Legends Episode Ranking System - COMPLETE

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Yeah, I definitely agree. Lauren especially "fails as a human being." (Trademark: TMH) I should start my bit, and send the rest to you by tomorrow, maybe even tonight. Since it didn't take me long to partially write up Useless Map.

[The Red Jaguars]

Sounds good to me. I could probably knock it out quick too whenever it is sent to me. It will definitely be interesting to see how low this episode ranks. And once we are done with Dried Apple Half, we can move onto Robert the Bruce. I have plenty of pictures for that one AND I know a lot of it by heart too. So we can knock out that one quick too. 

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Here's yet another collaboration, and this time, it's "The Dried Apple Half of William Tell."

THE DRIED APPLE HALF OF WILLIAM TELL

MOAT: 3/10

For this moat, the players had to cross by balancing on three islands and a plank. If a player fell into the water, they must go back and start all over again. This moat was a complete disaster. It was extremely sloppy as almost every single team had trouble getting across and kept falling into the water. The Red Jaguars and the Orange Iguanas however, didn't fall once, and finished first and second respectively. After quite some time, the Green Monkeys eventually gonged in third, and the Silver Snakes gonged in fourth. This was one of these moats where the round was too long due to poor performance by the contestants. And there is no excuse for the sloppiness of this moat either as other episodes on this day like "Discarded Seal" completed it rather quickly.

LEGEND: 6/10

(Credit goes to Nicklegends for this image)

(Credits to "The Red Jaguars" for his contribution to this section)

The most daring archer of all time was the Swiss archer, William Tell. In the early 1300's, Hermann Gessler, the governor of Switzerland, placed a hat on a pole and forced everyone to bow to it. One day, William Tell passed the pole with his son, Walter, and refused to bow down to the hat. Tell was arrested and brought in front of Gessler for his crime. William introduced himself to Gessler as a Swiss archer. Walter, William's son, told the governor about how William can shoot an apple off a tree over one hundred yards away. Gessler gave William the choice of either shooting an apple off his son's head or both him and Walter be put to death. William took two arrows, put one in his belt, and fired the other one at the apple on Walter's head, which caused the apple to split into two. Gessler was curious about what the second arrow was for, and Tell exclaimed that it was going to be used on him had the first arrow missed his son. Gessler arrests Tell anyways, but he later escapes imprisonment and fights for independence for Switzerland. His son kept half of the apple and it made its way to Olmec's Temple. This legend was actually pretty accurate because according to legend, William Tell actually shot an apple off of his son's head. Plus, there were no lame commentary and voice overs in this legend either. However, this legend was pretty boring and the artifact itself made little sense. Did they really have to use the Apple Half as an artifact? Why not one of his arrows or something else? If the Dried Apple Half actually sat into the temple for 600 year, it probably wouldn't even exist. Season 3 sometimes had absurd artifacts associated with their historical figures.

STEPS OF KNOWLEDGE: 5/10

(Credits to "The Red Jaguars" for his contribution to this section)

All of the questions for this round came directly from the legend. Even though three teams made it to the second to last step, it just wasn't a very exciting round at all. The Silver Snakes were the first team to make it down with no problem, but the last spot was obvious on which team was going to take it. While the Red Jaguars and Green Monkeys were competing for that last spot, I just didn't feel the competitiveness of this round. Plus, I would've liked to see variety in the questions. One of the more enjoyable Steps of Knowledge rounds mixed questions from both the legend and themes associated with the legend. But this episode used almost all of the questions from the legend.

TEMPLE GAMES: 5/10

The temple games did feature an interesting set of games, but the results were extremely one sided. It was far too obvious who was going to win each game. In the first game, Lauren and Desiree had to find a colored apple, and match it with an arrow of the same color. This game ended in a tie. In the second game, Brett and Chris had to rotate a giant Olmec wheel to represent an Austrian expel. I personally found both players sloppy, but Brett of the Green Monkeys managed to pull off a win at the end. After the game ended, Brett started panting and sighing heavily, and very audibly for everyone to hear. Something I found amusing to say the least. The pendant score was 1-0.5, with the Green Monkeys leading into the final game. In the third game, the players had to throw at hat to their partner, who would then throw it onto a pole. The Silver Snakes were absolutely pathetic in this game. They kept dropping hat after hat and had no rhythm down whatsoever. Needless to say, the Green Monkeys won this game, giving them the full pendant, and gained access to the temple with 2 full pendants.

TEMPLE RUN: 2/10

This temple run featured an impossible layout, where the team had no choice as to which room to go into. And Brett and Lauren were in no shape whatsoever for such a layout. Furthermore, they were both painfully slow runners. Brett goes into the temple first, where he's forced down to the Ledges from the Crypt. It was in the Ledges where Brett met his first temple guard, who was squatting in an awkward position upon taking Brett's full pendant. From the Pit, the only door that would open was the King's Storeroom. From there, only the Chamber of the Sacred Markers would open, and then only the Tomb of the Headless Kings opened. Brett completed all of these tasks in a relatively slow pace. In the Tomb, he was removed with 57 seconds to go. Lauren was an abysmal second runner. After spending the whole temple run screaming at Brett from the sidelines, she couldn't even make it past the Pit in the 57 seconds she had to herself. Even with little time, you have to make the most of it and follow your partners footsteps best way you can. But screaming at your partner, and then make next to no progress in the temple, is just inexcusable. Lauren really does fail as a human being. Contestants like Lauren and Dana are players who don't belong on the show. But, I suppose it mattered not, as this layout was impossible, and didn't have a prayer to begin with. This was one of the worst temple performances of Season 3 overall. Nothing sticks out about this temple run except the rare Ledges temple guard (only time in Season 3 too) and the impossible layout (like the other runs that day). It didn't matter what layout the Green Monkeys would've had, they still would've failed miserably.

FINAL VERDICT: 4.2/10

(Credits to "The Red Jaguars" for his contribution to this section)

"Dried Apple Half" was a very weak episode and among the worst ranked episodes of Season 3. From the start to end, this episode was just mediocre. Not to mention, it featured one of the most annoying players on the history of the show. If there was one "good" thing about this episode, it was the legend actually being pretty accurate to the real life lore about William Tell. Other than that, everything else sucked about it. The moat was sloppy, the artifact was absurd, the temple games were too one-sided, and the temple run was a piss poor performance. While the layout may have been hard, there was no excuse for that piss poor performance. Do yourself a favor and avoid this episode. It is one of those episodes that make you cringe when you sit and watch it. Other than for the sake of completion, we do not recommend this episode. It will probably sit on your list of "episode to never watch again" like it does for us. Stay away from it at all costs!

[The Red Jaguars]

William Tell is an awful episode. Before I watched it for the first time, the episode title itself gave me the impression that this episode would not be good. Everything about this episode was boring and bad. Lauren was probably the most annoying player next to Dana too. How people think that Jennifer from "Madame Tussaud" is similar to Lauren is mind boggling. Jennifer actually did something with her short time in the temple, while Lauren didn't even make it to where her partner was taken out. The temple run was part of the "impossible layout" day like Missing Portrait and Ivan the Terrible. In fact, I have to say that this layout was probably the hardest non-production error layout on the show. I mean the team was forced down into the Ledge, forced to climb up the wall in the Pit, and then forced down the central shaft again? I guess Lauren pissed the production crew off. But still, six rooms is abysmal and this team was just horrible. Brett was slow and Lauren did crap for her short time in the temple. Leah and Matthew from Belle Boyd had almost an identical layout and they were one room short. This was one of the worst episodes of Season 3 and it deserves the 4.2 score.

I think we nailed this episode's score on the head too. I am glad that I am not the only one that thought the temple run should get a "2". Pitiful performance all around. Next up is another tough layout and mediocre episode - Robert the Bruce. I remember that Nick GaS played this episode a million times and I know it almost by heart. I think this episode will get a very low score. Bad legend, bad temple games, and boring temple run. I could knock out Robert the Bruce tomorrow though. 

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Yeah, even TMH put it simple: Lauren fails as a human being. And didn't he point out how it took her TEN SECONDS just to reach the Ledges? Like I said in my review, contestants like Lauren and Dana don't deserve to be part of the show. And I agree, I can't believe people compare Jennifer from Melted Head to Lauren and Dana. At least she pulled her weight in what little time she had, AND made it one room ahead of her partner. Jennifer may not have been the fastest, but at least she had something to show for for her shouting. Lauren and Dana didn't do jack squat to back up their shouting. On a different note, this was one of TMH's last episodes he needed for his site. And it was the last full episode I needed to see. See, back in the day, I had seen a lot of temple runs, and only a handful of full episodes. But I had never seen Dried Apple Half, period. It was hardly worth the wait, and I don't watch the episode much whenever I go through watching episodes on YouTube. I've only seen the full episode about three times at most. And I definitely don't plan on watching it anytime soon.

It looks like Golden Spider Web is next. That's another boring episode I hardly watch, and I don't expect that to rank high either. And I updated the production day rankings post again. Impossible layout day ranks in the middle, just like Missing Eye's day did.

[The Red Jaguars]

I remember that some of the last Season 3 episodes TMH needed include Bent Shaving Pan, William Tell, Snow Cone, Lily-Crested Crown, and Lion-Slashed Jacket. What a sad group of episodes that he needed for completion. At least he didn't have Belle Boyd, which was surprisingly good when I first watched it for the first time. I remember seeing William Tell long before TMH needed. And Robert the Bruce was one of those episodes that I watched over and over again because Nick GaS played it all the time. I might've seen it as much as Madame Tussaud and Sir Gawain. So far, this episode is getting some below average rankings. I will try to send it by tonight.

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Yeah, YOU sent them to him. And most of those episodes are on YouTube anyways, uploaded by The Purple Parrot. It's so easy to tell which ones are yours, by the grainy quality. And then TMH lost all his videos because his hard drive failed.

These are the episodes you sent him:
Stone Marker
Magellan
Belle Boyd
Sacagewea
Snow Cone (barf)
Alhambra (double barf)
Bent Shaving Pan
Golden Goblet
Montezuma

There were more, but that's all I remember. With the exception of Belle Boyd and Montezuma, those temple runs sucked or were WAY too forgettable. I also remember Dried Apple Half being the very last full episode I needed to see. Because unlike 90% of this forum, I didn't get Nick Gas at the time. So naturally, I needed to have someone upload it for me. But with the 20 episode cycle going on at the time, maybe my satellite provider was doing me a favor. Especially episodes like Golden Spider Web and Cricket Cage airing as part of that godforsaken cycle. So thank you basic cable from shielding me from such tripe! But that's off topic, I'll be waiting for Golden Spider Web whenever you're ready.

[The Red Jaguars]

I sent you the Robert the Bruce review now. Now, that episode might just rank worst than Dried Apple Half. The rounds I completed include the legend, Steps of Knowledge, and temple games. And all those got a low ranking. I left the temple run and moat for you though. Even then, those rounds should rank pretty low too. It will be interesting to see the final score.

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Maybe not worse, but probably around the same as Dried Apple Half. But this episode is so forgettable, I definitely don't expect a high score at all. I should have my half of the episode sent to you sometime later today.

[The Red Jaguars]

Time for our next episode review, and this time it features Jeremy and Christine from Robert the Bruce. It was a pretty poor episode, even though not many people talk about it. The overall score didn't surprise me anyways.

THE GOLDEN SPIDER WEB OF ROBERT THE BRUCE

MOAT: 5/10

(Credits to "Purple Parrots Fan" for her contribution to this section)

For this moat, the players had to use a vine to swing to a net, climb over it, and then swim to the other side. Once across, their partner had to cross the same way. This was an uneventful moat, where nothing interesting happened, and none of the teams were impressive. At the end of the round, the Purple Parrots, Silver Snakes, Green Monkeys, and the Red Jaguars advanced to the Steps of Knowledge.

LEGEND: 2/10

Robert the Bruce was one of the most dedicated leaders of Scotland during his time. He led his country in a fight for independence from England. In 1306, he was crowned King of Scotland, but the British drove him away from his thrown. He tried twice to fight back for his throne, and both times he was unsuccessful. His army was forced to disband while Robert retreated to a peasant village in Ireland. He hid inside of a peasant hut alone while he was thinking about what he should do next. Just then, he noticed a spider building a web in the corner of the hut. While observing the spider, he noticed that it failed to weave its own web twice, and both times it failed. Robert related to this like how he failed to take back his throne his twice. Robert stated that if the spider spun its web successfully the third time, then he would fight for his throne again. Sure enough, the spider did succeed on its third attempt. Inspired by the spider, Robert jumped from the hut and gathered his army to fight once again. Within weeks, they invaded Scotland and drove the English out. Legend has it, Robert the Bruce built a Golden Spider Web for his spider.

This is one of those legends where the producers take a historical figure and make something totally absurd about it. In this story, we hear a legend how a noble ruler got his inspiration for fighting... from a spider. Seriously, I can't really expect anyone to believe that Robert the Bruce became a better fighting while watching a spider weave its web. The artifact was ridiculous too. He built a Golden Spider Web for a lousy spider? That is almost as bad as King Ludwik giving his horse Cosa Rara a headdress made of feathers.   This is one of those stories where the producers pulled the legend out of their ass and tacked it with some famous historical figure.

STEPS OF KNOWLEDGE: 5/10

After a lame legend, we get an okay Steps of Knowledge round. However, this round was not that great at all. It felt like a Kindergarten class session. Seriously, one of the questions Olmec asked was, "How many legs do a spider have?". I guess the producers were desperate for questions, so they had to ask filler ones? Other than one wrong answer by the Silver Snakes, this Steps of Knowledge round was just average. There was a two way tie for the second spot between the Red Jaguars and Silver Snakes. In the end, the Green Monkeys and Silver Snakes make it to the temple games in that order.

TEMPLE GAMES: 5/10

This temple games round is pretty infamous among Legends fans. It featured a very controversial moment where a player actually gets caught cheating by Kirk and is punished for it. See the first temple game description for more details. The temple games featured an over-used matchup between the Green Monkeys (Christine and Jeremy) and Silver Snakes (Carolina and Justin). After introducing the players and explaining the rules about the Pendant of Life, Kirk says that the Pendants will save the players from the "Dreaded Temple Games".

In the first temple game, Jeremy and Justin had to travel through a maze and collect spiders. Once they collect one spider, then they had to jump on a trampoline to reach the upper level. Once they reached the top, then they had to put their spiders in the web. The first player to put both spiders on the web at the top will win. During this temple game, Jeremy cheated by improperly jumping to the last level of the maze. Instead of jumping through the hole, he jumped through a small opening between the trampoline. As a result, the spotters made him go back down and jump through the hole the right way. And the Green Monkeys had an easy opportunity to win. If this incident never happened, then Jeremy would've won this temple game for sure as he was leading it. But the Green Monkeys capitalized on his mistake instead. Despite what some people say, it was just an honest mistake on Jeremy's part. I don't think it was intentional and he did have to pay for his mistake. Unlike Ron from Anne Bonny or Jason from Smashed Printing Plate. Although it will come to bite him in the ass later on in the temple.

In the second temple game, Christine and Carolina had to climb up a spider web and pull down different colored spiders from a cubby hole. They had to make sure they placed the right spider with the right color or else it won't count. The player that collects the most spiders after 60 seconds will win. In the end, the final score was 5-4 in favor of the Green Monkeys. In the final temple game, the two teams had to flee from Scotland like Robert the Bruce. Both players were chained up to a wall and they had to work together to navigate through it. Once they reached the bottom, both players could leave the maze and will be declared the winners. In the end, the Green Monkeys won this one rather easily. With 1.5 Pendants, they earn the rights to enter Olmec's Temple.

Overall, this was a pretty lousy temple games round. The low score for this round has nothing to do with Jeremy cheating at all. Only because it was an honest mistake on his part. But the temple game sequence itself was so overused on that production day. Plus, the spider theme was lame and the competition was boring. If the cheating was intentional and went undected, then this round might've ended up with an even lower score!

TEMPLE RUN: 4/10

(Credits to "Purple Parrots Fan" for her contribution to this section)

When an artifact is hidden in the center of the room, and the players have to go in a counterclockwise direction, you know the teams are gonna have trouble reaching the artifact. This temple run was no exception. Christine and Jeremy however, moved much too slowly. Christine goes in first and she starts out in the Ledges. When no doors opened, she was forced up to the Crypt. She ran into her first temple guard in the King's Storeroom, and was removed not long after in the Room of the Ancient Warriors. Jeremy entered the temple with 1:49 remaining, and he did not use his time wisely. He not only moved too sluggishly, but he also passed up the half pendant in the Pit. He also stalled too much in rooms like the Shrine, where he foolishly assembled the Silver Monkey while grabbing all three pieces. This would come back to haunt him, as the third temple guard was waiting for him in the Quicksand Bog, ending the temple run with 29 seconds left on the clock. Such a pity, but with this extraordinarily difficult layout, and with Christine and Jeremy's slow speed, they would've only made it as far as the Jester's Court at best. So I suppose it wouldn't have mattered if Jeremy had picked up the half pendant or not. This temple run was generally unexciting and sub par for the most part.

FINAL VERDICT: 4.2/10

(Credits to "Purple Parrots Fan" for her contribution to this section)

For the moat part, Golden Spider Web was a very lackluster and filler episode. None of the rounds were exciting, the legend was ridiculous, and the temple run was way below average for Season 3 standards. Jeremy may have cheated in his temple game, (though I personally thought it was an honest mistake), but this team was doomed to lose from the start, full pendant or not. You're not missing anything if you've never seen this episode before. It is extremely boring and there's very little to talk about besides the temple games. I definitely don't recommend this episode to anyone.

[The Red Jaguars]

My thoughts:
Robert the Bruce was a pretty poor episode. While I don't thin it is as bad as William Tell or Xerxes, I never really bother rewatching. But then again, I have seen it so many times thanks to Nick GaS that I know a lot of the details. The legend to this episode was pretty poor. I mean a noble ruler like Robert the Bruce being inspired by a spider spinning a web? And the artifact was pretty silly too. It was like the Snow Cone legend where they pulled everything out of their ass. The temple games were memorable for Jeremy cheating. Unlike most people, I actually think Jeremy's "cheating" was actually an honest mistake. He didn't know better and was confused himself when the spotters told him to go back. And he got punished for it anyways, so he is not like Ron or Jason from Printing Plate who got away with it. But it did cost him in the long run. If he did not do that at all, then he would've won his game for sure. And Jeremy and Christine would've gone to the temple with 2 pendants.

The temple run was ridiculously hard, just like Hans Holbein. Unlike Hans Holbein though, this one was pretty poor. Christine was slow and Jeremy stalled too much in the temple. And his Silver Monkey assembly was pretty bad too. No, you are not David from Lawrence of Arabia. He should've found that half-pendant too. It was pretty obvious. They had no chance at winning anyways, so they would've made it to the Jester's Court at most. Overall, it was a boring episode that I am way too familiar with. Nothing really redeemable about it, and the really low score is no surprise. It ranks on the same level as William Tell, Xerxes, and Cosa Rara. 

Also, that production day is complete with Robert the Bruce complete too. I will update it in the production rankings. That day will rank very low though, since Smashed Printing Plate and this episode got low scores. And Useless Map and Imperial Wizard just got average scores.

It looks like Gordian Knot is next. Another really forgettable episode, but I have seen it enough that I could do some parts by heart. The episode shouldn't rank too bad either. Perhaps in the 5-range.

[Purple Parrots Fan]

Yeah, Gordian Knot is next. I have screencaps for that, so I'll be sending that one to you. Which parts of the episode do you memorize? Because I can give you those parts. I should have my parts sent to you by tomorrow.

[The Red Jaguars]

I can take the temple games one for sure. I just need to go back and check to see the outcome, but I remember the temple games a lot in that episode. Especially for the one temple game where they wore sweat pants instead of shorts. I can probably do the Steps of Knowledge too. IIRC, didn't Tim and Retina sweep the Steps? I don't see it ranking as bad as William Tell or Robert the Bruce either (thankfully).

[Purple Parrots Fan]

No way will Gordian Knot rank Golden Spider Web and Dried Apple Half levels of bad. It will probably rank in the mid 5 range. And yes, Tim and Retina did sweep the Steps of Knowledge. And the male players wore sweatpants in their temple game. As soon as Gordian Knot is done, that's another production day completed. Either way, I'll give you the Steps of Knowledge and temple games section, and maybe the legend section.

[The Red Jaguars]

I can definitely do the legend too. Most of the Season 1 legends were so short, that it will take 5 minutes at most to summarize I. This episode is one of those episodes that I enjoy despite how utterly forgettable it is. Just like Leonardo Da Vinci and Imperia Wizard. And this episode will complete S1L7 too. I won't be surprised if Gordian Knot ranks higher than Shaka Zulu (5.6). So I can take care of the legend, Steps of Knowledge, and temple games. And anything else that might needed to be change.

Also, once Gordian Knot is done, we will have exactly 10 episodes to cover. Most of them are the forgettable ones that we have looked over. But Polynesian Girl, Blackfeet Chief, episode with a long title, and Lost Gold Mine will get good rankings.