summer Long” – Kid Rock
“Baby I’m a Want You” – Bread
“Bad Day” – Daniel Powter
“Beauty and a Beat” – Justin Bieber featuring Nicki Minaj
“Believe” – Cher
“Ben” – Michael Jackson
“Blame It on the Rain” – Milli Vanilli
“Blow Me (One Last Kiss)” – Pink
“Burnin’ Up” – Jonas Brothers
“Butterfly” – Crazy Town
“California Gurls” – Katy Perry
“C’est La Vie” – B*Witched
“Closing Time” – Semisonic
“C’mon N Ride It (The Train)” – Quad City DJ’s
“Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” – Toby Keith
“Da Da Da” – Trio
“Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?” – Rod Stewart
“Disco Lady” – Johnnie Taylor
“Do the Bartman” – Simpsons
“Easy Lover” – Phil Collins & Philip Bailey
“Electric Youth” – Debbie Gibson
“Everytime You Go Away” – Paul Young
“Express Yourself” – Bruce Willis
“Feelings” – Morris Albert
“Fergalicious” – Fergie
“Firework” – Katy Perry
“Footloose” – Kenny Loggins
“Freedom” – George Michael
“Friday I’m in Love” – Cure
“From a Distance” – Bette Midler
“Go for Soda” – Kim Mitchell
“(God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time on You” – ‘N Sync
“Help Me Make It Through the Night” – Sammi Smith
“I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do” – ABBA
“I’ll Be There for You (Theme from Friends)” – Rembrandts
“Illegal Alien” – Genesis
“I’m a Little Bit Country” – Donnie & Marie Osmond
“I’m in Miami Trick” – LMFAO
“I’ve Never Been to Me” – Charlene
“Jenny from the Block” – Jennifer Lopez
“Just Dance” – Lady Gaga
“Lips of an Angel” – Hinder
“Live While We’re Young” – One Direction
“Lovin’ You” – Minnie Riperton
“Mesmerize” – Ja Rule featuring Ashanti
“Miss You” – Rolling Stones
“More Than Words” – Extreme
“Moves Like Jagger” – Maroon 5 featuring Christina Aguilera
“My First Kiss” – 3OH!3 featuring Ke$ha
“New York Groove” – Ace Frehley
“Numb” – U2
“Old Time Rock ‘n Roll” – Bob Seger
“Party Like a Rockstar” – Shop Boyz
“Payphone” – Maroon 5
“Photograph” – Nickelback
“Pound the Alarm” – Nicki Minaj
“Pumps and a Bump” – MC Hammer
“Rappin’ Rodney” – Rodney Dangerfield
“Rock the Boat” – Hues Corporation
“Rollin’” – Limp Bizkit
“Seventeen” – Winger
“Sexyback” – Justin Timberlake
“Shannon” – Henry Gross
“Shape of My Heart” – Backstreet Boys
“Shiny Happy People” – R.E.M.
“Should’ve Said No” – Taylor Swift
“Sledgehammer” – Peter Gabriel
“Some Girls (Dance With Women)” – JC Chasez
“SOS” – Jonas Brothers
“Summer Girls” – LFO
“Sunshine Superman” - Donovan
“Superman” – Five for Fighting
“The Bad Touch” – Bloodhound Gang
“The Loco-Motion” – Kylie Minogue
“The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me (Is You)” – Bryan Adams
“The Sign” – Ace of Base
“Tie a Yellow Ribbon (‘Round the Ole Oak Tree)” – Tony Orlando & Dawn
“Together Forever” – Rick Astley
“Tonight” – Jonas Brothers
“Tootsie Roll” – 69 Boyz
“Tragedy” – Bee Gees
“Try” – Pink
“U Can’t Touch This” – MC Hammer
“Under My Thumb” – Rolling Stones
“Wannabe” – Spice Girls
“We are Never Ever Getting Back Together” – Taylor Swift
“What Makes You Beautiful” – One Direction
“Wide Awake” – Katy Perry
“Will 2K” – Will Smith
“Wise Guy” – Joe Pesci
“Y.M.C.A.” – Village People
“Year 3000” – Jonas Brothers
“You Light Up My Life” – Debby Boone
“You Spin Me Round” – Flo Rida
“(You’re) Having My Baby” – Paul Anka & Odia Coates
“You’re the One That I Want” – John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John
“Yo-Yo” – Osmonds
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on December 01, 2012, 05:33:23 PM
And now, our countdown begins.  Brace yourself, the bad music is about to begin:




#100: “Blah Blah Blah” –Ke$ha
Released: 2010
Peak Position: #7



We kick off our top 100 with a former Top 10 hit from early 2010, the second release by Ke$ha after her debut song “Tik Tok”.  This nightmare is one of the reasons why people continually refuse to take Ke$ha seriously as an artist.  To make matters worse, she’s backed by synth-pop trio 3OH!3, whose cringe-worthy vocals make this song doubly bad.  The lyrics are so dirty, so disgustingly sex-laden, that they would make a prostitute blush:

I don’t really care where you live at
Just turn around boy, let me hit that
Don’t be a little bitch with your chit-chat
Just show me where your dick’s at

I could go the rest of my life without hearing that crap.  And don’t even get me started on the music video.  Duct-taping a guy’s mouth shut because he hits on you?  You’re the one telling him to show you his package, you little whore!




#99: “This Is Why I’m Hot” – Mims
Released: 2007
Peak Position: #1



For his debut album in January 2007, rapper Mims gave us this little number.  It hit #1 on the Pop charts, #2 on the rap charts, and was #16 on the year-end chart for 2007.  According to the lyrics, “I could sell a mil sayin’ nothing on the track”, and Mims was right—the song was eventually certified platinum.  But this song still sucks, if only due to its annoying, repetitive nature:

This is why I’m hot, this is why I’m hot
I’m hot ‘cause I’m fly, you ain’t ‘cause you not

Mims says “this is why I’m hot” 35 times during the course of the four-minute song.  Okay, we get it—you think you’re hot.  You don’t have to say it fifteen times in a row to reiterate it!  And what exactly does “fly” mean, anyway?  Sadly, he never explains it in further detail to us.  Well, this is a rap song, and they’re not exactly known for their earth-shattering lyrical content, so perhaps I can let this one slide for now.  Still, it’s extremely annoying to listen to.




#98: “Boom Boom (Let’s Go Back to My Room)” – Paul Lekakis
Released: 1987
Peak Position: #43



In 1987, Greek model/singer Paul Lekakis released this song, taking it to #1 in Australia.  Many radio stations refused to play it due to its risqué content, and it only reached #43 stateside.  This song makes the list not only due to its disturbingly unflattering lyrics, but also its annoying electro-dance beat that is sadly, the precursor to Lady Gaga.  The opening lyrics set the tone of the song right from the start:

Hey babe, I’d like to talk to you
How’s about coming back to my room
For a little boom boom

In 2007, a “remix” version of the song was released, with Lekakis re-recording his vocals, and if anything, that version is worse than the original.  Not only has his singing voice gotten very bad with age, the lyrics are changed to “coming back to my room for another boom boom”.  You’re 41 years old at this point, Paul—don’t flatter yourself.




#97: “Bad Blood” – Neil Sedaka
Released: 1975
Peak Position: #1
Neil Sedaka & Elton John - Bad Blood (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTTVx--i3m0#)

Neil Sedaka had a reputation for making mushy, happy, feel-good pop music in the ‘60s, but when he released this song in ’75, he ventured into the realm of bitter breakup songs.  Featuring an uncredited Elton John on backup, the song reached #1 in the summer of 1975 for three consecutive weeks—but just because it made it to #1 doesn’t mean it’s good.  The song just has a sickening “better you than me” attitude that you can’t get away from.  The song sets this tone from the very beginning:

It coulda been me, but it was you
Who went and bit off a little bit more than you could chew
You said that you had it made, but you been had
The woman no good no how, thinkin’ maybe the blood is bad

It goes on like this for about three minutes, then breaks into an annoying “doo-ron, doo-ron, da-da-doo doo-ron-ron” chant that makes you cringe.  If I was Neil’s friend and he sang this song to my face, I’d likely punch him in the nose.  “You want Bad Blood?  Let me see if I can help you out!”




#96: “You’re Beautiful” – James Blunt
Released: 2005
Peak Position: #1



This song from British singer James Blunt’s debut album made it to #1 in nine different countries (including the US) and was certified platinum in five.  While some praised the song for its painful message and powerful delivery, I have to call foul.  Not only is Blunt’s voice incredibly annoying to listen to, the lyrics tell the story of a disgusting drug addict lamenting over some chick he can’t have:

Yeah, she caught my eye as we walked on by
She could see by my face that I was f***ing high

Well, obviously the girl wouldn’t want to hook up with you if you’re a damn junkie!  Get over it and move on with your life!  Oops, sorry, she can’t—according to the music video, you committed suicide!  Geez…




#95: “Mambo No. 5” – Lou Bega
Released: 1999
Peak Position: #3



In 1999, an actual mambo by Cuban bandleader Damaso Perez Prado was taken by German singer Lou Bega and twisted into this monstrosity.  It’s got a good beat, and yes, you can dance to it, but that’s where the praises end.  Everything about this song just screams drugs and sex, and the lyrics are absolutely horrendous—Bega sets the tone near the very beginning of the song when he stretches out “liquor store” into like seven syllables.  But what really drives the song’s badness home is the chorus:

A little bit of Monica in my life, a little bit of Erica by my side
A little bit of Rita is all I need, a little bit of Tina is what I see
A little bit of Sandra in the sun, a little bit of Mary all night long
A little bit of Jessica here I am, a little bit of you makes me your man

Unbelievable, Bega.  You’ve just ruined the lives of every girl in the world who has one of those seven given names, which from the looks of how common the names are, is probably about 50% of the female population of America.  To top it off, there’s a rumor that all the names in the song are slang terms for street drugs.  As if I needed another reason to hate this song.




#94: “Boyfriend” – Justin Bieber
Released: 2012
Peak Position: #2


We come now to the first of my two songs to be released in this year.  Justin Bieber released this unflattering little ditty in March of 2012, and it made it up to #2 on the Billboard charts.  Already, the song has sold three million copies in America, but one listen to it will leave you scratching your head as to why.  Bieber tries in vain to sound like an adult when he sings shit like this:

If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go
Keep you on my arm girl, you’d never be alone
I can be a gentleman, anything you want
If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go, I’d never let you go

The lyrics speak for themselves, and to boot, Bieber has been accused of ripping this song off the ‘N Sync song “Girlfriend”.  Yep, no question about it, this song is BAD.  So why didn’t I rank it near the top?  Simple: it was released this year, so it hasn’t had time to be dubbed the worst of all time.  Granted, there’s a certain song also released this year that I put closer to the top half of this list, but that’s different.




#93: “Invisible” – Clay Aiken
Released: 2004
Peak Position: #37


No song epitomizes the ways of the stalker like this one.  The first track off Clay’s debut album in 2004, the song sold over 600,000 copies in its first week.  However, I’d wager that 99% of those sales came from preteen girls who would buy the album even if Clay was singing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” (which, come to think of it, wouldn’t be much worse than this song).  The lyrics paint a very stalker-esque portrait, and set the mood of a song so creepy, it could be a cheap horror film:

Oh-oh-ohh, what’s she doin' tonight?
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone? Who's stealing dreams?
Why can't I breathe you into my life?

This just reeks of someone wallowing in his own self-pity, too busy feeling sorry for himself to either do something about it, or move on.  Sting & the Police did a song called “Every Breath You Take” back in the ‘80s that also has slightly “stalkerish” lyrics, and that song was great.  Clay Aiken’s song just makes you want to rip your ears off.




#92: “Baby, I Love Your Way/Freebird Medley” – Will to Power
Released: 1988
Peak Position: #1
WILL TO POWER - baby, i love your way/freebird Medley (1988) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzRG2h1IeX8#ws)

Take a timeless rock song by Peter Frampton, an even MORE timeless song by Lynyrd Skynyrd, add in a dance-pop duo from southern Florida, and voila—you’ve pissed all over the legacy of classic rock.  The song was released in November 1988, and within one month, it was at #1 on the charts.  Now, just by looking at the lyrics, you wouldn’t think that this song is that bad:

If I stay here with you girl, things just couldn’t be the same
‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now, and this bird will never change

But unlike some songs on this list, the lyrics aren’t the problem here (although it’s still pretty irksome that they needlessly change “this bird you cannot change” to “this bird will never change”); it’s the delivery of the song.  They take the sheer awesomeness of classic rock music and reduce it to something you’d hear in an elevator or a shopping mall.  Thankfully, Will to Power learned their lesson—their only other top 40 hit was a cover of 10cc’s “I’m Not in Love”, a song that fits their style exponentially better than “Baby” or “Freebird”.  Still, somewhere, Peter Frampton weeps for this song having been released to the world.




#91: “Higher” – Creed
Released: 2000
Peak Position: #7



Ah, Creed. Has any rock band ever evoked such hatred in casual music fans as these guys?  Maybe it’s because of songs like this.  Some people say this song has spiritual connections, i.e. trying to get closer to God or something.  Personally, I think the lyrics make it sound more like an acid trip:

Although I would like our world to change
It helps me to appreciate
Those nights and those dreams
But, my friend, I'd sacrifice all those nights
If I could make the Earth and my dreams the same

He breaks into some lyrics about “where blind men see” and “golden streets” later on in the chorus, given the interpretation that there’s some connection to Heaven.  Still, most of the lyrics give the interpretation that this guy’s on drugs.  Maybe if you just came right out and said something about God in the first place, I wouldn’t be so quick to judge this song for its insanely vague lyrics.  Oh, and Scott?  Stop trying to copy Eddie Vedder…
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Purple Parrots Fan on December 01, 2012, 06:25:37 PM
Well, so far I agree with most of your list. My thoughts on the list if you don't mind:

100. I hate Ke$ha with a passion, and songs like "Blah Blah Blah" are the very reason I fail to take her seriously. I mean, what kind of name is "Blah Blah Blah?"

99. Mims "This Is Why I'm Hot" is a pretty lame song. It's almost like a toned down "Sexy and I Know It." And it was overplayed a lot when it first came out But I do find it a little catchy, I'm not gonna lie there.

I've never heard of 98 or 97, so no comment there.

96. THANK YOU for including James Blunt. I never for the life of me understood the love for this song. I hated it when it first came out, and I still hate it today. Just like with Daniel Powder, (who also had a hit song in 2005), there's a reason he was a one hit wonder.

95. I kind of disagree about "Mambo No. 5," but the names part was pretty lame. I'm pretty sure Ericas and Jessicas all over the world are cringing in pain at the thought that their names are used as possible drug references.

94. I knew Bieber was gonna make this list even early on. But, I don't even want to waste anymore time talking about him....

93. Never liked "Invisible" either. Not only because I don't care about "American Idol Pop" as I call it, but the lyrics are just downright creepy. Is it any coincidence it only sold 600,000 copies? And I never liked "Every Breath You Take" either. Way too overplayed and it's boring. But, that's another story and another song.

92. I disagree about "Baby I Love Your Way," but yeah, the "Freebird" bit kind of ruins it. There's another cover to it that's from the 90s. It's in reggae genre, and it's not much better than the 80s version.

91. And I completely agree about "Higher." I don't mind Creed, but I just never liked this song, even when it first came out. It's just boring, and it's trying too hard to be deep, but it's just not working.

As for your honorable mention, I agree with most of it. Like the overrated Daniel Powder and The I'll-Never-Be-Impressed-With Jonas Brothers. Although I happen to love songs like "Jenny from the Block" (I was always a JLO fan), and "C'est La Vie" (I'm a sucker for late 90s pop, and it was my favorite song from when I was a kid). I already can't wait for your next installment. I'm surprised you never did a list like this sooner. :P
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: GreenMonkeys#1 on December 01, 2012, 07:13:34 PM
Already we have crappy songs here!
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Red Jaguars on December 02, 2012, 12:37:39 AM
I cannot stand the song "Boyfriend" at all. I have about a two hour drive back to school every weekend and I swear I hear that song like four times (I use three different stations with my drive back.) It's not like I like the original one either, but this one is more unbearable. I hate Justin so much. :roll:

I didn't really mind the James Blunt song though. Although I can see how it is annoying. :P

Overall, good list I am looking forward to the rest when you get around to it. ;)
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on December 02, 2012, 07:39:32 PM
Another day, another installment of songs. Got your earplugs ready? Good:



#90: “Your Body Is a Wonderland” – John Mayer
Released: 2002
Peak Position: #18



Pop-rock superstar John Mayer released this song as the second single from his debut album, and like his first release “No Such Thing”, it became a big hit for him.  But while Mayer’s smooth singing voice and great guitar-playing are nice, this song’s lyrics are just nauseous:

Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase
You tell me where to go and though I might leave to find it
I'll never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it

He loves the “shape” his partner takes?  What does that mean?  And did he just try to rhyme “shape” and “take” with “pillowcase”?  Why would she be crawling toward the pillowcase in the first place?  Why didn’t you have the pillowcase on the pillow before trying to get in this chick’s pants?  This song may have been popular with teenage girls, but let's be honest: the lyrics are what kill the song here.  Shame, really, because Mayer does have some chops.



#89: “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)” – Journey
Released: 1983
Peak Position: #8
Journey - Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LatorN4P9aA#)

Personally, I have nothing against Journey.  They’re a great classic rock band.  They’ve sold millions of albums.  To this day, “Wheel in the Sky” and “Any Way You Want It” are still two of my favorite rock songs.  This song, however, is definitely the weak link in any Journey playlist.  The lyrics are not only incredibly over-the-top, as you can see:

Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched and went our separate ways

The lyrics are bad, yes, but that’s nothing compared to the music video.  It depicts all the band members singing to a woman who seems absolutely oblivious that the band is even there.  Not only does the video feature insanely terrible clothing and little to no effort in its execution, the ending (which features the band being figments of the woman’s imagination) makes no sense whatsoever.  To this day, Jonathan Cain has yet to live down that air keyboard.



#88: “A Bay Bay” – Hurricane Chris
Released: 2007
Peak Position: #7



This song was the lead single from rapper Hurricane Chris’ debut album, and ended up being his first, and so far only, Top 10 hit.  And judging from the lyrics and their repetitive delivery, I can definitely see why.  The opening lyrics are scarcely intelligible, but this is what I can make out:

I'm in da club hollerin'
A bay bay, A bay bay, A bay bay, A bay bay, A bay bay
I'm in da club holerin'
A bay bay, A bay bay, A bay bay, A bay bay, A bay bay

Say what?  What the hell does “a bay bay” mean?  Is it just some retarded way of saying “hey baby”?  Maybe he wanted to call the song “Hey Baby”, but thought that No Doubt might get him for copyright infringement if he did—I don’t know.  Regardless, this song is so annoying that no one in their right mind could possibly stomach it.



#87: “Because I Got High” – Afroman
Released: 2001
Peak Position: #25



Remember, kids: drug use is a horrible thing.  Also remember, children: singing songs about drug use is an even more horrible thing.  Case in point: this song, recorded by rap artist Joseph “Afroman” Foreman in 2001, made popular due to the Internet and radio shows playing the song before it was actually released.  The lyrics are so insanely stupid, it makes you wonder how in the hell this song was ever nominated for a Grammy (no, I'm dead serious, it really was):

I was gonna clean my room until I got high
I gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high
My room is still messed up and I know why
Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high

The lyrics go on to tell how the guy missed and flunked his college classes, missed child support payments, got paralyzed because of a car accident, lost his wife and kids, and now is homeless, all because he’s a freaking pothead.  Charming, huh?



#86: “Thong Song” – Sisqo
Released: 2000
Peak Position: #3



Ah—nothing like a good old song celebrating the posterior of the fairer sex.  It worked for Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”…not so much for Sisqo’s “Thong Song”.  This is one of those tunes that is fine when you first listen to it, but after about twenty or thirty times a day on the radio, it wears thin very quickly.  The song is okay for the first minute or so, but when it gets to the chorus, it just becomes annoying as hell:

I like it when the beat goes
Duh dun duh
Baby make your booty go
Duh dun duh
Baby I know you want to show
Duh dun duh
That thong thong thong thong thong

Ouch.  So much repetition and nonsensical mishmash that it’s not even funny.  Thankfully, Sisqo’s follow-up to this song, “Incomplete”, was much better, and made it to #1.



#85: “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” – Deep Blue Something
Released: 1995
Peak Position: #3



After the Rembrandts’ “I’ll Be There for You” became the theme song to the Friends television series, a wave of schmaltzy soft rock bands began a movement that would come to be known as “Friends music”. And near the front of the pack were this group from Texas and their one-hit wonder, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”.  The sloppy lyrics convey the story of a guy who’s on the verge of breaking up with his girlfriend, and desperate to stay together, they have the following conversation:

And I said what about ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’?
She said, ‘I think I remember the film,
And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it’
And I said, ‘Well, that’s the one thing we’ve got

You’re so desperate to stay with her that you’re bringing up a 30+ year-old film that isn’t even that interesting to begin with?  Weak, dude.  To top it off, this just sounds like a conversation two twelve-year olds would have.  I swear, the first time I heard this song, I kept waiting for someone to say “like, whatever” or something.



#84: “Girl You Know It’s True” – Milli Vanilli
Released: 1988
Peak Position: #2



In the late 1980’s, one of the biggest pop groups of the day was Milli Vanilli.  Consisting of former German backup singers Fab Morvan and the late Rob Pilatus, the group released this song as their debut single in 1988, and followed up with three more smash hits the following year which all went to #1 on the Pop charts.  Their debut song’s lyrics are innocent enough, as you can see:

Girl, you know it's true
Ooh, Ooh, Ooh I love you
Yes, you know it's true
Ooh, Ooh, Ooh I love you

But ironically, it turns out that NOTHING about this track was “true”.  In 1990, it was revealed that the vocals on all of Milli Vanilli’s material were not that of Morvan and Pilatus, but of two uncredited backup singers.  The group received a ton of media backlash from the record companies and the general public, and their careers never recovered.  Nowadays, you can hardly listen to any Milli Vanilli song without shaking your head in disgust at what happened to them.  It’s a shame, too—the guys who actually sang on the track were pretty good, IMO.



#83: “Heartbeat” – Don Johnson
Released: 1986
Peak Position: #5



In 1986, Miami Vice was one of the hottest shows on television, and it seemed that lead actor Don Johnson could do no wrong.  As such, Mr. Johnson jumped on the musical train and released this song, which became a Top 10 hit for him.  However, looking back, the song was nothing but a steaming dose of mid-‘80s pop:

Your money don't mean much to me
I've been out on my own, gonna go it alone now
'Cause that's the way it's got to be
Ev'rybody tells me how I can beat the odds for now

Cheesy, huh?  The music video also added to the cheesiness of the song, depicting Johnson, who plays a photographer, pining over an actress.  If I can say anything positive, at least Johnson’s music career was better than that of his Miami Vice co-star Philip Michael Thomas…sheesh, that shit is so bad, it deserves its own list.



#82: “Never Gonna Give You Up” – Rick Astley
Released: 1987
Peak Position: #1



In 1987, pasty-white British ginger Rick Astley was signed to a record deal due to his soulful voice, and this became the first of two #1 songs for him.  Several years went by, and though Astley never scored any more hits, he could still enjoy the royalties off this song and his other big smash, “Together Forever”:

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

However, in the late 2000’s came an Internet meme known as “Rickrolling”, a bait-and-switch practical joke in which a hyperlink supposedly leads to something else, but ultimately leads to the video of this song.  The poor Astley has been hounded by the press about this phenomenon ever since, and what’s worse, he hasn’t even been able to collect any revenue off it—sources claim that he’s only made $12 in performance royalties from YouTube from the meme.  Not $12 million, not $12 thousand—twelve dollars.  No wonder the guy never makes any personal appearances anymore…



#81: “Float On” – Floaters
Released: 1977
Peak Position: #2
FLOAT ON = FLOATERS (U.K.No1.1977) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZjfXaHp5hA#)

When I think of trends that should be left in the past, two things that should definitely be near the top of the list are disco music and telephone dating.  In 1977, some stupid record execs thought it would be a good idea to combine the two, taking a never-has disco quartet called the Floaters and sticking them with this song.  The song has next to no lyrical message—pretty much all it features is all four band members introducing themselves by their astrological sign and telling you what kind of woman they like, one by one, interspersed by the chorus of "float, float on".  For example:

Aquarius, and my name is Ralph
Now I like a woman who loves her freedom
And I like a woman who can hold her own
And if you fit that description, baby, come with me

The song has literally no meaning whatsoever, and its melody is so airy and wistful, you could fall asleep to it.  All I can say is, thank God this was the group’s only hit: if they ever released another song, dentists might use it as an alternative to Novocaine!
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: PurpleParrot319 on December 02, 2012, 08:13:43 PM
I really like "Separate Ways". :(

The Thong Song and the Rickroll are songs I like too, but I can see why you put them there. ESPECIALLY the Rickroll. That song is so overused. :roll:
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Purple Parrots Fan on December 02, 2012, 09:26:23 PM
Ah, another list of bad awesomely (as VH1 called it) bad songs. My thoughts on these:

90. I completely agree, this song is not only crap, it's just plain boring. I hated it when it first came out, (it was WAY overplayed), and it hate it today. But then again, I never liked anything from John Mayer. So that could explain things. I remember people used to sing it as "Your Body Is A Wasteland." Now THOSE lyrics would have been nauseating.

89. Agree about this song too. Journey is way overplayed and way overrated. They're not a bad band or anything, but when you hear 20 songs from them per day, it gets old very fast.

88. Thank you for including Ay Bay Bay! I hate this song with a passion. Not only is it a bad, nonsensical song, but it is WAY overrated. I swear, every person I knew was singing this song. And it didn't help that this song was also very overplayed when this song came out. -_-

87. Oh man, this song is so stupid. XD But in a way, it's kind of stupid funny, like you're not supposed to take it seriously. And I swear, they had a Christmas version of this song. I might be wrong though.

86. I happen to like Thong Song actually. It's a lame song yes, but it's so catchy it's like I can't not like it. One thing I'm surprised you didn't mention is, some of the other lyrics to it. Like the "She dumps like a truck...." part. Even the VH1 "awesomely bad song" list commented on it. They interpreted that bit as "is she taking care of business in the bathroom or something?" Come on, you know you were thinking that. :lol: I remember "Incomplete" from an old Now CD I have, and that song was pretty good. I'm pretty sure he didn't have anymore songs after that.

85. Agree about this song too. I just don't like "alternative" music like this, I just find it really boring. I don't mind the "Friends Theme Song," but songs like "Breakfast at Tiffany's" are just so yawn inducing.

84. I actually don't mind this song, but Milli Vanilli had better. And I remember their whole lip syncing scandal. I mean, why become a singer if you can't sing? I think there's a reasons their careers never recovered. It's a shame one of the guys committed suicide though.

83. Not very familiar with this song, so no comment there.

82. Oh god, the Rick Rolled song. Now THIS is an overplayed/overused song. But even without the annoying Rick Rolled video, I still don't like the song. I like "Together Forever" a lot better.

81. Not very familiar with "Float On" either, but wasn't there a song in 2004 that had the same name? I don't know if it's a cover or not, but I never liked it anyways.

I know, my reviews are long. :P But another solid list, I already look forward to your next installment.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on December 08, 2012, 07:44:49 PM
And our countdown continues. Are your ears bleeding yet?



#80: “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)” – Katy Perry
Released: 2011
Peak Position: #1



You just knew a Katy Perry song was coming eventually, didn’t you?  In June 2011, Perry released this song, which reached #1, actually tying her with Michael Jackson for the most #1 songs off a single album.  While this certainly should tell you how deep people’s tastes in pop music are these days, the lyrics paint a picture of the self-destructive lifestyle that Perry says is her version of “I Gotta Feeling”:

I smell like a minibar
DJ's passed out in the yard
Barbies on the barbecue
Is this a hickey or a bruise

Okay, ‘Barbies on the barbecue’? Why are you roasting dolls on the grill, anyway?  How drunk did you get last night?  The song goes on to mention partying, drinking, streaking, skinny-dipping, and other things that we really don’t need to hear about in a song.  This song may have been a commercial success for Perry, but it further establishes this “goofy slut” persona that God-knows-why she’s trying to keep up.  Congratulations, Katy—you’ll now be labeled a whore for the rest of your life.  I hope you’re happy.



#79: “A Milli” – Lil Wayne
Released: 2008
Peak Position: #6



Lil Wayne is undoubtedly one of the most successful hip-hop artists of all time.  This song released in 2008 off his sixth album, Tha Carter III, continued his streak of dominance of the genre, and reached #1 on both the Rap and Hip-Hop charts.  I’m not that big of a hip-hop fan, but it’s a pretty decent song, to tell you the truth.  In fact, it wouldn’t even be on this list were it not for one lyric that irks me towards the beginning of the song.  Check this out:

My criteria compared to your career, this isn’t fair
I’m a venereal disease, like a menstrual bleed

Say what?  You’re comparing yourself to gonorrhea or herpes?  Why would you even want to do that in the first place?  And just how are you like a ‘menstrual bleed’, of all things?  I don’t listen to much hip-hop music, but isn’t talking about a woman’s certain time of the month a little bit much?  This song really kills the mood right from the start, and it’s a great example of how choosing the wrong lyrics can turn an otherwise good song into an awesomely bad one.



#78: “Convoy” – C.W. McCall
Released: 1975
Peak Position: #1
CW McCall Convoy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3VN54M1OXA#)

In the late 1970’s, a big fad was Citizens Band, or “CB”, radio.  The concept worked much like cell phones, except that there was a special “lingo” involved in speaking over the two-way radios—for example, instead of “okay”, you’d say “ten-four”.  The fad died out by the early ‘80s, but not before CBs became staples in 18-wheeler trucks.  In 1975, C.W. McCall released this ode to trucker talk, which became a #1 country and pop hit for him.  While the lingo may have been funny back in the ‘70s, it just gets lost in translation when you listen to it today:

Yeah, Rubberduck, this is Sodbuster, come on there
Yeah, ten-four Sodbuster
Listen, you wanna put that microbus in behind that suicide jockey?
Yeah, he’s haulin’ dynamite, and he needs all the help he can get

For those of you lost in translation (aka everyone): the two drivers want to move a 1967 VW bus behind a truck hauling explosives.  This song uses so much specialized lingo, it’s a miracle it was as big a hit as what it was.  But when you listen to it now, you literally have to look up every other word McCall says in order to understand what the hell’s going on.  The song was fine for what it was back in the ‘70s, but when it comes to standing the test of time, it falls flat on its face.



#77: “She Bangs” – Ricky Martin
Released: 2000
Peak Position: #12



As a former member of a band named for tripe and hominy stew, Ricky Martin was an instant hit with the ladies, and managed to squeak out quite a few hits during the short-lived Latin music craze of the late ‘90s.  However, this song, released a good year after his heyday was officially over, is undoubtedly his worst.  The song’s title is stupid (seriously, it sounds like the title of a porn movie), and the inane lyrics sound as though they were run through Google Translator, before they perfected the system—both ways:

Man, if Lady Luck gets on my side
We’re gonna rock this town alive
I’ll let her rough me up ‘til she knocks me out
‘Cause she walks like she talks and she talks like she walks

Ow, my ears.  Of course, this pile of crap will forever live in infamy thanks to another reason: American Idol auditioner William Hung, who sung it trying to get onto the show, but didn’t even make it past the first round due to the judges booting him out for his subpar singing.  But to tell you the truth, I'd listen to Hung's version before I’d listen to Ricky’s version—better to laugh than cry from your ears bleeding, right?



#76: “(Can’t Live Without Your) Love and Affection” – Nelson
Released: 1990
Peak Position: #1



In 1990, the twin sons of the late 1950’s teen idol Ricky Nelson released their first album, which contained this song, their only #1 hit.  The lyrics are actually inspired by supermodel Cindy Crawford and what the boys would say to her if they met her in person.  But looking at them, I’m so glad they never met her in person:

There she goes, no she don’t know what she’s missing
Can’t she see I'll never give up the fight
I’ll do all I can, she understands my desire

Yeesh…does it get more mind-numbingly cheesy than that?  And guys, let me iterate something to you: if she “understands your desire”, but still ignores you, SHE DOESN’T WANT YOU!  Move on and forget about it—you’re never gonna get Cindy Crawford anyway, you long-haired whiners!  Nelson live on, but thankfully, they aren’t making any new music.  And even more thankfully, they cut their hair—that shit was so long, it needed its own zip code!



#75: “American Life” – Madonna
Released: 2003
Peak Position: #37



The Material Girl is definitely one of the most respected musicians in the business today.  Her music has sold millions of copies, and she has inspired many modern female singers to embark on music careers. But in 2003, the established diva from Bay City, Michigan released a song that made her sound so arrogant and awkward, it made many people question why they liked her in the first place.  The lyrics of the song paint a picture of a desperate attempt of Ms. Ciccone to stay relevant:

I tried to say ahead, I tried to stay on top
I tried to play the part, but somehow I forgot
Just what I did it for and why I wanted more
This type of modern life, is it for me?
This type of modern life, is it for free?

Le sigh.  Look, Madonna, I can see what you’re trying to do, but this song’s execution is just horrendous.  First of all, don’t tell us about all the cool shit that you have, and then say you’re not satisfied with it.  It very well may be true, but here’s the thing: WE. DON’T. CARE.  We’ve got better things to listen to than you whining about what you want or don’t want.  And another thing—never rap again.  Ever.




#74: “The Safety Dance” – Men Without Hats
Released: 1983
Peak Position: #3
Men Without Hats - The Safety Dance(long version) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pOq4hyoX9g#ws)

Released in 1983 by a new wave group who would probably win the award for the weirdest band name ever, this song hit #1 on the Dance charts in both the U.S. and their native Canada.  But popular as it was, this song has one of the most annoying beats I’ve ever heard:

We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind
Because your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance well they’re no friends of mine

I can see why an uninformed person might get confused by this song.  Alienating people just because they don’t dance?  Sounds kind of douche-y to me.  And why is it “The Safety Dance”, exactly?  What makes it any safer than any other dance?  Or are the rumors true, and is this song really about safe sex?  In truth, this song’s lyrics actually protest against club bouncers kicking people out for “pogoing”, which is basically jumping up and down while flailing your arms and legs around wildly, deemed “unsafe” in clubs at the time.  But pogoing eventually led to mosh pits and slam dancing, which are ten times more dangerous, proving that people were getting all worked up over nothing.  To add insult to injury (no pun intended), the music video is even more annoying than the song.  What the hell does this song have to do with a renaissance fair in the first place?




#73: “Liquid Dreams” – O-Town
Released: 2000
Peak Position: #10



The “boy band” fad may have died out in the late ‘90s, but there were still a few stragglers hanging on for dear life, like this band, which was literally concocted as a reality show project in 2000.  They released only two albums, and only two of their songs made the Top 40.  This song, their debut, proved that while some people may have hated boy bands back in the ‘90s, they really hate them now.  The band’s vocals are whiny, and the lyrics are not only sophomoric and boring, they’re downright nasty:

I dream about a girl who's a mix of Destiny's Child
Just a little touch Madonna's wild style
With Janet Jackson's smile, throw in a body like Jennifer's
You've got the star of my liquid dream (My liquid dream)

O-Town’s albums were met with overwhelmingly negative reviews, and the band disbanded in 2003.  Still, the band’s popularity with the public signaled a downturn in the quality of music in the 2000’s, and we can’t forgive them for polluting our ears with their disgustingly crappy music—all two songs of it.




#72: “Rumors” – Lindsay Lohan
Released: 2004
Peak Position: Didn’t chart



99% of the world’s population probably wouldn’t care if Lindsay Lohan fell off the face of the earth.  With all the DUI’s, drug abuse, and jail time she’s had, it’s only natural that she’s among one of the most maligned celebrities of recent years.  So many people literally facepalmed when she released this song from her debut album.  While Lohan’s whiny singing voice alone should merit this song’s inclusion on this list, the sheer irony of the lyrics further hammered home the fact that Lindsay needs to just go away:

Why can't you just let me
Do the things I wanna do
I just wanna be me
I don't understand why
Would you wanna bring me down
I'm only having fun
I'm gonna live my life
(but not the way you want me to)

You’re honestly singing about all the stuff that’s ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO YOU, and you’re saying it’s all rumors?  Please—the press may be stupid, but they’re not BLIND.  You know, you keep complaining about the press, but maybe if you, I don’t know, clean up your act, they might leave you alone!  To make matters even more unfathomable, this song was co-written by Michael Jackson’s brother, Tito.  I suppose this proves success doesn’t always run in the family.




#71: “Undercover Angel” – Alan O’Day
Released: 1977
Peak Position: #1
Alan O'Day -1977- Undercover Angel (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-xRMw0NyW0#)

Picture this: you’re laying in bed, a little lonely because your love life is crap, but otherwise minding your own business.  Suddenly, a hot chick appears beside you and begs you to have sex with her.  That’s pretty much the premise of this song’s opening lyrics, which will leave you scratching your head.  The chorus is almost as bad, sounding like some kind of lascivious dream:

Undercover angel, midnight fantasy
I never had a dream that made sweet love to me
Undercover angel, the answer to my prayers
You made me know that there’s a love for me out there (somewhere)

The song goes on to say how the narrator loses the girl, but not before she tells him to go find another girlfriend, and “when you look into her eyes, you’ll see me again”.  Possessing other people’s bodies just to have relationships with them?  This chick sounds more like a demon than an angel!  Back all this with a bubblegum pop beat so cheesy it should be served over nachos, and you have the makings of the worst song Alan O’Day ever did.  Thankfully, it was also the ONLY song he ever did, and for that, I’m eternally grateful to him.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Purple Parrots Fan on December 08, 2012, 08:49:27 PM
Wheee, another list! Comment time:

Agree about #80. Songs like this are precisely what's wrong with today's music. It's all about getting shit faced and partying 24/7, and it definitely speaks volumes about how "deep" music has become today. What happened to songs that actually had a good message behind it? Or didn't sing about whoring around and doing stupid things when you're drunk. How this was #1 is beyond me.

Oh god, I think I blocked every aspect of this song out of my memory until I saw it on your list. O_O Even when this first came out, I thought this song was just downright atrocious. From the annoyingly repetitive "A Milli A Milli" to Lil Wayne's coarse I-sound-like-I'm-barfing-when-I'm-talking voice, there is literally nothing positive about this song whatsoever.

Never heard #78, so no comment.

I really don't mind "She Bangs" at all. It's certainly not Ricky Martin's best, but it's not a bad song by any means. However, it does get old if you hear it too much. And don't get me started on William Hung's "version" of the song. Which admittedly did ruin the song for me a little. And to think, Hung was the first of many "singers" to get fame handed to him just for singing bad. Oh well, he (and also Ricky Martin) is a has been now. On a slightly unrelated note, that is a really unflattering picture of Ricky Martin. Just sayin'.

Don't really remember #76, but the lyrics alone tell me it's not worth listening to at all. I wonder how Crawford felt knowing this song was about her. I bet she REALLY didn't want them after hearing that, if she even heard it at all. Also.... "And even more thankfully, they cut their hair—that shit was so long, it needed its own zip code!" Bwah! :lol:

Completely agree about #75. Hated the song when it first came out, and I hate it now. And total word on her rapping. Talking about painful to listen to. She had MUCH better songs from this from the 2000's.

Aw I like #74, it's one of my favorite songs ever. Sure, the lyrics are kind of lame, but I like the beat and tune to it. For some reason, I always ALWAYS confuse this group "Men Without Hats" to the group "Men At Work." Seriously, listen to "Down Under" from the latter group, and compare it to "Safety Dance" from the former group. They sound so alike, and the songs were released around the same time period. Only difference is, "Men Without Hats" were one hit wonders, and "Men At Work" had plenty of other songs.

Completely agree with #73. Even when this song came out when I was 10, I thought it was just downright stupid. I don't know if you've seen the video, but if you haven't be glad you didn't. It's even WORSE than the song itself. Though I'm pretty sure boy bands were popular in the early 2000's. And even then, the novelty and their popularity was starting to wane. That said, I don't really mind O-Town. And I like their songs "All or Nothing" and "These Are The Days." But this song just fell flat, period.

AGREE about #72. Though confession time: I used to like this song. As well as other songs from Lindsay Lohan as well. Some I still have on my iPod. But upon a recent relisten, I've come to realize that her songs are lame, stupid, and not catchy at all. And I honestly, regret ever adding them to a mix CD and/or iPod. While we're on the subject of this song, it's horrible, and downright hypocritical. She's the one who's incessantly whining "Why can't they leave me alone?/I'm only having fun!" Yet she's the one going getting into all this trouble in the first place. You hit the nail on the head: "You know, you keep complaining about the press, but maybe if you, I don’t know, clean up your act, they might leave you alone! It's a never ending cycle with her: She gets in trouble, goes to jail for 2 seconds, promises she'll change, and then repeats Step 1. Also, I'm pretty sure this song was on an old Now CD. Why, I don't know. But, enough rambling....

Never heard #71, so no comment there either.

Whew, long review. :lol: With the exception of #74, and maybe #77, I pretty much agree with all your choices. Can't wait for the next installment!
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Silver Monkey on December 08, 2012, 11:21:29 PM
Also, I'm pretty sure this song was on an old Now CD.

Yep, Now 18. And I just so happened to have a copy of that CD.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Red Jaguars on December 09, 2012, 12:58:55 AM
Yeah, Last Friday Night is probably on of my least favorite Katy Perry songs. I actually don't really hate her music, but this song overstayed its welcome on the radio airs. It seems to make the top charts even though it has been released in a while. The lyrics are laughable too and I never realized the Barbie doll line.  :lol:

And "American Life"... *sigh*. I like Madonna's older songs, but this is an example of one I wish where she would just hang up the microphone and just go away. And speaking of Madonna, I know she released some song with Nicki Minaj this past Summer that was briefly popular. But yeah, the 80's and 90's Madonna is better.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Purple Parrots Fan on December 09, 2012, 01:05:36 AM
Yep, Now 18. And I just so happened to have a copy of that CD.
Yeah, I used to collect those CDs all the time until it became pointless once iPods came out.

And "American Life"... *sigh*. I like Madonna's older songs, but this is an example of one I wish where she would just hang up the microphone and just go away. And speaking of Madonna, I know she released some song with Nicki Minaj this past Summer that was briefly popular. But yeah, the 80's and 90's Madonna is better.
Yeah, Madonna was MUCH better in the 80s and 90s. Her 2000's stuff was hit or miss, but I liked songs like "Hung Up" and "Me Against the Music" from her. But "American Life" is just a complete fail from her.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Red Jaguars Fan on December 09, 2012, 02:04:51 AM
I'm still wondering why Nicki Minaj has a "critically acclaimed" song. (Super Bass)
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Ancient Warrior on December 09, 2012, 03:52:22 AM
You know, I've heard a little kid singing a couple of the lines to "Last Friday Night" before.  Made a friend I was with at the time joke about whether the parents knew what "ménage à trois" means...

I really like how much ground the list covers so far.  Really drives home that the focus is "all time," after all. :)
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on December 09, 2012, 10:47:15 PM
#70: “Tubthumping” – Chumbawamba
Released: 1997
Peak Position: #6
Chumbawamba - Tubthumping (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H5uWRjFsGc#ws)

In the summer of ’97, anarcho-punk band Chumbawamba (I’d love to know how they came up with their name) released this song, which became their only hit in the U.S.  I’ll admit that I liked this song when I was a naïve little kid because of its catchy beat, but now that I’m older and wiser, I see how oh-so-awful it is.  For one thing, the band that sings it has admitted to being anti-fascist—last I checked, fascism isn’t that much of a problem in the world, so why even announce your opposition to it?  But I digress; back to the song.  Its chorus is so insanely repetitive and sophomoric, you’ll be begging these guys to just STAY DOWN:

I get knocked down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down

They repeat this chorus about fifty times over the chorus of the whole song, making it so annoying you just want to shoot yourself.  In addition, the wacky lyrics of “pissin’ the night away” and the infamous refrain about drinking multiple types of liquor add to this song’s insanity.  Chumbawamba broke up earlier this year—still no word as to whether they’ll get up again after finally getting knocked down.




#69: “Seasons in the Sun” – Terry Jacks
Released: 1974
Peak Position: #1
Seasons In The Sun - Terry Jacks 1974 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cd_Fdly3rX8#)

Originally an old Belgian folk song, this song was re-written in English by Rod McKuen and recorded by Canadian singer Terry Jacks in 1974, becoming his only hit, making it to #1 in the U.S., Canada and the U.K.  The song’s lyrics tell the story of a dying man, who is telling all his friends and loved ones goodbye while he’s apparently on his deathbed.  He says goodbye to his unnamed friend, his father, and “Michelle”, who we assume is either his girlfriend or his daughter:

Goodbye, Michelle, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky;
Now that the spring is in the air
With the flowers everywhere
I wish that we could both be there

While the premise of the song is sweet, it just comes across as sappy when you listen to it—elevator music to the core.  To boot, too many questions are unanswered: I mean, why is the man dying?  His father’s still alive, so is it some kind of fatal illness?  Cancer, possibly?  This is one example of a song that opens up too many questions with its inane lyrics, and I wouldn’t play this one for my dog.  She’d probably start licking her butt, anyway.




#68: “See You Again” – Miley Cyrus
Released: 2007
Peak Position: #10



You should have known the product of Billy Ray’s loins was going to show up on this list eventually.  Released in late 2007 from Miley Cyrus’ debut album, this song was met with unanimous praise and made it into the Billboard Top 10, although I’m literally at a loss as to why.  The beat is so annoying, Miley’s vocals are nothing short of whiny and tone-deaf, and the lyrics are absolutely cringeworthy:

The last time I freaked out, I just kept lookin' down
I st-st-stuttered when you asked me what I'm thinkin' 'bout
Felt like I couldn't breathe, you asked what's wrong with me
My best friend Lesley said ‘Oh she’s just being Miley’

Where do I even begin?  First up, why is your best friend with you when you’re with someone you’re trying to hook up with?  And who asked her for her input anyway?  It’s songs like this that destroy all the credibility of pop music nowadays.  While it’s not as bad as most of Lindsay Lohan’s music and Miley truly can deliver (her song “The Climb” was excluded from this list for reasons such), this song signaled a turn toward sophomoric, uninspired “club songs” that sadly, form the bulk of music today.




#67: “You’re the Inspiration” – Chicago
Released: 1984
Peak Position: #3



In 1984, rock legends Chicago released this song, which was praised by several record critics and made it up to #3 on the Pop charts.  However, it truly stands out as one of the sappiest, mushiest, cheesiest love songs ever recorded.  The background music is just cringeworthy, and Peter Cetera’s lead vocals just make you want to stick an ice pick in your head when he belts out the chorus:

You’re the meaning in my life
You’re the inspiration
You bring feeling to my life
You’re the inspiration
Wanna have you near me
I wanna have you hear me sayin’
No one needs you more than I need you

Trust me, it’s even more insanely over-the-top when you listen to it for yourself.  Thankfully, we still have about fifty Chicago songs besides this one that aren’t nearly so bad—some are downright awesome.  But even an established group like Chicago can have a bad day, and this is one of their worst.




#66: “How Bizarre” – OMC
Released: 1995
Peak Position: Didn’t chart



In 1995, New Zealand hip-hop group OMC released this song in their native New Zealand, hitting #1 with it.  The following year, it made waves in the U.S., even though it never charted due to not being released as a single in this country.  And judging from the song's inconsistency, I'm not surprised: they were probably confused as to whether they should play it on a hip-hop station or a Latin music station.  The lyrics are fair enough for a hip-hop song:

Brother Pele's in the back, sweet Zina’s in the front
Cruisin’ down the freeway in the hot, hot sun
Suddenly red-blue lights flash us from behind
Loud voice booming, ‘Please step out onto the line’
Pele preaches words of comfort, Zina just hides her eyes
Policeman taps his shades, ‘Is that a Chevy '69?’

While the lyrics are fine, two problems lie in this song: number one, the lead singer can’t carry a tune in a bucket.  Number two is the actual music: when the music begins to play, you’re no doubt thinking to yourself, ‘This is a hip-hop song?’  It just sounds too happy.  The music video also has an inaccuracy: instead of a 1969 Chevy Impala, like the lyrics say, the lead singer is driving a 1968 Impala.  All this, and they never had another hit?  Hmmm, how…bizarre.




#65: “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)” – Rupert Holmes
Released: 1979
Peak Position: #1



The last ever #1 song of the 1970’s, this sickening ode to the worst-tasting cocktail in history leaves an even worse taste in anyone who tries to listen to it’s mouth.  The lyrics tell the story of a man who, unsatisfied with his current relationship, finds a personal ad in the paper:

If you like pina coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you like makin’ love at midnight
In the dunes of the cape
Then I’m the love that you’ve looked for
Write to me and escape

I could say something about how that personal ad just comes off as haughty and snobbish, but I’ll move on: the guy answers the ad, and when the two meet face-to-face, whaddya know—it’s his current girlfriend.  Okay, look: if I was in a similar situation, I’d do one of two things: get mad at her for sending the damn ad in the first place, or leave the bar right away in frustration—after all, the guy wants a new relationship, right?  Mix all this with a horrible “island” soundtrack, fake-sounding ocean sound effects, and whiny vocals, and you’ll probably never go back to the beach again.  Oh, one more thing: Holmes himself has stated that he hates pina coladas, and they “taste like Kaopectate”.  Isn’t it a nice world when singers can admit when their choice of material is wrong?




#64: “Longer” – Dan Fogelberg
Released: 1979
Peak Position: #2



In 1979, the late Dan Fogelberg released this sappy love song, which made it up to #2 on the charts the following year.  Not only is the song so mind-meltingly cheesy and nauseating that anyone with half a brain cannot stand to listen to it for more than fifteen seconds, but the lyrics are just so over-the-top it’s not even funny:

Longer than there’ve been fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever flew
Longer than there’ve been stars up in the heavens
I’ve been in love with you

Okay, Dan, let me give you a few statistics.  There have been fishes in the ocean since 500 million years ago.  A flock of swans was once recorded flying at over 29,000 feet.  And the oldest star we’ve ever found was estimated to be 13.2 billion years old.  You still want to say you’ll be in love with this chick forever?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.




#63: “Hangin’ Tough” – New Kids on the Block
Released: 1989
Peak Position: #1



It’s a common misconception that boy bands started in the ‘90s.  Quite the contrary—there were at least three in the 1980s, and these guys started it all.  With lead vocals by the now-infamous Donnie Wahlberg (yes, he’s the older brother of Mark “Marky Mark” Wahlberg), the song reached the #1 position in September 1989, and was the first of three (yes, three) #1’s for the pioneering boy band.  But listening to the tinny beat and the horrible lyrics, I can't really see why:

Listen up everybody, if you wanna take a chance
Just get on the floor and do the New Kids’ dance
Don't worry 'bout nothing 'cause it won't take long
We’re gonna put you in a trance with a funky song

First off, what the hell is the “New Kids’ Dance”?  They never tell us how to do it!  Second, this song is far from “funky”—unless he’s talking about the smell, that is.  Amazingly, this song was certified Platinum by the RIAA, and was considered among the best rap songs to come out of the ‘80s (no, seriously, they considered this shit rap).  The New Kids broke up in 1994, but they reformed in 2008.  Thankfully, though, they’re not making any new music—just playing the crappy stuff they’ve already made.




#62: “The Bad Touch” – The Bloodhound Gang
Released: 1999
Peak Position: #52
Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xat1GVnl8-k#ws)

In May 1999, American techno group The Bloodhound Gang released this song as the lead single from their album Hooray for Boobies.  In case the album’s name didn’t lead you in the right direction, the cover actually featured two zebras copulating.  Alright, I’ve got nothing against songs being about sex, but this one is just disturbing to listen to.  The techno-dance beat is pretty good, but that’s the only redeeming quality about this song.  The lead singer’s voice just sounds like a freaking robot, and the lyrics are downright filthy:

You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel

You don’t get much more disgusting than that.  In addition, the music video is an insane, badly put-together mishmash of so many negative stereotypes that it was banned in several countries—it makes fun of homosexuals, midgets and French people, and depicts people eating worms and poop.  Thankfully, the Bloodhound Gang kind of disappeared after this song, so we don’t have to worry about that shit (and worms?) anymore.




#61: “Billy, Don’t Be a Hero” – Bo Donaldson & the Heywoods
Released: 1974
Peak Position: #1



The Civil War: a time of turmoil in America—and apparently, a damn good time period to set a crappy 1970’s song.  Bo Donaldson and his band, the Heywoods, scored their only hit with this tune, which followed the exploits of a man who is going to be married, but first, voluntarily leaves to serve his country in the Civil War.  The song’s chorus is his young wife-to-be begging him not to go:

Billy, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life
Billy, don't be a hero, come back and make me your wife
And as Billy started to go she said ‘keep your pretty head low
‘Billy don’t be a hero, come back to me’

Just by listening to this song, you know it’s not going to end well.  And why the hell is the guy voluntarily going off to serve in the Army instead of getting married?  The only logical thing I can think of is that Billy’s wife must be butt-ugly, and he doesn’t want to marry her.  Songs like this make me wonder what the hell people were thinking listening to this crap in the ‘70s, when bands like Led Zeppelin and the Ramones were out there just waiting to be discovered.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Purple Parrots Fan on December 09, 2012, 11:22:29 PM
Boy, this list (unlike last night's installment) has a lot of oldies here. Comment time:

I agree about #70. Though it's an okay song in small doses, and I liked it a lot when I was a kid. But, the lyrics are repetitive, and the group name is "interesting." I remember once I came up with a similar nickname (on another forum) "Umba Chumba Wumba." Naturally, it didn't catch on. =P

I don't mind #69, though I haven't really listened to it much. So I guess I don't care enough to have an opinion.

Dear god, if it's one Miley song I TRULY can't stand, it's this one. This song was seriously overplayed in late 2007/early 2008. And I just never understood the love for this song. She's seriously singing like she's some sort of robot, and her voice sounds really ugly. And it doesn't surprise me that the lyrics are equally as cheesy and lame. :roll:

THANK YOU for putting #67 on this list. I usually love ballads, but I seriously hate this song with a passion. Even when I was a kid, I thought this song was just downright lame. And I'm not even a big Chicago fan either. But you're right, they did have MUCH better stuff than this cheesefest.

I disagree about #66. I happen to really like this song, albeit in small doses. And if you're in the mood for it. The music video for it sucks though, I'll give it that much. But the song is so "bizarre," I just happen to like it.

Never really heard #65, no comment.

I sort of agree about #64, but I don't think it's a terrible song at all. I like other stuff from him though.

Agree about #63, I just don't like this group at all. This song is admittedly pretty catchy, but it's not enough for me to have any interest in it. However, the song "I'll Be Loving You Forever" from them, is MUCH WORSE than "Hanging Tough." If you thought the sappy love songs on this list was bad, this one takes cheesefest to a whole different level. Don't say I didn't warn you. Also, "and was considered among the best rap songs to come out of the ‘80s." WHAT?!?!

Didn't hear much of #62 or #61, no comment.

Overall, great list! I can't wait for more, this is seriously amazing. :D
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: PurpleParrot319 on December 09, 2012, 11:44:33 PM
I.........actually like "The Bad Touch". It's just a funny song to listen to. :lol:
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on December 15, 2012, 09:53:58 PM
Anyone ready for more crappy songs?  Anyone?  Tough, I'm gonna start this part of the list anyway:

#60: “Cowboy” – Kid Rock
Released: 1999
Peak Position: #82



I despise Kid Rock.  It’s not that he’s a bad guy, or that he can’t sing well, and that midget companion he used to have, while slightly annoying, doesn’t really bother me either.  What irks me about Kid Rock is that he’s apparently not sure whether he wants to be a rapper, a country singer, or a rock star.  And this song he released off his album Devil Without a Cause definitely blurs the lines between all three.  To boot, the lyrics further confuse what the hell the guy wants to be (besides a cowboy, obviously):

Cowboy, baby,
With the top let back and the sunshine shinin’
Cowboy, baby,
West Coast chillin’ with the Boone’s Wine
I wanna be a cowboy, baby,
I ride all night ‘cause I sleep all day
Cowboy, baby
I can smell a pig from a mile away

There are elements of rock (traveling at night due to sleeping all day), rap (West Coast, top let back, etc.), and obviously country with the “Cowboy” theme.  Come on, Bob, just pick a genre and go for it!  And what the hell is “Boone’s Wine”?  You can “smell a pig from a mile away”?  Is that some sort of reference to barbecue restaurants?  Like I said, Kid Rock is just one of those artists I can’t place in a single genre no matter what he does, and that coupled with the nonsensical lyrics of this song merits it inclusion here.




#59: “Hips Don’t Lie” – Shakira
Released: 2006
Peak Position: #1



In the spring of 2006, Colombian superstar Shakira released this salsa-inspired song with backing vocals by Haitian rapper Wyclef Jean.  It reached the #1 position in at least 25 countries, including the U.S., and broke the record for most radio airplays in one week.  But yet again, this is undisputed proof that the public will eat up any unwashed garbage that the music industry can come up with.  The song is cheap, the lyrics some like they were come up with by a parrot (especially the parts by Wyclef), and the Spanish parts are so unintelligible it’s not funny at all:

I never really knew that she could dance like this
She make a man want to speak Spanish
Como se llama? Bonita, mi casa, su casa
(Shakira, Shakira)

She makes a man want to speak Spanish?  Isn’t that kind of insulting, considering Shakira’s heritage?  And I’m no Spanish expert, but roughly translated, did he just say “What did you say? Pretty, my house, your house”?  Geez, if you’re going to talk like that, at least learn some Spanish articles, you uncoordinated lout!  The music video is also an eyesore—not the parts with Shakira, of course, but there are WAY too many shots of Wyclef.  We don’t need to see his scrawny ass any more than we have to, you know?  This song is absolutely one of Shakira’s worst, and I knew I had to put it on this list from the get-go.




#58: “Just a Friend” – Biz Markie
Released: 1989
Peak Position: #9
Biz Markie - Just A Friend (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aofoBrFNdg#)

Biz Markie is one of my least favorite performers in any genre of music.  He can’t sing, he can’t rap—hell, he can’t even talk!  But against all odds, he scored a major hit at the tail end of 1989, which was thankfully his only foray onto the Pop charts.  Considered an early rap classic by some, I honestly can’t see what anyone saw (or still sees) in this pile of crap.  The lyrics follow Biz’s exploits as he picks up a girl after a concert, and is trying to get into her pants:

I whispered in her ear, ‘come to the picture booth
So I can ask you some questions to see if you are 100 proof’
I asked her her name, she said blah-blah-blah
She had 9/10 pants and a very big bra

Um, excuse me?  Could you be any more stereotypical with that ‘100 proof’ line?  What kind of chick replies to a simple question like her name with ‘blah blah blah’?  Who is she, Kesha?  And how the hell do you know the size of her pants and bra when you’ve only just met the chick?  The rap part of the song wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t break into that oh-so-earsplitting ‘you, you got what I need’ chorus, which will make you want to puncture your eardrums with a safety pin.  Easily one of the worst early raps songs of all time, this song was one of my first choices for this list, as it certainly is a bad listening experience.




#57: “It Wasn’t Me” – Shaggy
Released: 2000
Peak Position: #1



Jamaican-born Orville “Shaggy” Burrell released this song off his multi-platinum album Hot Shot in the year 2000, and it became his first #1 hit.  While some of Shaggy’s material is indeed listenable, this song just reeks of inane disarray, poor structure, and a horrible concept.  The lyrics chronicle how Shaggy was caught with another woman by his girlfriend, and after a little advice from his friend, decides the best way to avoid confrontation is to deny everything, even when presented with overwhelming evidence:

But she caught me on the counter
(It wasn't me)
Saw me banging on the sofa
(It wasn't me)
I even had her in the shower
(It wasn't me)
She even caught me on camera
(It wasn't me)

Excuse me?  If she caught your ass on camera, you’re clearly guilty, my friend!  This song’s lyrics are so nonsensically moronic, it begs the question of why it became a hit in the first place.  Another interesting tidbit—the song sparked a legal term known as the “Shaggy Defense”, which is just what the song describes: denying a crime in the wake of almost damning evidence.  I’d like to think that law schools will teach this profoundly in the future, but so far, nothing.




#56: “Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep” – Middle of the Road/Mac & Katie Kissoon
Released: 1971
Peak Position: #20
Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep - Mac & Katie Kissoon Music Video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvVjrdAmBpE#ws)

Only in the ‘70s could a song as inane and nonsensical as this one become a hit.  In 1971, a British band called Middle of the Road released this song, taking it to #1 in England, but thankfully, it never charted in America.  Unfortunately, the brother-sister duo of Mac & Katie Kissoon released a version stateside, and scored their only Top 40 hit with it.  I’m not even really sure what the hell this song is about, but best I can figure from the lyrics, it’s about a baby bird that’s lost its mother:

Last night I heard my mama singin’ a song
Oo-ee, chirpy chirpy cheep cheep
Woke up this morning and my mama was gone
Oo-ee, chirpy chirpy cheep cheep, chirpy chirpy cheep cheep, chirp

Ugh…someone just stick an ice pick in my head.  This song is so stupid, so insanely moronic, that once you hear it once, you do everything in your power to make sure you never hear it again, to the point that you’ll probably shoot your radio if they decide to play it.  Thankfully, this song has been largely forgotten, but it’s still a massive earsore that deserves a place on this list.




#55: “If You’re Not the One” – Daniel Bedingfield
Released: 2003
Peak Position: #15



Released in late 2002 as the third single from English singer Daniel Bedingfield’s debut album, and made it to #1 in the U.K. and #15 in the U.S.  While Bedingfield’s whiny vocals are bad enough to listen to, this song’s lyrical content is just sad.  It reeks of commercialism, sappiness, and general badness that you can’t really take this song seriously no matter how many times you listen to it.  The song is basically a ballad, and its generic “ballad” lyrics just add to the song’s bad qualities:

If you’re not the one
Why does my heart feel glad today
If you’re not the one
Then why does my hand fit yours this way

You don’t get much cheesier than those lyrics right there.  To top it off, I'm pretty sure the note Bedingfield hits during the chorus is enough to shatter glass.  Bedingfield himself has stated that the song is one of his poorest, and he originally didn’t even want to release it.  However, his sister Natasha (who is only a slightly more annoying singer than Bedingfield) insisted he release it, and now he has to live with it.  Relatives…they always seem to screw up your best intentions.




#54: “Bye Bye Bye” – ‘N Sync
Released: 2000
Peak Position: #4



From their album No Strings Attached, boy band ‘N Sync released this song as a reference to them severing ties from their former label, RCA.  It set a record the first week it was out, selling 2.4 million copies.  But for all its successes, there’s no getting around the fact that this is a pretty annoying song to listen to.  The background beat makes you cringe every time you hear it, and the lyrics are so repetitive they could be used in an answering machine:

Don't wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for two
You may hate me but it ain't no lie,
Baby, bye, bye, bye

The media just played the shit out of this song the first time it was released, and it got old the first 24 hours or so it was out.  Plus, the first time you listen to this song, you can’t get it out of your head!  Add to that the fact that four out of the five members of ‘N Sync are no-talent idiots, and you have the makings of possibly the worst song ever done by a boy band (but then again, there aren’t many good ones, so yeah).




#53: “The Ketchup Song” – Las Ketchup
Released: 2002
Peak Position: #54



If there’s anything positive I can say about this song, it’s definitely the best song ever written that shares its name with a condiment.  In 2002, Spanish-born sisters Pilar, Lola, and Lucia Munoz, better known as Las Ketchup (they took their name from their father, a famous flamenco player named “El Tomate”) released this song, which became their only hit in the Americas.  As of 2006, the song has sold over seven million copies worldwide.  The song is quite catchy, yes, but the lyrics are so nonsensical I still can’t figure out what the hell they’re about.  Plus, the Spanish chorus is impossible to translate:

Aserejé, ja deje tejebe tude jebere sebiunouba
Majabi an de bugui an de buididipí

Only three words in that snippet actually translate to English words.  Apparently, the chorus is taken from the song “Rapper’s Delight”, widely considered to be the first rap song ever recorded.  The song’s titular character, Diego, dances to the song, but doesn’t understand the English lyrics, so he makes up his own lyrics to the song.  Unfortunately, this makes the song sound like a Spanish one-year-old wrote it, and proves that if you’re going to write a song, no matter what language you speak, use some actual words!




#52: “Wild Wild West” – Will Smith
Released: 1999
Peak Position: #1
Wild Wild West - Will Smith (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEaX4ApC_EU#)

Will Smith is undoubtedly one of the best actors of our generation—so much so that it’s hard to believe he started his career as a rap singer.  In the 1980’s, Smith was part of a rap duo with DJ Jazzy Jeff, and they released several rap songs before breaking up.  Smith turned to acting, but after a hit TV show and several successful films, Smith decided to try his luck with rapping again, releasing this song as the theme to his 1999 movie of the same name.  Unfortunately, lightning couldn’t strike twice, and the song just came across as a has-been trying to recapture former musical glory.  The song uses Stevie Wonder’s “I Wish” as backing music, and the lyrics are basically made up of Will self-promoting himself:

Got mad weapons too, ain’t tryin’ to hear that
Tryin’ to bring down me, this champion
When y’all clowns gon’ see that it can’t be done
Understand me son, I'm the slickest they is,
I'm the quickest they is, did I say I'm the slickest they is?

Yes, Will, you did.  And if you hadn’t, we’d gather this from the fact that you’re singing this song like a total egotist.  Fortunately, this would be Smith’s last foray into music (so far, anyway), and he soon returned to acting—the one thing I can actually stomach him doing.




#51: “Gangnam Style” – PSY
Released: 2012
Peak Position: #2



Seriously, was there any doubt this one would be here?  This song was released by South Korean rapper Park “PSY” Jae-Sang a few months ago, and hit #2 in the U.S. and #1 in Great Britain.  The YouTube video of the song has been watched over 800 million times, and could well crack 1 billion views soon.  However, this song is so stupid that I can’t see why the hell it’s been so popular in the first place.  Not only does the beat want to make you shoot your computer, the lyrics are in Korean, so YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND A DAMN THING HE’S SAYING:

Jeongsukhae boijiman nol ttaen noneun yeoja
Ittaeda sipeumyeon mukkeotdeon meori puneun yeoja
Garyeotjiman wenmanhan nochulboda yahan yeoja
Geureon gamgakjeogin yeoja

Matter of fact, other than “gangnam style” and “hey sexy lady”, there are NO ENGLISH WORDS in this song whatsoever.  Unbelievably, this song is still in the Top 40, and is very slow falling off.  This song would be a LOT higher on this list if I didn’t take a song’s longevity into account, but it has definitely made its mark as one of the worst songs of recent years, and will likely be considered one of the worst of all time for years to come.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Purple Parrots Fan on December 15, 2012, 10:54:17 PM
What a coincidence, I had just heard #60 on the radio today. I only listened to 10 seconds of it, and trust me, it was enough for me to change the station in a heartbeat. It's a bad song indeed. I also hate Kid Rock, for pretty much all the same reasons you do. It's like he's trying to mix country with rap and pop, thinking it sounds good. But of course, we all know it sounds bad.

I kind of agree about #59. The lyrics and the song itself is cheesy, but I still find it pretty catchy. The music video is definitely an eyesore too. If it's not Wyclef Jean being shown 24/7, it's just Shakira shaking her rump pretty much the whole video. Also, I'm pretty sure the "Como se llama? Bonita, mi casa, su casa" part translates into "What's her name? Pretty, my house your house."

Agree about #58, though it's an okay song to listen to in very small doses. What irks me about the song is that Biz Markie is stalking some girl who says "he's just a friend." And then at the end of the song, he shows up at the girl's dorm, and sees her smooching her REAL boyfriend. Moral of the story: There's a reason she calls you "just a friend." Get over it, dude. And don't get me started on his ear splitting "singing" in the chorus. Also, there's a 2002 remake of this song by an R&B guy named Mario. And trust me, his version isn't any better. If anything, the cover is worse.

Oh man, I knew #57 would make the list. The lyrics to this one are utterly ridiculous. You cheat on your girlfriend with some whore, you get caught red handed in multiple ways, and then you run to your friend who gives you inept advice. Seriously, all he tells you is "say it wasn't you." One thing you didn't touch upon is, at one point in the song, Shaggy says "How could I forget that I have given him an extra key?" What an idiot. Another moral of the story: It was your own damn fault for leaving your girlfriend an extra key. And it was your own damn fault for cheating. Don't even waste your breath with how "it wasn't you," when there's so much evidence stating otherwise. "Why should she believe me when I told her it wasn't me?" indeed. But despite that though, I still love this song. It's so catchy you can't not like it.

Don't know #56, no comment.

THANK YOU for including #55 on this list. I hate this song with a passion, even when it first came out. I usually love ballads, but this one is WAY too slow and boring. To be honest with you, I never liked Daniel Betingfield. His songs were never catchy at all, and he always sounded constipated when he was singing. (The song "I Gotta Get Through This" is a perfect example of this). I like Natasha Betingfield better, and even then I'm not a huge, huge fan. I guess there's a reason his sister got more success than him. Though I guess we can give him credit for basically admitting this song sucked.

Also agree about #54. Even when I was 10 when this song came out, I thought it was really repetitive and lame. I don't mind NSYNC at all, but song is really, really overrated. And you're right, they overplayed THE HELL out of this song when it first came out. I sort of like the music video for it though, I'll give it that.

Agree about #53 as well. I never understood the love for this song. And it seemed like it was on everyone's "favorite song" list. the lyrics are both annoying and nonsensical. There's a reason they were only one hit wonders.

Agree about #52. I like some of Will Smith's music, but this song is both cheesy and boring. He was better with DJ Jazzy Jeff, enough said.

And finally.... the infamous Gangnam. If this song had come out before 2009, this would probably make the Top 10 for sure. This is far and away, hands down, the most overrated song is the history of the world. I DO NOT understand the love for this song. The lyrics are nonsensical, the music reeks of ear splitting electropop, and don't even get me started on the video. It's not entertaining in the slightest, and it's just not funny at all. It says a lot of about today's world when they consider this song "entertaining" and "amazing." And really, it doesn't sound ANY different than most electropop songs today. Once again, a guy gets fame handed to him on a silver platter just for making a fool of himself. But, I suppose if his song is declining on the charts, that's one thing positive I can say.

Great stuff like always. :D I can't believe we're already approaching the Top 50. :o
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Red Jaguars on December 16, 2012, 12:35:04 AM
I agree, I kind of like "Hips Don't Lie". Its one of those songs I clearly remember from my high school days. Its pretty catchy and one of Shakira's better songs. Although the "Hips Don't Lie" portio was kind of cheesy, indeed...

And I hate "Bye Bye Bye" too. That song was like the "Baby" song when I was 10. My cousins would sing this song all the time and they even had N Sync puppets.  :shock: But it does bring back good memories though.

And I am surprised "Gangnam Style" is ranked so low. I thought it would be much higher. :o But I agree, it definitely has to be one of the most overrated songs ever. I mean the Youtube music video for it is almost reaching 1,000,000,000 views and there is so many damn parodies of it. It also has to be one of the most nonsensical music videos ever. That stupid little boy at the beginning pisses me off.  :oops:
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on December 17, 2012, 10:31:25 PM
I'm a little late, but on the positive side, we're halfway done with this countdown!

#50: “Love You like a Love Song” – Selena Gomez
Released: 2011
Peak Position: #22



Following in the footsteps of annoying Disney actresses before her, Selena Gomez released this little earsore on her band, the Scene’s, third studio album.  It hit #1 on the Dance Charts, and has already been certified 2x Platinum in the U.S.  However, the proof is in the pudding for this overrated song.  While Selena isn’t a slouch in the vocals department, the beat is just so annoying you’ll probably hurl if you listen to the song more than twice, and the lyrics?  Ugh…

Constantly, boy you played through my mind like a symphony
There's no way to describe what you do to me
You just do to me what you do
And it feels like I've been rescued

Okay, time out.  “You just do to me what you do”?  Can’t you elaborate just a smidgen more here, Selena?  And another thing…not all love songs are worthy of being loved.  Some are downright awful (see #67 and #64 on this list if you want examples).  The little refrain of “re-pe-pe-peat” in the chorus is also extremely annoying, and will make you think your CD is skipping.  Selena Gomez is just the latest in a long line of teen actresses trying to capitalize on their fame by singing, and while her voice isn’t the worst of all time, this song certainly doesn’t make any future musical exploits look any more promising.




#49: “Afternoon Delight” – Starland Vocal Band
Released: 1976
Peak Position: #1
Starland Vocal Band - Afternoon Delight (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6eE3ydPdDc#)

As I said before, I have nothing against songs about sex.  But when a sex-filled song as cheesy as this one makes it past quality control, that’s when I draw the line.  This song was released in the spring of 1976, and soon skyrocketed (pun on the lyrics intended) to the top of the charts.  At the Grammys the following year, the Starland Vocal Band even won the award for “Best New Artist”, beating out Boston, of all people (in the ultimate twist of irony, they never released another single besides this one).  If you want proof that the song sucks, just look at the lyrics, which are about as sex-laden as anything released today:

Thinkin’ of you’s workin’ up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbin’ sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite
And the thought of rubbin’ you is getting so exciting

Holy shit.  That they even allowed that last line to air on national radio in the ‘70s is a testament to the music industry in and of itself.  Throw in several more lines that compare “the nasty” with fishing and a fake airplane sound effect, and you’ve got the makings of one truly awful song.  The one positive I have about this song is how Will Ferrell panned it in the Anchorman movie.  Now THAT is a man with some talent. :lol:




#48: “Cotton Eye Joe” – Rednex
Released: 1994
Peak Position: #25



Outdated country/folk music has its place—at bluegrass festivals, church meetings, and…well, come to think of it, that’s about it.  But when you try to “modernize” a song like “Cotton Eye Joe”, which has been around since 1861, it’s not going to work no matter how you do it.  Case in point: when Swedish country/dance band Rednex released this disaster in 1994, it hit #1 in Norway for 15 weeks, #1 in Switzerland for 13 weeks, and #1 in Sweden for 8 weeks.  But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s just plain bad.  The synthesized banjos and fiddles backing the song make you beg for earplugs, and the lyrics are so unintelligible it’s nauseating:

If it hadn't been for cotton-eye Joe
I'd been married long time ago
Where did you come from, where did you go
Where did you come from cotton-eye Joe?

Someone just shoot me now.  To make matters worse, the band released a remix version of this song in 2002, but by that time, everybody had realized how stupid this song was, and it didn’t chart anywhere.  Maybe there’s hope for the world after all…




#47: “Party All the Time” – Eddie Murphy
Released: 1985
Peak Position: #2
Party All The Time - Eddie Murphy (HQ Audio) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDbpzjbXUZI#)

It seems that the late 1980’s had a slew of actors trying to be singers.  Don Johnson, Rodney Dangerfield, and even Bruce Willis made records that all scored them hits on the Top 100.  But in 1985, comedian Eddie Murphy released this unappealing song off the soundtrack to his movie Beverly Hills Cop.  This song was produced by the legendary Rick James, but that’s where the positives end.  Eddie Murphy’s vocals alone are enough to merit this song inclusion on this list, but there’s so much more that makes this a bad song.  The background beat just doesn’t seem to fit the song, and the lyrics?  Well, just see for yourself:

I buy you champagne and roses and diamonds on your finger
Diamonds on your finger
Still you hang out all night
What am I to do?

The nasty lyrics go on like this for about five minutes, all interspersed by Eddie’s falsetto “Party all the time” chorus.  To boot, his “party” sounds so much like “potty” it’s not even funny.  Does your girl need some Imodium or something?  When it comes to partying all the time, you can do so much better than this song.




#46: “We Like to Party” – Vengaboys
Released: 1998
Peak Position: #26



Speaking of partying, this song isn’t much better of a party anthem, unfortunately.  Released in 1998 by Dutch synth-pop group the Vengaboys, this song proved their biggest hit in the States, reaching #26 in America.  Without question, this song is one of the most annoying beats I have EVER heard.  To make matters worse, the lyrics aren’t a picnic to listen to either:

The Venga bus is comin' & everybody's jumpin',
New York through San Francisco, an Interstate free disco,
The wheels of steel are turnin' and traffic lights are burnin',
So if you like to party, get on and move your body

An “interstate free disco”?  Okay, didn’t discos die out like forty years ago?  To make matters worse, this song is overplayed as hell, being used in Six Flags theme park commercials since what feels like the beginning of time.  If there’s ever a song that needed to just go away, it’s this one.




#45: “Make ‘Em Say Uhh” – Master P
Released: 1998
Peak Position: #16



Long before his son Romeo became famous for singing badly, hip-hop artist Master P recorded this song, backed by four studio rappers.  The song may have been commercially successful, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good song.  Without question, this song has the STUPIDEST rap hook of all time:

Make em say UHHHHHH (UHHHHH)
Na-nah na-nah (na-nah na-nah)

“Make ‘em say Uhh”?  The only time I could think of when I would honestly say “uhh” would be when I’m constipated.  To boot, the opening of the song is absolutely horrendous, and P says the “n” word so many times, you’d think he was racist toward his own people.  Thankfully, Master P disappeared after this song, but we still have his untalented son making music out there, so we must continue to hold that against him.




#44: “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” – Backstreet Boys
Released: 1998
Peak Position: #4



Remember when I said “Bye Bye Bye” may be the worst boy band song ever recorded?  I lied.  In 1998, the Backstreet Boys released this song from their eponymous album, and everybody everywhere was shaking their heads at the band’s egoism.  The background music just gives you the feeling that you’re in the cheapest sports stadium in history, and the lyrics?  They couldn’t honestly get any more egotistical and self-aggrandizing:

Everybody, everybody
Everybody, rock your body right
Backstreet’s back, alright!

You guys are back?  Sheesh, you released this song in 1998, when you’d already released enough material to fill a damn truck—I wasn’t even aware you’d gone anywhere!  This song is basically a way of self-promoting the band, plain and simple, and nothing more.  Boy bands aren’t really known for their deep, meaningful lyrics, though, so perhaps I should cut these guys some slack…nah!




#43: “Dancing on the Ceiling” – Lionel Richie
Released: 1986
Peak Position: #2
Lionel Richie - Dancing On The Ceiling (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdQDXs75Ulo#)

Lionel Richie may be have one of the best voices in recent musical history.  As the lead singer of the Commodores in the ‘70s and early ‘80s, he lent his pipes to songs like “Three Times a Lady” and “Brick House”, and as a solo artist, was even more successful, belting out masterpieces like “Hello” and “All Night Long”.  But this?  This song is positively horrible, even when put into the proper context of the era.  Lyrically, it’s stupid—but you already got that, didn’t you?

Everybody starts to lose control when the music gets right
If you see somebody hangin’ around, don’t get uptight
The only thing we wanna do tonight
Is go round and round, and turn upside-down
Come on, let’s get down

The fact that the song is probably NOT an allusion to getting high just makes matters worse.  Musically, fake synth horns abound, just as they do in most of Lionel’s other tracks, but they are so especially overdone and annoying here, the song is made all the worse.  There is simply no compelling reason to listen to this track.  None.  The video, however?  Since it features two incredible cameos in it, I can’t rat on it too much.




#42: “America’s Most Hated” – Kevin Federline
Released: 2006
Peak Position: Didn’t chart



In 2006, the then-Mr.-Britney-Spears Kevin Federline released his first album, and this was the first (and only) single released off it.  While the fact that Kevin Federline recorded it, a man with no talent in his body whatsoever, should turn you off, the lyrics are something that could only be concocted by either a drunk two-year-old or a retarded person (and knowing it’s K-Fed we’re talking about, I’d go with the latter):

I’m livin’ life in the fast lane
Then the cash came
Fire won’t quit, still burnin’ like a gas flame
They watch me
So I duck and roll
Middle fingers still up sayin’ fuck the globe

I’m not going to even bother with comments—you see how crappy those lyrics are right there.  Fortunately, though, pretty much the whole world agreed about how shitty this song was when it was released.  Rolling Stone rated it a measly one out of five stars, and it didn’t make it to any chart’s Top 100 worldwide.  It only sold a few hundred thousand copies, and to this day, remains among the worst-selling albums in recorded music history.  Sometimes, people just know bad music when they hear it.




#41: “I Am Woman” – Helen Reddy
Released: 1971
Peak Position: #1



I am man, hear me vomit.  In the early 1970’s, Australian-born Helen Reddy was one of the biggest stars in music, as her schmaltzy, sugar-coated pop ballads scored her smash hit after smash hit.  But one of her earliest forays to the top was this 1971 song, an ode to the women’s liberation movement.  The song quickly topped the American charts, becoming the first song by an Australian to do so, and became an anthem of sorts of gender equality.  Now, I’m not against women being somebody in this world, but this song is just so over-the-top that no one can take it seriously anymore:

Oh yes, I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong, I am invincible
I am woman

Okay, let me get something straight to you: you’re NOT invincible.  Give me a machete, and I’ll show you, bitch.  Look, I’m all for women making the same money as men, and holding the same jobs and whatnot, but when you go about whining and complaining about this shit,  it just makes you look like a crybaby.  To boot, Reddy’s voice is incredibly whiny, and doesn’t do this song any favors.  Sometimes, even the best of intentions turn out as 100% crap.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Purple Parrots Fan on December 17, 2012, 11:26:47 PM
I swear, I agree with your list more and more. That's definitely a good sign. XD

I totally agree about #50, and what makes it worse is that one of the car commercials plays this song constantly. When I first heard it, I thought it was Lady Gaga who sang it. I guess it's further proof that most electropop songs sound exactly the same.

I sort of like #49, but it's not the greatest song in the world. Good to know songs in the 70s had sexual innuendo though. :P

What a coincidence that I heard #48 on the radio today. I like this song, it's one of my favorites, even if the song is pretty lame. I can't imagine a remix to this song being released 7 years later sounding any better though. Oh, and the video encode doesn't work. ;)

I agree about #47. Some actors just shouldn't sing and stick to well.... acting.

AGREE about #46. Good lord is this song overplayed, and I hate when the Six Flags commercial plays because of this song. Easily one of the worst songs ever, even when I first heard it as a kid.

Agree about #45 as well. Funniest thing about this song though: When VH1 played their "Awesome Bad Songs" countdown, this song made it. And some of the commentators described the song as "UHHHH!!!!" (first guy sounding constipated and/or taking a gnarly dump) and the guy next to him responds with "Nah nah nah nah...." (Reacting to the horrid "smell.") And another commentator described the song as "I just ate Taco Bell and now I have diarrhea." It was hilarious. :lol:

THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU for including #44! I hate this song with a HUGE passion. Seriously, it's way overrated, and it's extremely overplayed. I can't turn on the radio for 2 seconds without hearing this song. Not only is this song an egotrip like you said, but what exactly are they "back" for? I get that this is their first hit and everything, but you're not "back" from anything. You just started your careers, you morons!

Agree about #43. Lionel Richie did better with "All Night Long" and "Hello." This song is just uncatchy and uninspiring, period.

And ROFL, K-Fed actually had a song out? I don't recall, but the lyrics alone (and the fact that it never charted anywhere) is enough to tell me that this song sucks, big time. Why must these celebrity "nobodies" (like Paris Hilton and Heidi Montag) insist on singing? It never works out.

And don't know #41, so besides the fact it looks like feminist type song, no comment.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Ancient Warrior on December 18, 2012, 03:50:45 PM
As a fan of Repo! The Genetic Opera, I'd have to make an exception for Paris Hilton, PPF.  But otherwise I agree. :P

I have to admit the list definitely includes some guilty pleasures, even this far in. "Gangnam Style" was hilarious the first time, and I still get a kick out of the dance meme from time to time.  It's working its way into being a passing fad, but hey, at least it knocked "Baby" out of the most viewed YouTube video spot.  That's something... right? :lol:

Either way, one of the big running themes seems to be that a lot of people who listen primarily to mainstream music only pay attention to the beat, and not the lyrics.  Which is odd, since a vocalist really is front and center in pop where the focus is a bit more even in any other kind of music.  But that seems to say a lot about these songs getting popular in the first place: they have predictable rhythms.

By the way, be careful not to play the violent raging critic too much, TBK.  I tasted a hint of it in #41 and I know we're getting into worse stuff the next two weekends, but please try not to overdo it for the top 40, okay? ;)
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Purple Parrots Fan on December 18, 2012, 08:20:57 PM
Okay I admit, there's one song from Paris Hilton that I sort of like. It was never a hit, but I heard it on an old YouTube fanvideo once. :P And yeah, I used to pay attention to only the beat and not the lyrics when I was younger. But even then, even if a song has the most ridiculous lyrics possible, I may still like it because it's catchy. That, and I've been listening to it for so long, I can't not like it. But, that's just me. ;)
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on December 22, 2012, 10:49:19 PM
Are your ears bleeding yet?  Well, give it a little time, because we've reached the Top 40!

#40: “Ice Ice Baby” – Vanilla Ice
Released: 1990
Peak Position: #1
Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rog8ou-ZepE#)

When white people start rapping, the end result can either be really, really good (i.e. Eminem) or really, really bad.  Case in point: Robert “Vanilla Ice” Van Winkle decided he wanted to be a hip-hop artist at the age of 16, and when he finally got his opportunity, this was his debut single.  It became a smash hit, and was the first ever hip-hop song to make it to #1 on the Billboard charts.  But looking back on it, it was nothing but sheer stupidity and repetitive lyrics:

Dance, bum rush the speaker that booms
I’m killin’ your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly, when I play a dope melody
Anything less that the best is a felony
Love it or leave it, you better gain way
You better hit bullseye, the kid don’t play
If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

While I’ll admit that “poisonous mushroom” bit is pretty clever, the lyrics are just so garbled that you can’t understand about 75% of them.  Plus, he talks about how good his rhyming skills are, and then has the nerve to talk about a shooting later in the song!  If the lyrics weren’t bad enough, the song came under some controversy by using the melody from Queen & David Bowie’s “Under Pressure”.  When confronted about it, Ice claimed that it wasn’t the same melody—he added an extra note.  Bowie and Queen weren’t buying it, though, and Ice paid the dividends, giving Bowie and Freddie Mercury writing credits for the song.  The silver lining to this is that Vanilla Ice never had another Top 40 hit, and eventually went on to starring in crappy reality series and do-it-yourself shows.  Now...

Let's get outta here
Wave to your mother





#39: “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” – Meat Loaf
Released: 1993
Peak Position: #1



In the 1970’s, Meat Loaf was one of the kings of schmaltzy, cheese-laden pop-rock ballads.  But by 1993, his popularity seemed to have fizzled out.  That was, until he released this song, scoring him an unexpected comeback hit that hit #1 on the charts in 28 different countries.  The song was praised by some, but frankly, Meat Loaf shows us why his career should have stayed in the ‘70s.  This song is so over-the-top, it begs the question of why it became a hit in the first place.  To boot, the lyrics contradict themselves so much it isn’t even funny:

But I'll never forget the way you feel right now
Oh no, no way, I would do anything for love,
But I won’t do that, I won’t do that, anything for love,
I would do anything for love, I would do anything for love,
But I won’t do that, I won’t do that

Um…excuse me?  You yourself just said you’d do anything for love, you fickle bastard!  This whole song is such a contradiction, ol’ Loaf himself had to analyze the song sometimes when he performed it on live television.  To make matters worse, this song lasts for almost eight straight minutes, and by the time it’s over, you never want to hear it again as long as you live!  Meat Loaf never returned to the Top 40 after this song, and for that, I thank him.  I also thank Randy Orton for RKOing the man on WWE RAW not that long ago.  (And yes, I seriously just did make a wrestling allusion on this list.  Bite me.)





#38: “My Humps” – Black Eyed Peas
Released: 2005
Peak Position: #3



Sometimes, a band’s first foray onto the music scene is evocative of their future musical careers.  But when the Black Eyed Peas burst onto the scene in the mid-2000’s, they set a new low for talking about a lady’s…assets, if you will.  In this song, lead singers Fergie and Will.i.am intersperse a dialogue between the two of them about how…ahem…”endowed” Fergie is in the backside:

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’m-a get, get, get, get you drunk
Get you love drunk off my hump
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps

You’re lowering yourself to a piece of meat, actively inviting men to ogle at you?  Well, I suppose it sounded good on paper.  The lyrics go on to compare the girl’s…posterior to things like alcohol, chocolate, and of all things, cereal.  This song is so repetitive, you can’t get the damn thing out of your head once you listen to it on the radio.  Fergie would go on to have a successful solo career, while the ‘Peas themselves would later set a record in 2009 for the longest time occupying the top of the charts, staying at #1 for 26 weeks with “Boom Boom Pow” and “I Gotta Feeling”.  While those two songs are definitely no picnic to listen to, this song is ten times worse, and I’ll wager people were just glad to listen to something from the band that isn’t so blatantly about sex.





#37: “Rico Suave” - Gerardo
Released: 1990
Peak Position: #7



In 1990, Ecuadorian singer Gerardo Mejia released this song, which became his only Top 10 hit in the U.S.  And listening to this crap, it’s not hard to see why.  Even as a kid, I knew this song was bad.  Okay, the main reason I didn’t like it was because I had no idea what the Spanish parts of the song meant, but the English lyrics are just as bad:

I don't drink or smoke, ain’t into dope
Won’t try no coke, ask me how I do it, I cope
My only addiction has to do with the female species
I eat ‘em raw like sushi

Crappy lyrics like this are interspersed by Gerardo muttering “Rico, Suave” in the background, which are the Spanish words for “Rich, Smooth”—but if you didn’t know better (like me as a kid), you’d think it was his name.  The song is so insanely chuckle-worthy that you can’t take it seriously no matter how you look at it, and from the moment you listen to it, you just know it’s one-hit-wonder material.  To boot, the music video is equally corny, with Gerardo flailing his pecs around like nobody’s business while unattractive background dancers abound.  Even though he lives in Glendale, California, Gerardo continues to be popular in his native Ecuador, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s fine by me—as long as he never has another hit in the U.S.





#36: “I Love Rock ‘n Roll” – Britney Spears
Released: 2002
Peak Position: Didn’t chart



In 1982, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts released a little song called “I Love Rock ‘n Roll”.  It spent seven weeks at #1 on the Billboard charts, and went on to be the best-selling single for that year.  But twenty years later, little miss mainstream pop herself, Britney Spears, released a version from her 2002 bomb of a movie, Crossroads, that effectively set the women’s rock movement back twenty more years.  Britney stays true to the original lyrics well enough, copying them to a ‘T’:

I love rock ‘n roll
So put another dime in the jukebox, baby
I love rock ‘n roll
So come and take the time and dance with me

But the lyrics aren’t the problem here.  The problem is that Britney Spears ISN’T ROCK ‘N ROLL.  The fact that she’s trying to portray herself as such just further serves to distance her from hardcore rock fans like yours truly.  To boot, she doesn’t add any of her own “touch” to the song, almost carbon-copying Joan’s version of the song for her own use.  This version of the song is bad, no question, and if you want further proof that Britney shouldn’t be covering songs like this one?  When promoting its release, she attributed it to Pat Benatar, NOT Joan Jett.  Yeah…that’ll net you some credibility with the rockers, Britney.





#35: “Informer” – Snow
Released: 1992
Peak Position: #1
Snow - Informer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtILxBszyf8#)

Snow (otherwise known as Darrin O'Brien from Canada) released this song in late 1992, and while he was in prison for assault charges, the song skyrocketed to the top of the Billboard charts.  In this unintelligible muddle of a song, Snow manages to trash the English language and reggae music in general in one fell swoop with his hiss-filled sampled mess.  On top of it, Snow's singing/rapping/whatever the hell it is style—some imitation Jamaican crap, loosely called “reggae fusion”—is almost completely unintelligible.  But that's actually good for us, since the lyrics are just designed to build some phony "street cred" like Vanilla Ice did two years prior:

Informer, ya no say Daddy me Snow me I’ll go blame
A licky boom boom down
‘Tective man he say, say Daddy Me Snow me stab someone down the lane
A licky boom boom down

Yeah, I don't think so.  The song is so hard to understand, MTV actually aired the video with subtitles at the bottom.  Fortunately for us, Snow quickly dropped off the charts thanks to such top notch titles as "Si Wi Dem Nuh Know We" (huh?) and "Jimmy Hat".  I can only guess the subject matter of either, but then again, I don’t really want to in the first place.  I have to give the guy a few points for the album title 12 Inches of Snow (C'mon, admit it—it's a clever double entendre).





#34: “Milkshake” – Kelis
Released: 2003
Peak Position: #3



Well, “My Humps” made it on the list, so you knew the original had to show up sometime, right?  In 2005, electro-pop diva Kelis released this song from her album Tasty, making it up to #3 with it.  However, the song is a vapid wasteland of unimaginative lyrics and an uninspired techno-beat that make you want to shoot yourself every time you listen to it:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they’re like it’s better than yours
Damn right it’s better than yours
I can teach you, but I have to charge
I can teach you, but I have to charge

Urgh.  Sounds like something someone would write in about ten minutes, which this song probably was, come to think of it.  There’s literally no depth to this song at all—it’s basically a woman flaunting her assets, and rubbing it in other women’s faces.  Plus, its beat is much more annoying than it is catchy.  The music video is also insane—nothing short of softcore porn.  Thankfully, Kelis has kind of fallen off the radar as of late (aside from her storied marriage-then-divorce from rapper Nas), and there’s still a chance for her to “redeem herself” of this steaming pile of (ice cream-flavored?) crap.





#33: “Bad Romance” – Lady Gaga
Released: 2009
Peak Position: #2



Let’s get one thing perfectly clear—I don’t hate Lady Gaga.  I like her a hell of a lot more than some of these other artists on the present music scene.  And hey, at least the girl can sing, unlike some people.  But when it comes to her repertoire of songs, this is definitely her worst.  Most of Gaga’s other material is at least tolerable in small doses, but from the opening lyrics, you know this song is going to be horrible:

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah
Roma-roma-mamaa
Ga-ga-oo-lah-lah
Want your bad romance

F**ing fabulous.  About 75% of this song is made up of nonsensical lyrics and annoying grunts and chants from Gaga, and it even discusses venereal diseases at one point!  The music video of this song is also a train wreck, featuring Gaga being kidnapped by women and sold into slavery to the Russians, then eventually killing the man who owns her!  To add the icing to the proverbial cake, the song has sold more than 9 million copies (making it one of the best-selling singles of all time), and actually won a Grammy for best Female Pop Vocal Performance.  Really?  Out of Gaga’s entire overrated catalogue, they had to pick this one?





#32: “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” – Crash Test Dummies
Released: 1993
Peak Position: #4
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIbcqgXh5-4#)

When Canadian alternative group the Crash Test Dummies released this song in 1993, it hit #1 on the Mainstream Rock charts and #4 on the Pop charts.  Eventually, it was certified gold, and scored the band their only hit of their career.  But aside from the truly masterful lyrics, the song is total garage sale fodder.  Looking at the lyrics, you’d think this song was a masterpiece:

Once there was this kid who
Got into an accident and couldn’t come to school
But when he finally came back
His hair had turned from black into bright white
He said that it was from when
The car had smashed so hard
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

The lyrics go on to tell the story of a girl who is shunned because her body is covered in birthmarks, and a boy who goes to a strange church where the people “shake and lurch all over the church floor”.  While the group has the right idea with the lyrics, there are several problems here.  In the first place, not a damn word in the entire song rhymes.  In the second place, the whole song is vapid, devoid of any kind of emotion but pity, and overwhelmingly sad.  In the third place, what the hell does “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” mean?  Did you forget the words to your own song?  Do you have peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth?  Why am I even asking these questions?  Add to all this the fact that the lead singer is trying so hard to be Eddie Vedder it's not even funny, and you've got yourself a pretty bad song.  I should also note that the Weird Al parody of this song, "Headline News", is funny as hell, and is worth a listen.





#31: “Laffy Taffy” – D4L
Released: 2005
Peak Position: #1



Atlanta-based hip-hop group D4L hit the top of the Billboard charts in January of 2006 with this song, mainly due to its enormous online sales.  With a backing tune of New Edition’s “Candy Girl”, there are so many references to sweets in this song you’ll literally wish you were a diabetic:

I'm lookin’ fa’ Ms. Bubble Gum
I'm Mr. Chick-O-Stick
I wanna (dun dun dunt) (oh)
'cause you so thick

I’ve never been so disgusted by candy in my entire life.  There are literally about twenty references to candy and gum in this song, and not one of them is appealing.  The fact that they’ve tarnished the legacy of the most famous stretchy fruit-flavored sweet not named “Fruit Roll-Ups” is reason enough to hate this song.  But when you throw in the repetitive chorus and the undeniable fact that lead singer Fabo is only slightly more tolerant to listen to than Biz Markie, you have a truly horrible song.  Thankfully, D4L hasn’t released a single album since this song hit #1, but former member Shawty Lo has since embarked on a solo career, so there’s still a possibility of more crap to come.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Purple Parrots Fan on December 23, 2012, 07:22:50 PM
Is it wrong that almost EVERY one of the above songs are on my iPod and are guilty pleasures? :lol:

#40 is an okay song in small doses, and he totally plagiarized the melody from that Queen song. I love how he claims "I added another beat, it's not the same." Umm, yes it is dude. It sounds the same, it is the same. That totally ruined his career, that's for sure. And don't get me started on those stupid reality shows he appeared in. Talk about attention whoring. :roll:

I HATE #39, it is way too long and drawn out. And I'm not even a fan of Meatloaf to begin with.

Oh man, I knew this song was gonna make it on this list. :lol: What stupid lyrics, it's just a song about Will.i.am bragging about how awesome Fergie's ass is, whoopdy doo. I still kind of like the song though, even if it is stupid.

Another guilty pleasure, but the lyrics are pretty stupid. What does the Spanish stuff mean anyways? And yes, I also made the mistake of beliaving that the guys names was literally "Rico Suave." XD

Agree about #36, even when I saw Crossroads (why, I don't know) and I heard this song, I thought it was just plain horrible. What an insult to the original Joan Jett version. There's a reason this song didn't chart.

Aw I like #35, even though the lyrics are total gibberish. At the same time though, I gotta question any guy who's next "songs" are inane titles like  "Si Wi Dem Nuh Know We" and "Jimmy Hat." I guess they were better off being unknowns.

I KNEW #34 was gonna be on this list, even before this topic was started. Even then, I still like this song. Here's a fun fact if you didn't already know: The "milkshake" that Kelis talks about, refers to her "pussy." I kid you not, she's basically singing "My pussy brings all the boys to the yard." Yeah I know gross, but not surprising considering these R&B songs.

Completely agree about #33. What's so special about a song that's mostly just saying "Rah Ah Rah Ah Ah." It's just annoying grunting, like you said.

I disagree about #32, I happen to really like this song. Though I agree about the title. I guess they couldn't think of a different title other than mere humming? It just makes this song sound so unfinished.

And finally #31, where I don't really mind this song, but it's still annoying. My biggest pet peeve about the song is the way they say "Laffy Taffy." It sounds like they're saying "Laffeh Taffeh" and it just drives me nuts. But, they were one hit wonders anyways, so I guess it doesn't matter too much.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on December 24, 2012, 08:53:40 PM
Please resist the urge to bash your head against the wall!  We still have 30 songs left:

#30: “Axel F” – Crazy Frog
Released: 2005
Peak Position: #50



In 1985, German keyboardist Harold Faltermeyer scored a major hit with this song from the Beverly Hills Cop soundtrack, making it up to #3 on the Pop charts.  But twenty years later, a version by the computer-animated character Crazy Frog actually made the Hot 100, peaking at #50 and becoming one of the most downloaded ringtones of all time.  Unlike the original, which is just a synthesized organ beat that is mildly tolerable, the Crazy Frog version is nothing but robotically computerized notes interspersed with the occasional high-pitched exclamation from the titular amphibian:

I am the Crazy Frog!
Ding ding

This is one of the worst remakes I’ve ever heard, and the fact that they made it into some electro-pop garbage that no one in their right mind wants to hear is even worse.  I literally have no idea why this song got to be such a popular ringtone.  Maybe people downloaded it so they’d answer their phone just to shut it up—that’s the only reason I can come up with.  One more thing of note: when this song made it to #1 in France (no, seriously, it did), the song that replaced it at the top position was another Crazy Frog remake—this time of the pioneering techno recording “Popcorn”.  As if we needed another reason to hate the French.





#29: “Play That Funky Music” – Wild Cherry
Released: 1976
Peak Position: #1



Disco is one of my least favorite genres of music.  Let’s face it—the genre is overplayed, over-commercialized, and most of the songs are extremely repetitive, sophomoric, and boring.  And if it weren’t for this song, the genre might never have existed, thus it makes my list.  However, there's more to it than that, which you will soon see.  In 1976, early funk singer/songwriter Robert Parissi wrote this song for his band, and it became their only hit, topping the Billboard charts for two weeks and becoming the first disco song to be certified 2x Platinum.  The lyrics are fairly typical ones that would later become staple of disco music:

And they were dancin’ and singin’
And movin’ to the groovin’
And just when it hit me
Somebody turned around and shouted
Play that funky music, white boy

Okay, I know there are some out there who actually like this song, so here’s my reasoning behind putting it here: if you’re a white person and you enjoy “dancin’ and singin’ and movin’ to the groovin’”, you are actively participating in your own degradation.  White people do not “groove”, at any time in our lives.  Period.  These guys in this band are all white (and lame, but that’s beside the point), and trying to sing about their own “funkiness” is a new definition of pathetic.  Hell, I’m white and I consider myself funky, but you’ll never hear me singing about it, and you’ll sure as hell never see me “movin’ to the groovin’”.  There’s a reason why this group is a one-hit wonder—they suck.  And that’s the bottom line.





#28: “Tik Tok” – Ke$ha
Released: 2009
Peak Position: #1



In late 2009, Kesha (screw it, I’m not putting the fucking dollar sign in her name anymore) burst onto the scene with “Tik Tok”, her debut single.  It quickly went to the #1 position on the Billboard charts and became the first #1 song of the 2010s, staying at the top for nine weeks.  While some critics praised the song, I can’t for the life of me imagine why.  The background beat sounds like a cross between a video game soundtrack and a dying guinea pig, and the lyrics are so stupid it’s not even funny:

Ain’t got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
Ain’t got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here
And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick ‘em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

A music critic writing for The New York Times once said that this song can be summed up as “girl wakes up drunk, stays drunk, finds a dance floor and (spoiler alert) gets even drunker”.  I couldn’t have said it better myself.  Kesha’s voice sounds so much like a “valley girl”, you can’t help but feel your hand instinctively drawn to the mute button on your radio every time it comes on.  Some people have praised the song for its carefree message and talking about not letting anything get you down.  News flash—“carefree” is not always good.  If I was arrested, the last thing I would be doing is dancing on top of my damn car like Kesha does in this song’s video.  And with how Kesha’s career has been going so far, this song is proof that if you release a song describing yourself as a drunk party girl, you’re going to be labeled as such for the rest of your life.  Congratulations, Kesha—I hope all your whorish dreams come true.





#27: “Muskrat Love” – Captain & Tennille
Released: 1976
Peak Position: #4



In 1976, pop duo the Captain & Tennille took a song previously recorded by America as “Muskrat Candlelight”, reworked the title, and had a huge hit with it, hitting #1 on the Adult Contemporary charts (that’s a fancy term for “elevator music”, kiddies).  But looking back on the song, it’s hard to believe that a song that is actually about copulating rodents, of all things.  No, seriously, look at the lyrics:

Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam
Do the jitterbug in Muskrat land
And they shimmy
And Sam’s so skinny

You can’t make this stuff up, folks.  And the oddest part about it is that radios actually played this garbage back in the ‘70s.  If you’re talking about romantic creatures, the first things that should come to your mind are things like lovebirds, doves, and possibly kittens—NOT rats!  The worst thing about this song was that it was covered by the band America (best-known for their former #1 smash “A Horse with No Name), who happen to be a damn good classic rock band.  That’s just sacrilege to a rock fan like me, and absolutely merits this song’s inclusion on the list as far as I’m concerned.





#26: “Macarena” – Los Del Rio
Released: 1995
Peak Position: #1
Los del Rio - Macarena (Original Video) [HD] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiBYM6g8Tck#ws)

In 1995, Spanish pop duo Los Del Rio finally broke into the mainstream circuit after six years of trying with this little number.  The song spent 14 weeks at #1 on the Billboard charts, setting a record for most time on the Hot 100 at 60 weeks (later broken by Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep”, which would last 65 weeks).  While it was kind of cute when you first heard it, back in ’95, you couldn’t get away from this song!  We even had to learn the damn dance in music class, for God’s sake!  This song’s history should be second nature to you folks, so I won’t bore you.  And in keeping with the list, here are the (unimportant) lyrics:

Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa’ darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Heeeeey, Macarena! (HiiIIII!)

I’m too lazy to translate that, so just use Google Translate or something if you’re curious.  I’ll admit, the song is pretty catchy in small doses, but the problem with this tune is that it was played EVERYWHERE when it was released.  Hell, I’d bet money that if you traveled to the deepest, darkest part of Africa or Indonesia or something, where people had no contact with the outside world whatsoever, there’d be half-naked natives dancing to it.  Back that up with the most annoying dance of all time (not to mention zero foot movement in the damn thing, so I’m not sure if it’s really considered a dance) plus the fact that it was parodied, re-released, and re-recorded as a holiday song; and you have one of the most annoying songs in recent memory.  Still, Los Del Rio may be the smartest people in the music video, as they’re the only people not doing the dance.





#25: “Hollaback Girl” – Gwen Stefani
Released: 2005
Peak Position: #1



“I don’t know what a Hollaback Girl is; all I know is I want her dead.” – Brian Griffin, Family Guy

In 2005, No Doubt lead singer Gwen Stefani took a break from the rock music to record this dance-pop mess.  The song reached #1 in the U.S. and Australia, and charted in the Top 10 in most other countries.  Based on her experiences as a high school cheerleader, Gwen demoralizes herself with this song, whose chorus is the most repetitive thing I’ve heard since Toni Basil’s “Mickey” (another cheerleader song.  I sense a pattern here…).  Anyway, the chorus goes on for about a minute…two hours, three days, a week, a month, a year…it goes on for a long time, and finally Gwen gets to the meat of the song (which isn't much meat to begin with), and it all culminates at the end with the following words:

Let me hear you say this shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S

We all know how to spell, Gwen, so PLEASE save us the indignation!  Too late…you’ve already drilled this nonsensical garbage into my brain, and I can’t get it out.  Now I’ll think of this song every time I spell “bananas”.  Thanks a lot, Gwen!





#24: “Nookie” – Limp Bizkit
Released: 1999
Peak Position: #80



Even though I’m a rocker at heart, I never really got into Limp Bizkit.  Their early stuff from the ‘90s sounds a little too much like hip-hop for my tastes.  But at least I can listen to the majority of their songs all the way through without having a brain aneurysm.  With this song, though, all bets are off.  Released in the summer of ’99, this Grammy-nominated song chronicles lead singer Fred Durst’s real-life relationship with a past girlfriend.  She cheated on him with several of his friends, yet he opted to stay with her despite her antics.  Why?  Let’s find out:

Hey what the hell, what you want me to say
I won’t lie, that I can’t deny
I did it all for the nookie

Well all I can say is that chick must have been damn good in the sack, because if a woman acted like that to me, she’d have been kicked to the curb a long time ago!  Like I said, I have nothing against songs about the nasty, but a song as despicable as this should have been left on the studio floor.  In fact, it almost was—“Nookie” was the working title of the song, but guitarist Wes Borland didn’t even want to use it.  This just goes to show that in music, just like in life, you should trust your gut instincts.





#23: “MMMBop” – Hanson
Released: 1997
Peak Position: #1
HANSON - MMMBop (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHozn0YXAeE#)

Brothers Taylor, Isaac and Zach Hanson released their third album in 1997, which contained their biggest hit, which spent three weeks at #1 on the charts.  The song is certainly sophomoric and uninspired in its composition, and this alone could well be enough to merit its inclusion on my list.  However, the straw that breaks the camel’s back in this case is the fact that when this song was released at the tail end of the ‘90s, it was EVERYWHERE.  Seriously, you couldn’t go anywhere without hearing:

MMMBop, bah-dah, bah-dah, doo wop
Yeah, yeah, MMMBop, bah-dah, bah-dah, doo wop

So damn annoying—and I’m STILL not sure what it means.  This song has become such an anthem of irritation that in 2009, a high school in McSherrytown, Pennsylvania organized a fundraiser called “Stop the Bop”.  The school's PA system played this song for morning announcements and between classes every single day until the students had raised $3,000 for Hurricane Katrina victims—only then would they “Stop the Bop”.  To make matters worse, Hanson are still together and still performing the song.  Since each member has now passed puberty, the song sounds even worse now than it originally did when it was first recorded.  That’s plenty bad.





#22: “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” – Soulja Boy
Released: 2007
Peak Position: #1



Out of all the untalented hip-hop artists on the scene today, by far the worst, in my opinion, is this man.  And in 2007, he released his second-worst song.  (Yes, at the risk of spoilers, that means there is another song by him coming up.)  “Crank That” spent seven weeks at the top of the charts and was nominated for a Grammy, but I’m literally at a loss as to why.  How the hell does something like this get nominated for an award that was once given to masterpieces like “Light My Fire” and “Tears in Heaven”:

Soulja Boy off in this oh
Watch me crank it, watch me roll
Watch me crank that, Soulja Boy
Then Superman dat oh

Raise gun to head, pull trigger.  The song’s lyrics make no sense whatsoever, and the beat sounds like it was played by a 3-year old with a toy keyboard.  To make matters worse, the YouTube mixups of this song are equally annoying (one even features Dora the Explorer.  No, seriously, look it up).  This song belongs in the garbage no matter how you look at it, but at least it’s not Soulja Boy’s worst.  That travesty is coming up later…





#21: “Blue (Da Ba Dee)” – Eiffel 65
Released: 1999
Peak Position: #6



Released as the first (and only, thank God) single off Italian group Eiffel 65’s only album, this song reached #1 in ten different countries, and was nominated for a Grammy for Best Dance Performance.  It was praised by some for its catchy beat, but if you ask me, the song is stupid and debilitating.  Where to begin with this pile of crap?  How about the insanely annoying chorus that begins the song:

I’m blue
Da ba dee, da ba di
Da ba dee, da ba di
Da ba dee, da ba di

This stupid chorus just goes on FOREVER.  It’s like one big ringtone that won’t shut up!  To boot, the lyrics tell of a man that lives in a “blue world”, “inside and outside”.  Apparently, everything the man owns physically is “blue” as well, including his house and his car.  Newsflash: if you owned some stuff that’s another color besides blue, maybe you wouldn’t BE so damn blue!  The autotune is used so much in this song that I wouldn’t be surprised if Eiffel 65 doesn’t really exist, and it’s just all done with computers.  As a matter of fact, please excuse me while I check those figures…
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: GreenMonkeys#1 on December 24, 2012, 10:34:10 PM
30 was ok... The first time, now a headache

28 was a bit weird but since it was Ke$ha, you should know she's weird. Heck her Die Young is in heat because of you know what happened.

27 Just plain sucked

26 see #30

25 Gwen is better off with No Doubt. Hollaback Girl was terrible

23 The Traffic guy here in MN on 5 Eyewitness news always jokes when he looks at Hanson blvd and he says things are MMMBOPing along. That joke was only good a few times.

22 When will the friends at my High School shut up about Soulja Boy

21 See #30
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Purple Parrots Fan on December 24, 2012, 11:32:10 PM
We're getting closer and closer to #1. Is it me, or is this list going by fast? :o

Never heard much of #30 actually, so can't really comment on that.

Never cared about #29 either, I find the song overrated.

I knew #28 was gonna make the list, and it did rightfully so. I hate this song with a passion.

Don't know #27, no comment.

Oh man, the Macarena. It's the "Gangnam Style" of 1996, but more tolerable. I still like the song though, but it is sort of overrated.

I like #25, but the lyrics are kind of lame. It's not too much different from other cheerleading anthems like "Mickey" really.

I like #24 too, but it's not the absolute best song in the world.

I knew MmmBop was gonna make this list. It's an okay song, but it's not THAT great. It's way overrated, and I don't even know what MmmBop is supposed to mean. They did have another song in 2000 called "This Time Around." Where they're older and their voices have dropped. It's actually.... a really good song. MUCH more underrated than MmmBop, that's for sure.

Dear god Soulja Boy.... easily the most overplayed song of 2007. And the dance to it is equally as dumb. The song is not entirely too bad, but it's way overrated. But like you said, Soulja Boy has WAY worse stuff. I think I know which other "bad" song you're referring too, but I won't spoil it.

Aw I like "Blue Da Ba Dee." Sure, the lyrics are nonsensical and it's way autotuned. But the song is so catchy I can't not like it.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Red Jaguars on December 24, 2012, 11:57:18 PM
Yeah, this list went by fast. But it has been a good read. ;)

I agree with you 110% about Tik Tok. The fact that the radio stations where I live play this garbage everyday has made me grown to hate it. Waking up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy? What the hell is that suppose to mean? How do you know how P. Diddy feels like in the morning?  :roll:

And I don't mind the Macarena. I remember we use to dance to this all the time in gym class in elementary school. It does bring back good memories. And yes, this song is similar to Gangnam Style. I guess the little kids of today will look back at Gangnam Style and think of the same thing?

I never really mind #25 at all. I like Gwen Stefani's songs, but there is nothing that really bothers me about it.

And I agree with you 110% about Soulja Boy. This song was the most overplayed song during my senior year of high school. We literally played this at our pep rally. And Soulja Boy was born in the same month as me and the same age as me, yet he makes millions of dollars. :roll:
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Ancient Warrior on December 25, 2012, 03:19:09 AM
The list is definitely getting a lot more focused now.  Can't say there's many I disagree with out of this set, although "Axel F" wasn't too bad the first time around.  It only took repetition for it to become a headache.

I also remember learning to dance the Macarena in grade school, and that was a couple years AFTER it peaked.  That song was just a lot more prevalent than I ever could've imagined at the time, hahah.  As far as I can guess, though, they're probably going to start teach kids the Gangnam Style dance in a couple years... :lol:

Limp Bizkit's definitely been a big laughing stock in the rock world, but there's almost something self-parodying about them too.  But not only do they have better songs than that if you look hard enough, I'm really more of a fan of the guitarist Wes Borland than the entire band.  Try checking out his side project, Black Light Burns.

For me, the worst songs out of this part are "TiK ToK," "MMMBop" and "Soulja Boy." I guess only agreeing with the list halfway has its benefits, namely that it makes it harder to predict what #1 will be!
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Purple Parrots Fan on December 25, 2012, 02:54:15 PM
I never learned the dance to Macarena, but in Elementary School, whenever we had gym class, the teacher would always put it on. As well as other techno/dance songs that were popular at the time. And yes, I wouldn't be surprised if they taught kids Gangnam Style in a few years. :lol:
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Red Jaguars on December 25, 2012, 07:37:45 PM
I never learned the dance to Macarena, but in Elementary School, whenever we had gym class, the teacher would always put it on. As well as other techno/dance songs that were popular at the time. And yes, I wouldn't be surprised if they taught kids Gangnam Style in a few years. :lol:

But my Elementary School taught the Macarena and dance class too. I still remember some of the dance moves with it. Looking back now, we all looked silly dancing to that. But it still brings back good memories. Although Gangnam Style is a little over-the-top. I wonder if they would really teach this in school :o
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on December 29, 2012, 11:25:33 PM
Please resist the urge to kill yourself just a little longer!  We only have 20 songs to go!

#20: “Who Let the Dogs Out” – Baha Men
Released: 2000
Peak Position: #40



At the turn of the millennium, an English-born group of Bahamian musicians known simply as the Baha Men released their only hit, and just barely made it to the Top 40 in the U.S. with it.  The song won a Grammy for Best Dance Recording in 2001, but while it was mildly catchy when it was first introduced, it quickly wore out its welcome.  It seemed like the song was played on every damn radio station in America, and was featured in more sappy kids’ movies than I can mention here.  And the lyrics?  Don’t even get me started:

Say, a doggy is nuttin’ if he don’t have a bone
All doggy, hold ya’ bone, all doggy, hold it
A doggy is nuttin’ if he don’t have a bone
All doggy, hold ya’ bone, all doggy, hold it

And of course, you all know the insanely repetitive chorus, which to this day, I’m trying to figure out the meaning of.  Thankfully, the fad died out eventually, and the song is just a very annoying memory.  The Baha Men never had another big hit, although they did go on to sing songs for motion pictures, and their song “Move It Like This” was a modest success in Canada and the U.K.  As long as they stay over there and never grace American music again, I’m good with whatever they do.





#19: “The Best of Both Worlds” – Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana
Released: 2006
Peak Position: #92



No artist on this countdown will appear more than twice, but you can bet your bottom dollar that Miley Cyrus is one of the prime contenders to do just that.  In 2006, Miley released this song, which became the theme to her television series Hannah Montana and introduced her to the music industry.  But looking at this confusing ditty, maybe it would have been better if Billy Ray Cyrus had saved his seed.  Not only does this song have a very annoying backbeat and delivery, its concept is just…weird:

You go the movie premieres (is that Orlando Bloom?)
Hear your songs on the radio
Livin’ two lives is a little weird
But school’s cool ‘cause nobody knows

Excuse me?  You want to be a big star, yet you still want to be an ordinary person?  Last I checked, you can’t be both, princess!  If you sign your life away to Hollywood, you can just kiss your private life goodbye.  Still, this song is the theme to a Disney series, and they aren’t known for making much sense anyway.  But when you put together Miley’s whiny vocals, stroke-causing beat, and the fact that the average listener isn’t going to get the meaning of the lyrics at ALL, and this merits the song a fairly high place on this list.  Oh, and that stupid “alter ego” crap?  It didn’t work for Garth Brooks, and it doesn’t work for Miley either.





#18: “Surfin’ Bird” – Trashmen
Released: 1963
Peak Position: #4
The Trashmen - Surfin' Bird (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj0GtRI4Ulo#)

This song is the oldest in the countdown, having been released in the fall of 1963 by “surf rock” group The Trashmen.  Combining two older R&B songs by The Rivingtons called “Papa Oom Mow Mow” and “The Bird’s the Word”, the song made it to #4 on the American charts, and in 2009, after a gap of nearly 40 years, charted for the first time in Great Britain.  I can’t blame them for being slow to accept this song over in Jolly Old England, though—the repetition in this song is so fucking annoying, it makes you want to put a gun to your head after the first fifteen seconds of hearing it:

Well everybody’s heard about the bird
B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, bird’s the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, bird’s the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word

So damn annoying.  To boot, there’s that period in the song where the lead singer sounds like he’s having a seizure in the background, then breaks in “papa-oom-mow-mow” with equally irritating idiocy.  The following year, the infamous British Invasion hit American soil, and bands like The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Cream, The Dave Clark Five and many others served to “erase” this tune from America’s psyche.  It’s songs like this one that go to show you that even if a song was recorded in a decade when some of the best music of all time was released, it can still be mind-wrenchingly bad.





#17: “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” – Bobby McFerrin
Released: 1988
Peak Position: #1



In the late 1980’s, reggae producer Bobby McFerrin released this song, which due to its catchiness and a successful music video featuring Robin Williams, reached the #1 position on the Charts, the first a cappella song to do so.  In fact, McFerrin’s voice is the only instrument on the record.  While I applaud McFerrin for his talent in making a single this interesting, there’s no getting away from the fact that the song is annoying enough to make you want to punch somebody.  Hell, look at these lyrics and tell me they’re not ironic:

Ain’t got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don't worry, be happy
The landlord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy

“Be happy”?  The landlord’s throwing me out of my damn house—how the hell can I be happy?  In addition to the sappy lyrics and the fact that Bobby can’t carry a tune in a bucket, some people even incorrectly reference this song’s authorship to Bob Marley (in actuality, McFerrin wrote it), which further adds insult to injury.  We thought we’d gotten away from this song (McFerrin included—he’s said to have hated the song), but then it was used in several animated films and in an electronic singing fish, bringing it back to our conscious minds!  Some songs are just annoying no matter how you slice it, and this is one of them.





#16: “Stupid Hoe” – Nicki Minaj
Released: 2011
Peak Position: #59



Released in 2011 off Nicki Minaj’s second album Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded, this song was re-worked as “Stupid Stupid” for radio airplay.  It met with generally negative reviews due to being “weak”, “aggressive”, “loud” and “obnoxious”.  I definitely agree, but let’s add a few adjectives to that list.  How about “sophomoric”, “inane”, “debilitating”, and “a disgrace to any music that’s ever been recorded”?  Not only is the beat incredibly painful to listen to, the lyrics are downright stupid:

Look Bubbles go back to your habitat
M.J. gone and I ain’t having that
How you gon’ be the stunt double to the nigga monkey
Top of that I’m in the Phantom looking hella chonky

Did you just take a shot at Michael Jackson’s pet monkey?  How low will you stoop?  If this wasn’t bad enough, Minaj also blasts Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston and Lil’ Kim.  I hate glad-handling celebrities as much as the next guy, but you don’t have to write a damn song about them!  And the chorus—oh God, the chorus.  If I hear the words “Stupid Hoe” one more time, I’ll go crazy!  This is easily the worst song Nicki Minaj has done so far.  Not that she’s done anything good, mind you.





#15: “Rockstar” – Nickelback
Released: 2005
Peak Position: #6



I used to like Nickelback.  I mean, I REALLY used to like Nickelback.  I consider their song “How You Remind Me” one of the best songs from around the turn of the millennium.  But once they began to stray away from pure rock music and began to embrace a more “pop” sound, they began to suck.  And this song was the beginning of said suckiness.  In its initial release, it never even reached the Top 40, but upon re-release, got up to #6, becoming one of Nickelback’s more popular hits.  However, the song is nothing but a steaming pile of unwashed garbage that glorifies the stereotypical “rockstar” life:

Well we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses, drivin’ fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We’ll all stay skinny ‘cause we just won’t eat

Look, I know this song was meant as an homage to earlier odes to the rocker lifestyle (Joe Walsh’s “Life’s Been Good” is a classic example), but in this context, it just comes off as arrogant and uninspired.  Couple that with several stale insertions of lines from ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons and a ridiculously slow backbeat and you’ve got the makings of by far the worst song Nickelback ever did.  Thankfully, Nickelback became a slightly “harder” rock band not long after releasing this, so I can’t stay mad at my boys from Canada.





#14: “Gettin’ Jiggy wit’ It” – Will Smith
Released: 1998
Peak Position: #1



While it’s no reflection on his talent, this is the second song Will Smith has on this countdown, and man, has it had a bad impact on popular culture.  Released as the main track off his debut solo album, the former Fresh Prince spent three weeks at the top of the Billboard charts with this song.  The single was fairly innocent at the time, with a decent beat and lyrics that are fair enough to listen to:

On your mark ready set let’s go
Dance floor pro I know you know
I go psycho when my new joint hit
Just can’t sit
Gotta get jiggy wit’ it

Easy enough to listen to, right?  So why, you ask, is this song on the countdown?  Well, perhaps the biggest reason this song scores so high is because Will gave the word “jiggy” to the English language.  The word was used so damn much in the late ‘90s and early 2000’s, you couldn’t get away from it.  Hell, I was a kid in the late ‘90s, and I STILL don’t know what the hell “jiggy” means.  It either has to do with dancing or sex, I’m sure; I’m not certain which one…but I digress.  This song is literally a walking infarction of ‘90s culture, and for that I condemn it to a spot on my countdown.  Are you jiggy with that?





#13: “With Arms Wide Open” – Creed
Released: 2000
Peak Position: #1



And here’s yet another band with two songs on the list.  Released in 2000 by Creed after lead singer Scott Stapp found out he was going to be a father, the song topped the Mainstream Rock Charts for four weeks, and won a Grammy for Best Rock Song in 2001.  The premise of the song is simple enough—I mean, it’s kind of touching for a guy to write a song about being a father for the first time, right?  What I don’t get is how pompous and over-the-top this song turned out, and it certainly is reflected in the lyrics:

Well I don't know if I'm ready
To be the man I have to be
I'll take a breath, I'll take her by my side
We stand in awe, we've created life

Arrogant.  Pompous.  Absolutely self-aggrandizing.  Plus, rhyming “ready” with “be” and “side” with “life” seems kind of lazy to me.  Couple this with the sappy, mind-numbing background music and the fact that Scott Stapp totally stole Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam’s voice, and you have a horrible song.  This is easily the worst “rock” song I have ever heard, and I’m sure many of you out there will agree with me.






#12: “Party Rock Anthem” – LMFAO
Released: 2011
Peak Position: #1



You knew this one was coming, right?  In 2011, techno-pop group LMFAO released this song as the lead single from their second album Sorry for Party Rocking (how nice of them to apologize in advance).  The song spent six weeks at #1 and 68 weeks on the Hot 100, and also became the second-biggest selling song in Australia (behind only Elton John’s “Candle in the Wind”).  But despite its successes, this is an epically bad song.  The background music sounds like nails on a chalkboard, the lead singer can’t carry a tune to save his life, and the lyrics are absolutely horrendous:

Yo, I'm runnin' through these ho's like Drano
I got that devilish flow, rock 'n' roll, no halo
We party rock, yeah, that's the crew that I'm reppin'
On the rise to the top, no lead in our zeppelin, hey

Did you just compare yourself to drain cleaner?  Plus, “no lead in our zeppelin”?  You have officially lost all status of a musical act with that line right there, my friend.  I’m surprised Robert Plant and Jimmy Page haven’t come to each band member’s house and kicked them in their testicles so they can’t have children.  Songs like this should never, ever, EVER see the light of day, but the sad fact is that many of them DO, and music critics will praise them to the moon.  It makes me sick that we’ve gone from the sheer brilliance Led Zeppelin to crap like this in only forty years, and I’m almost afraid to see what music from the next forty years will turn out like.





#11: “Yahhh!” – Soulja Boy
Released: 2007
Peak Position: #48



I promised another Soulja Boy song on this list, and now I plan to deliver.  Released on his album Souljaboytellem.com, this song, which features background singer Arab, made it up to #48 on the Billboard charts and #3 in New Zealand (its highest position).  And looking at how dumb and disgustingly idiotic this song is, it’s no wonder it only made it to the top 10 in one country worldwide.  The background beat sounds like two hippos copulating, and the lyrics are so incoherent they might as well have been thrown together at the last minute:

Hey Soulja Boy can I yahhh trick yahhh!
Yo Arab I really like yahhh trick yahhh!
Colli Park Music ahh!
Hey man I was just wondering can I get a yahhh yahhh trick!

What in the blue hell is “trick yahhh”?  They NEVER TELL US through the course of the entire song!  I can’t believe a song like this one was even written, let alone released.  Thankfully, the human race showed that at least some of us have a brain in our skulls when it comes to this song—it was almost unanimously panned by music critics, one of whom called it “more irritating than a life’s supply of itching powder”.  Another one said it was a legitimate contender for the “dumbest song ever recorded”.  While it doesn’t top my list, it certainly scores very high in the annoyance factor, and is the highest-ranking rap song on the countdown.  Still, we have ten more songs that are worse than this one.  Don’t think that’s possible?  You just wait…
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Purple Parrots Fan on December 30, 2012, 07:09:17 PM
Dang, that's some awful stuff right there. :shock:

Overall, I can't wait until your Top 10. I think I can guess which songs will actually make the list coming up. But, I won't spoil it for you. ;)
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on December 30, 2012, 11:17:38 PM
Well, we’ve seen 90 songs that, in my opinion at least, are among the worst of all time.  But before we get to the Top 10, I’d like to present you guys with a little treat.  In researching this list, I’ve come across numerous lists of a similar nature from all over the Internet (most notably the ones by Blender magazine in 2007 and AOL Radio in 2010).  And while they’ve offered me some good insight on bad music, there are some songs that make these lists that I frankly don’t agree should be grouped in with the worst songs ever written.  So now, I’d like to present you all with this: 10 songs that made other people’s lists, but don’t make mine for some reason (I’ll explain why in the article).  These are in alphabetical order, as they’re unranked.  Please keep in mind that I DON’T think any of these songs are bad—other people made the lists that included them.  In fact, I find some of them pretty damn good.  That being said, let us begin:





“Broken Wings” – Mr. Mister
Released: 1985
Peak Position: #1



Session musicians Richard Page and Steve George had a band in the late ‘70s called The Pages, but it was when they formed Mr. Mister in 1982 that they finally achieved fame.  And three years later, this song from their second album became their first #1 hit.  When Blender Magazine made their list of the “50 most awesomely bad songs”, “Broken Wings” was #19 on the list.  However, this song shouldn’t have made it just because it’s been tainted by age.  I’ll admit that this song has some rather straining vocals by Page, and several of the lyrics don’t sound that resonant—some are kind of weak:

So take these broken wings
And learn to fly again, learn to live so free
When we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up and let us in

Cliché?  Maybe.  But I can’t argue with this song’s really deep bass line, screeching guitars, and gradual buildup that eventually culminates in a strong, kick-ass resonation.  Not to mention that Richard Page has some damn good pipes.  This is one of those songs on everybody’s ‘80s mix-tapes, and it’s definitely not worthy of being on a list of the worst of all time.





“Cherry Pie” – Warrant
Released: 1990
Peak Position: #10



In 1990, hard rock band Warrant released this song off their album of the same name.  It became the band’s signature song, and was one of only two songs of theirs to make it to the Top 10 on the charts (1988’s “Heaven” was the other).  The music video for the song was basically a four-minute long commercial for sex, featuring a scantily clad woman dancing throughout the video.  But despite all the song’s successes, it was ranked on AOL Radio’s list of 100 worst songs at #89, citing “A lot of people missed this song’s subtle commentary on outdated gender roles. Well, that’s because there weren’t any”.  I fail to see the humor, AOL Radio.  Sure, this song is quite raunchy, but then again, you should expect that from an ‘80s band like Warrant:

Swingin’ in the living room, swingin’ in the kitchen
Most folks don’t, ‘cause they’re too busy bitchin’
Swingin’ in there ‘cause she wanted me to feed her
So I mixed up the batter, and she licked the beaters

I have absolutely nothing against songs about sex, and if you look past the lyrics, you’d be hard-pressed to find a song with harder-rocking guitar playing than this one.  Sure, maybe it’s politically incorrect, but that’s the problem with a lot of the world today anyhow.  It’s not meant to be Shakespeare—it’s hard rock to the core, and that’s what makes this song so good.





“Ebony and Ivory” – Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder
Released: 1982
Peak Position: #1



After The Beatles broke up in 1970, Paul McCartney invoked on an amazing solo career, and that career showed no signs of stopping in 1982, when he teamed up with Motown superstar Stevie Wonder to record this song, an ode to racial harmony, which reached #1.  Yet when Blender Magazine ranked its worst songs, this one was #10.  Why?  They cited the fact that McCartney did most of the singing and Wonder got lost in translation, and also that it sounded “sappy”.  But dissing a song about racial equality, of all things?  That’s a tad harsh.  Granted, the song is a tad sappy, and the lyrics seem a bit over-the-top at times:

We all know that people are the same wherever you go
There is good and bad in everyone
We learn to live and we learn to give
Each other what we need to survive

The lyrics may be a little stale, but this is a very good song, even for McCartney, who has produced some great stuff in his lifetime.  Without question, this song has stood the test of time as one of the most poignant and heartfelt of the ‘80s, and even though it isn’t my cup of tea, it’s a pleasant listening experience.  Also, the parody that Joe Piscopo and Eddie Murphy did of this song on SNL will live in infamy.  Everybody sing: You are blind as a bat and I have sight





“Everybody Have Fun Tonight” – Wang Chung
Released: 1986
Peak Position: #2
Wang Chung - Everybody Have Fun Tonight (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoXu6QmxpJE#)

In 1980, London trio Wang Chung released their first recording in their native England, and six years later, they were belting out tunes on American radio, such as this song, their biggest hit on the U.S. charts.  Blender Magazine dubbed this tune the #3 worst song in history on their list, but in my opinion, it’s undoubtedly better than they thought it was.  The song just has this pick-you-up quality to it that makes it instantly likable and quite catchy.  The lyrics are a bit choppy, but that’s abated to an extent by the background music, and the signature catchphrase that the song inspired is absolutely priceless:

Everybody have fun tonight (everybody have fun tonight)
Everybody Wang Chung tonight (everybody have fun tonight)

Granted, I’ll admit that the band’s name is stupid (sounds like something you do by yourself while watching dirty movies), but a song like this one will definitely go down as one of the best “party songs” of all time.  Just try to refrain yourself from bobbing your head back and forth to the beat and you’ll see what I mean.  Still, I’ll bet that music video caused more than a few seizures…





“Follow Me” – Uncle Kracker
Released: 2001
Peak Position: #5



A protégé of Kid Rock, Matthew “Uncle Kracker” Shafer released his debut single in early 2001, a slow-moving adult contemporary hit that remains to this day his biggest hit on the Pop charts.  Blender Magazine dubbed this song the 43rd worst of all time, though, and at first glance, it seems to fit the bill.  After all, with several people claiming the song is about extramarital sex and drug abuse, wouldn’t it be considered a bad song too?  Take a look yourself:

You don’t know how you met me, you don’t know why
You can’t turn around and say goodbye
All I know is when I’m with you, I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea

A rather languid song, I can’t deny.  And the lyrics are pretty damning.  Still, the song has a pretty great opening acoustic lick, and the poignant sound of the song hearkens back to the early ‘90s’ soft rock songs.  To boot, Kracker is actually a pretty good singer.  While I’m by no means a fan of this song, saying it’s among the worst of all time is a pretty rash assumption.  Plus, Kracker’s version of “Drift Away” is a damn good song, so there’s that, too.





“My Heart Will Go On” – Celine Dion
Released: 1998
Peak Position: #1



In December 1997, James Cameron’s Titanic opened in theaters, and went on to become the highest-grossing film of all time at that point (it, of course, has since been passed by Avatar, another Cameron creation).  The soundtrack from the movie was at the top of the Album charts for two months and sold over 10 million copies, primarily due to the success of this song.  This is a song many people love to hate (Blender Magazine included, who ranked the song at #50), primarily because of its cheesiness and over-the-top delivery.  But is it really among the worst of all time?  I say no:

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Over-the-top?  Maybe.  Schmaltzy?  Without a doubt.  But this song’s delivery is very powerful, it’s well-written, well-composed, and Celine’s voice just cements the song’s appeal.  Some people might hate this song just to say they hate it, which is a shame.  I’ll fully admit if you tied me down and made me listen to the song nonstop for several hours, I’d eventually go insane.  However, I wouldn’t go insane as quickly as if you played, say, “You’re the Inspiration”.  This song is not countdown material, so it’s safe from me.





“The Final Countdown” – Europe
Released: 1986
Peak Position: #8



Born in Sweden, progressive-rock band Europe released this song across the Atlantic, which made it to #18 on the Mainstream Rock charts and #8 on the Billboard charts.  Well-known as the theme from the movie Rocky IV, the song has become an anthem of sorts for hard-rocking ‘80s synthesizer music.  But Blender Magazine still ranked this song as their #27 worst song of all time, and I can’t fathom why.  For one thing, this song is beautifully written:

We’re heading for Venus, and still we stand tall
‘Cause maybe they’ve seen us and welcome us all
With so many light years to go and things to be found
I’m sure that we’ll all miss her so
It’s the final countdown

I just can’t see why Blender chose this song.  Heck, it’s not my favorite song, but I still appreciate it for what it is: good, meaty, pretentious 1980’s hair rock.  The keyboard playing on this song is also incredible, and the lyrics, as previously mentioned, are nothing short of being an epic poem.  This song is rock ‘n roll to the core, and I suppose I’ll never understand why people hate it so much.





“The Heart of Rock and Roll” – Huey Lewis & the News
Released: 1984
Peak Position: #6
Huey Lewis And The News - The Heart Of Rock & Roll (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7JVlpm0eRs#)

In 1984, Huey Lewis and the News released their critically acclaimed album Sports.  In addition to great tracks like “Heart and Soul” and “I Want a New Drug”, this was one of the more popular tracks on it, reaching #6 on the Pop charts.  Yet Blender Magazine dubbed this tune the sixth worst song in history!  Their reasoning?  “A celebration of rock music…by a band seemingly intent on destroying it”.  Holy shit…there is no reason this song should even be on the list, let alone the top 10, outranking “Barbie Girl” and “Ice Ice Baby”, of all things.  This is a great 1980’s song that is well-written, well-delivered, and so cheeky you just can’t help but like it:

New York, New York, is everything they say
Ain’t no place that I’d rather be
Where else can you do half a million things
All at a quarter to three

To top it off, Huey Lewis has always been one of my favorite singers.  He’s just got this raw, unadulterated grit to his voice that I love.  And “Heart of Rock and Roll”, which opens and closes with heartbeat sound effects, is one of my guilty pleasures.





“Two Princes” – Spin Doctors
Released: 1993
Peak Position: #7



Formed in New York in 1988, the Spin Doctors released their first album in 1991, and two years later, had their first Top 10 hit with this song.  Blender Magazine apparently didn’t find the appeal in the song, though, and ranked it at #21 of their worst songs of all time.  Now, some contemporary/alternative rock songs like “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” and “Your Body is a Wonderland” belong on a "worst songs" list, but if there’s any song from that genre that should be excluded, it’s this one.  Not to mention that the song is a witty and accurate portrayal of class struggles, with a poor man begging a girl to choose him over a rich man:

Marry him or marry me,
I'm the one that loves you baby can't you see
I ain't got no future or a family tree,
But I know what a prince and lover ought to be

The Spin Doctors may be more simplistic than other rock bands, I’ll give ‘em that.  But a song as honestly sung and cleverly written as this one, their magnum opus, just doesn’t belong on a “worst songs” list.  The scatting part I could do without, though…





“We Didn’t Start the Fire” – Billy Joel
Released: 1989
Peak Position: #1
We Didn't Start The Fire (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jR-A4QFHZBA#)

In 1989, the “Piano Man” Billy Joel wrote this song as homage to the past forty years of world history, mentioning everything from Harry Truman to Ho Chi Minh.  The song became his third and final #1 hit, and cemented his status as a rock legend.  However, both Blender Magazine and the AOL Radio blog don’t think too fondly of this song—the song ranks #41 and #42 on their “worst songs” lists, respectively.  But while some might hate it just because it’s basically a string of random events in history set to music, I actually have a soft spot for this song.  Being as big a history buff as I am, I’ve even used it as a study guide at times.  Joel’s voice is the perfect fit for this song, and rather than just being a lesson in American culture, it takes a very bleak turn near the end:

Hypodermics on the shores
China’s under martial law
Rock and roller cola wars
I can’t take it anymore

Powerful stuff right there.  We go from “Give ‘em hell Harry” to an event that changed the way environmentalism was viewed in this country, and Joel just loses it.  I’m not ashamed to say that I really like this song, and it’s definitely one of the better ones Joel has put out.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Purple Parrots Fan on January 01, 2013, 12:28:47 AM
Yeah, most of those songs aren't bad at all. Maybe some of the songs aren't my favorite, but not bad by any means. Blender magazine (and AOL Radio for that matter) really had no taste whatsoever when it came to music. It makes you wonder what kind of stuff they liked. Oh well, I still enjoyed the VH1 "Awesomely Bad Songs" countdowns. Back when VH1 was worth watching, makes me wonder why they stopped doing those countdowns. They're much more watchable than those Housewife/R&B crap reality shows they're playing today.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Red Jaguars Fan on January 01, 2013, 06:47:49 AM
Also, Rolling Stone magazine cannot be trusted if Gangnam Style is in the Top 50 of the year.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on January 01, 2013, 11:37:59 PM
Get ready—these songs are the worst of the worst!  Hey, get your fingers out of your ears!  Come on, there’s only ten of ‘em!  Just bite your lip and endure it!  Here goes…





#10: “I Kissed a Girl” – Katy Perry
Released: 2008
Peak Position: #1



In 2008, Katy Perry released her debut album One of the Boys, and this song was the first single released from it.  A song that is credited by some as promoting homosexuality and/or bisexuality, it became the first of six of Perry’s songs to top the Billboard charts.  Now, despite my religious beliefs, I have nothing against gay people as long as they don’t force their lifestyle upon me.  But this song sinks to new lows when it comes to pretty much everything in it.  In addition to the uninspired, Gary Glitter-esque beat that makes you want to hunt down whatever’s making it and shoot it, the lyrics are downright moronic:

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry Chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it

Unreal shit right there.  If your boyfriend ever catches you playing lesbian tonsil-hockey with another chick, Katy, he’s bound to do one of two things: dump your sorry ass, or ask to film the both of you so he can pleasure himself to it later.  Plus, “cherry Chapstick”?  All the Chapstick I’ve ever seen in stores has but one taste—nasty!  The lyrics go on to creepily describe various features of girls, such as “porcelain skin” and “red lips”, which would be okay if they were sung by a guy, but since they’re sung by another girl, just come across as downright nasty and freaky.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again—this song set the tone for establishing Katy Perry as a ditzy whore character in the music world, and if she is ever able to live it down, it’ll be a fucking miracle.





#9: “What’s Up?” – 4 Non Blondes
Released: 1993
Peak Position: #14



Formed in 1989 by four women who…er…aren’t blondes, 4 Non Blondes had their first (and only) Top 40 hit in three years later with this ear-sore.  If I can say anything positive about this song, it’s that lead singer Linda Perry actually has a pretty decent voice.  Other than that, every conceivable thing about this song sucks balls.  In addition to the background beat that sounds like something out of a rejected Bob Dylan track, the lyrics are absolutely horrendous:

And I said Heeey-eeeeey-eeeeey-ey-ey
Heeeey-eeeey-eeeeey
I said hey, what’s going on

Somebody please make it stop!  The lyrics are whiny, uninspired, and underwritten, plus the lead girl is trying way too hard to be a grunge singer.  Plus, the words “What’s Up” are NEVER USED in the lyrics—instead, they say “what’s going on”.  In fact, that was going to be the title of the song originally, but they changed it to avoid confusion with the Marvin Gaye song of the same name.  Uh…last I checked, songs can have the same title!  One year after this song was released, lead singer Linda Perry left, and the band went kaput.  But they still left this steaming pile of garbage for our listening displeasure, and crap like that can never be erased.  Lord knows it would be too hard to track down every single copy of the song.





#8: “Baby” – Justin Bieber
Released: 2010
Peak Position: #5



This song was the lead single off Justin Bieber’s debut album in 2010, and featured a spoken part from established rapper Ludacris.  The song reached #5 on the Pop charts, and up until December 21, 2012, it had the most viewed video on YouTube (PSY’s “Gangnam Style” has since beaten it).  But the fact of the matter remains that even though Bieber tries, he just manages to fall flat on his face in his first foray into “serious” pop music.  Not only does Bieber’s voice sound like a whiny dial-up Internet connection, but the lyrics are uninspired, sophomoric, and utterly boring:

Are we an item?
Girl quit playin'
We're just friends,
What are you sayin'?
Said there's another as you look right in my eyes
My first love, broke my heart for the first time

You’re only 16 years old and you’re upset over a breakup?  Kid, teenagers break up all the time—get over it!  And for the love of God, don’t sing anymore until you get some testosterone in your system!  This song is downright unbearable to listen to, and musical critics have the gall to compare Bieber’s singing to that of a young Michael Jackson?  Give me a fucking break!  Bieber continues to make overrated, shitty bubblegum pop music to this very day, and I can’t wait for the day that he’s considered a has-been “teen star” like Tiffany or those kids in Kriss Kross.  Four more years…four more years…





#7: “Achy Breaky Heart” – Billy Ray Cyrus
Released: 1992
Peak Position: #4



Long before Miley Cyrus was making our ears hurt with her own brand of music, her dad Billy Ray released this song, which was a #1 country hit and #4 pop hit for him, and is said to have kick-started the craze of “line-dancing” nationwide.  But when it’s all said and done, there’s no getting around the fact that this is a truly terrible song.  In addition to essentially uniting the Southern U.S. in dancing in unison to idiotic, overplayed drivel, the lyrics are just painful to listen to:

Don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don’t think it’d understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
It might blow up and kill this man

Now, I don’t hate country music.  My dad plays all the classics like Willie Nelson and Loretta Lynn, and Johnny Cash is one of my favorite musicians of all time, country or otherwise.  But this song is as ludicrous as it gets.  The background music sounds diluted and anesthetized beyond belief, to the point where anything upbeat comes across as depressing, and Billy Ray’s voice is so damn robotic it’s not even funny.  To boot, he practically ripped off Elvis Presley’s “Blue Suede Shoes” with all those “you can tell” lyrics in the song.  Everything about this song is stupid and boring, and the fact that it prompted middle-aged men with a midlife crisis to don oversized belt buckles and cheap, tacky cowboy boots to dance in unison on dirty honky-tonk floors just cements its horribleness all the more.  Somewhere, Elvis is spinning in his grave.





#6: “I’m Too Sexy” – Right Said Fred
Released: 1992
Peak Position: #1
Right Said Fred - I`m Too Sexy (The Original) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk#)

In 1992, British musical trio Right Said Fred released this song from their album Up, which got up to #2 in their native England and topped the charts in America.  And for all intensive purposes, this may be the worst song to ever come from across the Pond.  Its beat is so robotic it might as well be named R2D2, the lead singer is just as mechanical in his delivery, and the lyrics are nothing short of a train wreck:

I’m too sexy for my shirt
Too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts

Dear God, and you thought “This is Why I’m Hot” was annoying?  This song takes narcissism to a whole new level.  The guy just goes on and on and on and on and on and on about how sexy he is.  Have you seen pictures of these guys?  I’m no expert on male fashion, but I’m willing to bet there are guys whom girls consider far sexier than these clowns.  Believe it or not, Right Said Fred would go on to have SIX MORE Top 40 songs in their native England before calling it quits to become gay rights activists.  So the next time one of your online British acquaintances tries to knock American culture, remind them of this duo.  Chances are they’ll shut up.





#5: “We Built This City” – Starship
Released: 1985
Peak Position: #1
Starship - We Built This City (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsdj9NRzqC4#ws)

In the ‘60s, they were Jefferson Airplane.  In the ‘70s, they were Jefferson Starship.  But in the ‘80s, they were just Starship, and in 1985, they scored their first (and only) #1 hit with this song from their album Knee Deep in the Hoopla.  In 2005, Blender Magazine named this song the worst song ever recorded, and frankly, I’d say it’s a very good choice for such a dubious honor.  This song just takes all the rock ‘n roll spirit that Jefferson Airplane and Jefferson Starship had in their career and flushed it down the toilet until the septic tank was clogged.  The beat to the song is decent enough, but that’s IT.  So why does this song suck?  Let’s start by looking at some of the lyrics:

Someone’s always playing corporation games
Who cares, they’re always changing corporation names
We just want to dance here, someone stole the stage
They call us irresponsible, write us off the page

The lyrics plainly describe a city based on rock ‘n roll music, but this song is definitely NOT rock ‘n roll.  That line about corporations?  That sound you hear is the pot and the kettle fighting over who’s black.  Plus, there’s that line of “Marconi plays the mamba”.  Who’s Marconi, and why is he playing a poisonous snake?  All the while, loaded on synthesizers, sound effects, and drums that sound conspicuously machine-made do all they can do to make sure this song is extremely painful to listen to.  Yep, we built modern music on rock ‘n roll.  But we didn’t build ANY city on corporate rock ‘n roll, and the people who wrote and recorded this song should have smelled a rat.  Grace Slick, former lead singer for Jefferson Airplane and the only band member to stick with all three incarnations, looks back on this song as the absolute worst thing she ever did in her career.  I couldn’t agree more, Grace…I couldn’t agree more.





#4: “Sexy and I Know It” – LMFAO
Released: 2011
Peak Position: #1



In 2011, electro-pop group LMFAO released their album Sorry for Party Rocking, and this song became the second #1 single from it.  But while it was quite successful in the mainstream, this song is nothing short of horrible.  The beat is a blatant ripoff of Justin Timberlake’s “Sexyback”, the lead singer sounds like he’s underwater, and the lyrics?  Oh, God:

When I walk on by, girls be looking like damn he fly
I pimp to the beat, walking on the street in my new lafreak, yeah
This is how I roll, animal print, pants outta control,
It's Redfoo with the big afro
And like Bruce Leroy I got the glow

Okay, first up, don’t flatter yourself, man.  Any girl who actually finds an afro attractive needs to have her head examined.  Second of all, “Bruce Leroy”?  Who the hell is that?  Last time I checked, the guy’s name is BRUCE LEE, damn it!  In addition, the “girl look at that body” is a blatant attempt to copy Eminem’s “Lose It”.  This song is basically just a modern-day version of “I’m Too Sexy”, as if we ever needed one.  To make matters worse, our esteemed President, the leader of the free world, Barack Obama, actually LIKES this song.  That alone should be grounds for impeachment, as far as I’m concerned.





#3: “Barbie Girl” – Aqua
Released: 1997
Peak Position: #7



Perhaps no American toy save the hula hoop has entertained kids of the female persuasion more than Barbie dolls.  And in 1997, Danish-Norwegian dance-pop group Aqua released this tribute to every girl’s favorite plastic blonde, reaching #7 on the Pop charts with it and #1 in the UK.  But there’s no getting around the fact that everything about this song is 100%, Grade A ANNOYING!  The beat is repetitive and tinny enough to wake the dead, the lead singer may have the worst voice of any female in the world save Fran Drescher, and the lyrics are unquestionably stupid:

I’m a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it’s fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation

Dear lord, did they have to bring up that Barbie undressing thing?  This song was so bad that Mattel actually sued Aqua for the song’s lyrical content, alleging it had tarnished the reputation of their trademark and impinged on their marketing plan.  They eventually settled out-of-court, but the damage done by this song to countless peoples’ ears worldwide was already done.  Thankfully, this song is only a bad memory now, but every now and again you’ll hear it on the radio and immediately change the station.  Without question, this is the worst song to come out of the ‘90s, and its irritation lives on to this very day.





#2: “Disco Duck” – Rick Dees
Released: 1976
Peak Position: #1
Rick Dees - Disco Duck (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxf2KCSyvgQ#)

In case you haven’t garnered it from some of the previous songs on this countdown, I HATE DISCO MUSIC.  However, this song pretty much puts them all to shame.  Recorded by former disc jockey Rick Dees, backed by a vocal group known (appropriately) as “His Cast of Idiots”, this song made it to the #1 position in 1976, when disco was at its peak.  Combining disco music with a silly Donald Duck impression, this song is just downright idiotic in its conception and its delivery:

All of a sudden I began to change
I was on the dance floor acting strange
Flapping my arms I began to cluck
Look at me, I'm the disco duck

The song continues in its embarrassment with some bozo (I think it’s Dees, but I’m not positive) doing about the worst Donald Duck imitation I’ve ever heard in my life.  To boot, who’s going to get a woman in a dance club by acting like a damn duck?  If I witnessed that, I’d call the bouncer or something!  Not that I’d ever be in a discotheque, mind you, but I digress.  It’s because of songs like this that people refused to take disco music seriously, and on July 12, 1979, a crate of disco records was blown up during a baseball game in Chicago in a public demonstration known as “Disco Demolition Night”.  Disco music would never recover, and by the early ‘80s, it was dead.  Now, do I think all disco music is bad?  Of course not—some of the stuff from the Bee Gees is passable enough for me to be a pleasant listening experience.  But this horrendous song could be considered the first nail in disco’s coffin, so to speak, and for that, it deserves a spot on this list.





#1: “Friday” – Rebecca Black
Released: 2011
Peak Position: #58



Even though it’s only been around for about a year, in my opinion, this song has already earned the distinction of being the worst of all time.  Teenage “singer” (and I use that term lightly) Rebecca Black released this song in 2011, and the video was up on YouTube before you knew it.  The video soon became the most disliked video in YouTube history, and was eventually taken down due to its excessive dislikes.  The music video was called “the worst video ever made” by comedian Michael J. Nelson, and many others agree, myself included.  Not only is the video bad, the backbeat is almost unbearable, Black’s singing voice sounds like a series of small animals dying, and the lyrics to this song are among the worst ever devised by mankind:

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after...wards
I don't want this weekend to end

Thank you for telling us the days of the week, Rebecca, or I’d have no idea that Saturday comes after Friday.  The rest of the lyrics are equally sophomoric, such as “Passin’ by is a school bus in front of me” and “Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal”.  Now, I love the weekend as much as the next guy, but when it comes to this song, I might as well kiss a pleasant experience in my weekend goodbye.  This song is literally the worst piece of garbage I have ever heard in my entire life, and I think Black must be mentally retarded for thinking that releasing this to the public was ever a good idea.  There’s no question about it in my mind—Rebecca Black’s “Friday” is the worst song of all time.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Red Jaguars Fan on January 02, 2013, 12:31:07 AM
What about "It's Thanksgiving"? :lol:
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Red Jaguars Fan on January 02, 2013, 09:44:19 PM
Yes, "Friday" will go down in history as the worst song ever (unless someone somehow manages to do worse, God forbid!)

"Barbie Girl" is just disgustingly awful.

We all know we hate LMFAO.

You mean to tell me that's the "What's Going On" that's been circulating?

"I Kissed A Girl" could not get anymore annoying, could it?
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Purple Parrots Fan on January 02, 2013, 09:51:18 PM
Heh, I knew "Friday" would be the worst song ever. :P And it's by far the worst too. The horrible lyrics, the painfully embarrassing music video, and her voice sounds like a mixture between Steve Urkel and Fran Drescher. I know her voice is autotuned and everything, but it still sounds bad nonetheless. And don't get me started on the aforementioned "It's Thanksgiving" either. Man, I think I've blocked the very sound of "Friday" out of my memory. And I intend to keep it that way. -_-

As for the other songs, I agree on all of them except "What's Up?" That happens to be one of my favorite 90s songs of all time. I have nothing negative to say about this song whatsoever. Though the lyrics are depressing, and the chorus is repetitive. And I kind of like "We Built This City" as well. Although the music video for it was pretty bad. And I had no idea Rick Dees even had a song. XD If it's about a duck, and it's a disco song, I know that no good can come from it. He should just stick to his "Weeekly Top Fouuuuuurty" countdowns, which I'm pretty sure he has.

Overall, great list and good run through them all. :D I wonder what big list will be come up with next?
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: PurpleParrot4Life on January 02, 2013, 10:25:43 PM
To my understanding, "Friday" was written for Rebecca Black with the intention that be would be so bad that it would go viral and help to pay for a college tuition.

And since it is similar to "Friday," I'm surprised there was no mention of the viral youtube.com music video and "song" (I'm using the term very loosely) entitled "Hot Problems."
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: PurpleParrot319 on January 02, 2013, 10:29:04 PM
Well done on the list TBK. :D

Looking back at this, I don't see "Chocolate Rain" anywhere. I don't think it's a good song at all.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on January 03, 2013, 09:22:02 PM
*smack* There's one song that I forgot. Oh well...
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Red Jaguars Fan on January 04, 2013, 12:35:40 AM
Can I ask? Why was "Blow Me (One Last Kiss)" considered?
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on January 06, 2013, 04:09:02 PM
Can I ask? Why was "Blow Me (One Last Kiss)" considered?
Mainly because of the title, and the lyric of "whiskey-dick". It was one of those choices I made near the tail-end of my initial 200, and looking back, I could have found worse songs.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: Red Jaguars Fan on January 11, 2013, 06:18:25 AM
Btw, what about that song "Barbra Streisand"? I just basically said all the lyrics already in the title. I'm warning you.

Barbra Streisand By Duck Sauce With Lyrics (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yp-YTDDyrNI#ws)
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: PurpleParrot319 on January 17, 2013, 09:56:56 PM
*smack* There's one song that I forgot. Oh well...

Even though you forgot about it, that song can still be included in the honorable mentions. I guess it can be considered #101 on the list. ;)
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Red Jaguars on January 17, 2013, 09:59:30 PM
I am surprised "Whip My Hair" by Willow Smith didn't get a mention either. I mean just because you are Will Smith's daughter does not mean you have singing talents.  :roll:
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: PurpleParrot319 on January 23, 2013, 07:42:20 AM
Looking back at this again, I'm surprised "The Sweet Escape" didn't even get considered. :o

I can't stand that song. It's really annoying.
Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: The Bandit King on January 25, 2013, 02:45:09 PM
Before I continue with this, I'd just like to say the following.  As you can all see by the previous few posts, there are lots and lots of songs that people find annoying, overplayed, or just plain bad.  While I did the best I could on this list, there are undoubtedly some that I missed.  Something like this is a very daunting task for one person to come up with.  There's always a chance I could do something like this in the future, perhaps as a collective effort with somebody here.  And of course, there's some matter of personal opinion involved as well.  Nonetheless, I think I did a pretty fair job despite my unfortunate misses and my limited knowledge of modern-day music.

Now that that's over, on to the real reason I posted: trivia! :lol:

Title: Re: The 100 Worst Songs of All Time
Post by: GreenMonkeys#1 on February 23, 2013, 06:44:33 PM
I think there might be a new worst, Harlem Shake.