The 100 Worst Songs of All Time

[The Ancient Warrior]

You know, I've heard a little kid singing a couple of the lines to "Last Friday Night" before.  Made a friend I was with at the time joke about whether the parents knew what "ménage à trois" means...

I really like how much ground the list covers so far.  Really drives home that the focus is "all time," after all.

[The Bandit King]

#70: “Tubthumping” – Chumbawamba
Released: 1997
Peak Position: #6


In the summer of ’97, anarcho-punk band Chumbawamba (I’d love to know how they came up with their name) released this song, which became their only hit in the U.S.  I’ll admit that I liked this song when I was a naïve little kid because of its catchy beat, but now that I’m older and wiser, I see how oh-so-awful it is.  For one thing, the band that sings it has admitted to being anti-fascist—last I checked, fascism isn’t that much of a problem in the world, so why even announce your opposition to it?  But I digress; back to the song.  Its chorus is so insanely repetitive and sophomoric, you’ll be begging these guys to just STAY DOWN:

I get knocked down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down

They repeat this chorus about fifty times over the chorus of the whole song, making it so annoying you just want to shoot yourself.  In addition, the wacky lyrics of “pissin’ the night away” and the infamous refrain about drinking multiple types of liquor add to this song’s insanity.  Chumbawamba broke up earlier this year—still no word as to whether they’ll get up again after finally getting knocked down.




#69: “Seasons in the Sun” – Terry Jacks
Released: 1974
Peak Position: #1


Originally an old Belgian folk song, this song was re-written in English by Rod McKuen and recorded by Canadian singer Terry Jacks in 1974, becoming his only hit, making it to #1 in the U.S., Canada and the U.K.  The song’s lyrics tell the story of a dying man, who is telling all his friends and loved ones goodbye while he’s apparently on his deathbed.  He says goodbye to his unnamed friend, his father, and “Michelle”, who we assume is either his girlfriend or his daughter:

Goodbye, Michelle, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky;
Now that the spring is in the air
With the flowers everywhere
I wish that we could both be there

While the premise of the song is sweet, it just comes across as sappy when you listen to it—elevator music to the core.  To boot, too many questions are unanswered: I mean, why is the man dying?  His father’s still alive, so is it some kind of fatal illness?  Cancer, possibly?  This is one example of a song that opens up too many questions with its inane lyrics, and I wouldn’t play this one for my dog.  She’d probably start licking her butt, anyway.




#68: “See You Again” – Miley Cyrus
Released: 2007
Peak Position: #10



You should have known the product of Billy Ray’s loins was going to show up on this list eventually.  Released in late 2007 from Miley Cyrus’ debut album, this song was met with unanimous praise and made it into the Billboard Top 10, although I’m literally at a loss as to why.  The beat is so annoying, Miley’s vocals are nothing short of whiny and tone-deaf, and the lyrics are absolutely cringeworthy:

The last time I freaked out, I just kept lookin' down
I st-st-stuttered when you asked me what I'm thinkin' 'bout
Felt like I couldn't breathe, you asked what's wrong with me
My best friend Lesley said ‘Oh she’s just being Miley’

Where do I even begin?  First up, why is your best friend with you when you’re with someone you’re trying to hook up with?  And who asked her for her input anyway?  It’s songs like this that destroy all the credibility of pop music nowadays.  While it’s not as bad as most of Lindsay Lohan’s music and Miley truly can deliver (her song “The Climb” was excluded from this list for reasons such), this song signaled a turn toward sophomoric, uninspired “club songs” that sadly, form the bulk of music today.




#67: “You’re the Inspiration” – Chicago
Released: 1984
Peak Position: #3



In 1984, rock legends Chicago released this song, which was praised by several record critics and made it up to #3 on the Pop charts.  However, it truly stands out as one of the sappiest, mushiest, cheesiest love songs ever recorded.  The background music is just cringeworthy, and Peter Cetera’s lead vocals just make you want to stick an ice pick in your head when he belts out the chorus:

You’re the meaning in my life
You’re the inspiration
You bring feeling to my life
You’re the inspiration
Wanna have you near me
I wanna have you hear me sayin’
No one needs you more than I need you

Trust me, it’s even more insanely over-the-top when you listen to it for yourself.  Thankfully, we still have about fifty Chicago songs besides this one that aren’t nearly so bad—some are downright awesome.  But even an established group like Chicago can have a bad day, and this is one of their worst.




#66: “How Bizarre” – OMC
Released: 1995
Peak Position: Didn’t chart



In 1995, New Zealand hip-hop group OMC released this song in their native New Zealand, hitting #1 with it.  The following year, it made waves in the U.S., even though it never charted due to not being released as a single in this country.  And judging from the song's inconsistency, I'm not surprised: they were probably confused as to whether they should play it on a hip-hop station or a Latin music station.  The lyrics are fair enough for a hip-hop song:

Brother Pele's in the back, sweet Zina’s in the front
Cruisin’ down the freeway in the hot, hot sun
Suddenly red-blue lights flash us from behind
Loud voice booming, ‘Please step out onto the line’
Pele preaches words of comfort, Zina just hides her eyes
Policeman taps his shades, ‘Is that a Chevy '69?’

While the lyrics are fine, two problems lie in this song: number one, the lead singer can’t carry a tune in a bucket.  Number two is the actual music: when the music begins to play, you’re no doubt thinking to yourself, ‘This is a hip-hop song?’  It just sounds too happy.  The music video also has an inaccuracy: instead of a 1969 Chevy Impala, like the lyrics say, the lead singer is driving a 1968 Impala.  All this, and they never had another hit?  Hmmm, how…bizarre.




#65: “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)” – Rupert Holmes
Released: 1979
Peak Position: #1



The last ever #1 song of the 1970’s, this sickening ode to the worst-tasting cocktail in history leaves an even worse taste in anyone who tries to listen to it’s mouth.  The lyrics tell the story of a man who, unsatisfied with his current relationship, finds a personal ad in the paper:

If you like pina coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you like makin’ love at midnight
In the dunes of the cape
Then I’m the love that you’ve looked for
Write to me and escape

I could say something about how that personal ad just comes off as haughty and snobbish, but I’ll move on: the guy answers the ad, and when the two meet face-to-face, whaddya know—it’s his current girlfriend.  Okay, look: if I was in a similar situation, I’d do one of two things: get mad at her for sending the damn ad in the first place, or leave the bar right away in frustration—after all, the guy wants a new relationship, right?  Mix all this with a horrible “island” soundtrack, fake-sounding ocean sound effects, and whiny vocals, and you’ll probably never go back to the beach again.  Oh, one more thing: Holmes himself has stated that he hates pina coladas, and they “taste like Kaopectate”.  Isn’t it a nice world when singers can admit when their choice of material is wrong?




#64: “Longer” – Dan Fogelberg
Released: 1979
Peak Position: #2



In 1979, the late Dan Fogelberg released this sappy love song, which made it up to #2 on the charts the following year.  Not only is the song so mind-meltingly cheesy and nauseating that anyone with half a brain cannot stand to listen to it for more than fifteen seconds, but the lyrics are just so over-the-top it’s not even funny:

Longer than there’ve been fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever flew
Longer than there’ve been stars up in the heavens
I’ve been in love with you

Okay, Dan, let me give you a few statistics.  There have been fishes in the ocean since 500 million years ago.  A flock of swans was once recorded flying at over 29,000 feet.  And the oldest star we’ve ever found was estimated to be 13.2 billion years old.  You still want to say you’ll be in love with this chick forever?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.




#63: “Hangin’ Tough” – New Kids on the Block
Released: 1989
Peak Position: #1



It’s a common misconception that boy bands started in the ‘90s.  Quite the contrary—there were at least three in the 1980s, and these guys started it all.  With lead vocals by the now-infamous Donnie Wahlberg (yes, he’s the older brother of Mark “Marky Mark” Wahlberg), the song reached the #1 position in September 1989, and was the first of three (yes, three) #1’s for the pioneering boy band.  But listening to the tinny beat and the horrible lyrics, I can't really see why:

Listen up everybody, if you wanna take a chance
Just get on the floor and do the New Kids’ dance
Don't worry 'bout nothing 'cause it won't take long
We’re gonna put you in a trance with a funky song

First off, what the hell is the “New Kids’ Dance”?  They never tell us how to do it!  Second, this song is far from “funky”—unless he’s talking about the smell, that is.  Amazingly, this song was certified Platinum by the RIAA, and was considered among the best rap songs to come out of the ‘80s (no, seriously, they considered this shit rap).  The New Kids broke up in 1994, but they reformed in 2008.  Thankfully, though, they’re not making any new music—just playing the crappy stuff they’ve already made.




#62: “The Bad Touch” – The Bloodhound Gang
Released: 1999
Peak Position: #52


In May 1999, American techno group The Bloodhound Gang released this song as the lead single from their album Hooray for Boobies.  In case the album’s name didn’t lead you in the right direction, the cover actually featured two zebras copulating.  Alright, I’ve got nothing against songs being about sex, but this one is just disturbing to listen to.  The techno-dance beat is pretty good, but that’s the only redeeming quality about this song.  The lead singer’s voice just sounds like a freaking robot, and the lyrics are downright filthy:

You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let’s do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel

You don’t get much more disgusting than that.  In addition, the music video is an insane, badly put-together mishmash of so many negative stereotypes that it was banned in several countries—it makes fun of homosexuals, midgets and French people, and depicts people eating worms and poop.  Thankfully, the Bloodhound Gang kind of disappeared after this song, so we don’t have to worry about that shit (and worms?) anymore.




#61: “Billy, Don’t Be a Hero” – Bo Donaldson & the Heywoods
Released: 1974
Peak Position: #1



The Civil War: a time of turmoil in America—and apparently, a damn good time period to set a crappy 1970’s song.  Bo Donaldson and his band, the Heywoods, scored their only hit with this tune, which followed the exploits of a man who is going to be married, but first, voluntarily leaves to serve his country in the Civil War.  The song’s chorus is his young wife-to-be begging him not to go:

Billy, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life
Billy, don't be a hero, come back and make me your wife
And as Billy started to go she said ‘keep your pretty head low
‘Billy don’t be a hero, come back to me’

Just by listening to this song, you know it’s not going to end well.  And why the hell is the guy voluntarily going off to serve in the Army instead of getting married?  The only logical thing I can think of is that Billy’s wife must be butt-ugly, and he doesn’t want to marry her.  Songs like this make me wonder what the hell people were thinking listening to this crap in the ‘70s, when bands like Led Zeppelin and the Ramones were out there just waiting to be discovered.

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Boy, this list (unlike last night's installment) has a lot of oldies here. Comment time:

I agree about #70. Though it's an okay song in small doses, and I liked it a lot when I was a kid. But, the lyrics are repetitive, and the group name is "interesting." I remember once I came up with a similar nickname (on another forum) "Umba Chumba Wumba." Naturally, it didn't catch on. =P

I don't mind #69, though I haven't really listened to it much. So I guess I don't care enough to have an opinion.

Dear god, if it's one Miley song I TRULY can't stand, it's this one. This song was seriously overplayed in late 2007/early 2008. And I just never understood the love for this song. She's seriously singing like she's some sort of robot, and her voice sounds really ugly. And it doesn't surprise me that the lyrics are equally as cheesy and lame.

THANK YOU for putting #67 on this list. I usually love ballads, but I seriously hate this song with a passion. Even when I was a kid, I thought this song was just downright lame. And I'm not even a big Chicago fan either. But you're right, they did have MUCH better stuff than this cheesefest.

I disagree about #66. I happen to really like this song, albeit in small doses. And if you're in the mood for it. The music video for it sucks though, I'll give it that much. But the song is so "bizarre," I just happen to like it.

Never really heard #65, no comment.

I sort of agree about #64, but I don't think it's a terrible song at all. I like other stuff from him though.

Agree about #63, I just don't like this group at all. This song is admittedly pretty catchy, but it's not enough for me to have any interest in it. However, the song "I'll Be Loving You Forever" from them, is MUCH WORSE than "Hanging Tough." If you thought the sappy love songs on this list was bad, this one takes cheesefest to a whole different level. Don't say I didn't warn you. Also, "and was considered among the best rap songs to come out of the ‘80s." WHAT?!?!

Didn't hear much of #62 or #61, no comment.

Overall, great list! I can't wait for more, this is seriously amazing.

[PurpleParrot319]

I.........actually like "The Bad Touch". It's just a funny song to listen to.

[The Bandit King]

Anyone ready for more crappy songs?  Anyone?  Tough, I'm gonna start this part of the list anyway:

#60: “Cowboy” – Kid Rock
Released: 1999
Peak Position: #82



I despise Kid Rock.  It’s not that he’s a bad guy, or that he can’t sing well, and that midget companion he used to have, while slightly annoying, doesn’t really bother me either.  What irks me about Kid Rock is that he’s apparently not sure whether he wants to be a rapper, a country singer, or a rock star.  And this song he released off his album Devil Without a Cause definitely blurs the lines between all three.  To boot, the lyrics further confuse what the hell the guy wants to be (besides a cowboy, obviously):

Cowboy, baby,
With the top let back and the sunshine shinin’
Cowboy, baby,
West Coast chillin’ with the Boone’s Wine
I wanna be a cowboy, baby,
I ride all night ‘cause I sleep all day
Cowboy, baby
I can smell a pig from a mile away

There are elements of rock (traveling at night due to sleeping all day), rap (West Coast, top let back, etc.), and obviously country with the “Cowboy” theme.  Come on, Bob, just pick a genre and go for it!  And what the hell is “Boone’s Wine”?  You can “smell a pig from a mile away”?  Is that some sort of reference to barbecue restaurants?  Like I said, Kid Rock is just one of those artists I can’t place in a single genre no matter what he does, and that coupled with the nonsensical lyrics of this song merits it inclusion here.




#59: “Hips Don’t Lie” – Shakira
Released: 2006
Peak Position: #1



In the spring of 2006, Colombian superstar Shakira released this salsa-inspired song with backing vocals by Haitian rapper Wyclef Jean.  It reached the #1 position in at least 25 countries, including the U.S., and broke the record for most radio airplays in one week.  But yet again, this is undisputed proof that the public will eat up any unwashed garbage that the music industry can come up with.  The song is cheap, the lyrics some like they were come up with by a parrot (especially the parts by Wyclef), and the Spanish parts are so unintelligible it’s not funny at all:

I never really knew that she could dance like this
She make a man want to speak Spanish
Como se llama? Bonita, mi casa, su casa
(Shakira, Shakira)

She makes a man want to speak Spanish?  Isn’t that kind of insulting, considering Shakira’s heritage?  And I’m no Spanish expert, but roughly translated, did he just say “What did you say? Pretty, my house, your house”?  Geez, if you’re going to talk like that, at least learn some Spanish articles, you uncoordinated lout!  The music video is also an eyesore—not the parts with Shakira, of course, but there are WAY too many shots of Wyclef.  We don’t need to see his scrawny ass any more than we have to, you know?  This song is absolutely one of Shakira’s worst, and I knew I had to put it on this list from the get-go.




#58: “Just a Friend” – Biz Markie
Released: 1989
Peak Position: #9


Biz Markie is one of my least favorite performers in any genre of music.  He can’t sing, he can’t rap—hell, he can’t even talk!  But against all odds, he scored a major hit at the tail end of 1989, which was thankfully his only foray onto the Pop charts.  Considered an early rap classic by some, I honestly can’t see what anyone saw (or still sees) in this pile of crap.  The lyrics follow Biz’s exploits as he picks up a girl after a concert, and is trying to get into her pants:

I whispered in her ear, ‘come to the picture booth
So I can ask you some questions to see if you are 100 proof’
I asked her her name, she said blah-blah-blah
She had 9/10 pants and a very big bra

Um, excuse me?  Could you be any more stereotypical with that ‘100 proof’ line?  What kind of chick replies to a simple question like her name with ‘blah blah blah’?  Who is she, Kesha?  And how the hell do you know the size of her pants and bra when you’ve only just met the chick?  The rap part of the song wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t break into that oh-so-earsplitting ‘you, you got what I need’ chorus, which will make you want to puncture your eardrums with a safety pin.  Easily one of the worst early raps songs of all time, this song was one of my first choices for this list, as it certainly is a bad listening experience.




#57: “It Wasn’t Me” – Shaggy
Released: 2000
Peak Position: #1



Jamaican-born Orville “Shaggy” Burrell released this song off his multi-platinum album Hot Shot in the year 2000, and it became his first #1 hit.  While some of Shaggy’s material is indeed listenable, this song just reeks of inane disarray, poor structure, and a horrible concept.  The lyrics chronicle how Shaggy was caught with another woman by his girlfriend, and after a little advice from his friend, decides the best way to avoid confrontation is to deny everything, even when presented with overwhelming evidence:

But she caught me on the counter
(It wasn't me)
Saw me banging on the sofa
(It wasn't me)
I even had her in the shower
(It wasn't me)
She even caught me on camera
(It wasn't me)

Excuse me?  If she caught your ass on camera, you’re clearly guilty, my friend!  This song’s lyrics are so nonsensically moronic, it begs the question of why it became a hit in the first place.  Another interesting tidbit—the song sparked a legal term known as the “Shaggy Defense”, which is just what the song describes: denying a crime in the wake of almost damning evidence.  I’d like to think that law schools will teach this profoundly in the future, but so far, nothing.




#56: “Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep” – Middle of the Road/Mac & Katie Kissoon
Released: 1971
Peak Position: #20


Only in the ‘70s could a song as inane and nonsensical as this one become a hit.  In 1971, a British band called Middle of the Road released this song, taking it to #1 in England, but thankfully, it never charted in America.  Unfortunately, the brother-sister duo of Mac & Katie Kissoon released a version stateside, and scored their only Top 40 hit with it.  I’m not even really sure what the hell this song is about, but best I can figure from the lyrics, it’s about a baby bird that’s lost its mother:

Last night I heard my mama singin’ a song
Oo-ee, chirpy chirpy cheep cheep
Woke up this morning and my mama was gone
Oo-ee, chirpy chirpy cheep cheep, chirpy chirpy cheep cheep, chirp

Ugh…someone just stick an ice pick in my head.  This song is so stupid, so insanely moronic, that once you hear it once, you do everything in your power to make sure you never hear it again, to the point that you’ll probably shoot your radio if they decide to play it.  Thankfully, this song has been largely forgotten, but it’s still a massive earsore that deserves a place on this list.




#55: “If You’re Not the One” – Daniel Bedingfield
Released: 2003
Peak Position: #15



Released in late 2002 as the third single from English singer Daniel Bedingfield’s debut album, and made it to #1 in the U.K. and #15 in the U.S.  While Bedingfield’s whiny vocals are bad enough to listen to, this song’s lyrical content is just sad.  It reeks of commercialism, sappiness, and general badness that you can’t really take this song seriously no matter how many times you listen to it.  The song is basically a ballad, and its generic “ballad” lyrics just add to the song’s bad qualities:

If you’re not the one
Why does my heart feel glad today
If you’re not the one
Then why does my hand fit yours this way

You don’t get much cheesier than those lyrics right there.  To top it off, I'm pretty sure the note Bedingfield hits during the chorus is enough to shatter glass.  Bedingfield himself has stated that the song is one of his poorest, and he originally didn’t even want to release it.  However, his sister Natasha (who is only a slightly more annoying singer than Bedingfield) insisted he release it, and now he has to live with it.  Relatives…they always seem to screw up your best intentions.




#54: “Bye Bye Bye” – ‘N Sync
Released: 2000
Peak Position: #4



From their album No Strings Attached, boy band ‘N Sync released this song as a reference to them severing ties from their former label, RCA.  It set a record the first week it was out, selling 2.4 million copies.  But for all its successes, there’s no getting around the fact that this is a pretty annoying song to listen to.  The background beat makes you cringe every time you hear it, and the lyrics are so repetitive they could be used in an answering machine:

Don't wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for two
You may hate me but it ain't no lie,
Baby, bye, bye, bye

The media just played the shit out of this song the first time it was released, and it got old the first 24 hours or so it was out.  Plus, the first time you listen to this song, you can’t get it out of your head!  Add to that the fact that four out of the five members of ‘N Sync are no-talent idiots, and you have the makings of possibly the worst song ever done by a boy band (but then again, there aren’t many good ones, so yeah).




#53: “The Ketchup Song” – Las Ketchup
Released: 2002
Peak Position: #54



If there’s anything positive I can say about this song, it’s definitely the best song ever written that shares its name with a condiment.  In 2002, Spanish-born sisters Pilar, Lola, and Lucia Munoz, better known as Las Ketchup (they took their name from their father, a famous flamenco player named “El Tomate”) released this song, which became their only hit in the Americas.  As of 2006, the song has sold over seven million copies worldwide.  The song is quite catchy, yes, but the lyrics are so nonsensical I still can’t figure out what the hell they’re about.  Plus, the Spanish chorus is impossible to translate:

Aserejé, ja deje tejebe tude jebere sebiunouba
Majabi an de bugui an de buididipí

Only three words in that snippet actually translate to English words.  Apparently, the chorus is taken from the song “Rapper’s Delight”, widely considered to be the first rap song ever recorded.  The song’s titular character, Diego, dances to the song, but doesn’t understand the English lyrics, so he makes up his own lyrics to the song.  Unfortunately, this makes the song sound like a Spanish one-year-old wrote it, and proves that if you’re going to write a song, no matter what language you speak, use some actual words!




#52: “Wild Wild West” – Will Smith
Released: 1999
Peak Position: #1


Will Smith is undoubtedly one of the best actors of our generation—so much so that it’s hard to believe he started his career as a rap singer.  In the 1980’s, Smith was part of a rap duo with DJ Jazzy Jeff, and they released several rap songs before breaking up.  Smith turned to acting, but after a hit TV show and several successful films, Smith decided to try his luck with rapping again, releasing this song as the theme to his 1999 movie of the same name.  Unfortunately, lightning couldn’t strike twice, and the song just came across as a has-been trying to recapture former musical glory.  The song uses Stevie Wonder’s “I Wish” as backing music, and the lyrics are basically made up of Will self-promoting himself:

Got mad weapons too, ain’t tryin’ to hear that
Tryin’ to bring down me, this champion
When y’all clowns gon’ see that it can’t be done
Understand me son, I'm the slickest they is,
I'm the quickest they is, did I say I'm the slickest they is?

Yes, Will, you did.  And if you hadn’t, we’d gather this from the fact that you’re singing this song like a total egotist.  Fortunately, this would be Smith’s last foray into music (so far, anyway), and he soon returned to acting—the one thing I can actually stomach him doing.




#51: “Gangnam Style” – PSY
Released: 2012
Peak Position: #2



Seriously, was there any doubt this one would be here?  This song was released by South Korean rapper Park “PSY” Jae-Sang a few months ago, and hit #2 in the U.S. and #1 in Great Britain.  The YouTube video of the song has been watched over 800 million times, and could well crack 1 billion views soon.  However, this song is so stupid that I can’t see why the hell it’s been so popular in the first place.  Not only does the beat want to make you shoot your computer, the lyrics are in Korean, so YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND A DAMN THING HE’S SAYING:

Jeongsukhae boijiman nol ttaen noneun yeoja
Ittaeda sipeumyeon mukkeotdeon meori puneun yeoja
Garyeotjiman wenmanhan nochulboda yahan yeoja
Geureon gamgakjeogin yeoja

Matter of fact, other than “gangnam style” and “hey sexy lady”, there are NO ENGLISH WORDS in this song whatsoever.  Unbelievably, this song is still in the Top 40, and is very slow falling off.  This song would be a LOT higher on this list if I didn’t take a song’s longevity into account, but it has definitely made its mark as one of the worst songs of recent years, and will likely be considered one of the worst of all time for years to come.

[Purple Parrots Fan]

What a coincidence, I had just heard #60 on the radio today. I only listened to 10 seconds of it, and trust me, it was enough for me to change the station in a heartbeat. It's a bad song indeed. I also hate Kid Rock, for pretty much all the same reasons you do. It's like he's trying to mix country with rap and pop, thinking it sounds good. But of course, we all know it sounds bad.

I kind of agree about #59. The lyrics and the song itself is cheesy, but I still find it pretty catchy. The music video is definitely an eyesore too. If it's not Wyclef Jean being shown 24/7, it's just Shakira shaking her rump pretty much the whole video. Also, I'm pretty sure the "Como se llama? Bonita, mi casa, su casa" part translates into "What's her name? Pretty, my house your house."

Agree about #58, though it's an okay song to listen to in very small doses. What irks me about the song is that Biz Markie is stalking some girl who says "he's just a friend." And then at the end of the song, he shows up at the girl's dorm, and sees her smooching her REAL boyfriend. Moral of the story: There's a reason she calls you "just a friend." Get over it, dude. And don't get me started on his ear splitting "singing" in the chorus. Also, there's a 2002 remake of this song by an R&B guy named Mario. And trust me, his version isn't any better. If anything, the cover is worse.

Oh man, I knew #57 would make the list. The lyrics to this one are utterly ridiculous. You cheat on your girlfriend with some whore, you get caught red handed in multiple ways, and then you run to your friend who gives you inept advice. Seriously, all he tells you is "say it wasn't you." One thing you didn't touch upon is, at one point in the song, Shaggy says "How could I forget that I have given him an extra key?" What an idiot. Another moral of the story: It was your own damn fault for leaving your girlfriend an extra key. And it was your own damn fault for cheating. Don't even waste your breath with how "it wasn't you," when there's so much evidence stating otherwise. "Why should she believe me when I told her it wasn't me?" indeed. But despite that though, I still love this song. It's so catchy you can't not like it.

Don't know #56, no comment.

THANK YOU for including #55 on this list. I hate this song with a passion, even when it first came out. I usually love ballads, but this one is WAY too slow and boring. To be honest with you, I never liked Daniel Betingfield. His songs were never catchy at all, and he always sounded constipated when he was singing. (The song "I Gotta Get Through This" is a perfect example of this). I like Natasha Betingfield better, and even then I'm not a huge, huge fan. I guess there's a reason his sister got more success than him. Though I guess we can give him credit for basically admitting this song sucked.

Also agree about #54. Even when I was 10 when this song came out, I thought it was really repetitive and lame. I don't mind NSYNC at all, but song is really, really overrated. And you're right, they overplayed THE HELL out of this song when it first came out. I sort of like the music video for it though, I'll give it that.

Agree about #53 as well. I never understood the love for this song. And it seemed like it was on everyone's "favorite song" list. the lyrics are both annoying and nonsensical. There's a reason they were only one hit wonders.

Agree about #52. I like some of Will Smith's music, but this song is both cheesy and boring. He was better with DJ Jazzy Jeff, enough said.

And finally.... the infamous Gangnam. If this song had come out before 2009, this would probably make the Top 10 for sure. This is far and away, hands down, the most overrated song is the history of the world. I DO NOT understand the love for this song. The lyrics are nonsensical, the music reeks of ear splitting electropop, and don't even get me started on the video. It's not entertaining in the slightest, and it's just not funny at all. It says a lot of about today's world when they consider this song "entertaining" and "amazing." And really, it doesn't sound ANY different than most electropop songs today. Once again, a guy gets fame handed to him on a silver platter just for making a fool of himself. But, I suppose if his song is declining on the charts, that's one thing positive I can say.

Great stuff like always. I can't believe we're already approaching the Top 50.

[The Red Jaguars]

I agree, I kind of like "Hips Don't Lie". Its one of those songs I clearly remember from my high school days. Its pretty catchy and one of Shakira's better songs. Although the "Hips Don't Lie" portio was kind of cheesy, indeed...

And I hate "Bye Bye Bye" too. That song was like the "Baby" song when I was 10. My cousins would sing this song all the time and they even had N Sync puppets.  But it does bring back good memories though.

And I am surprised "Gangnam Style" is ranked so low. I thought it would be much higher. But I agree, it definitely has to be one of the most overrated songs ever. I mean the Youtube music video for it is almost reaching 1,000,000,000 views and there is so many damn parodies of it. It also has to be one of the most nonsensical music videos ever. That stupid little boy at the beginning pisses me off. 

[The Bandit King]

I'm a little late, but on the positive side, we're halfway done with this countdown!

#50: “Love You like a Love Song” – Selena Gomez
Released: 2011
Peak Position: #22



Following in the footsteps of annoying Disney actresses before her, Selena Gomez released this little earsore on her band, the Scene’s, third studio album.  It hit #1 on the Dance Charts, and has already been certified 2x Platinum in the U.S.  However, the proof is in the pudding for this overrated song.  While Selena isn’t a slouch in the vocals department, the beat is just so annoying you’ll probably hurl if you listen to the song more than twice, and the lyrics?  Ugh…

Constantly, boy you played through my mind like a symphony
There's no way to describe what you do to me
You just do to me what you do
And it feels like I've been rescued

Okay, time out.  “You just do to me what you do”?  Can’t you elaborate just a smidgen more here, Selena?  And another thing…not all love songs are worthy of being loved.  Some are downright awful (see #67 and #64 on this list if you want examples).  The little refrain of “re-pe-pe-peat” in the chorus is also extremely annoying, and will make you think your CD is skipping.  Selena Gomez is just the latest in a long line of teen actresses trying to capitalize on their fame by singing, and while her voice isn’t the worst of all time, this song certainly doesn’t make any future musical exploits look any more promising.




#49: “Afternoon Delight” – Starland Vocal Band
Released: 1976
Peak Position: #1


As I said before, I have nothing against songs about sex.  But when a sex-filled song as cheesy as this one makes it past quality control, that’s when I draw the line.  This song was released in the spring of 1976, and soon skyrocketed (pun on the lyrics intended) to the top of the charts.  At the Grammys the following year, the Starland Vocal Band even won the award for “Best New Artist”, beating out Boston, of all people (in the ultimate twist of irony, they never released another single besides this one).  If you want proof that the song sucks, just look at the lyrics, which are about as sex-laden as anything released today:

Thinkin’ of you’s workin’ up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbin’ sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite
And the thought of rubbin’ you is getting so exciting

Holy shit.  That they even allowed that last line to air on national radio in the ‘70s is a testament to the music industry in and of itself.  Throw in several more lines that compare “the nasty” with fishing and a fake airplane sound effect, and you’ve got the makings of one truly awful song.  The one positive I have about this song is how Will Ferrell panned it in the Anchorman movie.  Now THAT is a man with some talent.




#48: “Cotton Eye Joe” – Rednex
Released: 1994
Peak Position: #25



Outdated country/folk music has its place—at bluegrass festivals, church meetings, and…well, come to think of it, that’s about it.  But when you try to “modernize” a song like “Cotton Eye Joe”, which has been around since 1861, it’s not going to work no matter how you do it.  Case in point: when Swedish country/dance band Rednex released this disaster in 1994, it hit #1 in Norway for 15 weeks, #1 in Switzerland for 13 weeks, and #1 in Sweden for 8 weeks.  But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s just plain bad.  The synthesized banjos and fiddles backing the song make you beg for earplugs, and the lyrics are so unintelligible it’s nauseating:

If it hadn't been for cotton-eye Joe
I'd been married long time ago
Where did you come from, where did you go
Where did you come from cotton-eye Joe?

Someone just shoot me now.  To make matters worse, the band released a remix version of this song in 2002, but by that time, everybody had realized how stupid this song was, and it didn’t chart anywhere.  Maybe there’s hope for the world after all…




#47: “Party All the Time” – Eddie Murphy
Released: 1985
Peak Position: #2


It seems that the late 1980’s had a slew of actors trying to be singers.  Don Johnson, Rodney Dangerfield, and even Bruce Willis made records that all scored them hits on the Top 100.  But in 1985, comedian Eddie Murphy released this unappealing song off the soundtrack to his movie Beverly Hills Cop.  This song was produced by the legendary Rick James, but that’s where the positives end.  Eddie Murphy’s vocals alone are enough to merit this song inclusion on this list, but there’s so much more that makes this a bad song.  The background beat just doesn’t seem to fit the song, and the lyrics?  Well, just see for yourself:

I buy you champagne and roses and diamonds on your finger
Diamonds on your finger
Still you hang out all night
What am I to do?

The nasty lyrics go on like this for about five minutes, all interspersed by Eddie’s falsetto “Party all the time” chorus.  To boot, his “party” sounds so much like “potty” it’s not even funny.  Does your girl need some Imodium or something?  When it comes to partying all the time, you can do so much better than this song.




#46: “We Like to Party” – Vengaboys
Released: 1998
Peak Position: #26



Speaking of partying, this song isn’t much better of a party anthem, unfortunately.  Released in 1998 by Dutch synth-pop group the Vengaboys, this song proved their biggest hit in the States, reaching #26 in America.  Without question, this song is one of the most annoying beats I have EVER heard.  To make matters worse, the lyrics aren’t a picnic to listen to either:

The Venga bus is comin' & everybody's jumpin',
New York through San Francisco, an Interstate free disco,
The wheels of steel are turnin' and traffic lights are burnin',
So if you like to party, get on and move your body

An “interstate free disco”?  Okay, didn’t discos die out like forty years ago?  To make matters worse, this song is overplayed as hell, being used in Six Flags theme park commercials since what feels like the beginning of time.  If there’s ever a song that needed to just go away, it’s this one.




#45: “Make ‘Em Say Uhh” – Master P
Released: 1998
Peak Position: #16



Long before his son Romeo became famous for singing badly, hip-hop artist Master P recorded this song, backed by four studio rappers.  The song may have been commercially successful, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good song.  Without question, this song has the STUPIDEST rap hook of all time:

Make em say UHHHHHH (UHHHHH)
Na-nah na-nah (na-nah na-nah)

“Make ‘em say Uhh”?  The only time I could think of when I would honestly say “uhh” would be when I’m constipated.  To boot, the opening of the song is absolutely horrendous, and P says the “n” word so many times, you’d think he was racist toward his own people.  Thankfully, Master P disappeared after this song, but we still have his untalented son making music out there, so we must continue to hold that against him.




#44: “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” – Backstreet Boys
Released: 1998
Peak Position: #4



Remember when I said “Bye Bye Bye” may be the worst boy band song ever recorded?  I lied.  In 1998, the Backstreet Boys released this song from their eponymous album, and everybody everywhere was shaking their heads at the band’s egoism.  The background music just gives you the feeling that you’re in the cheapest sports stadium in history, and the lyrics?  They couldn’t honestly get any more egotistical and self-aggrandizing:

Everybody, everybody
Everybody, rock your body right
Backstreet’s back, alright!

You guys are back?  Sheesh, you released this song in 1998, when you’d already released enough material to fill a damn truck—I wasn’t even aware you’d gone anywhere!  This song is basically a way of self-promoting the band, plain and simple, and nothing more.  Boy bands aren’t really known for their deep, meaningful lyrics, though, so perhaps I should cut these guys some slack…nah!




#43: “Dancing on the Ceiling” – Lionel Richie
Released: 1986
Peak Position: #2


Lionel Richie may be have one of the best voices in recent musical history.  As the lead singer of the Commodores in the ‘70s and early ‘80s, he lent his pipes to songs like “Three Times a Lady” and “Brick House”, and as a solo artist, was even more successful, belting out masterpieces like “Hello” and “All Night Long”.  But this?  This song is positively horrible, even when put into the proper context of the era.  Lyrically, it’s stupid—but you already got that, didn’t you?

Everybody starts to lose control when the music gets right
If you see somebody hangin’ around, don’t get uptight
The only thing we wanna do tonight
Is go round and round, and turn upside-down
Come on, let’s get down

The fact that the song is probably NOT an allusion to getting high just makes matters worse.  Musically, fake synth horns abound, just as they do in most of Lionel’s other tracks, but they are so especially overdone and annoying here, the song is made all the worse.  There is simply no compelling reason to listen to this track.  None.  The video, however?  Since it features two incredible cameos in it, I can’t rat on it too much.




#42: “America’s Most Hated” – Kevin Federline
Released: 2006
Peak Position: Didn’t chart



In 2006, the then-Mr.-Britney-Spears Kevin Federline released his first album, and this was the first (and only) single released off it.  While the fact that Kevin Federline recorded it, a man with no talent in his body whatsoever, should turn you off, the lyrics are something that could only be concocted by either a drunk two-year-old or a retarded person (and knowing it’s K-Fed we’re talking about, I’d go with the latter):

I’m livin’ life in the fast lane
Then the cash came
Fire won’t quit, still burnin’ like a gas flame
They watch me
So I duck and roll
Middle fingers still up sayin’ fuck the globe

I’m not going to even bother with comments—you see how crappy those lyrics are right there.  Fortunately, though, pretty much the whole world agreed about how shitty this song was when it was released.  Rolling Stone rated it a measly one out of five stars, and it didn’t make it to any chart’s Top 100 worldwide.  It only sold a few hundred thousand copies, and to this day, remains among the worst-selling albums in recorded music history.  Sometimes, people just know bad music when they hear it.




#41: “I Am Woman” – Helen Reddy
Released: 1971
Peak Position: #1



I am man, hear me vomit.  In the early 1970’s, Australian-born Helen Reddy was one of the biggest stars in music, as her schmaltzy, sugar-coated pop ballads scored her smash hit after smash hit.  But one of her earliest forays to the top was this 1971 song, an ode to the women’s liberation movement.  The song quickly topped the American charts, becoming the first song by an Australian to do so, and became an anthem of sorts of gender equality.  Now, I’m not against women being somebody in this world, but this song is just so over-the-top that no one can take it seriously anymore:

Oh yes, I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong, I am invincible
I am woman

Okay, let me get something straight to you: you’re NOT invincible.  Give me a machete, and I’ll show you, bitch.  Look, I’m all for women making the same money as men, and holding the same jobs and whatnot, but when you go about whining and complaining about this shit,  it just makes you look like a crybaby.  To boot, Reddy’s voice is incredibly whiny, and doesn’t do this song any favors.  Sometimes, even the best of intentions turn out as 100% crap.

[Purple Parrots Fan]

I swear, I agree with your list more and more. That's definitely a good sign. XD

I totally agree about #50, and what makes it worse is that one of the car commercials plays this song constantly. When I first heard it, I thought it was Lady Gaga who sang it. I guess it's further proof that most electropop songs sound exactly the same.

I sort of like #49, but it's not the greatest song in the world. Good to know songs in the 70s had sexual innuendo though.

What a coincidence that I heard #48 on the radio today. I like this song, it's one of my favorites, even if the song is pretty lame. I can't imagine a remix to this song being released 7 years later sounding any better though. Oh, and the video encode doesn't work.

I agree about #47. Some actors just shouldn't sing and stick to well.... acting.

AGREE about #46. Good lord is this song overplayed, and I hate when the Six Flags commercial plays because of this song. Easily one of the worst songs ever, even when I first heard it as a kid.

Agree about #45 as well. Funniest thing about this song though: When VH1 played their "Awesome Bad Songs" countdown, this song made it. And some of the commentators described the song as "UHHHH!!!!" (first guy sounding constipated and/or taking a gnarly dump) and the guy next to him responds with "Nah nah nah nah...." (Reacting to the horrid "smell.") And another commentator described the song as "I just ate Taco Bell and now I have diarrhea." It was hilarious.

THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU for including #44! I hate this song with a HUGE passion. Seriously, it's way overrated, and it's extremely overplayed. I can't turn on the radio for 2 seconds without hearing this song. Not only is this song an egotrip like you said, but what exactly are they "back" for? I get that this is their first hit and everything, but you're not "back" from anything. You just started your careers, you morons!

Agree about #43. Lionel Richie did better with "All Night Long" and "Hello." This song is just uncatchy and uninspiring, period.

And ROFL, K-Fed actually had a song out? I don't recall, but the lyrics alone (and the fact that it never charted anywhere) is enough to tell me that this song sucks, big time. Why must these celebrity "nobodies" (like Paris Hilton and Heidi Montag) insist on singing? It never works out.

And don't know #41, so besides the fact it looks like feminist type song, no comment.

[The Ancient Warrior]

As a fan of Repo! The Genetic Opera, I'd have to make an exception for Paris Hilton, PPF.  But otherwise I agree.

I have to admit the list definitely includes some guilty pleasures, even this far in. "Gangnam Style" was hilarious the first time, and I still get a kick out of the dance meme from time to time.  It's working its way into being a passing fad, but hey, at least it knocked "Baby" out of the most viewed YouTube video spot.  That's something... right?

Either way, one of the big running themes seems to be that a lot of people who listen primarily to mainstream music only pay attention to the beat, and not the lyrics.  Which is odd, since a vocalist really is front and center in pop where the focus is a bit more even in any other kind of music.  But that seems to say a lot about these songs getting popular in the first place: they have predictable rhythms.

By the way, be careful not to play the violent raging critic too much, TBK.  I tasted a hint of it in #41 and I know we're getting into worse stuff the next two weekends, but please try not to overdo it for the top 40, okay?

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Okay I admit, there's one song from Paris Hilton that I sort of like. It was never a hit, but I heard it on an old YouTube fanvideo once. And yeah, I used to pay attention to only the beat and not the lyrics when I was younger. But even then, even if a song has the most ridiculous lyrics possible, I may still like it because it's catchy. That, and I've been listening to it for so long, I can't not like it. But, that's just me.

[The Bandit King]

Are your ears bleeding yet?  Well, give it a little time, because we've reached the Top 40!

#40: “Ice Ice Baby” – Vanilla Ice
Released: 1990
Peak Position: #1


When white people start rapping, the end result can either be really, really good (i.e. Eminem) or really, really bad.  Case in point: Robert “Vanilla Ice” Van Winkle decided he wanted to be a hip-hop artist at the age of 16, and when he finally got his opportunity, this was his debut single.  It became a smash hit, and was the first ever hip-hop song to make it to #1 on the Billboard charts.  But looking back on it, it was nothing but sheer stupidity and repetitive lyrics:

Dance, bum rush the speaker that booms
I’m killin’ your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly, when I play a dope melody
Anything less that the best is a felony
Love it or leave it, you better gain way
You better hit bullseye, the kid don’t play
If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

While I’ll admit that “poisonous mushroom” bit is pretty clever, the lyrics are just so garbled that you can’t understand about 75% of them.  Plus, he talks about how good his rhyming skills are, and then has the nerve to talk about a shooting later in the song!  If the lyrics weren’t bad enough, the song came under some controversy by using the melody from Queen & David Bowie’s “Under Pressure”.  When confronted about it, Ice claimed that it wasn’t the same melody—he added an extra note.  Bowie and Queen weren’t buying it, though, and Ice paid the dividends, giving Bowie and Freddie Mercury writing credits for the song.  The silver lining to this is that Vanilla Ice never had another Top 40 hit, and eventually went on to starring in crappy reality series and do-it-yourself shows.  Now...

Let's get outta here
Wave to your mother





#39: “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” – Meat Loaf
Released: 1993
Peak Position: #1



In the 1970’s, Meat Loaf was one of the kings of schmaltzy, cheese-laden pop-rock ballads.  But by 1993, his popularity seemed to have fizzled out.  That was, until he released this song, scoring him an unexpected comeback hit that hit #1 on the charts in 28 different countries.  The song was praised by some, but frankly, Meat Loaf shows us why his career should have stayed in the ‘70s.  This song is so over-the-top, it begs the question of why it became a hit in the first place.  To boot, the lyrics contradict themselves so much it isn’t even funny:

But I'll never forget the way you feel right now
Oh no, no way, I would do anything for love,
But I won’t do that, I won’t do that, anything for love,
I would do anything for love, I would do anything for love,
But I won’t do that, I won’t do that

Um…excuse me?  You yourself just said you’d do anything for love, you fickle bastard!  This whole song is such a contradiction, ol’ Loaf himself had to analyze the song sometimes when he performed it on live television.  To make matters worse, this song lasts for almost eight straight minutes, and by the time it’s over, you never want to hear it again as long as you live!  Meat Loaf never returned to the Top 40 after this song, and for that, I thank him.  I also thank Randy Orton for RKOing the man on WWE RAW not that long ago.  (And yes, I seriously just did make a wrestling allusion on this list.  Bite me.)





#38: “My Humps” – Black Eyed Peas
Released: 2005
Peak Position: #3



Sometimes, a band’s first foray onto the music scene is evocative of their future musical careers.  But when the Black Eyed Peas burst onto the scene in the mid-2000’s, they set a new low for talking about a lady’s…assets, if you will.  In this song, lead singers Fergie and Will.i.am intersperse a dialogue between the two of them about how…ahem…”endowed” Fergie is in the backside:

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’m-a get, get, get, get you drunk
Get you love drunk off my hump
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps

You’re lowering yourself to a piece of meat, actively inviting men to ogle at you?  Well, I suppose it sounded good on paper.  The lyrics go on to compare the girl’s…posterior to things like alcohol, chocolate, and of all things, cereal.  This song is so repetitive, you can’t get the damn thing out of your head once you listen to it on the radio.  Fergie would go on to have a successful solo career, while the ‘Peas themselves would later set a record in 2009 for the longest time occupying the top of the charts, staying at #1 for 26 weeks with “Boom Boom Pow” and “I Gotta Feeling”.  While those two songs are definitely no picnic to listen to, this song is ten times worse, and I’ll wager people were just glad to listen to something from the band that isn’t so blatantly about sex.





#37: “Rico Suave” - Gerardo
Released: 1990
Peak Position: #7



In 1990, Ecuadorian singer Gerardo Mejia released this song, which became his only Top 10 hit in the U.S.  And listening to this crap, it’s not hard to see why.  Even as a kid, I knew this song was bad.  Okay, the main reason I didn’t like it was because I had no idea what the Spanish parts of the song meant, but the English lyrics are just as bad:

I don't drink or smoke, ain’t into dope
Won’t try no coke, ask me how I do it, I cope
My only addiction has to do with the female species
I eat ‘em raw like sushi

Crappy lyrics like this are interspersed by Gerardo muttering “Rico, Suave” in the background, which are the Spanish words for “Rich, Smooth”—but if you didn’t know better (like me as a kid), you’d think it was his name.  The song is so insanely chuckle-worthy that you can’t take it seriously no matter how you look at it, and from the moment you listen to it, you just know it’s one-hit-wonder material.  To boot, the music video is equally corny, with Gerardo flailing his pecs around like nobody’s business while unattractive background dancers abound.  Even though he lives in Glendale, California, Gerardo continues to be popular in his native Ecuador, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s fine by me—as long as he never has another hit in the U.S.





#36: “I Love Rock ‘n Roll” – Britney Spears
Released: 2002
Peak Position: Didn’t chart



In 1982, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts released a little song called “I Love Rock ‘n Roll”.  It spent seven weeks at #1 on the Billboard charts, and went on to be the best-selling single for that year.  But twenty years later, little miss mainstream pop herself, Britney Spears, released a version from her 2002 bomb of a movie, Crossroads, that effectively set the women’s rock movement back twenty more years.  Britney stays true to the original lyrics well enough, copying them to a ‘T’:

I love rock ‘n roll
So put another dime in the jukebox, baby
I love rock ‘n roll
So come and take the time and dance with me

But the lyrics aren’t the problem here.  The problem is that Britney Spears ISN’T ROCK ‘N ROLL.  The fact that she’s trying to portray herself as such just further serves to distance her from hardcore rock fans like yours truly.  To boot, she doesn’t add any of her own “touch” to the song, almost carbon-copying Joan’s version of the song for her own use.  This version of the song is bad, no question, and if you want further proof that Britney shouldn’t be covering songs like this one?  When promoting its release, she attributed it to Pat Benatar, NOT Joan Jett.  Yeah…that’ll net you some credibility with the rockers, Britney.





#35: “Informer” – Snow
Released: 1992
Peak Position: #1


Snow (otherwise known as Darrin O'Brien from Canada) released this song in late 1992, and while he was in prison for assault charges, the song skyrocketed to the top of the Billboard charts.  In this unintelligible muddle of a song, Snow manages to trash the English language and reggae music in general in one fell swoop with his hiss-filled sampled mess.  On top of it, Snow's singing/rapping/whatever the hell it is style—some imitation Jamaican crap, loosely called “reggae fusion”—is almost completely unintelligible.  But that's actually good for us, since the lyrics are just designed to build some phony "street cred" like Vanilla Ice did two years prior:

Informer, ya no say Daddy me Snow me I’ll go blame
A licky boom boom down
‘Tective man he say, say Daddy Me Snow me stab someone down the lane
A licky boom boom down

Yeah, I don't think so.  The song is so hard to understand, MTV actually aired the video with subtitles at the bottom.  Fortunately for us, Snow quickly dropped off the charts thanks to such top notch titles as "Si Wi Dem Nuh Know We" (huh?) and "Jimmy Hat".  I can only guess the subject matter of either, but then again, I don’t really want to in the first place.  I have to give the guy a few points for the album title 12 Inches of Snow (C'mon, admit it—it's a clever double entendre).





#34: “Milkshake” – Kelis
Released: 2003
Peak Position: #3



Well, “My Humps” made it on the list, so you knew the original had to show up sometime, right?  In 2005, electro-pop diva Kelis released this song from her album Tasty, making it up to #3 with it.  However, the song is a vapid wasteland of unimaginative lyrics and an uninspired techno-beat that make you want to shoot yourself every time you listen to it:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they’re like it’s better than yours
Damn right it’s better than yours
I can teach you, but I have to charge
I can teach you, but I have to charge

Urgh.  Sounds like something someone would write in about ten minutes, which this song probably was, come to think of it.  There’s literally no depth to this song at all—it’s basically a woman flaunting her assets, and rubbing it in other women’s faces.  Plus, its beat is much more annoying than it is catchy.  The music video is also insane—nothing short of softcore porn.  Thankfully, Kelis has kind of fallen off the radar as of late (aside from her storied marriage-then-divorce from rapper Nas), and there’s still a chance for her to “redeem herself” of this steaming pile of (ice cream-flavored?) crap.





#33: “Bad Romance” – Lady Gaga
Released: 2009
Peak Position: #2



Let’s get one thing perfectly clear—I don’t hate Lady Gaga.  I like her a hell of a lot more than some of these other artists on the present music scene.  And hey, at least the girl can sing, unlike some people.  But when it comes to her repertoire of songs, this is definitely her worst.  Most of Gaga’s other material is at least tolerable in small doses, but from the opening lyrics, you know this song is going to be horrible:

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah
Roma-roma-mamaa
Ga-ga-oo-lah-lah
Want your bad romance

F**ing fabulous.  About 75% of this song is made up of nonsensical lyrics and annoying grunts and chants from Gaga, and it even discusses venereal diseases at one point!  The music video of this song is also a train wreck, featuring Gaga being kidnapped by women and sold into slavery to the Russians, then eventually killing the man who owns her!  To add the icing to the proverbial cake, the song has sold more than 9 million copies (making it one of the best-selling singles of all time), and actually won a Grammy for best Female Pop Vocal Performance.  Really?  Out of Gaga’s entire overrated catalogue, they had to pick this one?





#32: “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” – Crash Test Dummies
Released: 1993
Peak Position: #4


When Canadian alternative group the Crash Test Dummies released this song in 1993, it hit #1 on the Mainstream Rock charts and #4 on the Pop charts.  Eventually, it was certified gold, and scored the band their only hit of their career.  But aside from the truly masterful lyrics, the song is total garage sale fodder.  Looking at the lyrics, you’d think this song was a masterpiece:

Once there was this kid who
Got into an accident and couldn’t come to school
But when he finally came back
His hair had turned from black into bright white
He said that it was from when
The car had smashed so hard
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

The lyrics go on to tell the story of a girl who is shunned because her body is covered in birthmarks, and a boy who goes to a strange church where the people “shake and lurch all over the church floor”.  While the group has the right idea with the lyrics, there are several problems here.  In the first place, not a damn word in the entire song rhymes.  In the second place, the whole song is vapid, devoid of any kind of emotion but pity, and overwhelmingly sad.  In the third place, what the hell does “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” mean?  Did you forget the words to your own song?  Do you have peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth?  Why am I even asking these questions?  Add to all this the fact that the lead singer is trying so hard to be Eddie Vedder it's not even funny, and you've got yourself a pretty bad song.  I should also note that the Weird Al parody of this song, "Headline News", is funny as hell, and is worth a listen.





#31: “Laffy Taffy” – D4L
Released: 2005
Peak Position: #1



Atlanta-based hip-hop group D4L hit the top of the Billboard charts in January of 2006 with this song, mainly due to its enormous online sales.  With a backing tune of New Edition’s “Candy Girl”, there are so many references to sweets in this song you’ll literally wish you were a diabetic:

I'm lookin’ fa’ Ms. Bubble Gum
I'm Mr. Chick-O-Stick
I wanna (dun dun dunt) (oh)
'cause you so thick

I’ve never been so disgusted by candy in my entire life.  There are literally about twenty references to candy and gum in this song, and not one of them is appealing.  The fact that they’ve tarnished the legacy of the most famous stretchy fruit-flavored sweet not named “Fruit Roll-Ups” is reason enough to hate this song.  But when you throw in the repetitive chorus and the undeniable fact that lead singer Fabo is only slightly more tolerant to listen to than Biz Markie, you have a truly horrible song.  Thankfully, D4L hasn’t released a single album since this song hit #1, but former member Shawty Lo has since embarked on a solo career, so there’s still a possibility of more crap to come.

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Is it wrong that almost EVERY one of the above songs are on my iPod and are guilty pleasures?

#40 is an okay song in small doses, and he totally plagiarized the melody from that Queen song. I love how he claims "I added another beat, it's not the same." Umm, yes it is dude. It sounds the same, it is the same. That totally ruined his career, that's for sure. And don't get me started on those stupid reality shows he appeared in. Talk about attention whoring.

I HATE #39, it is way too long and drawn out. And I'm not even a fan of Meatloaf to begin with.

Oh man, I knew this song was gonna make it on this list. What stupid lyrics, it's just a song about Will.i.am bragging about how awesome Fergie's ass is, whoopdy doo. I still kind of like the song though, even if it is stupid.

Another guilty pleasure, but the lyrics are pretty stupid. What does the Spanish stuff mean anyways? And yes, I also made the mistake of beliaving that the guys names was literally "Rico Suave." XD

Agree about #36, even when I saw Crossroads (why, I don't know) and I heard this song, I thought it was just plain horrible. What an insult to the original Joan Jett version. There's a reason this song didn't chart.

Aw I like #35, even though the lyrics are total gibberish. At the same time though, I gotta question any guy who's next "songs" are inane titles like  "Si Wi Dem Nuh Know We" and "Jimmy Hat." I guess they were better off being unknowns.

I KNEW #34 was gonna be on this list, even before this topic was started. Even then, I still like this song. Here's a fun fact if you didn't already know: The "milkshake" that Kelis talks about, refers to her "pussy." I kid you not, she's basically singing "My pussy brings all the boys to the yard." Yeah I know gross, but not surprising considering these R&B songs.

Completely agree about #33. What's so special about a song that's mostly just saying "Rah Ah Rah Ah Ah." It's just annoying grunting, like you said.

I disagree about #32, I happen to really like this song. Though I agree about the title. I guess they couldn't think of a different title other than mere humming? It just makes this song sound so unfinished.

And finally #31, where I don't really mind this song, but it's still annoying. My biggest pet peeve about the song is the way they say "Laffy Taffy." It sounds like they're saying "Laffeh Taffeh" and it just drives me nuts. But, they were one hit wonders anyways, so I guess it doesn't matter too much.

[The Bandit King]

Please resist the urge to bash your head against the wall!  We still have 30 songs left:

#30: “Axel F” – Crazy Frog
Released: 2005
Peak Position: #50



In 1985, German keyboardist Harold Faltermeyer scored a major hit with this song from the Beverly Hills Cop soundtrack, making it up to #3 on the Pop charts.  But twenty years later, a version by the computer-animated character Crazy Frog actually made the Hot 100, peaking at #50 and becoming one of the most downloaded ringtones of all time.  Unlike the original, which is just a synthesized organ beat that is mildly tolerable, the Crazy Frog version is nothing but robotically computerized notes interspersed with the occasional high-pitched exclamation from the titular amphibian:

I am the Crazy Frog!
Ding ding

This is one of the worst remakes I’ve ever heard, and the fact that they made it into some electro-pop garbage that no one in their right mind wants to hear is even worse.  I literally have no idea why this song got to be such a popular ringtone.  Maybe people downloaded it so they’d answer their phone just to shut it up—that’s the only reason I can come up with.  One more thing of note: when this song made it to #1 in France (no, seriously, it did), the song that replaced it at the top position was another Crazy Frog remake—this time of the pioneering techno recording “Popcorn”.  As if we needed another reason to hate the French.





#29: “Play That Funky Music” – Wild Cherry
Released: 1976
Peak Position: #1



Disco is one of my least favorite genres of music.  Let’s face it—the genre is overplayed, over-commercialized, and most of the songs are extremely repetitive, sophomoric, and boring.  And if it weren’t for this song, the genre might never have existed, thus it makes my list.  However, there's more to it than that, which you will soon see.  In 1976, early funk singer/songwriter Robert Parissi wrote this song for his band, and it became their only hit, topping the Billboard charts for two weeks and becoming the first disco song to be certified 2x Platinum.  The lyrics are fairly typical ones that would later become staple of disco music:

And they were dancin’ and singin’
And movin’ to the groovin’
And just when it hit me
Somebody turned around and shouted
Play that funky music, white boy

Okay, I know there are some out there who actually like this song, so here’s my reasoning behind putting it here: if you’re a white person and you enjoy “dancin’ and singin’ and movin’ to the groovin’”, you are actively participating in your own degradation.  White people do not “groove”, at any time in our lives.  Period.  These guys in this band are all white (and lame, but that’s beside the point), and trying to sing about their own “funkiness” is a new definition of pathetic.  Hell, I’m white and I consider myself funky, but you’ll never hear me singing about it, and you’ll sure as hell never see me “movin’ to the groovin’”.  There’s a reason why this group is a one-hit wonder—they suck.  And that’s the bottom line.





#28: “Tik Tok” – Ke$ha
Released: 2009
Peak Position: #1



In late 2009, Kesha (screw it, I’m not putting the fucking dollar sign in her name anymore) burst onto the scene with “Tik Tok”, her debut single.  It quickly went to the #1 position on the Billboard charts and became the first #1 song of the 2010s, staying at the top for nine weeks.  While some critics praised the song, I can’t for the life of me imagine why.  The background beat sounds like a cross between a video game soundtrack and a dying guinea pig, and the lyrics are so stupid it’s not even funny:

Ain’t got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
Ain’t got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here
And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick ‘em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

A music critic writing for The New York Times once said that this song can be summed up as “girl wakes up drunk, stays drunk, finds a dance floor and (spoiler alert) gets even drunker”.  I couldn’t have said it better myself.  Kesha’s voice sounds so much like a “valley girl”, you can’t help but feel your hand instinctively drawn to the mute button on your radio every time it comes on.  Some people have praised the song for its carefree message and talking about not letting anything get you down.  News flash—“carefree” is not always good.  If I was arrested, the last thing I would be doing is dancing on top of my damn car like Kesha does in this song’s video.  And with how Kesha’s career has been going so far, this song is proof that if you release a song describing yourself as a drunk party girl, you’re going to be labeled as such for the rest of your life.  Congratulations, Kesha—I hope all your whorish dreams come true.





#27: “Muskrat Love” – Captain & Tennille
Released: 1976
Peak Position: #4



In 1976, pop duo the Captain & Tennille took a song previously recorded by America as “Muskrat Candlelight”, reworked the title, and had a huge hit with it, hitting #1 on the Adult Contemporary charts (that’s a fancy term for “elevator music”, kiddies).  But looking back on the song, it’s hard to believe that a song that is actually about copulating rodents, of all things.  No, seriously, look at the lyrics:

Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam
Do the jitterbug in Muskrat land
And they shimmy
And Sam’s so skinny

You can’t make this stuff up, folks.  And the oddest part about it is that radios actually played this garbage back in the ‘70s.  If you’re talking about romantic creatures, the first things that should come to your mind are things like lovebirds, doves, and possibly kittens—NOT rats!  The worst thing about this song was that it was covered by the band America (best-known for their former #1 smash “A Horse with No Name), who happen to be a damn good classic rock band.  That’s just sacrilege to a rock fan like me, and absolutely merits this song’s inclusion on the list as far as I’m concerned.





#26: “Macarena” – Los Del Rio
Released: 1995
Peak Position: #1


In 1995, Spanish pop duo Los Del Rio finally broke into the mainstream circuit after six years of trying with this little number.  The song spent 14 weeks at #1 on the Billboard charts, setting a record for most time on the Hot 100 at 60 weeks (later broken by Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep”, which would last 65 weeks).  While it was kind of cute when you first heard it, back in ’95, you couldn’t get away from this song!  We even had to learn the damn dance in music class, for God’s sake!  This song’s history should be second nature to you folks, so I won’t bore you.  And in keeping with the list, here are the (unimportant) lyrics:

Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa’ darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Heeeeey, Macarena! (HiiIIII!)

I’m too lazy to translate that, so just use Google Translate or something if you’re curious.  I’ll admit, the song is pretty catchy in small doses, but the problem with this tune is that it was played EVERYWHERE when it was released.  Hell, I’d bet money that if you traveled to the deepest, darkest part of Africa or Indonesia or something, where people had no contact with the outside world whatsoever, there’d be half-naked natives dancing to it.  Back that up with the most annoying dance of all time (not to mention zero foot movement in the damn thing, so I’m not sure if it’s really considered a dance) plus the fact that it was parodied, re-released, and re-recorded as a holiday song; and you have one of the most annoying songs in recent memory.  Still, Los Del Rio may be the smartest people in the music video, as they’re the only people not doing the dance.





#25: “Hollaback Girl” – Gwen Stefani
Released: 2005
Peak Position: #1



“I don’t know what a Hollaback Girl is; all I know is I want her dead.” – Brian Griffin, Family Guy

In 2005, No Doubt lead singer Gwen Stefani took a break from the rock music to record this dance-pop mess.  The song reached #1 in the U.S. and Australia, and charted in the Top 10 in most other countries.  Based on her experiences as a high school cheerleader, Gwen demoralizes herself with this song, whose chorus is the most repetitive thing I’ve heard since Toni Basil’s “Mickey” (another cheerleader song.  I sense a pattern here…).  Anyway, the chorus goes on for about a minute…two hours, three days, a week, a month, a year…it goes on for a long time, and finally Gwen gets to the meat of the song (which isn't much meat to begin with), and it all culminates at the end with the following words:

Let me hear you say this shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S

We all know how to spell, Gwen, so PLEASE save us the indignation!  Too late…you’ve already drilled this nonsensical garbage into my brain, and I can’t get it out.  Now I’ll think of this song every time I spell “bananas”.  Thanks a lot, Gwen!





#24: “Nookie” – Limp Bizkit
Released: 1999
Peak Position: #80



Even though I’m a rocker at heart, I never really got into Limp Bizkit.  Their early stuff from the ‘90s sounds a little too much like hip-hop for my tastes.  But at least I can listen to the majority of their songs all the way through without having a brain aneurysm.  With this song, though, all bets are off.  Released in the summer of ’99, this Grammy-nominated song chronicles lead singer Fred Durst’s real-life relationship with a past girlfriend.  She cheated on him with several of his friends, yet he opted to stay with her despite her antics.  Why?  Let’s find out:

Hey what the hell, what you want me to say
I won’t lie, that I can’t deny
I did it all for the nookie

Well all I can say is that chick must have been damn good in the sack, because if a woman acted like that to me, she’d have been kicked to the curb a long time ago!  Like I said, I have nothing against songs about the nasty, but a song as despicable as this should have been left on the studio floor.  In fact, it almost was—“Nookie” was the working title of the song, but guitarist Wes Borland didn’t even want to use it.  This just goes to show that in music, just like in life, you should trust your gut instincts.





#23: “MMMBop” – Hanson
Released: 1997
Peak Position: #1


Brothers Taylor, Isaac and Zach Hanson released their third album in 1997, which contained their biggest hit, which spent three weeks at #1 on the charts.  The song is certainly sophomoric and uninspired in its composition, and this alone could well be enough to merit its inclusion on my list.  However, the straw that breaks the camel’s back in this case is the fact that when this song was released at the tail end of the ‘90s, it was EVERYWHERE.  Seriously, you couldn’t go anywhere without hearing:

MMMBop, bah-dah, bah-dah, doo wop
Yeah, yeah, MMMBop, bah-dah, bah-dah, doo wop

So damn annoying—and I’m STILL not sure what it means.  This song has become such an anthem of irritation that in 2009, a high school in McSherrytown, Pennsylvania organized a fundraiser called “Stop the Bop”.  The school's PA system played this song for morning announcements and between classes every single day until the students had raised $3,000 for Hurricane Katrina victims—only then would they “Stop the Bop”.  To make matters worse, Hanson are still together and still performing the song.  Since each member has now passed puberty, the song sounds even worse now than it originally did when it was first recorded.  That’s plenty bad.





#22: “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” – Soulja Boy
Released: 2007
Peak Position: #1



Out of all the untalented hip-hop artists on the scene today, by far the worst, in my opinion, is this man.  And in 2007, he released his second-worst song.  (Yes, at the risk of spoilers, that means there is another song by him coming up.)  “Crank That” spent seven weeks at the top of the charts and was nominated for a Grammy, but I’m literally at a loss as to why.  How the hell does something like this get nominated for an award that was once given to masterpieces like “Light My Fire” and “Tears in Heaven”:

Soulja Boy off in this oh
Watch me crank it, watch me roll
Watch me crank that, Soulja Boy
Then Superman dat oh

Raise gun to head, pull trigger.  The song’s lyrics make no sense whatsoever, and the beat sounds like it was played by a 3-year old with a toy keyboard.  To make matters worse, the YouTube mixups of this song are equally annoying (one even features Dora the Explorer.  No, seriously, look it up).  This song belongs in the garbage no matter how you look at it, but at least it’s not Soulja Boy’s worst.  That travesty is coming up later…





#21: “Blue (Da Ba Dee)” – Eiffel 65
Released: 1999
Peak Position: #6



Released as the first (and only, thank God) single off Italian group Eiffel 65’s only album, this song reached #1 in ten different countries, and was nominated for a Grammy for Best Dance Performance.  It was praised by some for its catchy beat, but if you ask me, the song is stupid and debilitating.  Where to begin with this pile of crap?  How about the insanely annoying chorus that begins the song:

I’m blue
Da ba dee, da ba di
Da ba dee, da ba di
Da ba dee, da ba di

This stupid chorus just goes on FOREVER.  It’s like one big ringtone that won’t shut up!  To boot, the lyrics tell of a man that lives in a “blue world”, “inside and outside”.  Apparently, everything the man owns physically is “blue” as well, including his house and his car.  Newsflash: if you owned some stuff that’s another color besides blue, maybe you wouldn’t BE so damn blue!  The autotune is used so much in this song that I wouldn’t be surprised if Eiffel 65 doesn’t really exist, and it’s just all done with computers.  As a matter of fact, please excuse me while I check those figures…

[GreenMonkeys#1]

30 was ok... The first time, now a headache

28 was a bit weird but since it was Ke$ha, you should know she's weird. Heck her Die Young is in heat because of you know what happened.

27 Just plain sucked

26 see #30

25 Gwen is better off with No Doubt. Hollaback Girl was terrible

23 The Traffic guy here in MN on 5 Eyewitness news always jokes when he looks at Hanson blvd and he says things are MMMBOPing along. That joke was only good a few times.

22 When will the friends at my High School shut up about Soulja Boy

21 See #30