The Torn Manuscript of Hildegard von Bingen

(The camera maneuvers through a thick rainforest.  Eventually it makes its way to Olmec, who begins to speak.)

OLMEC: Legends of the Hidden Temple!  (Applause and title.) With your guide, Kirk Fogg!  And here he is NOW!

(On this last word, Olmec opens his mouth wide, revealing a cannon.  Kirk is shot out of the cannon, flying across the stage until he lands in the moat.  He climbs out of the moat, somehow completely dry.)

KIRK: Thank you very much, nice to see you!  (To Olmec) Nice to see you, Olmec.  (To audience) Welcome to Legends of the Hidden Temple!  The rooms are filled with lost treasures that are protected by mysterious Mayan temple guards.  Only Olmec knows the legends behind each of the treasures in his temple.  (To Olmec) Which one are we going to hear about today?

OLMEC: The legend of the Torn Manuscript of Hildegard von Bingen.

KIRK: Oh, the Torn Manuscript of Hildegard von Bingen!  Well, one of these six teams will have a chance to retrieve the torn manuscript!  Will it be... (The camera pans across and pauses on each team.  Hold for applause as the teams demonstrate their respective ?tudes.)  The Red Jaguars?  The Blue Barracudas?  The Green Monkeys?  The Orange Iguanas?  The Purple Parrots?  Or the Silver Snakes?  They?ll have to pass some pretty tough physical and mental tests, and in the end, only one team will have the right to enter Olmec's temple.  But first they have to cross that moat, and Olmec will tell us how they'll have to do it today.

OLMEC: Before you, an ancient Mayan pole is floating in the moat.  When Kirk gives the signal, the first player will reach into the water and grab the pole.  Then, using the pole, run towards the moat and launch yourself across to the opposite side.  Once the first player is safely across, they will toss it back to their partner, who will then cross the same way.  If you fall before touching ground, you must go back and begin again.  As soon as the second player has crossed, run over and hit the gong.  (Kirk hits one of the gongs.)  The first four teams to hit their gongs will go on to the next round!

KIRK:  All right, pole vaulting!  Hey teams, are you ready?

ALL TEAMS: YEAH!

KIRK: Olmec, are you ready?

OLMEC: Sock it to me!

KIRK: (Laughs) On your marks...get set...GO!

(Event occurs.  The Green Monkeys, the only team not to fall, finish first.  After the other teams fall, the Orange Iguanas compose themselves and finish second.  The Silver Snakes come in third, and the Blue Barracudas finish last.  The Red Jaguars and Purple Parrots both fall a second time, eliminating themselves from the race.)

KIRK:  That?s it!  We?ve got our four teams!  (Kirk walks over and stands next to the Silver Snakes.)  Great job, guys!  The Silver Snakes shot over to the other side like a cannon.  Going on to the Steps of Knowledge are the Silver Snakes!  (Cut to each team, who cheers again.  Applause after each team.) And the Orange Iguanas!  And the mighty Green Monkeys! And the Blue Barracudas!  The Purple Parrots and Red Jaguars didn?t quite make it, but we?ve got a nice gift for ?em, and here?s what it is.

(They get Funyuns.  Dee does his best to emphasize the ?fun?.)

The Shattered Sampo Piece of Ilmarinen

(The camera maneuvers through a thick rainforest.  Eventually it makes its way to Olmec, who begins to speak.)

OLMEC: Legends of the Hidden Temple!  (Applause and title.) With your guide, Kirk Fogg!  And here he is NOW!

(On this last word, Olmec opens his mouth wide, revealing a cannon.  Kirk is shot out of the cannon, flying across the stage until he lands in the moat.  He climbs out of the moat, somehow completely dry.)

KIRK: Thank you very much, nice to see you!  (To Olmec) Nice to see you, Olmec.  (To audience) Welcome to Legends of the Hidden Temple!  The rooms are filled with lost treasures that are protected by mysterious Mayan temple guards.  Only Olmec knows the legends behind each of the treasures in his temple.  (To Olmec) Which one are we going to hear about today?

OLMEC: The legend of the Shattered Sampo Piece of Ilmarinen.

KIRK: Ah, the Shattered Sampo Piece of Ilmarinen!  Well, one of these six teams will have a chance to retrieve the shattered Sampo piece!  Will it be... (The camera pans across and pauses on each team.  Hold for applause as the teams all perform displays of machismo, except for the boy on Silver Snakes, who turns his back to the camera and farts loudly.)  The Red Jaguars?  The Blue Barracudas?  The Green Monkeys?  The Orange Iguanas?  The Purple Parrots?  Or the Silver Snakes?  (He audibly suppresses laughter after Silver?s introduction.)  They?re gonna have to pass some tough physical and mental tests, and in the end, only one team will have the right to enter Olmec's temple.  But first they?ll have to cross the moat, and Olmec will tell us how they'll have to do it today.

OLMEC: Before you lies a slippery footpath across the moat, and beside you are two ancient tiny bicycles.  When Kirk gives the signal, the first player will mount a bicycle then pedal their way across the moat.  Once the first player is safely across, then it will be your partner?s turn to mount the other bicycle and pedal across.  If you fall or touch the edges, you must go back and start again.  As soon as the second player has crossed, run over and hit the gong.  (Kirk hits one of the gongs.)  The first four teams to hit their gongs will go on to the next round!

KIRK:  All right.  Hey, teams, are you ready?

ALL TEAMS: YEAH!

KIRK: Olmec, are you ready?

OLMEC: Let?s get down!

KIRK: (Laughs) On your marks...get set...GO!

(The six teams slowly and carefully make their way across on the bicycles.  The Green Monkeys, Orange Iguanas, Purple Parrots and Silver Snakes all fall in.  The Blue Barracudas cross first, followed by the Red Jaguars.  The Silver Snakes come in third, and the Green Monkeys are last, while the second Orange Iguanas player is crossing and the second Purple Parrots player is heading back after falling in.)

KIRK:  We?ve got our four teams!  (Kirk walks over and stands next to the Silver Snakes.)  Nice work by the Silver Snakes!  Great job with those bicycles!  You had a little tough time falling in, but you made it.  Going on to the Steps of Knowledge are the Silver Snakes!  (Cut to each team, who cheers again.  Applause after each team.) And the Green Monkeys!  And the Blue Barracudas! And the Red Jaguars!  The Orange Iguanas and the Purple Parrots had a tough moat to cross, but they?re not going away empty-handed.  We?ve got a nice gift for ?em, and here?s what it is.

(They get a $50 savings bond from Alpo dog food.)

The Golden Ticket of Willy Wonka

(The camera maneuvers through a thick rainforest, eventually making its way to Olmec.)

OLMEC:
Legends of the Hidden Temple!  (Applause.  Title appears on screen.) With your guide, Kirk Fogg!  And here he is NOW!

(On this last word, Olmec opens his mouth wide, revealing a cannon.  Kirk is shot out of the cannon, flying across the stage until he lands in the moat.  He climbs out of the moat, somehow completely dry.)

KIRK:
Thank you very much, nice to see you!  (To Olmec) Nice to see you, Olmec.  (To audience) Welcome to Legends of the Hidden Temple!  The rooms are filled with lost treasures that are protected by mysterious Mayan temple guards.  Only Olmec knows the legends behind each of the treasures in his temple.  (To Olmec) Which one are we going to hear about today?

OLMEC:
The legend of the Golden Ticket of Willy Wonka.

KIRK:
Ooh, the Golden Ticket of Willy Wonka!  Well, one of our six teams will have a chance to retrieve that golden ticket!  Will it be... (The camera pans across and pauses on each team.  Hold for applause as the teams spastically stick their heads and/or muscles into the camera lens.)  The Red Jaguars?  The Blue Barracudas?  The Green Monkeys?  The Orange Iguanas?  The Purple Parrots?  Or the Silver Snakes?  They?ll have to pass some pretty tough physical and mental tests, and in the end, only one team will have the right to enter Olmec's temple.  But first they have to cross the moat, and Olmec will tell us how they'll have to do it today.

OLMEC: Before you hangs a series of ancient rope walls.  When Kirk gives the signal, both players will grab onto the first wall and climb over to the other side.  Then grab onto the next wall and do it again!  If one of you falls, you must both go back and begin again.  When both partners are safely across to the other side, run over and hit the gong.  (Kirk hits the gong.)  The first four teams to hit their gongs will go on to the next round!

KIRK:  All right, let?s do it.  Teams, are you ready?

ALL TEAMS: YEAH!

KIRK: Olmec, are you ready?

OLMEC: Ohhhh yeah!

KIRK: On your marks...get set...GO!

(Event begins.  The Orange Iguanas have the best synchronization between partners and make it to the other side first.  The Silver Snakes follow shortly thereafter.  The Green Monkeys come in third, and the Purple Parrots come in fourth.  None of the six teams fall during the event.)

KIRK:  That?s it!  We?ve got our four teams!  (Kirk walks over and stands next to the Silver Snakes.)  Great job, guys!  Good teamwork.  It was a tough moat to cross, but you were steady all the way.  Going on to the Steps of Knowledge are the Silver Snakes!  (Cut to each team, who cheers again.  Applause after each team.) And the Purple Parrots!  And the Orange Iguanas!  And the Green Monkeys!  The Blue Barracudas and the Red Jaguars came up a little short, but they?re not going away empty-handed.  We?ve got a great gift for ?em, and here?s what it is.

(They get Nerds.)

The Golden Baton of Richard Wagner

(The camera maneuvers through a thick rainforest, eventually making its way to Olmec.)

OLMEC:
Legends of the Hidden Temple!  (Applause.  Title appears on screen) With your guide, Kirk Fogg!  And here he is NOW!

(On this last word, Olmec opens his mouth wide, revealing a cannon.  Kirk is shot out of the cannon, flying across the stage until he lands in the moat.  He climbs out of the moat, somehow completely dry.)

KIRK:
Thank you very much, nice to see you!  (to Olmec) Nice to see you, Olmec.  (to audience) Welcome to Legends of the Hidden Temple!  The rooms are filled with lost treasures that are protected by mysterious Mayan temple guards.  Only Olmec knows the legends behind each of the treasures in his temple.  (to Olmec) Which one are we going to hear about today?

OLMEC:
The legend of the Golden Baton of Richard Wagner.

KIRK:
Ah yes, the Golden Baton of Richard Wagner!  Well, one of these six teams will have a chance to retrieve the Golden Baton.  Will it be... (the camera pans across and pauses on each team; hold for applause as the teams perform a series of over-the-top high-fives.)  The Red Jaguars?  The Blue Barracudas?  The Green Monkeys?  The Orange Iguanas?  The Purple Parrots?  Or the Silver Snakes?  They're gonna have to pass some pretty tough physical and mental tests, and in the end, only one team will have the right to enter Olmec's temple.  But first they'll have to cross the moat, and Olmec will tell us how they'll have to do it today.

OLMEC: Before you stand two ancient wooden planks, and at your feet rests a rope.  When Kirk gives the signal, both partners will tie the rope around their waists, then step onto the two planks and mirror each other, making their way across to the opposite side.  If one of you falls, you must both go back and begin again.  As soon as both players have both feet on the ground, run over and hit the gong.  (Kirk hits the gong)  The first four teams to hit their gongs will go on to the next round!

KIRK:  All right, let's get started.  Teams, are you ready?

ALL TEAMS: YEAH!

KIRK: Senor Olmec, are you ready?

OLMEC: Let?s rock!

KIRK: On your marks...get set...GO!

(Event begins.  All teams tie the rope around their waists and slowly walk sideways across the planks.  No one falls.  The Blue Barracudas ring in first, followed by the Red Jaguars, then the Silver Snakes, then finally the Orange Iguanas.)

KIRK:  That?s it, we?ve got our four teams!  (walks over and stands next to Silver Snakes).  Wow, I like these teams, they all did a great job!  But going onto the Steps of Knowledge are the Silver Snakes!  (cut to each team, who cheers again) And the Orange Iguanas!  And the Blue Barracudas!  And the Red Jaguars!  The Green Monkeys and the Purple Parrots gave it a great effort.  They?re not going away empty-handed.  We?ve got a great gift for ?em, and here?s what it is.

(They get a $50 savings bond for Lunchables.)

Hey, I've already posted some, but I haven't properly introduced myself yet.  I'm Scott, I was a huge fan of the show when it first aired on Nick (I was 9 when it came on), and I'm in the process of rediscovering it.  I really like this forum so far, keep up the good work.