Legends: Rebirth-Kaguyahime's Mystical Robe

[The Bandit King]

Episode 61: Kaguyahime’s Mystical Robe

The camera winds and twists its way through a thick jungle of strange and exotic plants.  After a few wrong turns, it finally stops in front of an ancient Mayan temple.  At the base of the temple, a giant stone head sits.  Suddenly, a torch on either side of the head begins burning.  The head’s eyes light up, and it begins to speak:

“Legends of the Hidden Temple: Rebirth!”  The words appear on the screen, along with a picture of a Pendant of Life.  “With your guide, Kirk Fogg!  And here he is now!”

As the Pendant of Life shatters, the camera cuts to a middle-aged man wearing a denim shirt and blue jeans riding in on an ATV.  He dismounts the vehicle and runs up the Steps of Knowledge, microphone in hand.

“Thank you!  Thank you very much!  Nice to see everyone!  Nice to see you, Olmec!  Welcome to Legends of the Hidden Temple: Rebirth.  The rooms are filled with lost treasures protected by mysterious Mayan Temple Guards.  Only Olmec knows the legends behind each of these all-new treasures in his Temple…which one are we gonna hear about today?”

 “The legend of Kaguyahime’s Mystical Robe,” Olmec replies.

“Ooh, Kaguyahime’s Mystical Robe,” Kirk repeats.  “Well, one of our six teams will have a chance to retrieve the Mystical Robe—will it be:

“The Red Jaguars?”  The camera zooms in on each team as they are introduced.
“The Blue Barracudas?
“The Green Monkeys?
“The Orange Iguanas?
“The Purple Parrots?
“Or the Silver Snakes?

“They’ll have to pass through the tough physical and mental tests, but in the end, only one of these teams will earn the right to enter Olmec’s Temple.  But first, they have to cross the Moat, and Olmec will tell us how they’ll have to do that today…”

Olmec begins to explain the Moat Crossing:
“Before you are three rods which stretch the entire length of the Moat.  When Kirk gives the signal, one player from each team will jump into the water and wade out to the first rod.  Then, lean backwards and walk forward until you pass under the rod.  Once you’ve passed under the first rod, wade out to the second one and do the same.  Both players must cross in this way; but if you touch the rod with any part of your body, you must go back and start all over again.  Once both players reach the other side, run over and hit the gong.”  Kirk hits the Silver Snakes’ gong to demonstrate.  “The first four teams to hit their gongs will go on to the next round!”

“All right, let’s get started,” Kirk says.  “Teams, are you ready?”
All six teams scream and cheer in response.
“Olmec, are you ready?” Kirk asks.
“Let’s rock,” Olmec replies.
“On your mark,” Kirk begins, “get set, GO!”

“Right into the Moat they go!” Kirk narrates as the teams’ first members wade out into the water and head toward the first rod.  Everyone bends over backwards, passing under the first foot-and-a-half high rod with little trouble, and moves on to the next one.  The Green Monkeys’ boy accidentally bumps into the rod upon bending over backwards and is sent back, but all the others pass under the second rod and wade out toward the third one.  “It’s tough to balance yourself while going under those rods,” Kirk observes.  The Green Monkeys’ boy passes under the first rod on his second try at crossing as the other five teams’ first members squeeze under the six-inch high rod and make it to the other side.  “They got their first teams over, now they’ve gotta get their partners across,” Kirk narrates.  The Green Monkeys’ boy manages to pass under the final rod as the other teams’ second members start to cross.  As the Green Monkeys’ girl scrambles into the Moat to start her first attempt at crossing, every one of the second team members limbo under the first rod.  The Green Monkeys’ girl slowly passes under the first rod about five seconds later as the other teams come to the second rod, and all eventually limbo underneath it.  “Oh, it’s close—almost too close to call!” Kirk commentates.  As the Green Monkeys’ girl passes under the second rod, the other five teams slowly start passing under the third rod.  The Orange Iguanas’ boy and Purple Parrots’ girl have very little trouble and pass under the rod first, but the other teams are slightly slower with their crossings.  The Orange Iguanas and Purple Parrots hit their gongs as the Silver Snakes’ boy slips and falls into the Moat, prompting him to go back.  As the Red Jaguars’ boy slips under the rod and heads to the other side to hit his team’s gong, the Green Monkeys’ girl quickly tries to pass under the third rod and accidentally hits it, so the spotters send her back.  The Silver Snakes’ boy and Green Monkeys’ girl valiantly step back into the Moat to start again, but by this time, it’s too late—the Blue Barracudas’ girl makes it under the rod, and is helped out of the Moat by her partner and a spotter before running over to hit her team’s gong.

“That’s it—we’ve got our four teams, right there!” Kirk exclaims as he rushes over and stands next to the Purple Parrots.  “Purple Parrots went under those rods and straight over to the other side—they’re goin’ on to the Steps of Knowledge…along with the Orange Iguanas…”  Kirk pauses between each team’s name to allow for applause.  “…and the Blue Barracudas…and the Red Jaguars!  The Green Monkeys and the Silver Snakes did a great job, too, and we’re not sending them home empty-hem—handed.  We’ve got a great gift for ‘em, and here’s what it is!”  They receive a $50 gift certificate from Pacsun.

[The Bandit King]

Kirk and the four remaining teams are standing atop the Steps of Knowledge.  “As the quest continues, it’s now time for Olmec to tell us about Kagu-wa-hime’s Mystical Robe.  But teams, pay attention, because your knowledge of the legend can and will bring you a step closer to Olmec’s Temple…”

Olmec begins to tell the story:
“One of the most interesting people in Japanese mythology was Taketori-no Okina.  An old bamboo farmer, Taketori lived in ancient Japan with his wife in the middle of an old bamboo forest.  Sadly, they had no children, but one day, while Taketori was walking in the forest, he discovered a glowing golden stalk of bamboo.  He cut it open to reveal a tiny baby girl the size of his thumb.  He took the infant home, where he and his wife raised her as their own child, naming her Kaguyahime, or ‘child of the forest’.  The infant grew into a normal-sized, beautiful young woman.  Many young men desired her hand in marriage, but she rejected them all, including the emperor of Japan himself.  On her 21st birthday, legend has it that her eyes filled with tears when she saw the full moon.
“‘Father,’ she said to Taketori.  ‘I have something I must tell you.’
“‘Of course, my sweet azalea flower,’ replied Taketori.  ‘What is it?’
“‘I am not of this earth,’ Kaguyahime told her father.  ‘I must return to my people on the moon.  I can tell by its appearance that they come to take me away very soon…’
“Taketori didn’t believe Kaguyahime at first, but sure enough, a few months later, a posse of heavenly beings arrived at the house to retrieve Kaguyahime and bring her home.  Kaguyahime and her parents said their tearful goodbyes, and she gave her parents her silk robe to remember her by.  The Heavenly Beings took Kaguyahime away to their city on the moon, and Taketori and his wife cherished the silk robe until they died.  Eventually, the robe found its way to the Temple.  Your quest is to find Kaguyahime’s Mystical Robe and bring it back here.”

“Thank you, Olmec,” says Kirk, “but tell us, where is the robe?”

“Kaguyahime’s Mystical Robe can be found in the Shaolin Dojo,” replies Olmec.  The camera zooms in on a long silk robe emblazoned with pictures of multicolored flowers hanging from where the yin-yang symbol usually is at the front of the room before fading back to Kirk.

“Teams, you’re now standing on the Steps of Knowledge,” Kirk explains.  “In a moment, Olmec’s gonna ask you a question.  If you think you know the answer, I want you to stomp down on the ancient marking in front of you.  If you’re right, you’ll be able to move down to the next level, but if you’re wrong or you run out of time, the other teams will get a chance.”  Kirk begins descending the Steps.  “The first two teams to make it down to the bottom level will be one step closer to Olmec’s Temple.  Olmec…we’re now ready for your first question.”

Olmec begins:
“Was Taketori-no Okina: a rice farmer, a bamboo farmer, or a turnip farmer?”
The Blue Barracudas ring in.  “Bamboo…farmer?”
“That is correct,” Olmec responds.  The Blue Barracudas proceed to the second step.
“Step down, Blue Barracudas,” Kirk instructs as they do so.  “Next question, Olmec.”

“While walking in the forest, did Taketori discover: a bronze flower, a silver tree, or a golden bamboo stalk?”
The Purple Parrots ring in early.  “Um, a…golden bamboo…thing…”
“That…is correct,” Olmec hesitantly replies.  The Purple Parrots join the Blue Barracudas on the second step.
“Purple Parrots can step down now,” Kirk says.  “Next question, please.”

“When Taketori cut the bamboo stalk open, did he find—”
The Orange Iguanas ring in early.  “Uh, he found the, um…little girl?”
“That…is correct,” Olmec bellows.  The Orange Iguanas become the third team to make it to the second step.
“Orange Iguanas now step down,” Kirk narrates.  “This match is all over the place…next question.”

“Taketori and his wife named the girl Kaguyahime.  Does Kaguyahime mean: girl of the mountains, child of the forest, or Lady of the Lake?”
After a few seconds, the Orange Iguanas ring in.  “Child of the forest…?”
“That is correct,” Olmec assures them.  The Orange Iguanas descend to the next-to-last step.
“Orange Iguanas are now just one step away from the Temple Games,” Kirk remarks.  “But we need two teams, though…next question.”

“As a young lady, was Kaguyahime: very smart, very ugly, or very beautiful?”
The Red Jaguars ring in now.  “Very beautiful?”
“That is correct,” Olmec responds.  The Red Jaguars move down to the next level.
“Red Jaguars are on the board now,” Kirk observes.  “Like I said, anything can happen; still looking for two teams…next question.”

“According to our legend, was Kaguyahime from: Mars—”
The Orange Iguanas ring in early.  “The moon…?”
“That is correct!” Olmec booms, and the Orange Iguanas trot down to the bottom level, where they high-ten one another.
“Orange Iguanas are goin’ to the Temple Games,” Kirk exclaims.  “We need only one more team.  Will it be the Red Jaguars, the Blue Barracudas, or the Purple Parrots?  Next question, Olmec.”

“According to our legend, how old was Kaguyahime when she told Taketori that she—”
The Blue Barracudas ring in early.  “Um…twenty-one?”
“That is correct,” Olmec responds.  The Blue Barracudas step down to the penultimate level.
“Blue Barracudas are just one step away now,” Kirk narrates.  “Still time for our other teams, though…next question.”

“What did Kaguyahime give her parents to remember her—”
The Blue Barracudas ring in early yet again.  “Uh, her…silk robe.”
“That is correct!” Olmec booms, and the Blue Barracudas hop down to join the Orange Iguanas on the bottom step.

“We’ve got our two teams right here!” says Kirk as he hurries onscreen to join them.  “They are the Blue Barracudas, and the Orange Iguanas!  Red Jaguars and Purple Parrots, get down here, you guys—you were great, too, and we’re not sending you home empty-handed.  We have an awesome gift for you, and here’s what it is!”  They receive Rio on DVD.

Kirk is now seen standing between the two teams.  “These two teams are gonna play for the right to enter Olmec’s Temple, and they’ll do it right after this!

”The camera zooms out from Kirk and the teams before turning to the left and zooming in on a cluster of red-and-yellow silk flowers at the base of the Jewel Mine before the title appears onscreen, and we go to a commercial.

[The Bandit King]

We return from the break to find Kirk standing in front of the Temple with the two remaining teams.

“Welcome back to Legends: Rebirth,” he welcomes us.  “Now, the glory goes to the fastest and the strongest, but first, let’s meet our two teams…”

Kirk first turns to the Blue Barracudas, who are made up of a tall girl with brown eyes and black hair tied back in a ponytail and an equally tall boy with stringy, dirty-brown hair and blue eyes.
“On the Blue Barracudas, we have Jessica.  How old are you, Jessica?”
“Thirteen,” Jessica replies.
“Ah, okay,” Kirk says.  “And over here is your partner, Sid.  How old are you?”
“Twelve,” Sid replies.
“Looks like we’ve got a competitive team…let’s hear it for the Blue Barracudas!”  Sid and Jessica clap along with the audience.

Kirk now turns to the Orange Iguanas, who are made up of a cute girl with bright blue eyes and long blonde hair and a taller boy with slick black hair and deep brown eyes.
“And here we have, on the Orange Iguanas, Kelly.  How are—old are you?”
“Twelve,” Kelly replies.
“All right, nice,” Kirk says.  “And this over here is Austin.  How old are you, Austin?”
“Fourteen,” Austin responds.
“Both these teams seem pretty competitive,” Kirk comments.  “Let’s hear it for the Orange Iguanas!”  Austin and Kelly applaud along with the audience.

“All right, are you guys ready to play?” Kirk asks the teams.

“Yeah!” they reply.

“All right—go get ready for the Temple Games,” he says, and the teams disperse.  “Now, in the Temple Games, our teams are competing for…”  Kirk retrieves a Pendant of Life from the pouch at his side and holds it up to the camera.  “…Pendants of Life.  The winning team will need these Pendants to protect themselves from those dreaded Temple Guards as they make their way through the Temple.  There are three Temple Games, and I think Olmec’s about to tell us about Temple Game #1…”

The black lights and torches under Olmec come on as he begins to explain the first Game:

“Taketori-no Okina discovered Kaguyahime while out walking through a thick forest of bamboo.  In this game, you’ll be exploring a forest much like Taketori did.  When Kirk gives the signal, place your staff behind your head, and without taking your hands off it, maneuver your way through the thicket of bamboo.  The first player to reach the exit, or…the player that’s further along at the end of thirty seconds…wins.”

“They’re lost in the woods…which one will make it out first?” Kirk asks.  “Let’s find out—set the clock for thirty seconds, please!”  The clock slams down in the bottom right-hand corner with a loud gong sound effect.  “On your mark, get set, GO!”

Both Kelly and Jessica place their staff behind their heads and begin maneuvering through the structure of bamboo poles without using their hands.  Jessica has a bit of trouble making it through the tight spaces due to her height, however, which allows the smaller Kelly to take the lead.  She maintains the lead throughout the game, and quickly manages to make it to the exit with ten seconds to spare.

“That’s it!” Kirk says as he hurries back onscreen.  “That’s it—the Orange Iguanas made it out first, no problem at all; the Orange Iguanas get the half Pendant of Life!”  The audience applauds for a few seconds.  “The Orange Iguanas have the lead, but the Blue Barracudas can catch up in the next Temple Game.  It’s worth a half Pendant, too—Olmec, tell us about Temple Game #2…”

Olmec begins:
“When Taketori first found Kaguyahime, she was no bigger than his thumb, but she grew to be a normal-sized, beautiful young girl.  In this game, you’ll be sorting some of the clothing Kaguyahime might have worn at different stages of her life.  When Kirk gives the signal, jump up, grab an article of clothing from the ceiling, come back down, and place it in the correct spot on your board.  Make sure you get all the clothes in order from smallest to largest, or they won’t count.  The first player to get all four articles of clothing placed in the correct order, or…the player that’s further along at the end of sixty seconds…wins.”

“All right, time to put away some clothes,” Kirk remarks.  “Let’s set the clock for sixty seconds!”  The clock slams down in the corner, set for the correct time.  “On your mark, get set, GO!”

Both Sid and Austin jump up from the ceiling they are suspended from and grab the tiniest article of clothing there—a robe that looks like it should fit a Barbie doll—and drop down to place it on their board in the first spot with 50 seconds remaining.  They jump back up to get their second piece of clothing, but Sid fails to jump up high enough, allowing Austin to grab the largest item on the ceiling, a sash that hangs down off the ceiling, and places it in the right spot on the board.  Sid manages to jump up and grab the second-smallest item on the ceiling—a tiny robe that might fit a Cabbage Patch doll—and brings it down to place it on the board in the second spot with 37 seconds left.  Austin grabs his “Cabbage Patch” robe on his next successful jump and brings it down for his board with 30 seconds left, while Sid picks the second-largest item of clothing on the ceiling—a belt that is slightly smaller than the large sash.  Sid brings his belt down and places it in the right spot with 25 seconds left, but Austin manages to bring his belt down seven seconds later, ending the game.

“All right, that’s it!” Kirk says, running back onscreen.  “Come down here, guys…let’s see how we did…”  Kirk pulls the slabs off the answer portion of Austin’s board, revealing that he got all his articles of clothing in the right place.  “The Orange Iguanas got all their clothing first, and in the right places—the Orange Iguanas get the half Pendant of Life!”  The audience applauds for a few seconds.  “So now, the Orange Iguanas have a full Pendant; the Blue Barracudas don’t have any yet.  But now, we go to the third and final Temple Game.  It’s worth a full Pendant of Life—Olmec, tell us about Temple Game #3…”

Olmec begins to explain the final Game:
“When Kaguyahime was twenty-one, she returned to the place she came from—the moon.  In this game, you’ll be helping Kaguyahime to reach the moon.  When Kirk gives the signal, load your slingshot and shoot a ball up to your partner on the wall, who will then catch the ball and place it on the empty space.  Then, climb up to the next empty space.  Each space you cover signifies one-quarter of the way traveled to the moon.  The first team to make it to the moon by covering up all four spaces, or…the team that’s further along at the end of sixty seconds…wins.”

“This is for the Temple,” Kirk remarks.  “Let’s set the clock for sixty seconds!”  The clock slams down in the bottom corner, ready to go.  “On your mark, get set—GO!”

Both teams’ girls load their slingshot and shoot a ball to their male teammates on the walls, and both boys catch the ball and place it on the first target with about 54 seconds to go.  The girls manage to fire their next balls high enough for the boys to both catch again, and they both cover their second target with 46 seconds left.  As the boys climb up, though, the girls’ aim gets worse—it takes Kelly three shots to get a ball high enough for Austin to catch and place on his third target as 20 seconds remain on the clock.  It takes Jessica twice as many shots to get her ball up for Sid to catch and place with a mere five seconds left.  A last-ditch effort by the girls to get their last cannonball on a target is futile, as time expires soon afterward.

“All right, that’s it!” Kirk shouts as he rushes back onscreen.  “Stop shooting—bring the guys down!  Come down here, guys!  Let’s take a look and see how you both did…”  Kirk glances back at the walls.  “Well, the Blue Barracudas made it up to the third spot, and…the Orange Iguanas also made it to the third spot!  So both teams get the full Pendant…that means the Orange Iguanas have two, the Blue Barracudas have only one—the Orange Iguanas are goin’ to the Temple!”  Kelly and Austin applaud as Kelly squeals in excitement.  “Blue Barracudas did a great job, too—you guys aren’t goin’ home empty-handed.  We’ve got a great gift for you, and here’s what it is!”  They receive a $150 savings bond provided by Skechers shoes.

As the prize disappears off-screen, Kirk is seen standing beside the winning team.  “Now we’ll see if the Orange Iguanas can make it through Olmec’s Temple and retrieve that Mystical Robe, right after this!”

The camera pans in on the Temple and zooms in on the Mystical Robe hanging from the front of the Shaolin Dojo before the title appears onscreen, and we go to a commercial.

[The Bandit King]

We return from the break to find Kirk standing in front of the Temple with the winning team.

“Welcome back to Legends: Rebirth,” he says.  “Austin and Kelly have proven themselves worthy, and now have earned the right to enter Olmec’s Temple.  But first, here’s Olmec to give them some information to help them retrieve Kabo-wa-he-nay’s Mystical Robe…”

Olmec begins to explain the Temple layout as the camera gives us a first-person tour of the Temple:
“You could start…by running up the stairs to the Crypt!  Grab the book from the skeletons, and pass into the Bottomless Pit.  Swing across the gap, and climb into the Lookout Tower.  Focus the telescope to read the ancient print on the far wall, and a door may open into the Geographer’s Study.  Find the missing pieces of the map and correctly place them, and pass into the Shaolin Dojo.  Place the yin-yang on the correct suit of armor, and open the door to the SHRIIIINE of the Silver Monkey!  Assemble the statue and you may be headed toward the Lightning Ball Room!  Connect the power cords to create your own lightning, which will blast open the door to the Pharaoh’s Secret Passage.  Slide down the tunnel to the Dungeon, where you could smash through the wall into the Dark Forest…but beware of the Temple Guards that may inhabit the trees!  Find the key in the tree, and you’ll enter the Chamber…of the Four Elements.  Place the elements in the correct order, and you’ll gain entry to the Jewel Mine!  Place all the jewels into the mine cart, then…race through the Pit, climb through the Ledges, rrrrace down the stairs and back through the Temple Gate!  The choices are yours and yours alone!”  Olmec pauses.  “You won 2 Pendants in the Temple Games.  Who’s going first?”

“I am,” says Kelly.

“Very well, Kelly,” Olmec replies.  “When Kirk gives the signal, you’ll race through the Gates into the Temple and make your way toward the Mystical Robe.  Hidden inside the Temple are Temple Guards assigned to protect three specific rooms.  You can trade your Pendant for an extra life and go on, but…if you’re caught without a Pendant, you’ll be taken out of the Temple, and it’ll be Austin's turn to enter and try his luck.  If you can reach the Robe, all the doors of the Temple will instantly unlock, and the Temple Guards will vanish.  Return through the Gates with Kaguwa—Kaguyahime’s Mystical Robe in three minutes, and you will both be handsomely rewarded…and here’s how!”

• Just for making it to the Temple, they’ll get a Kodak digital camera.
• If they can reach the Material within three minutes, they’ll also receive an Xbox 360, complete with three new games.
• And if they can bring the Material out of the Temple before three minutes expires, they’ll win a trip to the Bahamas.

“All right, let’s see if they can win all that,” Kirk says.  “They’ve got their work cut out for ‘em…Kelly, what kind of strategy do you guys have about reaching the Robe?”

“Um…I guess we’re just gonna try to go directly in and get the, uh…Robe first, but if that doesn’t work, we’ll go around and back when we can.”

“All right, sounds like a plan to me,” Kirk says.  “Let’s get in position, both of you…mouthpieces in.  Let’s set the clock for three minutes!”  The clock slams down in the corner, ready to go.

“Olmec, lower your gate.”  Olmec moans gutturally as the gate is lowered, and the black lights and torches under him are turned off.

“On your mark,” Kirk says to Kelly, “get set, GO!”

Kelly darts up the stairs, clutching one of her team’s Pendants.  She heads to the Crypt, looking around for a few seconds before pulling all three books, opening all the doors in the room—including the secret one at the back which reveals the first TEMPLE GUARD (2:50).  “Whoa, Temple Guard, right off the bat!” Kirk narrates as Kelly fiddles with her Pendant.  “She’s got a Pendant, though, so she can keep going!”  Kelly hands her Pendant to the Guard, and he disappears back behind the door before Kelly proceeds into the Bottomless Pit.  She grabs the rope and swings across, almost falling off the ledge in the room in the process.  “Whoa, careful!” Kirk narrates.  “Don’t wanna fall in there!”  After looking up and down for some reasons unknown, Kelly hits the actuator for the Geographer’s Study, and the door opens (2:34).  She heads into the room and looks at the back wall at the large map, staring at it for a few seconds.  “She has to find all the pieces and put ‘em in the map!” Kirk narrates as Kelly starts looking around.  She finally finds the missing Kamchatka peninsula of Russia, and places it on the map where it should go with some difficulty (2:16).  Looking around a little more, she finds Mexico, and places it on the map as well (2:05).  She looks back at the camera and shrugs her shoulders.  “She’s got one more piece—it’s somewhere in the room, trust me!”  She turns away from the camera and happens to see a piece on the stage-left wall.  She correctly places Saudi Arabia on the map, and the door downward to the Jewel Mine opens (1:48).  “That’s it, she got it!” Kirk shouts as Kelly looks over to the door for the Shaolin Dojo.  She heads over to the door and appears to try to pull it open.  “No, that door didn’t open—she has to go down!” Kirk narrates.  Kelly finally notices the door down to the Jewel Mine, and laboriously begins climbing the ladder down into the room.  As she drops off, though, the second TEMPLE GUARD jumps out from the mine cart in the room (1:25).

“Whoa, Temple Guard!” Kirk says, and Austin takes off up the stairs like a rocket.  “Like a bullet, he’s off and running!” Kirk narrates as Austin retraces Kelly’s path.  “He’s gonna have to make up some major time here!”  Austin heads into the Geographer’s Study, double-checking the door to the Shaolin Dojo again (1:07) before climbing down the ladder to the Jewel Mine.  Austin drops down off the ladder prematurely and starts looking around for jewels, immediately finding one on the ladder (0:59), two on the mine cart (0:52), three on the back wall (0:44) and three on the stage-right wall (0:34).  He finds the final jewel on the floor, placing it in the mine cart and opening the door to the Chamber of the Four Elements.  “That’s it—over to the Chamber of the Four Elements!”  Austin scrambles into the room and looks over the pattern over the slots quickly.  “Twenty-nine seconds left—will he be able to make it?” Kirk asks.  Austin grabs all four tiles off the back wall at once and places them in the correct order—fire, water, earth, air—and the door to the Dark Forest flies open (0:12).  “That’s it—into the Dark Forest!” Kirk narrates as Austin rushes toward the room.  He enters the dimly lit room as the audience starts counting down.  “Hurry, Austin, hurry!” Kirk urges as Austin reaches into the stage-right tree in search of a key.  “Just bust the wall down!” Kirk shouts (0:03).  Austin does as Kirk suggests, but time runs out before he can get his bearings in the Dungeon.

“No, they ran out of time!” Kirk laments as Kelly looks down at the floor.  “They came so far, but they just couldn’t reach it in time!  That’s alright, though, because they get the cameras for trying, so they’re winners anyway!  We’ve gotta get out of here, though, so we’ll see you next time!  Just remember: it’s not just Legends, it’s Legends: Rebirth!  Buh-bye!”

Kirk and Kelly wave to the crowd as the credits start to roll.  The camera shows us a first-person run-through of the bottom levels of the Temple, starting in the Bottomless Pit and taking us all the way to the Dungeon.  After zooming in on a skeleton’s head in the Dungeon, the camera takes us back outside the Temple, where we see Austin descending the stairs.  Kirk comforts him and Kelly as the credits finish rolling, and the Stone Stanley logo appears onscreen.

[The Bandit King]

Kaguyahime’s Mystical Robe
Season 2, Layout 2
Artifact Location: The Shaolin Dojo
Team: Orange Iguanas (Austin Acevedo & Kelly Sandoval)
Pendants: 2
Result: Ran out of time

This run would be considered “filler” if it weren’t for the insanely bad Temple Run at the end.  Every part of the show was at least watchable, and the Temple Games were pleasantly competitive.  However, the Temple Run was an absolute disaster.

Kelly was one of the worst female players in the show’s history.  She almost fell off the ledge in the Bottomless Pit, but that wasn’t what killed this Run.  After spending an absolutely insane amount of time trying to complete the Geographer’s Study objective, the door down to the Jewel Mine opened.  She failed to comprehend this, however, and spent a good ten seconds checking to make certain the door to the Shaolin Dojo (where the Mystical Robe was) hadn’t opened.  She was thankfully removed in the Jewel Mine with only 1:25 left.

Austin, thank God, was much better.  He definitely picked up the pieces in the Temple Run, completing many room objectives in almost-record time.  Shockingly, he made it all the way to the Dark Forest, and was breaking down the wall to head into the Dungeon when time expired.

Though Austin saved this Temple Run from going to the dogs, there was no excuse for Kelly’s piss-poor performance.  Absolutely pathetic.  Hopefully, the next episode will be better than this travesty…

Rating: 2 out of 10

Notes and Trivia: Kelly holds the dubious honor of the most time spent in the Geographer’s Study (almost a full minute).  Likewise, Austin also holds a record: for completing the objective for this version of the Chamber of the Four Elements in the quickest time (12 seconds).

Of all the episodes where Kirk interviews the players before they enter the Temple, this is the only episode where Kirk interviews the frontrunner instead of the second runner.

[The Ancient Warrior]

I wouldn't say Austin was that much better— not if the time spent in the Jewel Mine is anything to take into account, hahah.

Still, the run was at least a well-written disaster.  I'd definitely agree about the Temple Games being a nicer read, though, especially the second one.  Having players sort out the objects they retrieved was a good touch to that one.

Looking at the artifact reveal, I assume it was originally supposed to be in the Lookout Tower?

[The Bandit King]

Yup. Methinks it's time for a little editing.

[The Ancient Warrior]

Can't blame you for changing your mind, hahah.  I mean, if the artifact had been that far in, it could've taken a bit more focus away from the players' performances in the Temple.

[The Bandit King]

Yeah. At first, I wanted to re-create "The Enormous Feather of the Me Linh" with the Temple Run, but I changed my mind at the last minute because I felt that would've been too cliche...