Legends of the Hidden Temple Teams Rankings

[The Red Jaguars]

I borrowed this idea from GM1's Episode Countdown thread he made a couple of years ago. Basically, I am going to make a countdown of my own but instead rank the teams on the show. I have put a lot of thought into this list and I found that it would be nice to share it here. I don't expect many people to respond or give feedback given the state of the forum, but this is just a way for me to retain my interest in the show. I will try to update this as much as possible. Any feedback would be nice but it is only optional.

I will post my first rankings in the next post.

[The Red Jaguars]

120. John and Tia, Golden Cricket Cage
- 1st in Moat
- 2nd in Steps of Knowledge
- Beat Purple Parrots 1.5-1 in the temple games
- Out of time in the temple run

Yup, you knew this was coming.  The most joked about team on the show is also the worst team on the show. Even if you are a casual fan, you should know that this is the worst temple team ever. Now, if you haven't seen this episode you might think that John and Tia were actually a decent team before the temple run. I mean they did finish 1st in the moat and SoK and this was during early on in Season 1 too! But they weren't really dominant though and instead struggled to barely scrape by most of their rounds. Their competition was very weak too. Take the moat for example where John had trouble staying on his raft. And they barely beat the Purple Parrots during the temple games too. John bombed his game, Tia tied hers, and they barely beat the Purple Parrots 4-3 in the final game.  

Sure, there were mediocre like a lot of Season 1 teams. But it is the temple run that cements them as the "worst team ever". If you haven't seen it, I can sum it up easily by saying that these two losers only made it through 4 rooms in 3 minutes. That's just a disaster considering their temple rooms were the Cave of Sighs, Wall Climb, Heart Room, and Throne Room. Why did they have so much trouble? I literally can't find a reason why they had such a hard time. I mean none of their rooms were hard at all, and the sad part was that they really were trying the temple but didn't have a clue where to go. How can a team with two teenager be this stupid? This is one team that you literally can't sympathize with for one bit. They were lost causes and are the worst Legends of the Hidden Temple team in the history of the show.  

I will continue tomorrow with another one.

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Darn, I was just gonna start a thread just like this. And it was gonna be a countdown of episodes too.

Mind if I help you with this, if you need any? I sort of want to get in on this too. And the Cricket Cage team was 2nd in the steps, not first.

[GreenMonkeys#1]

John & Tia... the one team where you could say "I could shit a better team" and you'd be right. 


Damn, did they suck. 4 rooms. They will always be remembered for that stat. 

[The Red Jaguars]

Darn, I was just gonna start a thread just like this. And it was gonna be a countdown of episodes too.

Mind if I help you with this, if you need any? I sort of want to get in on this too. And the Cricket Cage team was 2nd in the steps, not first.

Sure, I don't mind the help at all!   If you have any plans for a team to rank at a certain number, just let me know by PM and we can talk about it. Most likely I will agree with it too. And the help would be appreciated too since I will be busy for the course of the year.

And fixed the mistake for the SoK too. I NEVER want to give John and Tia too much credit.

John & Tia... the one team where you could say "I could shit a better team" and you'd be right. 


Damn, did they suck. 4 rooms. They will always be remembered for that stat. 

Yeah, John and Tia's performance is truly one of a kind. But they technically aren't the only team to travel through 4 rooms. Joe and Gabby from Golden Ship also did the same thing. But their temple run was cut short too, so its not the same thing at the end of the day. And 4 rooms in 3 minutes is very shameful for a team. Even Sabrina from Blackbeard covered more rooms than BOTH players.

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Yeah, at least Joe and Gabby had some sort of excuse. They were caught by three temple guards, and the half pendant (like most Season 1 runs) were nowhere in sight.

And I'll PM you Stone Marker. I already have a team in mind that can be team #119 for you. Also, I was going to start a countdown of episodes, in the same format that GM1 did his in. But since we have this thread, I don't think it would be necessary. Plus, it would be too much upkeep for me anyways. But I'll gladly help with this thread. Since ranking all sorts of things Legends related is fun. What do you think?

[The Red Jaguars]

I got your PM and I like your suggestion for the next team.  They were definitely one of the next choices for me. I will wait until you reply again before posting it. I like your idea of a Episode Countdown thread too. I wanted to do something similarly using our episode reviews. Maybe we can do it down the road when we are done with this? 

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Alright, you are free to post it now, since I have covered everything that I wanted to cover. And yeah, we can start our own "Countdown of Episodes" thread as soon as we're done with this. Either that or when we reach the halfway mark of this project. Whichever works for you.

[The Red Jaguars]

Okay, we can move onto the next team now! The Paintbrush and I both believed that this team was the best choice for the second worst team. I am sure you guys will agree too.

119. Steve and Lisa, Alhambra
- 2nd (Tied) in Moat
- 1st in Steps of Knowledge
- Beat Silver Snakes at the tiebreaker* in the temple games
- Out of time in the temple run

* = Silver Snakes rang in incorrectly, giving Steve and Lisa an automatic pass in the temple

We had a few contenders for this spot, but we believe his team definitely deserves to be the second worst. This episode had Silver Snakes written all over it, but thanks to the piss poor Season 1 rules the better team didn't earn a trip to the temple. The Red Jaguars were weak in the earlier rounds. Steve and Lisa both lost their individual games to their opponents, and barely won out their team game. Then they only got to the temple because the Silver Snakes rang in incorrectly in the tiebreaker. Now this is not entirely their fault since Season 1 had some broken rules, but then they decide to crap the bed in the temple too.

The temple run was just a disaster like Golden Cricket Cage. The team never made it past the bottom floor of the temple, and Lisa was one of the worst second runners ever. She had 2:30+ to herself but could not figure out how to move forward at all. Even if the Tomb was a potential production error, she could've tried the top floor rooms instead but failed to do so. While you might think this team shouldn't be ranked too low thanks to Steve, but he wasn't that great of a player to begin with. His temple path in the temple was way too easy where any average runner would've breezed through it. Plus, he really  wasn't dominant pre-temple rounds either. Ironically, it was Lisa who answered most of the questions in the SoK and won the team game for them. So Steve really did not have that big of an impact early on. And then Lisa goes in the temple and screw everything up. This is easily the most undeserved team to make it to the temple next to a Green Monkeys team featured later on (and maybe soon too).

(Credits to "Paintbrush" for helping contributing to this!)

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Alhambra totally deserves to be the second worst team. They only won because the Silver Snakes choked at the tiebreaker. Only to have Lisa go in there and screw everything up. Easily the worst episode in the whole series. There's a reason it's the worst ranked episode in the Episode Review topic.

And I have a pretty good idea who team #118 should be. I'll PM you with that tomorrow.

[The Red Jaguars]

I use to think highly of Steve from Alhambra, but my opinion has changed of him since rewatching the Alhambra episode again. He really wasn't that great and his fast speed was a result of having such an easy layout. If anything, Lisa was the better player before the temple. I mean THK even had an "okay" ranking of her before the temple run. But at the same time, he did give Steve a 10 in the temple when he has no grounds for it. Yet, he gives David from Lawrence of Arabia an 8? I know this is not the Player Rankings thread, but since we are talking about Alhambra I think it is appropriate to bring it up. But Steve does not deserve all the love he gets in the temple. His path was way too easy. Even Bobby from Shaka Zulu would make the same amount of time as Steve. This team deserves the second to last ranking for sure. Even after their gifted temple appearance, they STILL screw it up. After Tia, I have to say that Lisa is the second worst girl ever. And this is no doubt the worst episode ever.   

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Yeah, Steve was really not that great at all. Every room he passed were just empty, hit the actuator rooms that any average player could breeze through. He definitely did not deserve a "10" in the players rankings thread. Calling him a perfect player is exaggerating. And why did David from Lawrence of Arabia get an 8 again? He was flawless in the temple, is this because he followed Candace's path a little too precisely? While Steve was a much more competent player in the temple than Lisa, he wasn't THAT great.

And check your PMs. I have an idea on who should be team #118 in this thread.

[GreenMonkeys#1]

The Alhambra team. Should've never been in the Temple. Lisa made sure it was the worst episode ever. So slow, and backtracked all the way from the Tomb to the Pit when she could've tried the Shrine. 

[Purple Parrots Fan]

The Alhambra team. Should've never been in the Temple. Lisa made sure it was the worst episode ever. So slow, and backtracked all the way from the Tomb to the Pit when she could've tried the Shrine.  

While that is all very true, isn't that what we just said above?

[The Red Jaguars]

And in Lisa's defense (*pukes* ), she actually did try the key to the Shrine from the Tomb of the Ancient Kings. For some reason though, it seemed like the door didn't open to the Shrine. We don't hear any sound effect and all of the golden doors were already open. Not sure what happened, but this probably added to her confusion. But still, that doesn't excuse her for wasting 2:30 and not making any progress. She could've tried the upper floors at least for an alternate route. I mean teams like Wild Bill Hickok and Belshazzar had way tougher dead ends, but they still tried alternate ways and even covered more rooms than the Alhambra team. What makes this team even more pathetic was that they were gifted their temple appearance and still sucked ass in the temple.

I got your PM too and I definitely agree with that team you suggested. I will post our next rankings in the next post.