Legends of the Cable Box: The Lost Microphone of Kirk Fogg

[The Silver Monkey]

Legends of the Cable Box
Season 1, Episode 2
The Lost Microphone of Kirk Fogg

Static fills the screen and white noise accompanies it. Slowly, the screen comes into focus. An empty background. As soon as the scene settles, Philoh?s head pops on the screen.

PHILOH:
Do you like TV the way we like TV? I am Philoh, the lord and master of the airwaves and overseer of every TV show ever broadcast. Today, one of these six teams (PIP windows appear revealing the teams) is going to prove their worth by exhibiting their skill in feats of strength and inteligence. Whoever said TV was bad for you never tried to take on The Cable Box (Cut to a wide shot of Philoh?s screen adjacent to the box): An intricate labyrinth where a prop from television history can lead to fortune and glory. But as you can see (bangs on screen in front of him), the great power of being emperor of the boob tube comes with limitations. So I have some help. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for my partner, the one, the only, the fleshy, Ken Ober!

KEN:
Thank you, Philoh! Ladies and gentlemen, I am back from the realm of obscurity and I would like to thank the kind, kind man on the giant TV screens behind me for saving me from a future of crappy VH1 nostalgia shows.

PHILOH:
My pleasure Ken, thanks for working so cheap. And now if you?re done hogging the spotlight, let?s meet our six teams all fighting for a nice heap of prizes.

KEN:
That?s right, we got lot?s of nice things for all of you coming out of our paychecks, but only one team?s getting a shot at winning the motherload today. Will it be?: (hold for applause after each team) MTV Red? Sci-Fi Blue? G4 Green? HBO Orange? ESPN Purple? Or Discovery Silver? But! Before we get to that, we need to do some basic repairs to the transmitter. Philoh, what?s wrong with it today?

PHILOH:
Today, our transmitter is faulty because it?s cables are mixed up. Take a cable out and place it where you think it goes. When all of the cables are in the correct positions, the TV will turn on. The first four teams to fix the transmitter will move on!

KEN:
Thank you Philoh. Hey, before I forget, what TV prop are they going to have find today?

PHILOH:
Today, they?re searching for (PIP window appears) The Lost Microphone of Kirk Fogg.

KEN:
OK, without further stalling, teams are you ready? Then on your marks, get set, go!

(Transmitter fixage)

KEN: Wow, you guys fixed the transmitter so quickly, I can't believe it! Good job! Going on to the Steps of Knowledge is ESPN Purple! And HBO Orange! And G4 Green! And MTV Red! Discovery Silver and Sci-Fi Blue did a good job, too. We have a great gift for 'em. Here's what it is. (They get the complete fourth season of Full House on DVD)